Mostly tea, really. But also preserves. And chocolate banana bread later.
DEATH METAL TEA
3 BLOOD ORANGES
2 PINTS BLACKER THAN THE BLACKEST BLACKBERRIES
SALTED CHOCOLATE CARAMEL SAUCE
CINNAMIN STICKS
1/3 POUND NON SULPHURED PINEAPPLE, THE MOST BRUTAL OF ALL CITRUS FRUITS
AND FINALLY, MADAGASCAR VANILLA BEANS THAT ARE FRESH AND FRAGRAAAAANT
DISSECT THE BLOOD ORANGES
INTO 1/2 IN WIDE WEDGES
THEN PLACE THEM ON SEVERAL BAKING SHEETS
VISCERATE THE VANILLA BEANS
CHOP THEM INTO 1/4 IN PIECES
SPRINKLE OVER THE ORANGES
DRIZZLE THE SALTED CARAMEL SAUCE
OVER THE ORANGES AND VANILLA
LIKE THE TEARS OF ANGRY GODS
LET THAT SHIT SIT OVERNIGHT
IN THE DARK OF THE WORLD
THEY WILL LOSE SOME EXCESS MOISTURE
WHEN THE DAWN COMES
PUT THE SHEETS IN THE OVEN
AT 200 DEGREES(f)
WHEN THE ORANGES ARE SHRIVELLED
LIKE THE HEART OF A BEAST
YOU CAN TAKE THEM OUT TO COOL
DO THE SAME THING FOR THE BLACKBERRIES
YOU CAN ALSO SKIP LEAVING THEM OUT OVERNIGHT
BUT IT TAKES ABOUT TEN AND A HALF HOURS
CHOP UP THE PINEAPPLE
INTO 1/4 INCH BITS
PUT EVERYTHING IN THEIR COFFIN
A TIGHTLY SEALED CONTAINER
IT'S TIME TO PREPARE THE TEA
GET OUT YOUR TEA STRAINER
USE THREE CHUNKS OF PINEAPPLE
THREE CHUNKS OF BLACKBERRIES
THREE CHUNKS OF ORANGES
ONE STICK OF CINNAMON
AND, IF YOU LIKE,
5 WHOLE BLACK PEPPERCORNS
DROWN IT ALL IN COFFEEPOT HOT WATER
STEEP FOR FIVE MINUTES
GOOD FOR UP TO 3 USES
HYDRATE YOURSELF
WITH HAAAATRREEEEED
Plum and strawberry preserves
1 pound strawberries
7 plums
1/3 cup honey
a lot of sugar, probably 1 1/2 to 2 cups (I didn't measure)
some cinnamon
Lemon juice, maybe 3 tbsp
Wash and cut up the plums any old way, because fuck it. Get rid of pits. Wash, de-stem, and cut up the strawberries into smaller pieces. Throw them all in a saucepan. Add sugar, cinnamon, and lemon juice. Let it sit for an hour, maybe two. Say fuck it again and start cooking them on high heat. Add the honey. Realize the plums are too hard, so reduce to low/mid-low heat. Cook for another while, until they seem softer maybe. Raise heat to high again, and hope for the best. Get the candy thermometer and try to hold it steady while you stir, because your big pot has curry in it and the pan is too shallow to clip the thing to the side. After it has been at a hard boil for a while, and the thermometer doesn't want to go above 200F for a while, take it off the heat and disinfect some canning jars and lids. Damn near burn yourself with the vegetable sprayer, it builds character. Scoop the fruit gunk into your jars. Makes about 32 oz.
Orange blossom tea
5 cups of fresh orange blossom petals
1/8 cup cloves, maybe. I didn't measure.
Black peppercorns? same amount?
1 lb strawberriesMAke sure your orange blossom petals don't have any bugs on them, and are clean. Refrain from punching any babiesfrom the rage that the soggy horror of a mess gives you. Put on a baking sheet, and bake in the oven at 200F, stirring every few minutes, until they are dry and curly. This will not take long. They should be a sort of dark ivory color when they're done, and have reduced down to 1 cup. Do the same with the strawberries, except leave them out overnight and then cook them, stirring every few hours. Add some cloves and black peppercorns. Use a tbsp, maybe 1 1/2 in your tea strainer for one cup of tea, good for 2 or 3 uses. A nice, flowery blend with darker notes. Good with mesquite honey, but I'm pretty sure mesquite honey is good with everything.
