Author Topic: Maybe you can help  (Read 584 times)

tyrannosaurus vex

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Maybe you can help
« on: February 23, 2017, 03:31:47 am »
So, in recent months, I find it increasingly hard to concentrate. I am surrounded by noise, there's always a stray itch, no one can leave me to my thoughts for more than two minutes without demanding my attention or unloading some god awful deluge of dithering, idiotic words about one or another useless thing on me. I can't set aside any inviolable time or space for creativity. I must find quiet moments late at night or early in the morning to pursue any train of thought, while everyone else is asleep and I am too tired to think properly.

This is making me an unpleasant person to be around. I can't stand the company of any person at all, I am constantly tuning everyone out because my mind is gasping desperately for solitude, so I don't hear most of the things that are said to me until they've been repeated once or twice. I am perpetually distracted at home and at work. I am developing acute misophonia, physically cringing when I hear someone eating, or drinking, or breathing, or generally just existing anywhere within earshot. The sharp inhale someone does right before they speak causes me to brace for impact, because I really, really just want everyone to shut up for five goddamn minutes. This is made worse by the constant drone of music in the background, always with lyrics, which for some reason (this is new) completely interrupt my ability to think at all. And that's sad, because I like music. But I even want the music to shut up.

I have no patience with anyone, and I know that I come across as being seriously annoyed at the mere presence of anyone, including my own family -- because I am annoyed. This is unfair to them, and I don't want to behave this way. But I am perennially exhausted by the constant demands for my attention (I mean this literally, not hyperbolically -- there is actually no time where I can expect to be interruption-free longer than about fifteen or twenty minutes at the most, and even that is rare). I am more and more disinterested in every kind of human contact, and it's really beginning to show in ways that are unpleasant to me and unfair to the people I love. It's probably worse in my head than it seems outside, but it's clearly not getting any better.

ANYWAY

What do you do to shut the world out, and what are some healthy ways to tell people to give me some solitude once in a while without coming off like a complete prick?
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2017, 03:40:24 am »
1.  Turn off the teevee.
2.  Log off of the internets.
3.  Open the front door and holler "SHUT UP".
4.  Read a book.
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tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2017, 03:43:41 am »
1.  Turn off the teevee.
2.  Log off of the internets.
3.  Open the front door and holler "SHUT UP".
4.  Read a book.

#1 is not an issue
#2 ... maybe
#3 also maybe
#4 yes i have done so. but again. hard to read a book when every 5 minutes someone is like HEY YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE
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Junkenstein

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2017, 03:48:40 am »
A sauna/steam works for me. Here at least you can easily figure out dead hours and on the offchance another human appears it's generally considered rude to communicate beyond a nod acknowledging the others presence.

There's also killing all electronic devices and going for a walk in rural areas. Hell, just finding a quiet route and/or place to lurk can do some good too.

If those are impractical, claim a migraine and you may just get a reprieve from demands for attention, for a while at least.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2017, 03:55:30 am »
That's one thing I struggle with.

I get real wound up and pissy when I haven't had enough time to myself.

Sometimes, when trying to communicate that I need to be left alone, I can be a real asshole.

The key for me is talking about it when I am not pissy and making a specific time to do so, in a place that isn't part of the household routine. Clam, reasonable, and with a positive outlook I make my case.

Also, I try to watch my own behavior to make sure I am not doing the same thing and being intrusive.

There really is almost always some sort of noise going on the house, and BEFORE it's too much I try to take walks.

Writing about 3-4 hours today does me a world of good. So does walking for 1.5 hours and The Green Dragon.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2017, 05:00:43 am »
I got this way a couple years ago and it ended up being depression.  I didn't know how much anger could be sourced from that. It was when it was everyone and everything that annoyed me that I told a doc.  I ended up taking medication for it.  However, that was temporary.  Other things work for me now, they just didn't before that.

I found putting on earphones tended to repel most of the inane conversationalists at work.  That and the music relaxed and entertained me. 
Getting up and walking helped too.  Getting up and walking away with earphones on might allow you to pretend you didn't notice someone was talking to you.
Do not recommend throwing stuff at co-workers in a corporate environment, however it does feel good and has the desired effect.
Reading also is a good way to unwind.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2017, 05:01:20 am »
1.  Turn off the teevee.
2.  Log off of the internets.
3.  Open the front door and holler "SHUT UP".
4.  Read a book.

#1 is not an issue
#2 ... maybe
#3 also maybe
#4 yes i have done so. but again. hard to read a book when every 5 minutes someone is like HEY YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE

Kill them.  It's Phoenix, who is gonna care?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2017, 05:01:55 am »

Do not recommend throwing stuff at co-workers in a corporate environment, however it does feel good and has the desired effect.


I did that more or less non-stop for 8 years.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2017, 05:02:12 am »
1.  Turn off the teevee.
2.  Log off of the internets.
3.  Open the front door and holler "SHUT UP".
4.  Read a book.

#1 is not an issue
#2 ... maybe
#3 also maybe
#4 yes i have done so. but again. hard to read a book when every 5 minutes someone is like HEY YOU STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEE

Kill them.  It's Phoenix, who is gonna care?

I'm quite partial to some of them. I think I'll go for walks and see if that helps.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2017, 08:57:51 am »
Find somewhere that's the fuck away from people and go there.
If it's not the fuck away from cell towers turn off mobile devices while you're at it.
If you have nowhere like that within travelling distance, move. Seriously.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2017, 11:44:14 am »
Not much to add other than to echo that walking by yourself is great.

Last year I started walking ~5km every evening after work and it definitely helps with that feeling of tension between the shoulder blades. It's important, as others have mentioned, to do this without any electronics around if possible.

I find my mind needs a good amount of uninterrupted time just to process everything that's happened recently. Getting away from everything with just my footsteps and breath for an hour or so provides me with a lot of clarity.

Taking something to smoke helps me. YMMV.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2017, 03:24:50 pm »
It is very important, especially when it comes to having a family (kids, man) to carve out some small quiet amount of time that you can have to do you stuff and only you stuff. For me, that means getting up early and drinking a couple cups of tea before the  day starts. I could go in to the lab at 8 and come home earlier, but that would put me back at home right in time to make dinner and tend to everyone's wants, so instead I opt to go in later and come home after dinner, just so I can have my two hours of morning quiet fiddling around. Even then, a determined teenager may "hey mom" me for stuff at 7 am, and that's just something I've gotten used to. In the summers, when the sun comes up earlier, I usually get up around 5 and am ready to go do something productive by 7.

Time alone outside is also particularly helpful for me. Hiking or an afternoon at the river when it's warm. Gardening can be nice too.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #12 on: February 23, 2017, 03:36:41 pm »
What's keeping you from taking a full day off, or carving out a full hour of being totally dead to the world? You clearly know what you need, so maybe we can help with whatever the hangup is.
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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2017, 10:55:01 pm »
Last year I decided to try float therapy for a lot of the same reasons. I was surprised by how many float lounges are within driving distance of where I live. It's been a while since my last session simply because I haven't been very good with my budget recently and it's hard to make it a financial priority (with fingers crossed, I checked with my insurance provider just to see if float therapy might be covered, and of course it's not.)

To be clear, I'm talking about John C. Lilly-style sensory deprivation tanks. An hour and half float does wonders for my state of mind and mental health. I came out of my first one feeling more at peace and more myself than I had in years. I felt more patient and sympatico with my wife, and even my breathing was deeper and more even.

One warning: due to the salinity of the water, if you have any open wounds they will sting like a motherfucker. I've found spray-on waterproof liquid bandages like New Skin do an good job mitigating this.

In general, YMMV, but just writing this post makes me think it's time to schedule a float in a week or two when I get home from a work conference.

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: Maybe you can help
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2017, 11:27:53 pm »
wow i had no idea there were places you could go specifically for sensory deprivation. this seems like something i might like. thanks!
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