PD 2006: The First Drafts.

[LMNO]

The Black Iron Prison

Hey, kid.  Welcome to Prison.

You think you just woke up here one day, right?  Think again.  It was your whole life that brought you to this.  Fact is, you were born to be here.  Go ahead, look around.  I,Äôll be here when you get back.

Looks a little smaller than it is, don,Äôt it?  Sometimes, it doesn,Äôt even fell all that bad.  But still,Ķ You look through those bars, and you see all that you,Äôre missing.  Hopes.  Dreams.  What could-have-been.  Here, grab the bars, let me show you something.

Feel that?  That,Äôs all the books you,Äôve read.  And that entire wall over there is your adolescence.  Look up:  It,Äôs your DC collection.  The floor you woke up on?  Your parents.  Like I said, you were born to be here.  

I know, you,Äôre wondering why you feel trapped here, in your own life.  Why now, why today, can you see the bars of a Black Iron Prison that you made for yourself?  Because you stopped reacting, and took a couple of steps forward.  You though you could do what you wanted, you tried to be self reliant, and bang.  You smacked your head against the wall.

What,Äôs that?  Yeah.  That,Äôs when the claustrophobia sets in.  When you didn,Äôt know you were trapped, everything was fine.  But now that you know, you can see your entire, tired, monotonous life stretch out before you, trapped in these 4 walls, these 6 sides.  Breathe, kid.  It,Äôs just abject panic that you,Äôre feeling right now.  Some even say that this is what death feels like:  An unchanging life, immune and unfeeling to what you really want.

Look around you.  Look at these cold, black bars.  The colorless ceiling.  The hard ground.  That,Äôs your universe.  That,Äôs the world you,Äôre going to be living in for the rest of your life here in Prison.  You,Äôre going to live out your life in quiet desperation.  Or, not so quiet if you decide to take the rife/bell tower route.  Either way, long or short, it,Äôll feel the same.  Dead, unchanging.  

So, if you,Äôre interested, I,Äôd like to invite you to a jailbreak,Ķ

Just turn around.

[B_M_W]

Very nice. I can see an invitation to a Jailbreak becoming a central theme for PD2006.

[LHX]

Very nice. I can see an invitation to a Jailbreak becoming a central theme for PD2006.

noooooooooooooo doubt

[B_M_W]

So, what else are people writing?

[LHX]

i guess weve been called out

[Cain]

I'm keeping mine secret until Friday.  I want overlpa, so we can get more views on central themes.

[LHX]

I'm keeping mine secret until Friday.  I want overlpa, so we can get more views on central themes.

fuck

we are collectively getting wiser

[Scribbly]

Well... I've written a draft for my one- I decided to take "Discordianism is the road, not the destination."

Alas... I fear I'm trying too hard to be funny, this style of writing, it does not come easily to me.

[LHX]

Well... I've written a draft for my one- I decided to take "Discordianism is the road, not the destination."

Alas... I fear I'm trying too hard to be funny, this style of writing, it does not come easily to me.

being clear and sincere can be just as important and effective

[Wolfpoet]

We need a preface, something catchy for the first page to set the tone.

Here's juts an idea

...........................................................................................................


We live 9 to 5 lives, eat cardboard, re-packaged as food, watch the news and crawl into bed. Everything we need is made readily available, all the basics for Human life at our finger tips.

Ever wondered what is beyond the basics? Every stopped to look around and ask the question why? of course not, why should you?

If i asked you what was the sound of one hand clapping, I'd expect you to punch me. Which is a pretty good answer when you think about it.

Look around my friend, it's a very grey world and all I want is to add some colour. It's all about asking the right questions. So why exactly is the sky pink?

Stupid question, sorry, we both know it's green.

You look confused, wondering why I'm clearly wrong, but am I? If CNN told you the sky was green how many people do you think would believe it? Come on it's CNN, world news first, got to be true if they say it is.

Extreme I know but consider what else they tell you, what your boss tells you, what your government tells you. Ready-made bullshit to swallow with your ready-made meals.

You may hear about enlightenment and big words like escalation of disorder. But lets face it mate, what the hell does that mean to you?

Well why don't you turn the page and find out.... go on... you know you want to.... look at that cute page, just turn it over and read.... go on....

[Scribbly]

Well, I do very much like LMNO's first draft, but... after giving it another read over, I've decided to shove mine up here as well... not sure about it, but then I generally feel pretty self conscious about my more serious writings... eh, I dunno, tell me what you think. If I have time, I'll probably redo it before Friday anyway.

Discordianism is the road and not the destination.

So,  you've read this far, that's good, starting to get a feel for this whole Discordianism thing, right? I know I was when I had read the Principia, thought I'd got it all figured out, discord as an opposite to order, restoring the balance of the hodge and the podge, right? Yeah man, rock on. Hah.

You see, Eris decided it was high time I learnt a little lesson, she does that sometimes... bitch.

I drifted off to sleep as always, but no sooner had I done so than I felt the room lurch violently, and I was shaken from my bed, landing on the road with a thump. I swore, and got up, stretching before me was, indeed, a road, lined by a desert with nothing else in sight, and me in my pajamas, though the unmistakable laughter of Eris rang in my ears.

When I had stopped swearing I decided it was fairly obvious what I was meant to do, and started walking along the road, it was tough going- the tarmac scratched at my feet, but I hadn't gone too far before I met another traveller.

He was a scrawny creature, clad in dirty robes, with a heavy book under his arm. His eyes were wild and his head as bald and shiny as a pebble. "You!" He cried jubilantly, rushing back along the road to meet me, "Have you accepted the word of Eris?!" I blinked slightly, and nodded, "Yes I have, damn bitch stuck me out here--" I started, only to be interrupted by his screech, "DO NOT BEFOUL THE NAME OF THE GODDESS!" He screamed, waving the book wildly... it looked to be a very beaten copy of the Principia Discordia, but... far thicker. "Hey, what have you got there?" I asked, indicating the book.

He puffed out his chest self-importantly, "This is the holy book of Eris! The Pricipia Discordia!" I looked confused, "But... that is much bigger..." I started, "HAH! FOOL!" He declared loudly, "Eris talks to me! This is the most updated, most holy Principia in all of Discordianism! Any who follows any other is clearly a heretic! Come, friend, let me show you the True Way of Discordianism!" I backed off quickly, "That... that won't be necessary, thanks." I held my hands up placatingly, but it was too late.

"YOU REFUSE THE TRUE WORD!" The crazed fanatic screamed, hitting me over the head with that book, I swore and ran off as fast as I could, eventually leaving him far in the distance.

"What a maniac." I muttered, and carried along the road, until I could see another in the distance, he looked to be the exact opposite of the man I had just encountered, a short, fat man, clad in a variety of bright colours. He stared at me as I approached. "Uh... hi?" I asked, getting a little uncomfortable.
"FISH!" He declared loudly.
"Uh... right..." I replied,
"Yes, fish! Pineal gland, lol, twenty three, you know? FNORD! Haha, haha, lol... lol..."
At this point I was starting to fear for my safety, it didn't sound like he was making any sense at all... I decided to go out on a limb. "Hey, did you see the loony back there, he seemed pretty, uh, devout..."
"ZOMG! You mean the greyface? Lol, he tries to put laws on Discordianism, can't put no laws on chaos! Lol, pineal gland, lol."
I felt a litle safer, "Yeah, I guess the only thing we really agree on is that you have to think for yourself, right?"
He laughed heartily, "Yeah! Lol, the principia tells us to do that, so we have to, right?"
I looked a bit confused, "Well, no... like, the principia shouldn't be taken literally..."
"Lol, I know, A discordian is forbidden from believing anything he reads, right?"
"Well, yeah, but... don't you think that means we shouldn't believe that?"
"No, the principia says it. That is like, what we follow, right?"
"Well... I always thought I followed what I followed..."
"Well, you aren't a Discordian if you don't follow the Principia!" He declared indignantly.
"Why? Do you believe the Principia?" I asked
"Course I do, I'm a Discordian!" He declared.
"And you read it right?"
"Of course!"
"But... you are forbidden from believing anything you read." I pointed out.

He seemed to think on this for a moment... and then his head exploded, quite messily, it splattered me with blood and brains, ugh. I hoped that Eris was going to decide I'd learnt my lesson soon. My feet were really starting to hurt.

Eventually I came to the end of the road, and I found... myself. I blinked, confused, "Uh, hi"
"Hi" I responded,
"So... you are the destination on this little trip?"
"Yup." The second me nodded. "That is about the size of it."

And then I woke up, with a major hangover. Damn, I gotta stop eating the leftover pizza.

[Triple Zero]

i'm not a really good writer, especially not in english .. but i'll just quote this bit, you probably all know it:

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? [...]

[Subtract Eight!]

hm, this thing here is kind of an oblique, but direct fun sorta thing



Hey! Yeah. I hope there's enough funky for the funky. Free your mind and your ass will follow,
Anyways realize at nice the welcome can be very welcome. So enjoy it! Be friends! Imagine a smile!
One thing first, where do you free? Where do you follow? Does it go in blank circles?
A plain white surface magically empty? No.
There are things beyond the stop signs on the streets!
This is self-help!
FunkLove Anonymous!
There's less to life than flying cloudscape vistas and esoteric entities.
Yes, there's the blue thumbtac threatening four minutes of minor annoyance on the floor.
The incalculable variables plitting and plonting in and at our brains are just gay faggoty illusions.
Just kidding.

Always remember, past the dead soldiers and veterans.. Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

[LHX]

hm, this thing here is kind of an oblique, but direct fun sorta thing



Hey! Yeah. I hope there's enough funky for the funky. Free your mind and your ass will follow,
Anyways realize at nice the welcome can be very welcome. So enjoy it! Be friends! Imagine a smile!
One thing first, where do you free? Where do you follow? Does it go in blank circles?
A plain white surface magically empty? No.
There are things beyond the stop signs on the streets!
This is self-help!
FunkLove Anonymous!
There's less to life than flying cloudscape vistas and esoteric entities.
Yes, there's the blue thumbtac threatening four minutes of minor annoyance on the floor.
The incalculable variables plitting and plonting in and at our brains are just gay faggoty illusions.
Just kidding.

Always remember, past the dead soldiers and veterans.. Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

HAHAHAAAAAAAAA

i endorse this

[Fizzwitz Glorypoop]

You guys seem to be preaching to people who do have 9 to 5 jobs, watch MTV, etc.

But what about the people who are already weirdos? The geeks, the goths, the freaks, the neo-pagans, the stoners. They're probably going to think this doesn't apply to them. I think we should preach to them, too. They're also a lot more likely to listen to us.

So, yeah, we should start with them.

IMO.