Shameless Slander, #1: LMNO

[Doktor Howl]

LMNO's board name has a secret meaning.  The first two letters are his initials, followed by NO...So it would more properly read L.M.NO. 

You see, LMNO is here to tell you what the score is.  He's here to explain to the boys in the board room just what is going to happen to their turnkey synergy solution.  They've gone global, and they used leverage, but they weren't paying attention to Archimedes, were they?  They moved the world, figuratively speaking, and the world got hotter (literally speaking).  Then they sit in the board room, assuring each other that global warming is a myth, a liberal plot to undermine receivables in the 3rd quarter forecast.

Then LMNO brings the NO.  The NO is his signature cricket bat, with 3 nails driven through it.  The first nail is Truth.  The second nail is Reality.  The third Nail is Pay Attention.

Then there is generally a lot of running around and screaming, and the WHITEBOARDS don't stay white long.  No.  When he is done, the board members have an intrinsically accurate - if final - view of how the world works.

Then LMNO gets on the subway to go home to his lovely wife.  The subway is an Awful Place, and weird things happen.  When he gets home, sometimes small details have changed.  The color of the drapes, maybe.  But his wife is always there, and they are very happy.

The next morning, he gets back on the MBTA, and sits through the appalling and bizarre ride, all the way to the office...Where he finds that the dead board members aren't quite so dead, and that they're still very pleased about the latest Exxon report on global warming.

NO.

What he doesn't know is that MTBA actually stands for "Mode Time Between Anachronisms", and it takes him not back in time, which is a bunch of bollocks, but sideways in time.  Into a universe next door, a universe so close to home that only very minor things are different.

NO.

That's where you get myths about Sisyphus from.

NO.

Or that bit about Prometheus.

NO.

Or Tantalus, for that matter.

NO!

Yes.

[LMNO]

You fucking bastard.

I want to kiss you.

Don't tell Jen.

[Doktor Howl]

You fucking bastard.

I want to kiss you.

Don't tell Jen.

Won't.  She'd just get all weird.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

Wow.

[LMNO]

It all begins again tomorrow.

[Richter]

In the Netherlands there is a tradition of boys sticking their fingers into things to prevent the land from flooding. 

These young lads stand their stoically, even as the unclean inhabitants of the deep knaw off their digits and go off to thank mother hydra for the human mcnuggets.

LMNO on the other hand, is specifically asked NOT to do anything should he find such holes.  There are references to him plugging one such leak with a nontraditional member, and traumatizing the deep ones.  There was also the time that he chose to bung up the hole with the trousers, and strut away like a hero.

He waxed his balls for that.

[Eater of Clowns]

Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   

[Doktor Howl]

In the Netherlands there is a tradition of boys sticking their fingers into things to prevent the land from flooding. 

These young lads stand their stoically, even as the unclean inhabitants of the deep knaw off their digits and go off to thank mother hydra for the human mcnuggets.

LMNO on the other hand, is specifically asked NOT to do anything should he find such holes.  There are references to him plugging one such leak with a nontraditional member, and traumatizing the deep ones.  There was also the time that he chose to bung up the hole with the trousers, and strut away like a hero.

He waxed his balls for that.

[LMNO]

"Like" a hero?




Please.

[Doktor Howl]

"Like" a hero?




Please.

Shit blowing up behind you, theme music playing, the whole fuckin' bit.

[Richter]

"Like" a hero?




Please.

I won't tell them where you kept the sunglasses.  It would ruin the magic.

Shit blowing up behind you, theme music playing, the whole fuckin' bit.