Author Topic: A Very PD 4th of July  (Read 595 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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A Very PD 4th of July
« on: July 04, 2016, 06:22:59 am »
I had screamed myself hoarse, but LMNO wouldn't stop igniting the damn giraffes.  His wife likes them better that way, and there's nothing he won't do for her.  But that doesn't mean he had to GRIN like that while he did it.  EoC was critiquing his style, like he was bowling or some shit, and Richter was bellowing the national anthem in the style of Roseanne Barr at the superbowl.

This is exactly why I've started abusing drugs again, you know.

queen Gogira side-stepped a flaming giraffe, her camera clicking rapid fire.  In black and white, of course.  we've talked about this.  Everything is worse in black and white, and there's nothing she likes better than making shit worse.

Paesor and Signora Paesor were haw-hawing about our quaint American customs when a giraffe veered at them and detonated.  Take that, you Caribbean swine!  Jesus isn't taking your shit today.

Then, as if it were previously arranged, the giraffes started exploding.  Richter reached into the window of his car and turned the stereo up.  It was the 1812 Overture, naturally.  Tadada da da DA da da *BOOM*, one less giraffa camelopardalis uglying up the joint.

Cain had spent the entire time hanging a pinata.  A special pinata.  A neighborhood kid nailed it on his 3rd or 4th swing, and Nigel Farage's dismembered body fell out.  won't THAT kid have tales to tell his grandchildren?   From the attic, presumably.

More as events develop.  Feel free to add your own observations.
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- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2016, 03:11:21 pm »
I love this country.

Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2016, 03:17:02 pm »
There's a reason they celebrate the birthday of 'Merikuh with explosions, this is the Land of Apocalypses after all. The Brits never could understand that, with their hundred year wars and carrying on. Their tragedies were always bridges to the next golden age, perched smugly above the continent, swaddled by the Gulf Stream's warm embrace.

*click*

In color giraffes explode in reds and browns and yellows, earthy colors, living thing colors, food colors. It's better in black and white. It captures the finality of the thing, the purer essence of explosion. In color you might think the flesh and bones would nurture little gross things that in turn keep the life cycle going, but of course that's not the spirit of the day at all. No, when a nation collapses in this place it collapses forever, and if it does a really good job it takes the land with it. The southwest would probably be a desert by now anyway, but the Anasazi did a bang up job hurrying the process along on their way out the door.

*click*

Someone was trampled to death. Luckily the giraffe smashed their face up, otherwise my shot would be ruined. It's better in black and white. Daniel Shays was killed in black and white, he's the reason we celebrate by blowing things up. We all know this can't go on forever, not here. The land will chew us up and spit us out, a venus fly trap of a continent. We offer it explosions in hopes we get another year, bottle rockets and kids' hands going up in tiny little apocalypses. We knew as soon as Shays' body hit the ground we were no different, no better. We only survive because we are terrible and ornery and maybe we entertain the land with our violence just enough that it will spare us.

*click*

Some townie moron was trying to observe HIS holiday and got upset at YOU ASSHOLES with the giraffes, and somebody smiled wrong at the box of fireworks and now they've all gone off, a blare of deadly colors. It's better in black and white. We're the best, you know, the best at fucking shit up. And everyone wants to be like us, and that's why the Gulf Stream is about to abandon the smug little island above the continent, and why The Desert keeps meandering north, and why things are on fire everywhere. This is the Land of Apocalypses, and we're gonna have front row seats for a big one. There are people screaming and Roger's laughing that weird laugh that seems to come from every direction, but it's much quieter in black and white. You can see it for what it really is.
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PoFP

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2016, 04:09:24 pm »
Turns out Roger's "Elephant in the Living Room" was more literal than we previously thought. And it turns out the elephant doesn't like its dick being painted like a Rocket Pop, in holiday spirit. The bottle of Viagra didn't help either.

I believe LMNO said something about "Fucking Conservitards with 2 tons of irony." But it was hard to hear over the sound of the combination of Roger's laugh, and Emo Howard's cackle as he filled the giraffes with fuel he stole from work.
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Emo Howard

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2016, 05:02:02 pm »
Turns out Roger's "Elephant in the Living Room" was more literal than we previously thought. And it turns out the elephant doesn't like its dick being painted like a Rocket Pop, in holiday spirit. The bottle of Viagra didn't help either.

I believe LMNO said something about "Fucking Conservitards with 2 tons of irony." But it was hard to hear over the sound of the combination of Roger's laugh, and Emo Howard's cackle as he filled the giraffes with fuel he stole from work.


People with 5,000 fuel points need to learn not to be dicks to the guy they are handing over their credit card information and telephone number to. I may be a dangerous criminal, but I still gotta balance my drawer.

I GOT YOUR CVV, MIKE!

THANKS FOR TELLING ME THE FOLKS AT THAT OTHER STORE NEVER ASK TO SEE YOUR I.D. WHEN YOU PAY BY CHECK, SALLY!!!

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2016, 06:25:57 pm »
There's a reason they celebrate the birthday of 'Merikuh with explosions, this is the Land of Apocalypses after all. The Brits never could understand that, with their hundred year wars and carrying on. Their tragedies were always bridges to the next golden age, perched smugly above the continent, swaddled by the Gulf Stream's warm embrace.

*click*

In color giraffes explode in reds and browns and yellows, earthy colors, living thing colors, food colors. It's better in black and white. It captures the finality of the thing, the purer essence of explosion. In color you might think the flesh and bones would nurture little gross things that in turn keep the life cycle going, but of course that's not the spirit of the day at all. No, when a nation collapses in this place it collapses forever, and if it does a really good job it takes the land with it. The southwest would probably be a desert by now anyway, but the Anasazi did a bang up job hurrying the process along on their way out the door.

*click*

Someone was trampled to death. Luckily the giraffe smashed their face up, otherwise my shot would be ruined. It's better in black and white. Daniel Shays was killed in black and white, he's the reason we celebrate by blowing things up. We all know this can't go on forever, not here. The land will chew us up and spit us out, a venus fly trap of a continent. We offer it explosions in hopes we get another year, bottle rockets and kids' hands going up in tiny little apocalypses. We knew as soon as Shays' body hit the ground we were no different, no better. We only survive because we are terrible and ornery and maybe we entertain the land with our violence just enough that it will spare us.

*click*

Some townie moron was trying to observe HIS holiday and got upset at YOU ASSHOLES with the giraffes, and somebody smiled wrong at the box of fireworks and now they've all gone off, a blare of deadly colors. It's better in black and white. We're the best, you know, the best at fucking shit up. And everyone wants to be like us, and that's why the Gulf Stream is about to abandon the smug little island above the continent, and why The Desert keeps meandering north, and why things are on fire everywhere. This is the Land of Apocalypses, and we're gonna have front row seats for a big one. There are people screaming and Roger's laughing that weird laugh that seems to come from every direction, but it's much quieter in black and white. You can see it for what it really is.


:banana:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

SuuCal

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Re: A Very PD 4th of July
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2016, 07:07:38 pm »
This is the quality Freedoming I've come to expect around these parts.

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