Open Bar: We hacked the DNC and all we got are these lousy emails

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm trying to gear up for presenting my Master's thesis prospectus tonight. In 40 minutes. Funny how TELLING yourself to calm down and be cool because it'll all be fine doesn't fucking work.

Every dry run I do comes in under 9 minutes. I'm supposed to go to 12. I'm out of words for padding it out, so I'm going to have to go pretty slow.

Breathing exercise works. Inhale steadily until comfortably full then slowly exhale for about twice as long. The heart slows while exhaling by reflex and if you do about 20 reps uninterrupted your body will have reached equilibrium physically.

Thinking does exactly nothing without the correct "access code" to make your body believe it.

Yes, I know this and I teach it to both my biology and psychology students.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm trying to gear up for presenting my Master's thesis prospectus tonight. In 40 minutes. Funny how TELLING yourself to calm down and be cool because it'll all be fine doesn't fucking work.

Every dry run I do comes in under 9 minutes. I'm supposed to go to 12. I'm out of words for padding it out, so I'm going to have to go pretty slow.

Hell Yes! Go slay their faces with SCIENCE! Calmness is the little penny carousel in the Kmart lobby. YOU ride fire because you can!!

I did a ridiculous dance beforehand, which seemed to loosen everybody up. My reasoning is, I'm a goofy fucker and they will ultimately realize that I'm a goofy fucker, so I might as well get that out of the way up front. The subsequent talk went well, I went to 16 minutes with questions, I have a real thesis proposal, and now I move on to stage 2: grant writing. Woot!

[The Wizard Joseph]

 

[xXRon_Paul_42016Xxx(weed)]

Hey guys, let's use all the slurs we want when fighting Nazis. I mean, we'll need people to slap around once the terrible bigots are removed from power, you know?

>current year
>still trapped in an inconsequential semantic purity spiral
>thinks you are ever going to overthrow the god emperor

Acceptance of slurs is the best way to build a strong leftist movement. Because dehumanizing oppressed classes with our words is inconsequential—JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE IT TEARS DOWN!!! LOLOLOLOL!

Yes exactly youre starting to understand.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I wish my calendar would quit trying to video call me.

[MMIX]

I wish my calendar would quit trying to video call me.

Maybe it wants to date?

[LMNO]

we are critically short of janitorial staff because my boss keeps firing them without bothering to consult with me. So I suggested a hiring COMMITTEE. They went for it. So I said we needed a kickoff meeting. THEY WENT FOR IT. So I said we needed buy-in from optical engineering. They went for that, too, but I was unable to keep a straight face so we're just doing the first two.

Meanwhile, the toilets don't work.

I'm trying to gear up for presenting my Master's thesis prospectus tonight. In 40 minutes. Funny how TELLING yourself to calm down and be cool because it'll all be fine doesn't fucking work.

Every dry run I do comes in under 9 minutes. I'm supposed to go to 12. I'm out of words for padding it out, so I'm going to have to go pretty slow.

Hell Yes! Go slay their faces with SCIENCE! Calmness is the little penny carousel in the Kmart lobby. YOU ride fire because you can!!

I did a ridiculous dance beforehand, which seemed to loosen everybody up. My reasoning is, I'm a goofy fucker and they will ultimately realize that I'm a goofy fucker, so I might as well get that out of the way up front. The subsequent talk went well, I went to 16 minutes with questions, I have a real thesis proposal, and now I move on to stage 2: grant writing. Woot!

I wish my calendar would quit trying to video call me.

Maybe it wants to date?

[MMIX]

And now Greg Lake as died; fuck this year, that's 2/3 of my favourite band eaten by 20fucking16

[Vanadium Gryllz]

I went to the work christmas party.

It sucked.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I wish my calendar would quit trying to video call me.

Maybe it wants to date?

It should have noticed that I shared it with Alty, which might tip-off a sentient calendar that I'm taken.

[EK WAFFLR]

Hi guys.

[LMNO]

[EK WAFFLR]

O Alaska <3

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

Hi guys.

HELLO! I ran across someone on Tinder that's FB friends with you. As far as I knew that was true of only three people in Portland, and I've already swiped the other two STRAIGHT UP. My mind was fucking blown right out of my skull...and now yours is as well.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

I wish my calendar would quit trying to video call me.

Maybe it wants to date?

It should have noticed that I shared it with Alty, which might tip-off a sentient calendar that I'm taken.

It didn't care. The Gregorian Calendar is a notorious douchebag.