Shameless Slander #3: Richter

[Doktor Howl]

Richter wasn't ever "normal", as can be attested to by his lovely yet lethal sister.  However, he often had to commute from Providence to Boston, and the constant exposure to the weird radiations of the MBTA took him from "quirky" to "mutated".  He became fascinated by the strange angles and weird geometry of the crack in the universe that is represented by the MBTA, and spent years trying to recreate those angles here on Earth.  However, only the edges of these angles actually exist in this dimension, so it appears that things get sharp around him.

"Appears."

See, they were sharp all along.  It's just that he exposed more of them to real space, and wiggled them around until he had a deli-slicer for the universe.  Not for people or planets or even stars.  He's slicing the universe.  "Ham for the Ham God!" he roars, as he reduces another chunk of reality to shaved sandwich meat.  This is why nobody can decide whether the universe will expand forever, or go crunch.  The amount and type of matter keeps changing, as Richter eats his sammiches and poops out "dark matter".

Richter sometimes sails a yacht.  There is photographic evidence of this.  He doesn't own a yacht...Who precisely DOES remains unclear.  But still, he sails, and I alone have survived to tell thee.  The rest all suffocated out in the between spaces, lost a dimension or two, or were hauled off the ship by giant squid.  Call me Ishmael, fuckers, and just leave me here on my floating coffin.  It's safer than what's going to happen to YOU bastards.

Just you wait and see.

[Eater of Clowns]

I hate it when he forgets and he sails his yacht while he's walking.

The effect is really unnerving to the psyche.

[Richter]

I once took a philosphy class, and tried to sharpen feminism to the same angle as Nietzsche.  The result was hovercat.

I can, and will con any ship up to 50 ft. in length.  On the high sees there are only so many things to sharpen, and I can relax.  While keeping my head on a swivel, my nose on the weather, and my hearing pointed everywhere at once.  It's been even more secure since we updated salt to be sharper.  Don't try to sharpen a while, by the way.  They get excited and crap.  Imagine the effects of one 'Doktor" Howl, should his emmanations be allowed to take an Exon Valdes style distribution.

As for the MBTA, that's how I became a Non-Prophet, a story which all Richterran scholars know well.

[Doktor Howl]

I once took a philosphy class, and tried to sharpen feminism to the same angle as Nietzsche.  The result was hovercat.

Tumblr is not a file.

I can, and will con any ship up to 50 ft. in length.  On the high sees there are only so many things to sharpen, and I can relax.  While keeping my head on a swivel, my nose on the weather, and my hearing pointed everywhere at once.  It's been even more secure since we updated salt to be sharper.  Don't try to sharpen a while, by the way.  They get excited and crap.  Imagine the effects of one 'Doktor" Howl, should his emmanations be allowed to take an Exon Valdes style distribution.

As for the MBTA, that's how I became a Non-Prophet, a story which all Richterran scholars know well.

I feel a chapter of Ars Richteria coming on.

[Richter]

I once took a philosphy class, and tried to sharpen feminism to the same angle as Nietzsche.  The result was hovercat.

Tumblr is not a file.

I was confused by the similar properties of abrasiveness, frequent misuse, and never being able to find EXACTLY the one you're looking for.

[Doktor Howl]

I once took a philosphy class, and tried to sharpen feminism to the same angle as Nietzsche.  The result was hovercat.

Tumblr is not a file.

I was confused by the similar properties of abrasiveness, frequent misuse, and never being able to find EXACTLY the one you're looking for.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I once took a philosphy class, and tried to sharpen feminism to the same angle as Nietzsche.  The result was hovercat.

Tumblr is not a file.

I was confused by the similar properties of abrasiveness, frequent misuse, and never being able to find EXACTLY the one you're looking for.

[Richter]

The MBTA is a fine system.  Sure it may be eclipsed by the NY or London Metro in efficiency, but it has CHARM. 


"Fall asleep and wake up to your train traversing the howling void with cube shaped cages of damned souls flying the other way"  Charm.

there's the scheduled underperformance, abuse, and mismanagement, but that's just to keep the locals from being mad about anything REAL

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[Doktor Howl]

Richter wasn't ever "normal", as can be attested to by his lovely yet lethal sister.  However, he often had to commute from Providence to Boston, and the constant exposure to the weird radiations of the MBTA took him from "quirky" to "mutated".  He became fascinated by the strange angles and weird geometry of the crack in the universe that is represented by the MBTA, and spent years trying to recreate those angles here on Earth.  However, only the edges of these angles actually exist in this dimension, so it appears that things get sharp around him.

"Appears."

See, they were sharp all along.  It's just that he exposed more of them to real space, and wiggled them around until he had a deli-slicer for the universe.  Not for people or planets or even stars.  He's slicing the universe.  "Ham for the Ham God!" he roars, as he reduces another chunk of reality to shaved sandwich meat.  This is why nobody can decide whether the universe will expand forever, or go crunch.  The amount and type of matter keeps changing, as Richter eats his sammiches and poops out "dark matter".

Richter sometimes sails a yacht.  There is photographic evidence of this.  He doesn't own a yacht...Who precisely DOES remains unclear.  But still, he sails, and I alone have survived to tell thee.  The rest all suffocated out in the between spaces, lost a dimension or two, or were hauled off the ship by giant squid.  Call me Ishmael, fuckers, and just leave me here on my floating coffin.  It's safer than what's going to happen to YOU bastards.

Just you wait and see.

Told you so.

[Suu]

Richter wasn't ever "normal", as can be attested to by his lovely yet lethal sister.  However, he often had to commute from Providence to Boston, and the constant exposure to the weird radiations of the MBTA took him from "quirky" to "mutated".  He became fascinated by the strange angles and weird geometry of the crack in the universe that is represented by the MBTA, and spent years trying to recreate those angles here on Earth.  However, only the edges of these angles actually exist in this dimension, so it appears that things get sharp around him.

"Appears."

See, they were sharp all along.  It's just that he exposed more of them to real space, and wiggled them around until he had a deli-slicer for the universe.  Not for people or planets or even stars.  He's slicing the universe.  "Ham for the Ham God!" he roars, as he reduces another chunk of reality to shaved sandwich meat.  This is why nobody can decide whether the universe will expand forever, or go crunch.  The amount and type of matter keeps changing, as Richter eats his sammiches and poops out "dark matter".

Richter sometimes sails a yacht.  There is photographic evidence of this.  He doesn't own a yacht...Who precisely DOES remains unclear.  But still, he sails, and I alone have survived to tell thee.  The rest all suffocated out in the between spaces, lost a dimension or two, or were hauled off the ship by giant squid.  Call me Ishmael, fuckers, and just leave me here on my floating coffin.  It's safer than what's going to happen to YOU bastards.

Just you wait and see.

Told you so.

Is there ever an instance in which you are never right about these sorts of things?

[Doktor Howl]

Is there ever an instance in which you are never right about these sorts of things?

Sometimes I am foolishly optimistic.