Author Topic: Your Moment of Hate  (Read 2268 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Your Moment of Hate
« on: July 12, 2016, 08:24:03 pm »
I was born rotten, of this I am assured by relatives.  Nasty little bugger, and now amount of talking or spanking would drum civilization through my thick skull.  In short, a typical child in the time and place where I grew up.  There was no conflict, I was what I was.

The little bastard grew up into a monster by age 17 or so, and stayed gleefully in that condition for another 17 years.  And that's when I fucked up.  At age 34, I suddenly developed an urge to be liked.  Never mind that I lacked the skills to be liked, or the social filters that would allow me to fake those skills, I had just decided that I wanted to be approved of.  The only thing that monsters do that popular humans do is tell tales.  Just something to while away the hours between patrols or whatever else had to be done.

So it's been 13 years of awkwardness.  I can imagine that Charley's Kitchen had to be cringe-worthy.  I could feel it at the time, I just couldn't do anything to change it.  And that's not even counting Jenne (EB&G Jenn, not my wife), Charley, Alty, and others that one day decided that I could not be tolerated, for reasons that were never made clear...Or, for that matter, people who seem to like you enough, but not enough to actually respond to you.

But then you get to see a sliver of your own, personal future, and you ask yourself "Why the fuck did I want these knob ends to like me again?"  Why do I give a shit what humans think of me?  Why do I try to be something I'm not when other people are around?"  Or even, "Why was a face-to-face condescending sneer allowed to go unanswered in the appropriate, time-honored manner?"

I'm fucking tired of humans.  Outside of my immediate family, two friends whom I know have my back, and Cain (because he seems to have a keen understanding of what makes me tick, and seems interested), the rest of the species can just stagger off into its glorious, over-heated future without me.  Because let's face facts: You never really liked me anyway, and - from your point of view - there's probably good reason for that.  But, you know, fuck you anyway.

That's it.  Insert clever tag line.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoomô
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 87077
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2016, 08:58:52 pm »
I dunno man, I think Charley's was pretty awesome.  But hey, I'm sort of damaged myself, so who knows?

I've been having similar thoughts.  I want people to like me, but when I try to play along, my best move is to be silent, laugh along, and do my best to toss in some clever joke when I can.  God forbid I find something interesting to talk about -- I get the weirdest looks.

If you need me, I'll be in the back.

Faust

  • Tyrannical Overlord
  • Deserved It
  • *
  • Posts: 82653
  • The Greasy Strangler
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2016, 09:59:40 pm »
I can like someone without responding, the not responding part just makes me a bad friend, its an important distinction. You're not alone in this regard, I often don't have the bandwidth to communicate with anyone in a week save what I staunchly refuse to give up for herself.

I find myself wondering if I am alone in this, is it that I am bad at time management, is it that my job is too demanding, or have I spread myself so thin that the interactions and things I try to do have been whittled down to such insignificant splinters that they are devoid of meaning, and in the cases of people who need me, damaging even, where no contact at all would be accepted and I'd be added to the book of lost memories, than intermittent bursts that serve more as a reminder of the ghost on the doorstep.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2016, 10:11:49 pm »
I'm not calling anyone here bad people.  Except me, to an extent.

I just need to stop trying to be something I'm not, and stop looking for validation and/or popularity with hairless apes.  I was happy when I was 30.  I am not happy now.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Faust

  • Tyrannical Overlord
  • Deserved It
  • *
  • Posts: 82653
  • The Greasy Strangler
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2016, 10:25:28 pm »
I'm not calling anyone here bad people.  Except me, to an extent.

I just need to stop trying to be something I'm not, and stop looking for validation and/or popularity with hairless apes.  I was happy when I was 30.  I am not happy now.

Yeah, Validation and popularity are at best a transitory joy. If you find what makes you happy let me know.

The Invisible Man

  • gives people the beeps
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 29947
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2016, 10:47:50 pm »
I like you Roger.  You're my kind of person.

I want people to like me, but I'm fundamentally not very likable, so I get how you feel.

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2016, 11:03:20 pm »
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2016, 11:06:21 pm »
I don't like the word "bad" to describe you. It's too nebulous and has a connotation of morality and social value probably best left out of the picture in discussing... well mannered, functional "monsters".

You're not paticularly well mannered, but disciplined AF! You're very good at being you, however you might choose to describe that. You're just not like the other kids.

I myself don't call you "friend" in the sense of those that I would see as my extended family, companions in the truest sense, I don't feel that we are at all so intimate. The creepy false intimacy I've seen some poptart-clones display towards you unsettled me from my first experiences here. I want none of THAT but I think I now understand much better some of out earliest encounters here and elsewhere.

Othere than particular things you've done/accomplished I admire 2 essential things that come to mind. First, you have always been HONEST about your hatred and your hurt alike. I find an ounce of HONEST hatred quite preferable to a gallon of thin pleasantries, and you have tank-loads of it! Second, you're not very nice at all. I'm not even close to your level on this, but I'm not even joking when I say you often inspire the "wrongest" parts of my being. I like that shit, much more than I used to for sure.

You're a Technician (Techne meaning art) of the Science and the Holy alike. You make the things go, or go wrong, as you see fit! Good Times ahead, in a bad old world not really ready for the New Shit yet. :)

More when I get more time to write. Which I'm doing at all mostly because of my experiences here. Thanks.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

P3nT4gR4m

  • Official SSOOKN Pariah
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 72176
  • I'm an artist now - isn't that depressing?
    • View Profile
    • fuck you
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2016, 11:36:59 pm »
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and itís not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesnít matter." -- Max Tegmark

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2016, 12:35:16 am »
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

All this! :)
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2016, 01:31:14 am »
I never really analysed what I'm trying to accomplish here on this board. Don't know if being liked is very high on my priority list. Dunno why the fuck I hang out here but I goddamn love it so I keep doing it. In terms of friendship and good happy stuff? It's a limited medium compared to IRL but sometimes when one of you spags has something good happen I feel happy for you and if something shit goes down, it bums me out. What's friendship on the internet if it's not that?

Will I help you move a sofa in? Fuck no but some part of my life is better for you all being in it.

This is because you are a Scotsman, and your head is full of chips and lager.

I wasn't really talking about PD.  I was speaking in general terms.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2016, 01:32:10 am »
I like you Roger.  You're my kind of person.

I want people to like me, but I'm fundamentally not very likable, so I get how you feel.

Inside all of us is a better person, struggling to get out.

Find that bugger and smash him flat.  There is no place in the world for people like that.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2016, 01:33:09 am »
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.

Yeah, I am convinced that the best way to be miserable is to try to be something you aren't.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 57804
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2016, 02:16:52 am »
I feel you. The happiest years of my life have been the "don't give a shit about y'all" ones.

Yeah, I am convinced that the best way to be miserable is to try to be something you aren't.

Wait but I'm miserable just trying to be happ- *explodes*
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Ziegejunge

  • Suffers from occasional lucid moments
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 3345
  • Bitten by a radioactive SPAG
    • View Profile
Re: Your Moment of Hate
« Reply #14 on: July 13, 2016, 07:31:11 pm »
From what I know about you, Roger, which is primarily based on your writings here, I like you. I don't feel your writings are disingenuous, nor do they resemble a plea to be liked. You strike me as a quality human being and a critical thinker. No one is perfect, and you can't please all the people all the time. I appreciate that you're honest with yourself, and I hope you'll continue to share that honesty with us, even when (especially when?) that honesty is biting or uncomfortable.

Cheers!