LMNO-PI

[gnimbley]

Winner: Fantasy Fiction

Gringran Roojner had only gone to see the Great Warlock of Loowith to get his horoscope and he couldn't believe he'd been sent on a quest for the legendary Scromer of Nothleen to ask him for the answer to the Riddle of Shimmererer so that he could give it to the Guardians of Vooroniank, thereby gaining access to the Cave of Zothlianath where he would find the seldom seen Cowering of Groojanc, whose spittle was an absolute necessity in the making of the Warlock's famous pound cake, the kind with raisins.

[LMNO]

Dishonorable Mention - Detective Story

The knife handle jutted from her chest like one of the plastic pop-up timers in a frozen turkey, but from the blood pooling around the wound, it was apparent that this bird wasn't done.

[Bob the Mediocre]

I sent one of those off for this year. We shall see if they like it or not. I tried to use every type of punctuation I could

[Mangrove]

<the scrid stands at the bus station, waving goodbye to LMNO's shadow with a small tear in his eye>

<sighs>


 

[fluffy]

lmno murder #2

[LMNO]

Check it out, guys.  I got this telegram last night.  It's from my shadow.

Hey, fucktard stop I've been tooling around with Neal Cassidy's ghost comma and don't have time to find your goddamn muse stop Think for yourself comma schmuck comma and stop blaming your laziness on the influence parenthesis or lack thereof end paranthesis on some anthropomorphized representation of creativity stop By the way comma I'm not coming back anytime soon stop So get cracking full stop

Well, I guess that tears it.  Another Chapter, coming right up!

[LMNO]

lmno murder #2

What's it say around the edge of the bass drum?

If I write another chapter, will you draw another death?

[fluffy]

What's it say around the edge of the bass drum?

did you catch the buttons on your shirt?

If I write another chapter, will you draw another death?

what makes you think i'm going to stop?

[LMNO]

,Äú,ĶWhat,Äôs taking him so long?,Äù Erin asked.

Shaking my head slowly, I muttered, ,Äúgoddamn writers.  Think they can go on about their own business, and just leave us hanging.  The coffee,Äôs going cold, and I think my ass has fallen asleep from sitting in this chair so long.  At least my face has healed up by now.,Äù

,ÄúWhat are you talking about?  I meant that Horab guy.  Hey,Äîwhat happened to your face?,Äù

,ÄúOh, right.  I forgot, you can,Äôt see the gaps in time.  The author took a couple of weeks between chapters.,Äù

Erin looked at me quizzically as a topless barrista came by to warm up our coffee.  Lets hope she doesn,Äôt ask if we want milk, I thought.  ,ÄúThe more time I spend with you, the less I understand you.,Äù

,ÄúCommon occurrence.  Anyway, just consider it another one of those ,ÄòQuantum Fluxuations,Äô.,Äù

,ÄúWhatever you say.  Hey, is that him?,Äù

Horab cam back to the table, followed by a young woman, slim, with the face of a woodland elf.  Or a pixie.  Or some kind of fae creature that isn,Äôt all fluffy and warm and full of smiles.  She was wearing a small headset, and her eyes were jittering back and forth, like she was speed reading.  ,ÄúZephyr,,Äù she said, followed by, ,Äú15.,Äù

I cleared my throat.  ,ÄúHoshiko.  Hoshiko.  Horab, is she still in a game?,Äù

,ÄúYeah.  I told her yuo wanted to talk, but you know ohw she gets,Ķ,Äù

Erin spoke up.  ,ÄúI know I,Äôm probably going to regret this, but what the hell is she doing?,Äù

I chuckled.  ,ÄúHere, stand up.,Äù  I motioned her over behind Hoshiko,Äôs left shoulder.  As Erin came around, I could tell she saw the hologram.  It was a keyboard that seemed to jut out of her head, and beyond that, a cross-hatched gaming board.  ,ÄúShe,Äôs got a person-tech Scrabble game going on.  She,Äôs pretty hardcore about it.  See that wire?,Äù  I pointed to a lead winding its way into the base of her skull.  ,ÄúForce feedback.  She doesn,Äôt just play for the thrill.  That wire connects to a select few opiate receptors in her brain.  It sends a voltage equivalent to the points she scores, so the better she does, the more pleasure she gets.  But you probably don,Äôt want to know what happens if she loses.  But she rarely loses.,Äù

,ÄúI,Äôve heard about the feedback, but why is she doing this inter-neurally?  Aren,Äôt there enough people to play with around here?,Äù

,ÄúHoshiko is one of the best in the world.  No one around here wants to play her.  She,Äôs probably hooked up to the Scotland quadrant.  They,Äôre pretty brutal about their games.,Äù

We sat back down, and waited.  Erin said, ,ÄúHer eyes are creeping me out.,Äù

,ÄúOh, she,Äôs got a comprehensive Scrabble dictionary implanted on her corneas.  Comes in handy when you,Äôre up against an uber-literate Scot.,Äù

Hoshiko spoke up.  ,ÄúJunky, triple word.  39.  Pause.,Äù  Her eyes settled, focused on us, and said, ,Äú Sorry, LMNO.  I,Äôm up against a guy who calls himself ,ÄòWilliam Wallace,Äô.  He,Äôs kind of a tool, but a decent enough challenge.  So things might get a little Schizy.  14,,Äù she muttered.,Äù

Erin leaned over to me and whispered, ,Äúwhy does she keep reciting numbers?,Äù

Hoshiko grinned.  ,ÄúHi.  I,Äôm right here.  It,Äôs ok to ask, I,Äôm not violent like Horab.,Äù

,ÄúI am rarley violent!,Äù

,ÄúHush.  You must be Erin,,Äù Hoshiko said, extending her hand.  ,ÄúI have a bad habit of counting the points in a word out loud.  You,Äôll have to forgive my blather.  44.,Äù

,ÄúPleased to meet you.,Äô

,ÄúLikewise.  47.  So, what brings you here?,Äù

I leaned forward.  ,ÄúLook, Hoshiko.  I need to find the Triple Oracle.,Äù

She laughed.  ,ÄúWhat?  You?  Let me see if I can imagine the script.  9.  You: ,ÄòI need answers.,Äô  Them:  ,ÄòDoom.,Äô  5.,Äù

,ÄúI know, I know, but I need their tarot skills.,Äù

,ÄúWhy not ask Mangrove?  47.,Äù

,ÄúTrust me, I thought about it.  But he,Äôs more one of those prankster Kabbalists, and would undoubtedly try to ,Äòenlighten,Äô us by sending us off to Dr. Dee,Äôs lab to decode the hidden meaning of the word ,ÄòHamzah,Äô.,Äù

,Äú...13.  But good point.  Well, I suppose I could give you some pointers.,Äù

,Äú,ĶWell?,Äù

With a grin, she stood up, her eyes beginning to flicker again, and she said, ,ÄúJust turn around.  Oh, and say hi to mom for me.  Zinky, double word, motherfucker! 26!,Äù  as she walked away.

I turned around, and peered into the smoke and noise.  ,ÄúAh.,Äù

,ÄúI don,Äôt see anything,,Äù Erin said.

,ÄúExactly.  You can never see Doom until it,Äôs too late.  I think they,Äôre in the next room.,Äù

,ÄúBut there is no next room.,Äù

,ÄúIf you,Äôve learned anything by now, darling, it,Äôs to just trust me on some things.  Hang on.,Äù

[illusion]

:P Triple Oracle. Hoshi and scrabble and horab. :P

[Horab Fibslager]

absolte bolderdash


where is hoshi anyway?

[LMNO]

absolte bolderdash


where is hoshi anyway?

Adventuring, most likely.


There's Golden Apples in them thar hills!

[fluffy]

You: ,ÄòI need answers.,Äô Them: ,ÄòDoom.,Äô

hahahaha
best line to date

[LMNO]

Whew!

Glad i din't make the buny mad.


Hmmmm... The bunny....





::wanders off, contemplating a plot enhancement::

[Bella]

You: ,ÄòI need answers.,Äô Them: ,ÄòDoom.,Äô

hahahaha
best line to date

Okay, I just read this and then I got a call from a client.
I swear to Goddess, she started her call with "Hi, I'm calling because I need answers."

Guess what I almost said?