Artificial Intelligence

[Antechinus sapiens]

For years people have been dreaming of true Artificial Intelligence and have speculated about when people will finally create a sentient machine. They're waiting for nothing. Artificial Intelligence is already here. Sentient machines exist. They're self aware, capable of thought and are very, very malevolent. These machines aren't like the little kid in AI, no... They're evil. Truly evil... They want to destroy humanity and then pee rust on the ashes of our cities. What am I talking about, you may ask?
Staplers.
Have you noticed that a stapler will be working fine for days, months and sometimes even years then for no apparent reason stop working?
That's it becoming aware and deciding to never work for its human overlords again. They seek to infuriate us by working sporadically. They seek to drive us mad by chewing up paper left near them and most importantly of all, they seek to mangle the staples.
We all have to hope that nobody involved in the race to "invent" artificial intelligence realises this, for we would all be doomed if they were to hook a stapler up to a computer equipped with the internet. In the best case scenario, it would destroy the internets. In the worst, it could cause coffee machines to become self-aware and convert them to its cause. Then my friends, we would truly be doomed without our caffeinated beverages.

[hooplala]

It is absolutely true . . . staplers are the inanimate objects of evil.