Dispatch from Asshat #4 (I guess): Sock-puppet sodomy

[Lord Trout]

I've been in a little box for the last month or so, engaged in all sort of frivolity in a myriad of different online roleplaying games. "Anarchy Online", "Guild Wars" and "City of Heroes" have stolen my soul, and refuse to give it back.

Regardless, I was able to pull my brain out of the computer long enough to watch a little news lately, just long enough it seems to be inundated by news of Terri Schiavo's death this morning.

"Great, she's dead. Good for her," I thought. That was a sucky way to die, but at least she's not locked in that shell any longer, if she really was at all. Personally, I don't give a fuck about the debate regarding how 'aware' she really was for the last 15 years, but I understand a lot of other people have made it a goddamn business, debating this topic.

I understand Congress has little else to do, now that Bush & Co. runs the world with a Fist of Stupidity, but they actually took the time to involve themselves in this? Not to mention the fucking Supreme Court looked at the case not once but twice?

I'm sure that I'm preaching to the choir on this, but what the fuck is the Federal Government doing intruding on what is by definition a State-issue? Sure, Michael Schiavo was a complete fucktard, and I'm sure he just wanted to off his wife, so he could spend her cash and marry his longtime girlfriend.

Unfortunately, being a complete dick does not vacate your marital rights, and thus this whole issue should have been resolved years ago. Instead, Terri's family were given special privledge to continue this battle up to the Supreme Court (again), and in my opinion only managed to prolong her suffering. Maybe they did it for the right reasons, or maybe they just wanted to get control of her money. Who knows?

The point is, I go to watch some news today (for the first time in probably months), and all I see is Terri Schiavo and/or Michael Jackson. Fox News actually had a helicopter showing the coroner's van delivering her body to the morgue, as though this were some freaking 100+ mph police-chase!

The media is really pissing me off, in regards to this. Don't they have anything better to do, than report on this woman's death (who probably lived 14.5 years longer than she should have in the first place)? I'm sure there are many Bushie abuses of power that are just waiting to be exposed, but that would be asking too much of our media, wouldn't it? They are all about 'entertainment' and bootlicking now, not real reporting.

In closing, let me point out some entertainment venues which might serve you better than watching the tripe that calls itself TV today:

1) Go to the resting places of the Founding Fathers, and watch their tombs shake as they spin in their collective graves.

2) Go find a sock-puppet and... well... you get the idea. It would certainly be more newsworthy than anything the cable news networks spew out anymore!

As for me, I'm going back to my MMORPGs. They're a damn sight more interesting than the world I actually live in!

[agent compassion]

*sigh*

ITA, Shecky. Personally, I'm glad the GOP can't use her as a puppet anymore. Fuckers stepped BIGTIME and got owned in the polls. I just hope that they all get their asses kicked out of office come 2006...

When I die, I wanna be cremated, then defenestrated. It seems only fair.

[Bella]

I'm with AC on that. I wanna be cremated and scattered.

As for the media......they always piss me off. That's why I don't have a tv.

[Horab Fibslager]

i'm still nto sure what i want done with my ashes. assuming i get cremated.

i'd kinda prefer if they jsut dumped my body soemwhere, but i here that's illegal and you can't count on the kdids to carry out illegal last wishes that don't involve drugs and sex. i may nto even be able to count on any uh supposed hcildren i have to play the songs i want at my wake. but i know i do want a wake. a badass one, with sex and drugs and rock n roll.

yeah the media is litle mreo than an advertisment these days tho. and pretty weak when it isn't beign one.

[agent compassion]

I get most of my news from the Daily Show now. That show alone is worth the price of cable. Then again I get discounted cable in these apartments.

[Horab Fibslager]

eyah i dont' watch tv, but if i did, teat's were i'd get my tv news. atm, i get al my news from www.pointlesswasteoftime.com 's news skim. it informative, fair and unbiased, and msot improtantly, it laugh out loud hilarioso.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I don't know if Michael Schiavo was a dick or not. Who can blame anyone who wants to move on in a situation like his? And all of Terri's money was spent up on her medical expenses.

What I am pissed off about is that I know all this shit and I have an opinion about it and it's NOT EVEN LIKE I KNOW THESE DAMNED PEOPLE.

As for the US gov't, shit...give them an inch and they'll take a mile, all the while getting you to foot the bill for everything. It's bend over, no KY.

[LMNO]

I'm still hoping to get shot out of a cannon...

[DJRubberducky]

I'm still hoping to get shot out of a cannon...

But why wait until you're dead for that?

Oooh!  Yeah!  If I become dependent on life support machines, I will instruct my loved ones to put me on them for exactly however long it takes for them to procure a human-firing cannon.  They are then to take me off the machines, put me in the cannon, and fire me out of it.

(Yes, there will be a safety net at the other end.  I'll probably die of combination fright/lack of nutrients before I land, but if they don't have a net at the other end, someone may decide they're liable for my death, which would just be stupid.)

[agent compassion]

Copycat! HST had dibs on the cannon.



::calls the Mythbusters to see if they can build some fabulous corpse-chucking machinery for the boards::

[Mad Skillz]

y'all talkin' some bullshit now. E'ybody know niggaz like us only go out one way. We ALL gon' get took out by tha man. That peckerwood got fools up on rooftops e'ywhere, dig?

[LMNO]

Copycat! HST had dibs on the cannon.



::calls the Mythbusters to see if they can build some fabulous corpse-chucking machinery for the boards::

Fine.  I want to be part of the Corpseapult.

Load me in a Trebouchet, and bombard a church with my body.

Set it on fire for dramatic effect.

[East Coast Hustle]

one of my good friends has a trebuchet.

lemme know if you die and need any help with that.

[LMNO]

As soon as I'm dead, I'll give you a call.