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So I've acquired a shadow. He picked me, and he apparently will not leave my side for anything. And that's cool with me. After all, what could be cuter than a puggle with a little black tongue? Plus, he's super mellow and seems pretty smart. But he needs a name. PD, I require suggestions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5srwCNx2Ti0

...my fucking face off. 

ASK ME ANYTHING!

So I am officially not working on a ship anymore. The company pulled the plug on the whole operation and my captain ran off and got a job in Ghana on a ship that doesn't require a cook. I have several options, but none of them stand out as being appealing enough to trump the others. So I ask you, PD....WHAT DO?

[50% of the fucking world's population]

...here are some thoughts. Perhaps they can even be considered a rough sort of guideline for whether or not your thread is going to be a productive one.

It's like this: when Nigel or Pixie starts a dialogue about feminism stuff, I feel like I almost always learn something, and that I am being talked to like a human being who is expected to have the moral fortitude to examine my own actions AND to speak up or act when confronted with the actions of others that perpetuate the problem. When Garbo or SP talks about it, I feel like not only am I being talked to like I'm just some rapist-in-waiting, but that I'm being preached at by a TRUE BELIEVER and those, regardless of their cause, automatically push the "OK, time to be a difficult assclown until this Uniform shuts up and goes away" button. So yeah, I perfectly understand the point about men having this weird entitlement issue about deserving a woman's attention for no other reason than having visited their own unsolicited attention on a woman and I think it's creepy and obnoxious and that changing that attitude would maybe go a long way towards preventing eventual more serious aggressive behavior. I understand most (but probably not all) of the points that are raised in the feminism-related threads. And I agree with alot of it at a fundamental level. But no power in the universe can make me want to continue the dialogue in the face of the above-mentioned behavior. But hey, it's not like 50% of the fucking world's population are men, right? So why bother acting in a manner that makes them feel included and like part of the solution?

So the company I work for just went out of business. We had 5 upcoming contracts get cancelled because the government pulled funding for the projects and since we had been counting on having those contracts we hadn't been marketing ourselves to other clients in that same time-frame. So with a choice between taking out a bunch more loans to keep the company afloat until we could get more work in november or december or selling the company now and hopefully breaking even, the captain is doing the smart thing and selling. I had an instant bidding war for my services develop (literally 3 offers within 10 minutes of losing my job) but they're all in Maine and I still remember why I moved away from there in the first place. So I'm going back to Portland to inevitably take some job that pays about half of what I should be making. So if any of you are secretly wealthy and in need of a personal chef, now's the time to speak up.

Seattle's newest rising star on the music scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_gI6KIE4jg&feature=youtu.be

(audio is probably NSFW unless you're Hoopla)

I just saw something in the sky that I absolutely cannot explain. A large bright red sort of crescent-shaped light off to the northwest that moved up and down in the sky for several minutes, getting brighter and then dimmer before it eventually disappeared. And the up and down motion was not in sync with the up and down motion of the ship. Whatever it was, it was fucking weird and I've definitely never seen anything like it.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCK YOU CHOKELAHOMA! 

Once there was a forum called PD.com, and in this forum there was a thread about drugs. Everybody screamed and yelled and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but nobody ever changed anybody else's mind and the continued drawn-out fiasco slowly degraded the general atmosphere of the forum until everybody was beaten, broke, and weary and walked around with slumped shoulders and furrowed brows and even though everybody KNEW that all hope was lost and everything was fucked forever, they still couldn't tear themselves away form the spectacle long enough to turn their flagging energies towards something constructive. Eventually the forum regressed into lawlessness and anarchy, social disorder on a massive scale became the norm, and disease and famine became familiar friends to the denizens of the formerly great PD.com. A thousand years later, a forum that considered itself far more advanced and enlightened unearthed the remains of PD.com and refused to learn any of the painfully obvious lessons presented to them, and they too eventually fell victim to the same cycle.

Sound like a fucking familiar story, Romans Americans?

REFUSED ARE NOT, IN FACT, FUCKING DEAD. THEY ARE FUCKING PLAYING IN FUCKING PDX ON FUCKING AUGUST 29TH.

ASK ME DRUNK!

I was doing some side work on my day off (from the bartending job I took for a month until we go back out to sea) cleaning out a storage unit and I disturbed a nest. Momma ran off with babies still hanging off her nipples. I found one baby still in the box the nest was in, alive and unharmed. It's got fur, eyes are still mostly closed but starting to blink open a little. I think they'll be open by tonight or tomorrow morning. So it's not a newborn, but it still needs a couple weeks of care before it's ready to be let go in the woods. I've done the appropriate internet research, but despite how many pet rodents I've had I've never had to nurse a baby myself. Anybody ever done this with a mouse or rat before and have any advice (besides the obvious jokes involving my nipples)?

...is a confirmed Cherohonkee.


I hate to say "I told you so", but....nah, actually I love to say "I told you so".

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person who appreciates the hip-hop genius that is Dessa.

The fact that it's 2012 and not 1812 does not in any way impede the right people from getting an official letter of marque and reprisal.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/tanning-booth-mom-says-arrest-taking-daughter-5-153138630.html

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/man-sues-bmw-alleging-motorcycle-seat-gave-him-010902532.html

Pay particular attention to the plaintiff's name. I think this lends serious weight to our relevant truism.

[UP]

This isn't directed at anyone in particular.

It's directed at almost everyone in particular.

There is horrible shit going on out there in the world.

Yes, YOUR world.

Some of it you can avoid, some of it you can prevent, most if it is gonna happen no matter what and the best you can hope for is to not get any on you.

But guess the fuck what?

Your odds of getting some of that horrible shit on you (shit that is ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENING RIGHT FUCKING NOW) increase to nearly 100 per-fucking-cent if you all don't SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP THIS SILLY FUCKING WHINING ABOUT WHO HURT WHOSE TENDER LITTLE FEELINGS ON THE FUCKING INTERNET, CAPISCE?

We have presents for you. Like, "for real" presents, not "weirdo PD spag stuff" presents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HeE6NWmDE

In spite of the inevitable objections, because this song is fucking amazing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib8kvZxpoTs

I've got something for you. I need a mailing address. And a new tongue, as I seem to have burned this one off to a charred stump in the course of testing this hot sauce I just made.

...is responsible for this: http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/w4m/2943008519.html ?

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/register/joinprivategroup_assign_team?GID=212487

Deadline to fill out brackets is only a couple hours away. Join my group so we can talk some smack to each other for the next couple weeks!

https://www.aclu.org/blog/reproductive-freedom/use-birth-control-youre-fired

And we aren't talking here just about exemptions for religiously affiliated employers like Catholic hospitals and universities. We are talking about authorizing secular, for-profit employers to deny a woman coverage for birth control if the employer doesn't believe that she and her partner should be allowed to have sex without getting pregnant. Yup, that's right. If the owner of the Taco Bell where you work opposes birth control, Arizona legislators want to give him a legal right to deny you insurance coverage for your pills.

Sadly, that isn't even the half of it. You may want to sit down for this one. Arizona legislators know that whether or not her insurance covers it, a woman may get the prescription she needs to prevent an unintended pregnancy. They want to give her boss the right to control that too. The bill they are pushing would not only allow employers to take the insurance coverage away, but it would also make it easier for an employer who finds out that his employee uses birth control to fire her. You heard me right . . . to fire her.

Just....fucking.....wow.

I've got a 5 hour layover in Nashville on sunday afternoon. Anything worth seeing or doing within walking distance or a short cab ride from the airport?

Pretty decent weather the whole way back from the Bahamas. Even rounding Cape Hatteras wasn't as bad as it usually is. Now we're only about 3 hours from the sea buoy at the mouth of the Chesapeake where we pick up the harbor pilot and move into protected waters.

Only...

IT'S A FUCKING BLIZZARD WITH 50+ KNOT WINDS. I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU HOW BIG THE WAVES ARE BUT I CAN'T SEE THE OCEAN FROM THE DECK.

We are seriously getting the shit kicked out of us right now. The Chief Engineer said it best: "He who would sail the seas for pleasure would go to hell for a holiday."

Kim Jong Un assassinated, presumably in a coup d'etat backed by the generals?

Anybody got any hard intel on this?

Two years ago, if you had asked me what my best dishes were, I would have said they were my pan-seared scallops in lobster sauce, my apricot-ginger glazed duckling, and my chateaubriand.

But though I do believe that I excel at those dishes, that would have been the wrong answer.

Fois Gras terrine, salmon mousseline, halibut cheeks en pappilote....fancy stuff that has it's place, but that only a small percentage of the world's population even has the skills to attempt let alone be good at.

I have come to the conclusion that the true test of one's culinary skill lies not in the ability to make something that hardly anyone else can make, but to make something that EVERYBODY can make and to make it better than anyone else can make it.

Ask me that same question now and my answers are: lasagna, pozole, chicken & dumplings. Simple stuff. Peasant food. Anyone can do it and almost everyone is familiar with it and likes it. But one things (among many) that this job has taught me is that I take far more pleasure out of hearing someone say "this is the best damn lasagna I've ever had! It's better than my grandmothers!" than I do out of being praised for something that can generally only be found in high-end restaurants for $30 a plate.

Now, that's not meant to discourage people from taking chances in the kitchen and learning new and fancy things, but I would exhort you not to do so at the expense of figuring out how to make that meatloaf or homemade mac 'n' cheese goddamn perfect. And in the end, refining your techniques and learning about the flavor profiles of such simple fare will aid you greatly when you do decide to move on to trickier and more exacting dishes.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/government-may-sanction-nerveagent-use-on-rioters-scientists-fear-6612084.html

Leading neuroscientists believe that the UK Government may be about to sanction the development of nerve agents for British police that would be banned in warfare under an international treaty on chemical weapons.

A high-level group of experts has asked the Government to clarify its position on whether it intends to develop "incapacitating chemical agents" for a range of domestic uses that go beyond the limited use of chemical irritants such as CS gas for riot control.

Full article at link.

I guess this will come in handy when people start protesting in the streets of London against the impending Falklands War II.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/01/study-of-the-day-occasional-marijuana-use-wont-hurt-lungs/251202/

Never put yourself in a position where your perceived manhood depends on impressing an ex-marine chopper pilot with how much bourbon you can drink.

Especially in an insular community where your continued employment depends on making a good impression, in that context.

ECH,

Currently on his second glass of NINE FUCKING FINGERS of Wild Turkey

So there are literally hundreds of mahi mahi schooling around the boat right now. Our junior engineer caught 5 of them in about 15 minutes. He's been beheading them and then rinsing the blood off the deck with predictable results.

Those results being that I just got to watch a rather large whitetip shark (I'd guess it was 8-10 feet) come rocketing up from the deep and eat one of the larger mahi mahi that was swimming around in our stern lights. That was some serious National Geographic shit!

Check it out guys! My old boss in Maine owns this place. I did alot of construction and landscaping work over there for him in the winter when the restaurant was closed down, and have had the pleasure of cooking for his guests over there on a couple occasions.

http://realestate.yahoo.com/promo/5-posh-private-islands-for-sale.html

http://realestate.yahoo.com/Maine/Brooksville/nautilus-is:f6de4661b999361546c47daff72783ca;_ylt=AtOrPwJ1l5NFuwUCQHo1WfvxkdEF

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Iron-Prison-Escapees/227695500592785

It's bad enough that the name of the page is completely at odds with the actual BIP metaphor, but it's just flax and fnords all the way down. 

So ECHGF's little brother has a week of leave from the Air Force and is gonna be staying here with us for that week. He's never been to Portland before. He's just turned 21 so I need to get him drunk, get him laid, and show him some touristy Portland-area shit.

What do? Where go?

RIP Vaclav Havel. Thanks for being a giant.

I made a spanish language subforum. Given that foreign discordians seem to have an unusually high rate of pinealism, I made it a child board of Principia Discussion.

You may now all tell me why I have the wrong values.

I bought 20+ pounds of fresh local grapes at the farmers market yesterday afternoon.

When I got home, I started eating grapes.

I ate grapes while making grape jelly.

I ate grapes while making grape juice.

I ate grapes while smoking on the patio and playing angry birds.

I ate grapes while cleaning my kitchen after the grape-ocalypse.

All in all I ate about 3 pounds of grapes, seeds and all.

I woke up at 5am and found out exactly how fast I could sprint to the bathroom.

In the subsequent 7 hours since my bowels first woke me, I have shat 4 more times in various violet hues. The last 3 have literally been nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus. They're scratchy little bastards, to be sure. Now it's lunchtime and I want to walk down to An Xuyen bakery and get a couple of banh mi sandwiches for lunch, but I'm afraid to leave the house and make the 10 minute round-trip walk.

But I'm still hungry. There's gotta be something in the apartment to eat.

Oh, yeah, there's 15 pounds of grapes. Anybody wanna come over for lunch?

If you're gonna come by and creep peoples' profiles the least you could do is post some inane drunken shit for us to laugh at. 

...and I'll use that personal information to determine your full name, address, and where you work.

GO!

I have heard that there are people who might possibly be hunting chickens, but I don't know who they are. Help a brother out?

What's a spag gotta do to get one of those sweet AnarchAngel t-shirts?

Nevermind furries.

THERE ARE FUCKING BRONIES.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bronies

http://bronies.wikia.com/wiki/Wiki_Home

http://bronies.com/

Do you like Wu Tang?

Do you like Fugazi?

Then I can pretty much guarangoddamntee that you will love the ever-loving fuck out of WUGAZI.

Scroll down the page for the link to download for free (legally). I seriously can't stop listening to this shit, it's fucking earworms of the best kind.

It occurs to me that sometime in the next 2 or 3 years our chief engineer is going to have had his fill of our shit and go retire to his cabin in the Maine woods with his still and his skeet pull. As this will probably happen at a time when your son is off in some sandy country and your daughter is in college...


I fucking INSIST that you apply for the position.

Seriously.

how's tricks?

Don't ask me anything.

Instead, since I'm gonna work a couple dinner shifts at my old restaurant for shits and giggles (and free drinks the whole time I'm in town), tell me what I should do to absolutely terrorize the people who still work there.