LMNO-PI

[gnimbley]

Told ya. Not a clue.

[Cain]

I demand my money back!

[Bob the Mediocre]

I demand my money plus a large grievance fee back!

[LMNO]

I got yr greviance fee right here, buddy...

[agent compassion]

OMG IT'S THE HAND OF ERIS!!!!

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

OMG IT'S THE HAND OF ERIS!!!!

Nope, those fingers are longer  and you know what that means

[Cain]

OMG IT'S THE HAND OF ERIS!!!!

Nope, those fingers are longer  and you know what that means

Bigger gloves.

[East Coast Hustle]

if the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!

[agent compassion]

[The Open Bar]

a scrid!! a face raping bat-phone!!!

 

[agent compassion]

It's not quite what I envisioned, but it's a good start. I'll wait till the story's gone a bit further to try again.

[Bella]

I think it's great.
It made me happy just looking at it.

[gnimbley]

I love it!

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I got yr greviance fee right here, buddy...

D00d, th4t's 0ff3ns1v3! L1k3, \/\/TF?

[LMNO]

,ÄúDOOM!,Äù

,ÄúWell, yeah, but could we dial it back a little?  How about before the Doom?,Äù

,Äú,Ķ More Doom!,Äù

,ÄúPerhaps you could be a tad more specific?,Äù

,ÄúYou, you, you dare mock an Oracle from the Old Tradition?  Mortal, you know not the dangers you face by acting in such a manner!,Äù

,ÄúLet me guess,Ķ Do any of the dangers I have to face involve Doom in any way?,Äù

Three arms lashed out, grabbed me by the lapels, and threw me through the Abyss.  I felt like I was falling for days, but when I landed, I was no further away than I had been before. Time to stop fucking around, I thought.  I stood, shakily.

,ÄúMortal Man, I, I, I, see naught in your future.  Your time is nearing it,Äôs end.  The Knife of Atropos is being sharpened on the rocks as we speak.,Äù

I got down on one knee, bent my head, and chanted the Litany.  ,ÄúOh, wise Oracle, the Three who are in One, from Time Immemorial, who see all things that were, and all that is, and all that shall be; whose identities are separate, equal, and in conflict; Sisters, and yet severed; Whole, and yet in thirds.  A humble traveler who has lost his way beseeches the Grace of Thee Three, for guidance and counsel.,Äù

,ÄúThat,Äôs better.  Still though,Ķ It,Äôs Doom for you.,Äù

,ÄúWith all due respect, I,Äôll handle my Doom at it,Äôs proper time.  My request, however, is not for me, it,Äôs for Erin.  We seek knowledge in this.,Äù  I nodded to Erin, who revealed the Tarot card.  The Oracle plucked it from her hands, and peered at it.  She, They, began laughing.

,ÄúYou bring the Oracle of Doom the Tower card?,Äù  The Oracle laughed again.  ,ÄúYou do know the outcome of this, of course.,Äù

We waited for the inevitable.

,ÄúDOOM!,Äù

There it was.

Erin was the first to speak, this time.  ,ÄúIs there, uh, anything else you can tell me?,Äù

,ÄúOf course there is.  I, I, I, was just fucking with y,Äôall.  It just seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up.,Äù

,ÄúWhy do you keep repeating yourself like that?,Äù

,ÄúOh, I, I, I, stole that from Stravinsky and Tony Kushner.  Revealing the inner Trinity, and all that.  But that,Äôs beside the point.

,ÄúYou are headed for major Transformation.  Before your Doom, many things will be revealed.  Many Trials await you, fair traveler.  You will be Tested.  You will Change.  You will Transform.  Of these things, do not doubt.  Your Doom awaits, but there are many roads to travel before the End of All Things.,Äù

,ÄúThank you,Ķ But where should we go from here?  We need to find who sent this, and what they want from me.,Äù

,ÄúWant?  You know what they want, but refuse, for now, to reveal it to yourself.  I, I, I will not spoil your fun.  You must travel to the Ocean.  You know of which I, I, I speak.,Äù

Erin,Äôs eyes went wide.  ,ÄúThe Ocean?  But how did you--,Äù

The Oracle sighed, and the Universe shook. ,ÄúWe are an Oracle, remember?  Enough of this.  We are finished here.  LMNO, thanks for the rum.,Äù

I jumped up.  ,ÄúWait!  We need an exit.  I don,Äôt think we could handle another journey down the Tree.,Äù

,ÄúFine.  Because we like you.  Take a hand.  Both of you.,Äù

Erin and I each grabbed one of Her many hands.  The void began to tremble.

,ÄúClose your eyes.  The Infinite Light is not meant for those such as you.,Äù

Heat.  Light.  Every cell, every strand of DNA, every atom was bathed in light.  There was nowhere to turn without the glare of a thousand million inquisitive suns.  The light was not in our eyes, it was in our entire bodies.  A thirsting, questing, blind curiosity probed our very natures.  It began to take us apart.  I heard Erin scream.  The light began to feast.  If souls existed, ours were being drained off into the Light of Forever.

,Ķ

We were thrown to the ground.  The bustle of the Caf?© surrounded us.  Hands grabbed us, pulled us into chairs.  Bella, Zorga, and Demonica were separate again, sipping at tea, rum, and tequila.  With smiles all around, the rose from the table, gave a brief nod, and turned to leave.

,ÄúGood Luck,,Äù was the last thing they said as they walked out the door, into the night.