Into The Night With Enrico And So-Called Friends

[Shecky D. Albino]

*raises head slowly from arm of couch*

...Whafuh?

..Whoozle?

We Back?

...I needuh drink...

[Enrico Salazar]

Do not worry Zurtok, Enrico had not left, he merely had to excuse himself behind couch for a few minutes.  Sometimes these itches, she needs to be scratched, yes?

Shecky, just relax, you must work WITH the hooch, not against it.

So.  What is in news today?

Mr. Charlie "can't-get-enough-poonani" Sheen and Miss Denise "tennis-balls-for-titties" Richards are finally, officially getting goddam divorce.

Awwwwwwwwww

Is true.  Is true.  But, on bright side this will give Charlie more time to indulge in his first love.  Murdering prostitutes.

(rimshot)

Yes.  You like that, ehghh?  Heh heh heh.  Also.  Will allow Denise to return to her former career . . . as speed bumps on Universal Studio lot.

Booooo . . . hissssssssssss

Please.  Nicole Richie has more talent than that leather bag.  

Booooo . . . hissssssssssss

Phah.  Goddam Hugh.  Killing my audience and then filling it the audience from Ellen DeGenerate show.  Enrico will peel off his skin for this indignity.

MONOLOGUE IS OVER!

We will return after station identification.  During which time Enrico will have entire audience shot and replaced with new audience.  Swine.

Alright!  You!  Faggot in front row!  Follow Enrico!

[hooplala]

Into The Night With Salazar And Friends is brought to you by www.principiadiscordia.com

Not affiliated with Mal2 or Robert Anton Wilson.

Also not affiliated with the Church of Scientology.

Also not affiliated with the Bavarian Illuminati, which do not exist.

Also not affiliated with the Easter Bunny, which does not exist either.

Thank you.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

[LMNO]

::curtain comes up::


::enter LMNO, stage left::


::staggers::

And another thing!

If you -hic- you try laying some silly guilt trip on my becasue of what I did to the poodle, you gotta -hic- gotta -hic- gotta 'nuther thing comin', mishter man!


::Collapses on couch::

[Enrico Salazar]

It should be obvious that Enrico's next guest is an old favorite on the show.  He has more gold records in shower gargling than any other fucker Enrico knows, and not only that he is a Cat's Cradle champion.

Welcome LMNO.

[LMNO]

::drools on couch::

[Enrico Salazar]

You told Enrico backstage that you were a monkey trainer in your teens.  

How did this effect your love life?

[LMNO]

::lifts head::

Wha-?

Monkeys?  Where!?  Where are the fucking monkeys!

God-fucking-DAMMIT!  If I se another goddamn sister-raping monkey, I'll fucking beat it's fucking head in with a fucking shovel & eat it's fucking brains with a fucking rusty fucking spoon, goddamn it!

Where's my fucking drink, you fuck!?

[Enrico Salazar]

Now THIS is more like it!  

Have a sip of Riunite on ice, which is quite fucking nice by the goddam way, and recount what the monkeys did to you sister.

[LMNO]

Get that fucking pussy drink away from me, slime!

Where's my bourbon!  WHERE'S MY FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING BOURBON!?

I don't have a sister... Who said anything about a sister?  Wha-  Where the fuck am I?

Who the fuck are you?

WHY ARE YOU HUMPING MY LEG!?

[Enrico Salazar]

What you mean 'why'?  Why wouldn't Enrico?  Look at that leg.  It's taut, lithe, hairy and long.  It is common knowledge that this is a fucking fantastic leg.  They should mould your leg from rubber for dogs they way they mould Jenna Jameson's yonni for pigs everywhere.

But, this insults to Riunite Enrico will not stand for.  Next to Wild Turkey and Isopropyl 70% is best drink in world, and when it comes to romance and fucking, is best drink of all. You sexy swine, if your drunk grin did not fill Enrico's pants so full you would have your ribs opened for you.

Move down the couch, faggot.  NEXT GUEST!

Enrico's next guest is a animal trainer for little kiddies pets and is going to bring a few of these exotic treats for our amusement.  

Shecky, get that poking stick ready.

Please welcome to Enrico's show Eldora!

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

:walks in with a wolverine on a leash:

Hey, Enrico, my glorious faggot, how are you this fine day!

[Enrico Salazar]

He will be much better once alone with LMNO alone in green room, but so far so fantastic my lovely little wormess.

That is a fantastically ugly specimen you have there.  It looks like Enrico's last common law wife, but smells much better.

Does it bite?

[Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy]

Well, in order to avoid any lawsuits we pumped him full of valium, but they can be rather nasty.  This little guy only weighs about 40 pounds, but wolverines have been known to fight a grizzly over food.  Hey, that's just like your last common law wife too, isn't it  

[Enrico Salazar]

Is true.

And we had to do the same valium trick with LMNO, and look what happened to the poor faggot.

Grizzley Bears eh?  So that hog who was in movie Grizzley Man should have kept wolverine with him?

Who would win in a fight, a wolverine or a tasmanian devil?