Author Topic: SPECIAL OFFER  (Read 900 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
SPECIAL OFFER
« on: October 26, 2016, 09:23:09 pm »
We here at HowlCo™ would like to extend to you ABSOLUTELY FREE a chance to SHUT THE FUCK UP1!

If you're a Trump voter, we've known your beliefs since 75 years, and nothing about them has changed, so you shut the fuck up.  Bernie Sanders voters, it's over, so YOU shut the fuck up.  Jill Stein voters, take your meds and then shut the fuck up.  Clinton voters, you already have our votes and we can't vote twice, so nothing you can say will make the situation better, SO.  JUST.  SHUT.  UP.  Gary Johnson voters...um, you just keep doing your thing.  Loudly.  In public.  We're laughing with you.  Honest.

If you are "woke", shut the fuck up.  Seriously.  You are baby cultists, and that's boring.  If you are here to tell us taxation is theft, we are here to laugh until our guts bleed.  Some of us understand that the bills gotta get paid.  If you are an anti-vaxxer, shut up in the privacy of your own home, you plague-mongering cock-wobblers.  AND if you are here to tell us climate change isn't happening, go SHUT UP on the Marshall Islands.  While you still can.  Bring a snorkel.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are getting head from the person you secretly dream about, the person you find to be the most attractive thing since Bea Arthur.  Is there anything you can SAY that will enhance the moment, or are you just allowing a greater-than-zero chance that you will fuck it all up and they will stop and walk out the door?  Then SHUT UP.

Or perhaps you have just farted in the board room.  Everyone knows it was either you or the guy next to you.  Do you open your stupid fucking face and let the world know it was you, or do you just SHUT UP and glare at the unfortunate sitting beside you? That's right. 

We have always said that words are bad.  They are wrong.  They are an indication of a poor value set, and are most often employed by the sort of person who is selling you something2.  You hate that and we hate that, and only the cumbersome rule of law prevents us both from shutting them up with a crowbar.  In fact, the only GOOD words are the ones that make fun of Vladimir Putin, given that there is a small but extant chance that he will launch and then everyone will SHUT UP LIKE HELL.

Thank you for your time.



1  With purchase of equal or greater value.  Since this is the most valuable thing ever, it isn't actually free and we'll be sending the boys around.

2  Except for us, of course.  We are both different and exceptional.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2016, 11:40:18 pm »
Want me to take a stab at a facebook size one of this?
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2016, 11:55:25 pm »
I was tempted to screen cap and crop, but if you put a better graphic together I'll post it.

Gonna try a screen cap to practice with anyway.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2016, 12:01:27 am »
I was tempted to screen cap and crop, but if you put a better graphic together I'll post it.

Gonna try a screen cap to practice with anyway.

Always ask first for that kind of thing.
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2016, 12:03:34 am »
I was tempted to screen cap and crop, but if you put a better graphic together I'll post it.

Gonna try a screen cap to practice with anyway.

Always ask first for that kind of thing.

Ok. I haven't done it yet. I'll wait. I hesitated rightly.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2016, 01:43:38 am »
I'm good with it, same conditions as always.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2016, 01:44:35 am »
I was tempted to screen cap and crop, but if you put a better graphic together I'll post it.

Gonna try a screen cap to practice with anyway.

Always ask first for that kind of thing.

Unless you are Jimmy Walnuts, in which case people wake up with the severed head of their content on their bed.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2016, 02:43:16 am »
Cropped out nicely. Is this a good starter image? I can do this with anything on the site if can figure out the vertical collage feature on an app I have
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2016, 03:03:39 am »
Only one way to find out. Post it on FB and share with only me?
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2016, 03:09:14 am »
Only one way to find out. Post it on FB and share with only me?

I can do that.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Cain

  • Alea iacta est
  • Chekha
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 105041
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2016, 03:09:46 am »
I'm pretty sure the polling station for Gary Johnson supporters is located in Aleppo.

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47300
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2016, 03:19:10 am »
Only one way to find out. Post it on FB and share with only me?



I can do that.

Ok I can't apparently figure out how to do that without hand excluding all my friends one at a time, but I did a "me only" post test. Looks nice on my large screen phone. I could possibly crop it further to remove all evidence of the forum. I don't know.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2016, 02:45:58 am »


Couldn't fit all the content and keep it legible. Verdict?
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2016, 02:38:47 pm »
I kinda like the uncut version.  Maybe if you reduce the font size of paragraph 1 down to match paragraph 2?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82807
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: SPECIAL OFFER
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2016, 10:07:49 pm »
I kinda like the uncut version.  Maybe if you reduce the font size of paragraph 1 down to match paragraph 2?

It's really already not fitting well. Facebook is a cruel medium. Oh well, failure is part of the process.
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.