Author Topic: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.  (Read 1979 times)

PoFP

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I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« on: February 28, 2016, 07:28:10 pm »
I remember when things were interesting to me. I remember when small ideas would become big ones in a matter of minutes. I would take an idea, wrap myself in it with pretty laces and corsets and cheese sauce, and I'd OWN FUCKIN STREET CORNERS WITH THAT SHIT. I remember when I would dive head first into an ideology, let it caress my pale white ass just before it'd toss me out for some skank with a dick and a tanning salon membership. When I'd finally realize I was wrong for thinking such silly things, I was able to take a step back, turn on my Self-Ass-Kicker 3000, and bounce back with an idea that took me 2 steps forward.

I desperately want that all back. My ideas have no fire anymore. When I'm not heard, I stay quiet. I used to go "HEY HEY HEY I SAID SOMETHING, LOOK AT ME, FUCKER. YOU SMELL THAT SHIT? THAT'S THE SMELL OF FUCK YOU." And then I'd cram my idea into a Tupperware bowl full of sauerkraut and tators and toss it at the nearest onlooker.
I know people didn't like the fact that I asserted ideas as facts until proven otherwise, but I've lost so much more in giving that up. I'd rather make a fool of myself and be angry and spiteful about it than mope about the fact that no one cared.

As a corporate IT Service Desk Agent, my job is now more mentally stimulating than it ever has been before (I know, I know, but my previous jobs were physical labor). But I am getting DUMBER by the hour. If I'm playing a game of cards, I forget what cards I have in my hand when I shift my gaze to the table. Now I lack the urge to pick up the pace. I sit there in my sloth mind, and do nothing but think about my addictions. If something is stimulating, I do it over and over again until I hurt someone or it makes me sick. I don't know where the fuck ANY of this shit came from, but it's starting to piss me off. I had hopes and dreams that were gonna result from my new job. But I lack the motivation to achieve them now.

I'm gonna pick apart my Ohio-Tucky (Ohio and Kentucky) brain until the ooze starts acting like neurons. This board might be a dumping ground for built-up sludge. I need this to live again. I do not apologize.

Or Kill Me.
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2016, 08:07:23 pm »
I don't think you're alone.  I think what happened is that the weird times arrived as predicted, but turned out to be weirder than us.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

PoFP

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2016, 08:29:52 pm »
I don't think you're alone.  I think what happened is that the weird times arrived as predicted, but turned out to be weirder than us.

How THE FUCK did that happen? Eris isn't throwing us curve balls anymore. She's just throwing balls. Made of EoC's plaque. And a substance one could only describe using a mix of harsh German and Swahili.
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2016, 09:08:06 pm »
I don't think you're alone.  I think what happened is that the weird times arrived as predicted, but turned out to be weirder than us.

How THE FUCK did that happen? Eris isn't throwing us curve balls anymore. She's just throwing balls. Made of EoC's plaque. And a substance one could only describe using a mix of harsh German and Swahili.

well, Hunter S Thompson warned us decades ago what was coming, but everyone just laughed at the dope fiend and went about their business.

Now we have people dying from tap water, Donald Trump is a serious presidential candidate, and all the people who used to think about shit are too busy snarling and chewing on their own side for not being pure enough.

What good does ranting do anyone - even the ranter - in that kind of situation?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

PoFP

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2016, 09:49:44 pm »
I don't think you're alone.  I think what happened is that the weird times arrived as predicted, but turned out to be weirder than us.

How THE FUCK did that happen? Eris isn't throwing us curve balls anymore. She's just throwing balls. Made of EoC's plaque. And a substance one could only describe using a mix of harsh German and Swahili.

well, Hunter S Thompson warned us decades ago what was coming, but everyone just laughed at the dope fiend and went about their business.

Now we have people dying from tap water, Donald Trump is a serious presidential candidate, and all the people who used to think about shit are too busy snarling and chewing on their own side for not being pure enough.

What good does ranting do anyone - even the ranter - in that kind of situation?

Oh

Yeah, hard to get a comprehensible echo or retort with all that sound pollution and interference.

Question is, Now what am I supposed to do? I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Our tap water is one of the highest nationally ranked, Ohio has Kasich's back, and the Ohio River is a representation of the purity of its people. I have to move...
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2016, 02:32:49 am »

Question is, Now what am I supposed to do?

Don't ask me.  And don't bother looking to Discordianism for answers.  There aren't any.  Just more baboonery.


Quote
I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Our tap water is one of the highest nationally ranked

well, then, what are you bitching about?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

PoFP

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2016, 04:13:16 am »

Question is, Now what am I supposed to do?

Don't ask me.  And don't bother looking to Discordianism for answers.  There aren't any.  Just more baboonery.


Quote
I live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Our tap water is one of the highest nationally ranked

well, then, what are you bitching about?

Oh, I must've given the impression that I was looking for solutions. I wanted a distraction. Baboonery seems adequate.

Also, not sure why I added that in there. I tend to add related, but irrelevant remarks to things A LOT nowadays. I don't know how to stop because most of the time I'm not paying attention. Probably why nobody likes it when I drive or trusts me with holding their children anymore.
Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I Want My Self-Ass-Kicker 3000 Back, Goddamnit.
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2016, 04:22:23 am »

Oh, I must've given the impression that I was looking for solutions. I wanted a distraction.

well, then, you've come to the right place.

Anyways, I'm out.  No offense, but disjointed conversations irritate me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.