My First Sermon

[Anonymous]

Introduction:

I'm a priest well that's what says/ \ above. So yeah do you wanna hear me preach it. Can I preach it people? Hell how'd you know?

I don't even know. What's an Fnord, who's this Eris, what value I say what value is there; in the mindfuckery. I don't know, I haven't a clue!!! Nope not one has arrived yet. Let us pray.

Invocation:(don't bow your head and close your eyes or you won't hear it)

Prepare us to listen to the message about to be spoken here today. Let us now get with it! I know that someone will do it better but that doesn't stop me oh whoever will hear me. Oh I pray that somebodies doing it better will not stop me from my doing it worse; As the Prophet Kobain so eloquently sayeth; I am worst at what I do best and for this gift! Oh! I feel blessed! Have mercy. Have mer say, there I said it.

Message Today: Oh not that again!

Too many times In life we hear the same song; that song that was the greatest song ever heard by us. I say, the greatest song. It filled our spirits and gave us wings; maybe a little hearing loss. But, and hear me now. It rocked us, it moved us, it spoke to our heart of hearts or just made us full of excitement, we felt the power of the song. But, I'm not just talking about songs here, I'm talking about something deeper and more powerful my brothers and sisters. But I'll come back to that in a moment.

Then something happened to that song didn't it. Maybe it was played so much that it just lost it's ability to get us excited anymore. We'd hear it and oh yeah, Oh... not that again! Are you with me? You know what I'm talking about. If you don't well maybe I'm just making all this up. Let's move on.

Something new. When is the last time you did something new? Heard something new, tried something new out. Right? What's wrong with the old you might be thinking? Hell I don't know why are you asking me? Don't look at me like that. Did I get you? I got you didn't I? I didn't? Alright, so here's the divide between those that have been excited about it, lost interest and are tired of the same old same old. You can tell by how unholy one gets when the old song and dance comes up.

Are you listening? Here comes the good part, somebody elbow.. Yeah. Thanks.

Your unholy about that old dead horse, that old tired song and dance because your ready to move on to something else. Do we keep trying to learn how to crawl? Do we keep trying to learn how to walk? Start running!
Get excited! Who cares if no one else get's it. Don't explain it.

The Prophet Carlye says it best. Pin thy faith! To no man's sleeve! Oh where is something new to be said? To be thought of? To excite you not in the OMFG I'm going to F'ing die, but OMFG I'm going to do that until I wear it out, kind'uv excitement.

Don't pin thy faith to no man's sleeve. If he's wearing a sleeveless shirt or no shirt at all, just don't do it trust me. Oh, no! Don't trust me, that's the point. But brother Carlyle goes on to say. Don't you have two eyes of your own. Well don't you? Maybe your a one eyed man, a glass eyed man, I can't really tell? Maybe your a no eyed man but I don't think that's the point.

So what am I saying sisters and brothers well It's simple. If it's new to you then it's new. I can't tell you what you want to check out, do, listen to, say, think, drive, live in, move to, sleep on, or maybe just being still for awhile could be something new to you. I don't know. But, I know this If your being unholy and cranky then it's that time. No, no, no... I feel you sisters. It's that time to do something new. Learn something new. Be something new. If it can be put in the internet lingo, since this sermon is being transmitted for simultaneous access to all the free world today. Well after I hit the submit button that is, make a faq. Make a faq!

If your tired of repeating yourself again and again and beating that same old horse time and time again, but your just holy enough to want to leave a trial of your wisdom to point those new ones, as what is new is new to you and maybe the next place, the next face, the next pace will have a faq when you get there. Just point them to it, make a book, a then go wear something else new out. If the force is great then you'll be touched by some sense of finding something new. Finding excitement in a miserable dreary and dead horse world, with the same old damn songs, and the same old dance. Let us pray.

Benediction:

We are all peoples people, and from people we all came. Well most of us that is. Let's all find the source of our unholy crankiness and rid ourselves of the old tired song and dance's. Grant us the serenity to accept what we cannot change oh hear me now, and the courage to know the difference when we can get off our asses and do something about it. Let us pull in our horns best we can when it's unnecessary and forgive the horns of others and have the wisdom to avoid sticking our horns where they don't belong. Amen.

- damage control

Todays message was on 'oh, not that again' Do you feel alright I know some of you do and some of you don't. For those that don't I invite you to say the my life is fucked prayer. I don't know what it says myself yet; but I'm about to write it: Maybe someone will come along and write it better; which is very possible.

:My life is fucked and I can't see how It could be worse than this at the moment.
:I need the strength to carry on in this god forsaken world of shit.
:I'm not asking for a fucking miracle here or anything just the basic needs that all human beings need.
:I know I won't get them unless I get off my ass because it takes effort to do damn near anything to better the situation and who cares about your situation more than you; oh really? You like being dependant and in someone else's pocket. Fine by me. You get what is given to you then.
:I understand there are no guarentees in life and guarentees are for suckers and well sometimes they are good but mostly. No.
:I solemly vow to realize I already have the answers available to me, because more than likely I already know what I need to do.
:I just don't want to do it. If I don't know what to do, then all I must do is have the willingness to sit down, look at the situation, think it over.
:If there is not enough time for this and danger is surely upon me I vow to at least not go down with a whimper, but with a smile on my face.
AMEN

[damage control]

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