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TESTEMONAIL:  Right and Discordianism allows room for personal interpretation. You have your theories and I have mine. Unlike Christianity, Discordia allows room for ideas and opinions, and mine is well-informed and based on ancient philosophy and theology, so, my neo-Discordian friends, open your minds to my interpretation and I will open my mind to yours. That's fair enough, right? Just claiming to be discordian should mean that your mind is open and willing to learn and share ideas. You guys are fucking bashing me and your laughing at my theologies and my friends know what's up and are laughing at you and honestly this is my last shot at putting a label on my belief structure and your making me lose all hope of ever finding a ideological group I can relate to because you don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about and everything I have said is based on the founding principals of real Discordianism. Expand your mind.

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Started by QuestionsTheSoil, December 10, 2023, 02:28:44 AM

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QuestionsTheSoil

December 10, 2023, 02:28:44 AM
Write new ones or share your favorites, preferably some less-used ones.
I'll start:

Zac Efron is so hot, I would let him kill me. And I don't mean in an erotic way. I mean with a gun. I want to be getting a coffee and casually run into him, maybe have a chat, and then BAM, he just shoots me right between the eyes, like someone slaughtering a cow.
And I don't want to see it coming. I want to fully believe that I will leave and go on with my day. It should be a lovely, perfectly normal encounter, perhaps seeming like the start of a new friendship, up until the moment he pulls the gun out. And I want it to be so quick, I have no chance of reacting–not a scream, or a flinch, or even a rush of adrenaline.
I want it to be a complete surprise as the bullet flies into my skull at point-blank. I want everyone to be frozen in shock as my body hits the floor. Nobody should be able to see it coming.
And I want him to smile as if nothing happened. I want him to act like he didn't just exterminate me in front of multiple witnesses. I want him to continue to be his charming self right next to my still-warm corpse.
I will do all that I can to save myself for Zac Efron's gun. I refuse to let anyone else touch my brain matter with their inferior bullets. Only one man's lead may penetrate my skull.
For the split second he's pulling out that gun, he'll be the hottest man on the planet. All of my life will have been leading up to this one glorious, orgasmic moment.
Oh fuck that would be hot.
Lunatic Zoomer Garbage and Unholy Androgyne
I have questions that can be answered with bottles of teeth
I sift through the broken ideas of the anomalous subconscious

QuestionsTheSoil

#1
December 10, 2023, 02:29:16 AM
I want Keanu Reaves to just fuck me up. That's right, I want Mr. Wholesome 100 himself to beat me within an inch of my fucking life. And I want him to do it in public. I want to be struggling to breath on the sidewalk in front of everyone's favorite celebrity. I want to be crying, gasping, and choking on my own vomit. This isn't a sex thing, it's not a joke, I just need this so fucking badly. Please, Mr. John Wick, just fucking brutalize me in front of a crowd.
Lunatic Zoomer Garbage and Unholy Androgyne
I have questions that can be answered with bottles of teeth
I sift through the broken ideas of the anomalous subconscious

Brother Mythos

#2
December 10, 2023, 08:15:15 AM
Copypasta: I learned a new word today. Or, I learned a new, new word today.
Discordianism is fundamentally mischievous irreverence.
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