Author Topic: Not Dead Yet  (Read 3315 times)

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Not Dead Yet
« on: September 08, 2015, 04:18:45 pm »
There is no place for people like us.

People say they want you as you are and accept the hard things, but when you open your mouth and actually say what's on your mind this is the “wrong space” and “could you tone it down?” and “if you just cut a few words here it would be fine.” And the words they want you to cut are the only ones where your feelings live you slither off to find another hole to hide in.

Everybody wants the real you until they see it.

My chemistry is wrong and it's never going to be right and no amount of medication or better environment or better skills will ever change that, and I'm Not Dead Yet.

My brain wants to kill me, and some days it's a sneaky bastard about it and other days it's a goddamned cartoon villain and some days it's biding its time and I know all the tricks and I dodge and parry and call in the cavalry when I have to. I hate that I keep having to fight it and I'm frustrated and tired but I'm Not Dead Yet.

I am stronger than any of those motherfuckers understand.

Because maybe I'm not uniquely crazy, and maybe I'm not the best at literally anything, and maybe there are people who are better at handling their shit than I am. But my inability to handle my shit is not a reflection of weakness. My shit has claws and fangs and a wingspan bigger than a freight train and I'm Not Dead Yet.

And I can't handle my shit, and it's infuriating, and I try my best to stay ahead of it but you can't always win, sometimes all you can do is survive to fight another day.

And I'm Not Dead Yet.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2015, 06:03:52 pm »
:mittens:  BRB
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2015, 06:10:49 pm »
Hell yes.

You do you.

Doktor Howl

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2015, 06:12:30 pm »
I ain't dead yet.  Yeah, I might have recently fallen out of the world.  Through the cracks, allllll the way down to where the homeless people live and the drug dealers and other thugs try to get by, where there's trash all over everything and nobody cares anymore, even your friends.   Especially your friends.  They smile at you, and they ask how you're doing (even the ones that were going to hire you, before "something" happened and then they couldn't), so maybe you TELL them how you're doing.  And then maybe you understand why people who fall through the cracks don't have any friends.

But I'm okay with that.  I survived.  I'm even prospering, out here where you're expected to quietly die.  I learned long ago that you don't fight the current, you don't struggle against what you can't change.  You embrace the chaos.  You SHAKE THAT.  And where I once warned that your enemies get fat on what you leave behind, now I find myself doing exactly that.  And when a suitable amount of time goes by, I'll crawl back into the world through those cracks, and take an appropriate revenge on those who helped make me what I am today.

Because I'm still alive.  Ho ho ho.
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, shattered underpance lies,
With blown elastic, and exploded back,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, Spag of Spags:
Look on my ass, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2015, 06:27:23 pm »
A-FUCKING-MEN

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2015, 01:02:09 am »
There is no place for people like us.

People say they want you as you are and accept the hard things, but when you open your mouth and actually say what's on your mind this is the “wrong space” and “could you tone it down?” and “if you just cut a few words here it would be fine.” And the words they want you to cut are the only ones where your feelings live you slither off to find another hole to hide in.

Everybody wants the real you until they see it.

My chemistry is wrong and it's never going to be right and no amount of medication or better environment or better skills will ever change that, and I'm Not Dead Yet.

My brain wants to kill me, and some days it's a sneaky bastard about it and other days it's a goddamned cartoon villain and some days it's biding its time and I know all the tricks and I dodge and parry and call in the cavalry when I have to. I hate that I keep having to fight it and I'm frustrated and tired but I'm Not Dead Yet.

I am stronger than any of those motherfuckers understand.

Because maybe I'm not uniquely crazy, and maybe I'm not the best at literally anything, and maybe there are people who are better at handling their shit than I am. But my inability to handle my shit is not a reflection of weakness. My shit has claws and fangs and a wingspan bigger than a freight train and I'm Not Dead Yet.

And I can't handle my shit, and it's infuriating, and I try my best to stay ahead of it but you can't always win, sometimes all you can do is survive to fight another day.

And I'm Not Dead Yet.

A-goddamn-thefuck-men.
If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

Junkenstein

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2015, 10:38:21 pm »
I LIVE.

It's what I scream into the faces of foes to remind them that FUCK YOU, I'M ALIVE.

You see, many people you meet are actually dead. They walk. They talk. They have gainful employment. But it's a cruel trick because there are so many dead fuckers everywhere you wouldn't believe it.

"He's back on the gear again" you say. No. Honestly most people you meet are fucking dead.


They can be dead in a whole range of different ways. Some are brain dead in some regard, with new information just not being able to be accepted. Others have killed their entire lives with a dedication to a set routine that must never change. There's a scary number that are just dead to anything beyond their own immediate personal concerns. There are entire political movements built around the idea that other people are dead so fuck them, they don't matter. 


It's easy to be dead. It's a pretty popular choice too, and you can't really blame them for that. We've all done the easy option and it works, after all it's fucking easy.

It's not easy to shout I LIVE. Into faces. It makes you think. It makes you wonder about if the other person is alive. It makes you want to know how they think other people should be treated and if this person is a worthwhile human to deal with, dead or alive. Most of the time you're just screaming at a zombie anyway so it doesn't really matter but the sheer fact that you've had to think for yourself for a moment followed by a hearty roar is worth it.


Try it. It'll help me find other people who are alive. I've got 6 Billion + bodies to sift through so it would be great if the ones determined to help me conquer this stinking rock would help make themselves known.

In a world where there are this many dead people, can you really have any lesser goals?


I FUCKING LIVE
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2015, 10:58:43 pm »
GOOD JOB BEING ALIVE.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2015, 04:25:28 am »
Hell ya! Also welcome back Junkenstein! The post-post-post modern Prometheus posts again!!

Also...


I'm Not Dead Yet and be sure many are the zombies that yet live, I say! These are not dead, but sleeping. They dream themselves like the motile dead everywhere around them. They are wrong and must SEE, must HEAR those who laugh and dance, shriek and thrash, and can yet weep for more than themselves only. It's a terrible tragedy to be alive and never once act alive. There is true death to be found in a false life. Many that so live resemble those truly dead in much detail. Gaunt and hollow of eye, set to trundle with the others, and unwashed they blend in perfectly. They are those Not Dead Yet, yet on their way, and not all can be salvaged. Still they must be found and told if possible, or they will soon be dead indeed.

There is only one way to tell for sure. You must look for the signs of life just past the pallor and stench.

The dead do not bleed red and freely when cut.
They do not flinch from a poke in the eye.
They may watch you, but never will blink.
They see in fire and water equal footing.
The dead have no rage, laughter, or screams in them.

You must test the dead if you aren't sure, but do not do so out of hope that they live. Most are exactly as they seem, but throw rocks, poke eyes, and light fires anyway. The dead can not have concern for your antics, and life must find other life or inevitably perish.

But if you find one seemingly dead that is Not Dead Yet, and you may, do not pretend to be like them. They may flee. Do not chase, but stand and let them hear your laugh. They may fight. Do not be cruel, but show them they can feel alive in Strife! They may pretend not to see and do nothing to respond. These you must grab firmly and shake as you invoke the Holy words loudly and with all of your love and rage,
"Hey you! Schmuck! You are Not Dead Yet!!!"

You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2015, 05:12:51 am »
There is no place for people like us.


Yeah, there is.  There's Science Heaven and Rock N Roll Hell.  It's just a question as to whether you personally agree with Milton's Lucifer or not (Dimo is stuck dead center on this one, and just sorta vibrates in place).  Is it better to serve in heaven or rule in hell?  In either case, you wear big fucking stompy boots and leave deep footprints, because if it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.  There you go.  Shatner cosmology.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2015, 02:21:02 am »
I ain't dead yet.  Yeah, I might have recently fallen out of the world.  Through the cracks, allllll the way down to where the homeless people live and the drug dealers and other thugs try to get by, where there's trash all over everything and nobody cares anymore, even your friends.   Especially your friends.  They smile at you, and they ask how you're doing (even the ones that were going to hire you, before "something" happened and then they couldn't), so maybe you TELL them how you're doing.  And then maybe you understand why people who fall through the cracks don't have any friends.

But I'm okay with that.  I survived.  I'm even prospering, out here where you're expected to quietly die.  I learned long ago that you don't fight the current, you don't struggle against what you can't change.  You embrace the chaos.  You SHAKE THAT.  And where I once warned that your enemies get fat on what you leave behind, now I find myself doing exactly that.  And when a suitable amount of time goes by, I'll crawl back into the world through those cracks, and take an appropriate revenge on those who helped make me what I am today.

Because I'm still alive.  Ho ho ho.

It's worth mentioning that I did in fact survive, and I even prospered.

And I haven't forgotten who was there when I was down, and who was kicking me.  Over time, some things will change for certain people in Tucson, even if they never realize why.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cuddlefish

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2015, 04:29:42 pm »
...There's Science Heaven and Rock N Roll Hell...  ...Dimo is stuck dead center on this one, and just sorta vibrates in place...

That's actually a fair description, but it's been more like vacillation than vibration.

Until recently, that is. Things are REALLY weird now, and I'm either begging to synthesize the two (in a Hegelian dialectical sense) or completely fall off. It's hard to tell from where I'm at now. I'm either on the brink of a step up, or the floor is about to drop out from under me.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2015, 08:43:41 pm »
...There's Science Heaven and Rock N Roll Hell...  ...Dimo is stuck dead center on this one, and just sorta vibrates in place...

That's actually a fair description, but it's been more like vacillation than vibration.

Until recently, that is. Things are REALLY weird now, and I'm either begging to synthesize the two (in a Hegelian dialectical sense) or completely fall off. It's hard to tell from where I'm at now. I'm either on the brink of a step up, or the floor is about to drop out from under me.

Well, this just answered what place you take in something I'm about to do here.   :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cuddlefish

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #13 on: December 28, 2015, 03:13:00 am »
...There's Science Heaven and Rock N Roll Hell...  ...Dimo is stuck dead center on this one, and just sorta vibrates in place...

That's actually a fair description, but it's been more like vacillation than vibration.

Until recently, that is. Things are REALLY weird now, and I'm either begging to synthesize the two (in a Hegelian dialectical sense) or completely fall off. It's hard to tell from where I'm at now. I'm either on the brink of a step up, or the floor is about to drop out from under me.

Well, this just answered what place you take in something I'm about to do here.   :lulz:

ominous
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Not Dead Yet
« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2015, 02:47:58 am »
...There's Science Heaven and Rock N Roll Hell...  ...Dimo is stuck dead center on this one, and just sorta vibrates in place...

That's actually a fair description, but it's been more like vacillation than vibration.

Until recently, that is. Things are REALLY weird now, and I'm either begging to synthesize the two (in a Hegelian dialectical sense) or completely fall off. It's hard to tell from where I'm at now. I'm either on the brink of a step up, or the floor is about to drop out from under me.

Well, this just answered what place you take in something I'm about to do here.   :lulz:

ominous

Naw.  Gotta get Stella involved, though.  I'm going to start tomorrow, when I have more time.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.