never-ending fountain of creativity revealed

[LHX]

i was visited by the god of creativity last night

yes

the god that created creativity

he was with the goddess of creation

who
together
look after the whole process of bringing things that werent there before



this was shortly after i had received the green-light from this very forum to pursue the writing of bad science fiction

being the type of person who is unable to put forth any effort into things
i had a dilemma
- how do i create stories without effort? -

so
i took to the streets

with a pocket full of raw carrots and another pocket full of brazil nuts
i walked
and walked and walked and walked
looking for the answer to my dilemma

i walked to the bookstore
and picked up several books to find if there were some clues
some sort of inspiration

i grabbed the latest book by henry rollins
i grabbed a book called TTYL by some woman who wrote a book about teenage high school drama in the form of Instant Messenger conversations
i grabbed a picture book of the planet earth
i grabbed a graphic novel called Chunky Rice

all of the books were novel
but
ultimately
they all made me want to vomit

except for the planet earth book
which included pictures of volcanos and ice burgs and no images of people
(i dont really have anything against people - just not too exciting anymore)

i seemed to be falling asleep at the bookstore
so
i decided it would be best to leave before i was 'politely escorted' for 'overstaying my welcome' by the 'kind and helpful employees' of the 'fine establishment'

it was cold as fuck last night in toronto
it felt like my eyes were being frost bitten
so
it may have been hallucination
or
some sort of effect of brain-numbness
but
the two immortals appeared to me

first in the middle of the intersection at eglinton and bathurst which i had been jay-walking and was wondering why those two people were just standing there
and then
further down the sidewalk
they caught up to me and stopped me

god -- excuse me
me -- sup? playa?
god -- what are you thinking about right now?
me -- uhhh i was actually wondering why you and your woman were just standing there in the middle of the road staring me down
goddess -- no - he means in general - whats on your mind?
me -- i am trying to figure out how to write bad science fiction without effort
god -- oh boy - so it is him
me -- ...
goddess - i told you - you can tell by the retarded look on his face
me -- you guys are strange
god -- you mean you arent gonna react to her saying you look like a retard?
me -- do you want a carrot?
goddess - its definitely him

she took a carrot

me -- can we continue walking? the cold aint that bad if you stay on the move
goddess -- sure

we continued walking

god -- we have come to reveal the everlasting fountain of creativity that will allow you to write bad science fiction without any effort whatsoever
me -- fuck - that would really help me out right now
goddess -- see - its not too hard - most of the people we reveal this to like to call it a form of pre-editing
me -- pre-editing?
goddess -- yeah - its like setting up a pre-defined format - and then you just let the ideas flow - and you will know before-hand that every idea that comes out will be viable
me -- damn - that kind of cheapens the whole thing doesnt it?
god -- well - if you enjoy the frostbite and the fruitless searching - we can just take off

i thought for a while

no
i actually dont enjoy the fruitless searching very much
and i had been searching that day
and these two attractive people were offering what seemed to be a type of fruit

me -- okay - lay it on me

goddess -- indecisive little fuck

the god shrugged his shoulders and gave a 'dont-ask-me' look


the goddess handed me a paper
and then
seemingly out of no where
- though he prolly just pulled a quick u-turn -
a taxi pulled up
and the god and goddess of nothing-to-something-ism got in


and the taxi took off to outer space
- no joke -

the paper was a list of instructions titled
'how to be endlessly creative'

the list went as follows -

****************************************
1 - begin with some idea of 'heaven on earth'
2 - populate it
3 - make the majority of the population there ignorant of what they are and where they came from
4 - fill all these gaps with tricks and things that cannot be verified with the eye
5 - to make sure you have no loose ends - keep track of how you have made your people ignorant and all the fake things you created
*** note here that the more work you put in here - the more you can make your people scramble
6 - create some sort of looming threat that would 'make the people disappear'
or
the idea of some 'better place to be' than where they currently are
7 - at this point the stories should start pouring out as all you have to do is observe as you introduce your population to the 'threats' and watch them search for the 'promise'


additional ingredients
to make it 'science fiction'
all you have to do is create things that look different from the people

to make it 'comedy'
all you have to do is create outcomes that dont make sense

to make it 'shocking'
all you have to do is double-up on the outcomes and introduce things late in the story that were not previously mentioned

mix and match as you like

remember - good content has the power to turn bad style into good style
******************************************

i got home and i didnt sleep much

today i went to the library to use the computer and tell you all what happened


i exaggerated on some of the story tho
there was no 'god'
it was actually two women
and they had a pet with them

but
i wont say what it was

just kidding

and the last american eagle got shot

[Cain]

Sounds interesting.  I liked the dialogue in that too.

[Bella]

Yup. I hope you will go forth and paper the world with your stories now.