Author Topic: I've got yeast and other things.  (Read 454 times)

TheEndingChord

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I've got yeast and other things.
« on: March 29, 2017, 06:04:29 pm »
This is a place for bread and bread accessories. I plan to post more recipes from my notes on bread (Like Irish Soda Bread and Beer Bread) and add pictures as well. If you've got ideas or a recipe or some critique or questions, g'head.

Keep in mind, please, that bread is not an exacting science. It is the opposite. It is a capricious notion that likes to let you think you know what you're doing (until you run outside to smoke for five minutes) and then turn into a heap of mess that looks like a brick factory caught fire and tastes like a shoe. There is an art to it as much as a science.

- Tom's Anti-Temporal Loaf of Floofy Goodness
(quick, simple, light bread)
ETA: ~1 hour

Ingredients:
Bread Flour - ~5-1/2 cups
Water (Baby bath warm ~100F) - 1-3/4 cup
Honey - 1 Tbsp
Olive Oil - 1 Tbsp
Fast rising active dry yeast - 1-1/2 Tbsp
Salt - 2 Tsp
[insert random spice] - 1/2 Tsp (I generally use pepper or paprika if I'm pairing the bread with something savory. For sweet pairings, lean toward something like cinnamon or clove with a powerful basic flavor. You may omit this ingredient)

Instructions:

Grab a large mixing bowl and put 4 cups of your flour into it. Save the other cup and a half in a separate bowl for later. You will need a surface for kneading and rising.

Mix the dry ingredients together in your bowl with whatever implement makes you comfortable. Form a well in the center of the mixture with your implement.

Add the honey and the olive oil to the well in the center.

Begin to pour the water slowly into the mix as you stir, incorporating more flower from the sides of the well that you formed until the mixture begins to pull from the sides. If needed, add more flour from what you have stored off to the side.

Now's when the other flour comes in: Dust your kneading surface with it and coat your hands up to about your wrist. Scrape that shit in the bowl out onto the table and pour the rest of the flour on top and around the dough. Knead it 'til it sticks to itself and not the table, incorporating more of the flour on the table as needed. You may need more. (I don't ever put the container away until the bread is in the oven; I also don't usually measure, so feel free to improvise. I always do.)

Wash your fucking hands. It's important. Dry them on a kitchen towel. Put that slightly damp towel over your loaf and let it sit for about 20- 30 minutes- until its doubled in volume.

Now is the time to preheat the oven to 375F.

When it's done rising, shape it however you like. Make rolls, use it as pizza dough (if you coat a pan in Crisco, it turns into Pizza Hut pizza crust), or make a loaf of French Bread. This is the recipe I use for meat bread and homemade hot pockets. Throw that bitch in the oven and cook it til it looks like something you would want to eat. (~20 minutes) Golden brown on the top and bottom and light and floofy on the inside.

As with all bread, cool for at least 10 minutes on a wire rack or something similar before slicing or trying to eat it. I usually turn over some mini-muffin tins for this as I'm too cheap to purchase a kitchen utensil with only one purpose.

BONUS: Pads of butter placed on top of this bread before it's stuck in the oven only ever make it better.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2017, 07:03:35 pm »
This looks easy enough for those of us with cooking-related trauma.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
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LMNO

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2017, 07:12:22 pm »
Roger, NO.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2017, 07:13:16 pm »
Roger, NO.

GODAMMIT!  I CAN CHANGE!  I CAN!  DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN REDEMPTION?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2017, 07:16:17 pm »
But at what cost, man?  WHAT COST?

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2017, 07:17:19 pm »
But at what cost, man?  WHAT COST?

There are some risks I'm willing to take.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

TheEndingChord

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Re: I've got yeast and other things.
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2017, 07:27:10 pm »
- Beer bread

Ingredients:

Flour - 3 cups
Baking Powder - 3 tsp
Salt - 1 tsp
Sugar - 1/4 cup (I use 1/8 white and 1/8 brown. Makes a heavier, more flavorful loaf)
Beer - 12oz. (Stout, Porter, and Pilsner are the best types I've used. A Belgian Ale would be fantastic. The bread will take flavor from whatever you use, but remove the bite. I've never tried an IPA, but I wouldn't be against it)
Soft butter - 1/2 cup (There are three different methods I use. Crusty: all the butter is melted and poured over the dough before it's cooked. Soft: all the butter is incorporated into the mixture. Perfect: Half in, half out.

Instructions:

Get a loaf pan and a big bowl for mixing. Preheat the oven to 375F.

Blend the dry ingredients. At this point you may make a well in the dry ingredients, melt whatever butter you want to put in, and just chunk it in there. That's the easy way. (The hard, but fun way: Take room temperature butter and incorporate it into the dry mix with your hands, rubbing and compressing it into the flour until it becomes coarse and crumby.)

Dump your beer in there. Doesn't matter if it's cold or hot and the head is supposed to be frothy. Don't worry about it. Mix it till it makes a runny dough.

Now, the loaf pan should be greased beforehand if you're using the no-butter method or the half-and-half method. As always, I would stress you use Crisco instead of canned grease sprayers of insufficient testicular fortitude. If you left out the butter and plan to pour it over the top, put about half of it into the pan before you pour in the dough.

It cooks in roughly fourty minutes to an hour or as long as you can contain the erection.