On Being (a Gourmand):

[Freeky]

Right, so today we're going to talk about pasta...of the evening.  That's right—PASTA PUTTANESCA!  It's fast!  It's cheap!  It's easy!  It's boozy!  It's comforting after a shitty goddamn day!  Let's all gather round and make some goddamn pasta puttanesca.

To begin with, find a mortar and pestle.  Or a cutting board and a meat tenderizer.  Also find some ingredients—garlic, cherry tomatoes, anchovies (YES GODDAMMIT!), olives, and capers.  Stick a heavy skillet on very low heat and give it a few serious glugs of olive oil.  Peel the garlic, drop it into your mortar, and start smashing.  Crush it real good, like it's responsible for all of the bad things that happen to you.  Then throw it in the olive oil and let it sit.  Cut the tomatoes in half and throw them in with the garlic.  Then smash the rest of the ingredients and add them to the party.  Turn up the heat until the liquid pooling in the bottom of the pan starts to simmer angrily, then toss in some FUCKIN' GHOST CHILIES!  Or some red pepper flakes.  Y'know.  That's okay too, I guess.  Leave it at a low simmer until the tomatoes are mostly broken down and the pan is basically saucy.  The anchovies will melt and magically make everything just...better.  But not fishy.  It's a mystery.  Deglaze the pan with a healthy pour of wine.  Let it simmer down again.
   
Drain the pasta that I'm sure has just finished cooking to be a little underdone.  I like spaghetti.  Find what you like.  Throw it in the sauce, tear up some fresh basil, and mix it all together.  Let the pasta finish cooking in the sauce.  Mix it up again, dump onto a plate, top with more fresh basil and grated cheese and serve with crusty garlic bread and the rest of the wine.
   
Note: My audience for this meal has suggested that even though she "doesn't like shrimp," shrimp would go well with this.  This will be an entry in the future because that can only end well for me.

I was hearing this in the style of a BRAWNDO commericial.

[Mundus Imbroglio]

I was hearing this in the style of a BRAWNDO commericial.

That was inspiring.