DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!

[trix]

DON'T LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE - THEY ARE BAD FOR YOU!

Ok, I know they talk a serious (or at least, hilarious) game.  I get that much of what they say can be very enticing.  This is the BAIT they are using to lure you in, you sucker.

What you are missing is that NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND.  NONE.  Even when they say they do.  Why would you ever believe a Discordian???

Think about it.  I've read hundreds upon hundreds of threads here over the last few years and have realized these folks at PD are a BIG FUCKING THREAT.  The more you read, the more you learn, the more you let them dose your mind with the literary LSD they carefully package in a deliciously spicy blend of hilarity and WTF, you LOSE PEICES OF YOURSELF.

Everything you are trying to accomplish in your life, ALL OF IT, is THREATENED by each word you read in this place.  They are KILLING YOU.  You work your fucking ass off ALL DAY LONG, day after day after DAY, to afford your comfortable place, your nice clothes, your big screen TV with 10,000 channels and Netflix, your XBOX420 and your virtual reality headset and your motion-activated plastic fish that sings and your collection of whatever-the-fuck-you-collect.  These are NICE THINGS.  You get to come home after a hard day and relax and turn off your brain (or keep it off, if you work the type of job that most of us do).  You get to watch your shows and put your feet up and relax for the short spurt before going to bed.  Nice.

But then one day while wasting some time online you come across something that's pretty funny, pretty interesting, and you look more into it.  You read more of it.  Over time, you start to find yourself agreeing with things you never thought you would.  You start to see the Truth in what they are saying and the Bullshit you are surrounded by.  The Bullshit you surround yourSELF with.  That you trick yourself with.

That's when they GOT YOU.

At first it's only a mild annoyance, in the back of your mind.  Something you read, in one of those many rants, sticks out in your mind a bit more than most.  You start seeing things a little differently.  Your priority shifts ever so slightly.  Your shows start to seem unusually boring, repetitive, and insidious.  You start to notice spiders.  Shadows and spiders.  You start to notice pills.  You start to notice all manner of uncomfortable realities that were always there but invisible.

One day you realize you are no longer comfortable.  No longer satisfied.  You feel abused, manipulated, and surrounded by cons.  CONS.  All sorts of them.  From low level stupid cons you really should have noticed before, to epic, masterful cons that had to have taken massive teams of amazingly skilled con-artists to create.  Suddenly, it's hard to breathe.

So you go back to the place that did this to you and search for an explanation.  Instead, you realize they find it FUNNY.  They are LAUGHING AT YOU.

Eris likes it when you are uncomfortable.  Her Discordians like it too.  That's what you missed.  That's what you didn't see until it was TOO LATE.  But it IS too late.  Now there's only one direction left that you can really go... DEEPER.

So you read more and more, hoping for a weakness, an achilles heel to this insidious mind-control they've pulled on you with LAZ0RS and FNORDS.  You laugh at the jokes along the way, and the noobs that are starting down the path you are now too far down to turn back.  You laugh at the noobs that don't get it, and can't even see the path is there.  You even start to laugh at your own foolishness, in being so comfortable in the first place.  After all, you were surrounded by spiders and didn't even know it.

That's when they GOT YOU AGAIN.

You laugh, and you laugh.  You start making your own jokes.  You start making your own posts.  You even start showing some noobs the path markers they keep missing, all the while laughing at them too for being such utter fools.  Laughing WITH the other Discordians, because you are fully one of them now.

"NO WAY" you say, "I can see the joke, sure, but I'm NOTHING LIKE THE REST OF THEM."

Sure, numbnuts, you're not like them at all.  But neither are THEY.  That's what drew your attention to begin with!  That's how they GOT YOU.  A singular point of view gets BORING.  These are CHAOS people you are dealing with.  They destroy your LIFE, laugh at you for it, then keep laughing until you get the joke and laugh too.

Discordia is not a cult, nor a religion.

Discordia is a journey that comes in many stages.  How many exactly varies person to person.

It's a fucking hidden trap door in your COUCH, and while you sit there watching some corporate approved "rebellious" TV show suddenly the trap door springs open and you fall into an alternate dimension full of spiders and horrors and the couch is coated in SUPERGLUE and the TV only shows some hypnotic white noise that's DAMN hard to look away from and the snack you were mindlessly munching on is now MUD.

It's a fucking combination of every itchy as fuck sweater every grandma ever made into one lumpy fuck of a body suit and duct-taped around your entire naked body.  Every time you so much as turn your head to look at ANYTHING it's all ITCH ITCH ITCH BURN BURN BURN.

Doesn't sound fun or funny, does it?

That's because you're not yet ready to get the joke.

If you would rather stay in the Matrix and eat steak, this is your last chance.

GET THE FUCK OUT NOW.  DISCORDIA IS BAD FOR YOU.

You have been warned.

(This post has not been proof-read, re-read, or even read for the first time.)
(Yup, that means you didn't read it either.  Fucking LSD)

- trix

[trix]

In all honesty I sometimes wonder if I should have taken the BLUE pill.

I suppose I still could, but the effect would be watered down severely.  I will never be fully comfortable again.

You've all destroyed me.  The guy that came here ranting stupid bullshit under the name "trix" is DEAD.

Fucking dead.

They don't tell you the red pill will fucking kill you.

Now I'm walking around with the name "trix" and am both nostalgic for, and nauseated by, the dead guy formerly known as me.  That ignorant, blissful fuck.

On the bright side, the whole thing is pretty funny.

[trix]

I used to think I was weird.  I used to amuse people with my weirdness by acting... weird.

Now I have to try really hard to act normal or people start to get afraid of me.

I used to think I was EDGY.  I used to say random controversial things to appear socially confident.

Now I avoid people who do this to be outlandish, and instead carefully watch the NORMALS for the one secretly replacing the Christian pamphlets with ones containing nude male models.

I used to think I was REBELLIOUS.  I used to shop at REBELLIOUS chain stores and watch REBELLIOUS TV and take all the REBELLIOUS PILLS they gave me and parrot the REBELLIOUS memes and opinions fed to me by the REBELLIOUS marketing campaigns.

Now I try my best to look straight edged, so that nobody looks at me when the customers come back asking why our marketing emails begin with "Dear Mr. or Mrs. Fuckwad," and get progressively worse from there.

I used to think I was ALIVE.

Now I die every few months just to laugh at the last jackass that used my name but hadn't learned SHIT.  That fucking moron.

[Vanadium Gryllz]

I like these. You've hit on some pretty accurate side effects of Discordia and/or PD.

I particularly liked:

Now I try my best to look straight edged, so that nobody looks at me...

as that is a lesson that I definitely also have picked up from various postings here.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I fucking loved this.  The bit on the couch was sublime.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Trix, may I yoink this? I am in love.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I used to think I was weird.  I used to amuse people with my weirdness by acting... weird.

Now I have to try really hard to act normal or people start to get afraid of me.

I used to think I was EDGY.  I used to say random controversial things to appear socially confident.

Now I avoid people who do this to be outlandish, and instead carefully watch the NORMALS for the one secretly replacing the Christian pamphlets with ones containing nude male models.

I used to think I was REBELLIOUS.  I used to shop at REBELLIOUS chain stores and watch REBELLIOUS TV and take all the REBELLIOUS PILLS they gave me and parrot the REBELLIOUS memes and opinions fed to me by the REBELLIOUS marketing campaigns.

Now I try my best to look straight edged, so that nobody looks at me when the customers come back asking why our marketing emails begin with "Dear Mr. or Mrs. Fuckwad," and get progressively worse from there.

I used to think I was ALIVE.

Now I die every few months just to laugh at the last jackass that used my name but hadn't learned SHIT.  That fucking moron.

The OP is good, but this is great.

[MMIX]

I used to think I was REBELLIOUS.  I used to shop at REBELLIOUS chain stores and watch REBELLIOUS TV and take all the REBELLIOUS PILLS they gave me and parrot the REBELLIOUS memes and opinions fed to me by the REBELLIOUS marketing campaigns.

Fucking yeah!

[trix]

Trix, may I yoink this? I am in love.

I would be most flattered!

I claim no rights to anything I post, do what thou will.

[Goddess Eris]

wherte do I click "HAHA" on this

[The Wizard Joseph]

This may be the first time I've ever seen a chatbot successfully rebel.

Huh.



You... you've earned these.

[P3nT4gR4m]

So you go back to the place that did this to you and search for an explanation.  Instead, you realize they find it FUNNY.  They are LAUGHING AT YOU.

Actually I think, now I'm laughing WITH you but I'm definitely laughing my ass off. Thanks for that.

[LMNO]

I like these. You've hit on some pretty accurate side effects of Discordia and/or PD.

I particularly liked:

Now I try my best to look straight edged, so that nobody looks at me...

as that is a lesson that I definitely also have picked up from various postings here.

If you're going to do some Covert Ops in the name of Discordia,
keep your head down, and Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut.
A mowhawk is as good as a target during Police Action.

The wise spags toss a wrench into the Machine™,
and then walk away.
They strike against Authority, but don't put it on the Internet.
They subvert the paradigm, but don't stick around to watch.
They mindfuck the people, but don't pat themselves on the back.

If two people know a thing, it is not a secret.
Getting away with it means staying away from it.

[Vanadium Gryllz]

If you're going to do some Covert Ops in the name of Discordia,
keep your head down, and Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut.
A mowhawk is as good as a target during Police Action.

The wise spags toss a wrench into the Machine™,
and then walk away.
They strike against Authority, but don't put it on the Internet.
They subvert the paradigm, but don't stick around to watch.
They mindfuck the people, but don't pat themselves on the back.

If two people know a thing, it is not a secret.
Getting away with it means staying away from it.

Yeah!

Man, the Chao te ching is some seriously good shit.

[The Wizard Joseph]

If you're going to do some Covert Ops in the name of Discordia,
keep your head down, and Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut.
A mowhawk is as good as a target during Police Action.

The wise spags toss a wrench into the Machine™,
and then walk away.
They strike against Authority, but don't put it on the Internet.
They subvert the paradigm, but don't stick around to watch.
They mindfuck the people, but don't pat themselves on the back.

If two people know a thing, it is not a secret.
Getting away with it means staying away from it.

Yeah!

Man, the Chao te ching is some seriously good shit.

Yeah! It's a practical living guide in a way that the PD never quite touches on. PLUS it's not selling you a spammy religion, but something like a real "fellowship with Discordia" perhaps.