Eris Is For The Birds

[The Wizard Joseph]

Made for the FB group The Discordian Bird Watching Society. It's IMO the best and most well run of the Facebook Discordian groups.

Eris Is For The Birds

Some may have said,
And so EVERYONE "knows",
That Eris' favorite birds
Are the corvids,
The ravens and crows

But this is purely folly,
My firends,
For She has said to me,

"That's silly my dear Wizard.
Obviously,
I love all birds
Equally.

Yes Corvids are just fine.
They know their way around.
But laugh when I see
Ostrich heads
Stuck into the ground.
Such a ridiculous way
To get away
When there's predators around!

Owls have their charms of course,
Though held to Athena's name
I like the way they
Silently glide down
On unsuspecting game.

Parrots can be grand company.
They're very smart ones
After all.
Though best to have
A towel to hand
Should you bring
One to a fancy ball.

I shan't take up your time-"

"Please do!"

Fuck me!
I cut Her off!
Better to drink
the spit-valve juice
From the court of
Azathoth!

Be She smiled quite kindly
On me in my folly.
Like a cat presenting
Me with a canary!

And though topically
About feathered friends,
I suspected shit might
Get a bit hairy.

"Have you heard of the starling?
I think they're just darling!
They breed in ways
that take my beath.
But over prime nest space,
To keep fast a good place,
My Wizard they fight to the death!!

And dodos weren't stupid!!
They just had it too good,
For too long,
Not a weakness as such.
I loved them so dearly.
Their fearlessness
Just proved too much.
So sailors all ate them.
To this day
I just HATE the Dutch!

Pengiuns, on the other hand,
Need water as much as land.
They drink sea water,
Didn't you know?
But those SAILORS again,
Slew cock, chick, and hen
And just for their fat home to bring.
But I have the ear of kings,
So I yanked a few strings,
And the Antarctica treaty
Is now a thing!!"

I could see that She
Was getting worked up
But I dared do nothing
But listen.
She needed to vent,
And so on She went,
But her eyes, like a dagger,
Did glisten.

"I love kakapos!
They come from New Zealand.
They're flightless ones too,
And so cute!
Then those DAMN SAILOR BASTARDS
Brought on a disaster.
They brought rats, cats,
And ferrets to boot!
But often they shot them
Whenever they'd spot them
AND TOOK ALL THEIR FEATHERS
AS LOOT!!

THERE'S BARELY ANY BALD IBISES
OR GREAT CURASSOWS OR KIWIS
OR ULTRAMARINE LORIKEETS!!!
THERE'S SO MANY GONE,
AND MORE WITH NOT LONG!!
I'D LIKE TO CUT THOSE
RESPONSIBLE
OFF AT THE FEET!!
I DON'T HATE ALL HUMANS,
WIZARD, SOME ARE JUST FINE,
BUT EVERY DAY... EVERY DAY
THEY CROSS A NEW LINE!!!!!"

And She stopped for a moment.
My dear Eris took a DEEP,
DEEEEEP breath.

"And my birds, Wizard,
my sweet birds,
They all pay the price.

So I try, Wizard,
To teach the humans
How to just play nice."

She never asks or offers hugs.
I know Her all too well.
And so I took the liberty,
How long I cannot tell.

And so I ask you
my good reader,
If you would be so kind,
To spend some money
for the birds,
Or other dear creatures,
A link below
You will find.

  - T. W. Joseph

(Feel free to copypasta unaltered and post link of choice, I chose this. https://www.oysterworldwide.com/news/17-charities-that-help-endangered-animals/ )