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Messages - Sepia

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Or Kill Me / courting life
« on: November 16, 2019, 02:02:34 am »
We fulfill the needs of the dying before the living, we try, like the magnet on the fridge to become pizza but we don't want respect or the desire to be liked like those that came before us but we want to be accepted enough to get enough likes or retweets and we want the world to become digital because we've left this analog husk behind, we are trying to create artificial minds not to

There is nothing for us here, we are dead and singing, becoming and tracing our hearts and our minds with our words but we leave the actions out in the hallway, freezing clutching with their small hands the hope and desire

Selah, why are we moving?

Why aren't we dying why aren't we dead
why are we dying why are we dead

is a boring question when you can ask who when where who was there at the party that who was there at that president that wasnt a presidents inauguration when did it happen O M G i missed it when is it going down where is it where is

Where is it Selah? where are we? when are we? who are we? why are we

All these questions that you'll never get answered in your lifetime, your life, all their lives all their lifes, whatwhywhowherewhen is all part of what doesn't really matter because the same questions will come again and the answers will be same but with the variance of life and these questions are interesting in the start or just after you've had psychedelics or waking up to a next love, I used to like to think that we got these questions at junctions and crossroads or turning around in the cul de sac and I used to think they were there to bring us back into life when we have been in unlife for too long or to show us darkness when we had been sleeping in the light

to spark what we have once been, what we are and where we will be, to spark dreams and hopes and prayers, to spark the child in your eyes and the teenager in your brain, to live love and life ohgod you wonderful life, I ran over you with my old trabant and I didn't stop long, only long enough to hear you groan before I drove on out of my life and into, out of this

into the wasteland as the sun sets and I remember being human, all too human for all the wrong reasons as I gun into the wasteland with a glass of warm champagne in my hand

 we drank the dream when they told us they were the land of the free and for a while we believed them until they were all held hostage by one man and he said

"if I give you one message to hold in your hearts today, it's this: treat the word impossible as nothing more than motivation, relish the opportunity to be an outsider because it's the outsiders that change the world and who will make a real and lasting difference, the more that a broken system tells you that you're wrong the more certain you should be that you must keep pushing ahead you must keep pushing forward"

"In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. It is related to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority and comes from the inability of people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, people cannot objectively evaluate their competence or incompetence."

We're high and drunk and on our fourth night or fifth day and we, like the man in the big white house and someone tells the story of how it once burnt and and we feel the lingering smoke before we refill the bowls and giggle and laugh and we, like the man in the big white house tell lies and yarns and stories and do not concern ourselves with sobering fact but as we think we discover we go into it politically and we feel our minds and brains kick and scream because we won't go there, we won't go over the lawn to the big white man in the big white house because it's burning, it's still burning and we hear the screams we see the children running from the village as the big white planes drop napalm and flyers(no room for food or supplies) and the man outside who spoke words we would have loved in a different context, he is burning

a bright white phosphorous

Or Kill Me / loop #2
« on: September 04, 2019, 08:40:14 pm »
We felt the movement from light to darkness as we will feel it again when we return once more as we travel the spheres jumping from worlds that have been to worlds that will be anchored in the worlds that are, here is our linearity as we perceive only one dimension at a time, we immerse ourselves in worlds that have been before we understand all that will be and while we go back and forth our minds


and we learn all of the past before we return to the present forgetting the past moving into the future forgetting everything the future told us as we return to the past like a daydream interrupted and after a while we realize this is what is going on  a deep nagging fear in our minds that we have seen everything several times and in reality we are omnipotent

like pupae

Or Kill Me / droppings
« on: August 14, 2019, 05:29:59 pm »
we buy everything they sell in the hopes of not getting sold

we cherish the silence as the silent grow among us

we are idols scrawled from flesh carved into nothingness come hell or high water, to bring us this love I am the hate that courses through lord beelzebub
his restlessness too

what we are will widen, we will not become we will assimilate more so we can become more becoming less becoming of us, illuminous beings are we, crude matter

we died today all of us, everyone of us underneath the shadow of the tree of the tower of the will, the majesty revealed and descended from above us above the godhead above existence but for a while there it felt good, coloured rosy by the mid late 90s tech-optimism but it felt good back then when internet was a place of possibilities, back then we had the imagination but it was the tech setting the limits and now that we have the tech the imagination and creativity that originally made the web an interesting place has all been diluted, when was the last time you had a thought that wasn't placed there by them n epiphany online

we must move slower, think more but not as individuals but as one planet que captain planet theme

I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to eat you, all of you

I want you to find my truth

Or Kill Me / Re: Your audience doesn't care
« on: July 25, 2019, 08:53:43 pm »
I don't make art but I do make food and I've done that for a long enough of a while and I've been in most of the places from grotesque giant kitchen hells that support hospitals to michelin fine-dining 28 servings and for the people who eat it there's a world of difference but less so for myself. As long as I know that you get what you expected and perhaps a little more and I was able to do what I wanted I'm happy because in that context that's freedom enough

then again, I find nothing wrong with salesmen or seducers in the artosphere as long as it decently performed and not overplayed

see season 8 of got for definition of fanservice

« on: July 12, 2019, 06:22:01 pm »
Keanu Reeves rides his wave of popularity into the white house summoning the age of aquarius turning Alan Moore happy

Are we learning? Learning? Do you roll your rs do you roll with ares or are you stressed out modern life taking its toll are you still learning

I must learn the internet
I must learn to eat without meat
I must learn to tell unimportant lies, not the lies that matter and ingrain  themselves in cultures like grownups telling children they're the most important thing in the world, telling Greta

the evolution of duality is a return to darkness when the light rots, extremes in both angles made up by us , driven by us

I must learn to drink smoothies with a superingredient
I must learn to like kale chips as a substitute for regular chips
I must learn to play streamlined pvp fpses csgo cod of the year battlefield of the year
I must learn to love children, not just those of kinship
I must learn how to multi-task

I must learn to give them space, let them breathe more dont suffocate your sentences

a vallowing in destruction we with glee detect frenzied state us unawares glimpses of a harrowing future where the harvest began with camelot

I must learn dothraki
I must learn klingon
I must learn minbari
I must learn to cope with the fact that this isn't me when I'm 22 only 15 years later
I must learn how to get in shape for the summer because we're all shallow

I must learn to fight my gamers addiction
I must learn to love all the people
I must learn to balance work and play
I must not forget how to dance

even though my shoes are too tight

I must learn sailfish
I must learn everything
I must learn nothing
I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve
I must learn to be wise like austen, jane

I do not know her face but it feels sickening the sun is scorching and we feel ill it feels like an end like we are getting nearer closer to a core of sorts like were trampling someones garden and there they stand adam and eve and before their mouths move they transfer all they have seen or learned throughout the ages, the first man and the first woman how many times they rebooted that franchise thinking the answer was in the seed while weight should have been lent to current generations, the rot should be the core of our two dimensional narrative fetish
the children should be kings once more, a return to the lord of the flies

LLLLLLLLLllllllllord lloigor lo

I must learn that hate is love and love is hate
too soon is a little too late and we know what everyone will always be
go Keanu go

Or Kill Me / Re: loop #1
« on: June 28, 2019, 08:10:35 pm »
Usually I'm just not good enough to express what I want in the fashion I want

I'll start off with an idea I like and usually after I've had the first joint, I'm bored/can't focus on the original idea so then my brains says fuck it and I turn on complete stream of consciousness. Sometimes, when the initial idea was good/broad enough I can nestle something from there into the other and it gives the illusion of being connected

Like this piece, which had a good Ginsbergish beginning but I couldn't figure out where I wanted it to go so I went with the flow, the title was an afterthought but made it work better in my opinion because it reads better when you actually loop it

some stories are without meaning

Or Kill Me / loop #1
« on: June 27, 2019, 09:50:26 pm »
I see the light, some say its passing but i can see it still, clearly with my blue eyes they say its passing but i can see the light he hangs on the cross and a man is piercing him and he says something in passing but i can see the light and the fiery roar of technology as it manifests dreams across a sky across television sets into a sea of tranquillity and they say its passing  but i can see the light years later as a man shoots golf on the moon and as the ball is passing i see the light a man standing on a stage giving aid, a man in an alley getting aids as it is the only way he can be with the man he loves, a child in in the streets of stockholm trying to change how the world works and they say it'll pass, its going to blow over and i have seen light

what did you see in the light?

did you see yourself there, cramped, waiting for them to open the casket and surprise you or did you see yourself there, hidden inside a comatose body while your mind still worked having no mouth wanting to scream, seeing yourself over and over, strobing, building madness inside yourself or did you see yourself over there, out there in the stars climbing on spider webs all the way to Eris with its highly eccentric orbit, did you touch her, eat her golden apple did she give you the holy grail or did she give you the wand, did you accept? willingly or with obligation? did you accept because it would make a better story? how does that validate or invalidate your previous argument?

what did you see in the light?

humans, all too human humans trying to carve out something from themselves in a game that is rigged, in a game where 90% fight over 10% while the 10% control the 90% because why not? with this in mind we become even more human and we close to kill those we love and we lick the arses of those we hate because that is the rhythm of it, that is the familiar, the culture and with that in mind we become even more human so we compete in the gutters where we belong because we don't understand that we could be getting a lot more than 10%

what did you see in the humans?

I fucking wish i could just stay in the hive eat honey and fart all day

shit and come and fuck and be and be a bee

oh, that we were bees, working for a goal, a distinct goal, an idea a vision a man or a woman or something just driving the bus, someone getting in and getting it done and sometimes when I'm blue and sad and here I just wish for someone with a vision to take us through and let us break on through but all the doers are fucks, all the doers are shit, every cause idea symbol gathering point focus point everything that starts with a pinprick turns to shit

not like the person in tiananmen who was a doer and did one good thing before disappearing or being disappeared, theres probably lots more like mother theresa, some versions of jesus christ, like some versions of anakin skywalker it was bill hicks wasnt it who said it another dead hero but I've been looking for heroes and the heroes aren't where they're supposed to be so what they say comes out wrong because some of our eyes are still old, some of our minds gelled during certain events and with these ears we can hear nothing but noise, desiring the sound of crickets

women shouldn't talk about politics
gayness is a disease and with time and faith we can cure it
transpeople are okay as long as they stay in their closets
no blacks allowed

for me, very stereotypical american issues but all heard through rural norway in the year of our lord 2k19

is this it
is this where the past will overtake the future and the future will panic and fire bits of itself into the past while we have no fear for the things we should fear, the things we should feel reverence for, the old religions understood it and kept it simple while some fanatics placed their faith in one unending god in a universe where everything will end

pigs have gentle hearts but they will eat you when hungry enough and it's not just the cops, we're all pigs here on this globe and soon we'll have pigs hearts, pig ears and pig cocks too pig cunts as we marvel at the scientific achievement of creating a hermaphrodite while the rich escape to live on the moon and then we the common people will live and do whatever we do and we'll fail watch our life slide out of view and dance and drink and screw,

Or Kill Me / pieface
« on: May 28, 2019, 09:21:15 pm »
a little too loudly as he walked into the diner getting dragged into the back by coffee, hashbrowns and burgers

ONLY HERE FOR THE ____ he said

we dont know much more of what he said because he vanished into the mists having found an enlightenment, the last of the free discordians, his name is Robert Budd Dwyer and in his nirvana he built his silver city and in the middle a feathered serpent held court and from heaven and hell he received his dream, a false dream but his dream nonetheless and he went out into the world to preach

but how does a discordian preach?

social manipulation?
be the dude with the sign?
charity drives?
learn to tattoo, abduct people, cover them in golden apples and release them?

he came upon a quaint little town filled with boutique shops, shabby chic ten years too late, housewives blind on prescription meds and moved into a house down by the river. he opened up the way to his backyard and made a quaint little store in the shed where he also made cute small signs, inscribed with inspiring sentences such as

Don't be perplexed at different realities!
Reality is the original Rorschach!
I don't know man, I didn't do it!
Emperor Norton was Right!
No hot dog buns!
Celebrate Mungday!
I want YOU to fight the curse of GREYFACE!
Why are we here?

and he preached
he preached to the housewives their husbands their gardeners making them grow his weed he preached to the poolboys and got word on which pools were nice to clean and which weren't he preached to their drivers their cats their politicians their servants their world

Or Kill Me / disone iz for you,
« on: March 31, 2019, 07:07:33 pm »
the seas will boil when the sun goes supernova, clarice sterling there to ask the psychopath at the end of time

'what did become of the world?'

and he will tell us, dispassionately

'Mankind can keep alive thanks to its brilliance
In keeping its humanity repressed
And for once you must try not to shriek the facts
Mankind is kept alive by bestial acts'

we will return from where we came and we'll eat frozen yoghurt to know that we are truly in hell and it doesn't matter that I didn't have children, I still feel sorta bad about the planet, barren wastelands of a thought-utopia dreamt through the kaleidoscope by a junkie sleepingwaking under the bridge

we could have learned alot from bees but we didn't but I'm getting tired of reading papers up papers down yellow journalism, all journalism save for a few last bastions bee journalism in yellow pages with big bold black letters swarming but without purpose no longer the big picture no longer the details merely noise

freeze your cheez-doodles and enjoy them with an ok champagne or cremant but don't believe it when the british say they make good bubbles

the sun sets as we will set and the bones will jiggle, juggle jungling through the tygers tygers burning bright, here it comes again, revolving once more for us, the sun we've seen so little this winter and to be honest I haven't really missed it, our nemesis and the president of the free world reads my mind and there are talks about pre-emptive strikes and trickle-down diplomacy and we know what we have to do as one globe is first to establish a base on the moon so we can attempt to speak with the sun, we must  have come thus far that diplo should be the first trick, building something together with duplos before we move onto the legos and if diplomacy we will sue the sun, monopoly isn't fair, we should be allowed to choose what source of warmth we get from, we should be able to ask questions, like

is your sun veganfriendly?
is your sun vegan?
can you trace the source of your sun, is it certifiablevbblebleblblbabbly organic?
is this sun holy, is it THE sun?

Two fingers held to her own temple and she makes the sound and her head jerks and something more than a bullet is released and in the seconds it takes for her to drop down dead we see her life lived, trancelike we awake to a thud, forgetting enlightenment

becoming who we used to be as elon musk fires kissinger into the heart of the sun

Or Kill Me / viagra boys
« on: January 29, 2019, 07:36:35 pm »
Ivy, pretty ivy shun me into darkness, come beside me in this heart of shit, this throb of man manning on becoming butterflies and balls of deep fried butter served alongside deeply fried coca cola, see the world and as you gaze into the darkness and light that is them that is you shove the syringue filled with washing powder, rat poison and heroin into that eyeball and gaze into the future, become nostradamus, become the mayan calendar transcend time and step into the future, create it like powerful maagickque from something you have made nothing

and in nothing you will end and I will have something because I'll be dancing on your grave, tapdance on top of the fake marble, poledance on that pretentious obelisk you got yourself and I will dwindle away to Tchaikovsky, an angry stupid bird going back and forth, in the zone, gotten the rhythm like no white man ever since

and they glow like the fires of the fields of Verdun

Or Kill Me / Confessions
« on: January 20, 2019, 12:17:06 am »
To live and sing the praise of life and love becomes harder as you grow older, fiery eyes closed behind guylined curtains the sound and fury diminished in the eyes of the young and you think your eyes are young because they've changed so little, they see worse than they used to but you are that you are still twenty something, frozen in time like a mans handwriting, ugly scribbles we learned when we were in 6th grade, managing only to pass but nothing more, interest already waning then as we understand and begin to lay the bricks for our fortress of solitude

Looking backwards gives you nothing, regret is never worth it regret would have been worth it if we learned something from it but I never do and as I grow older I understand why we are where we are, I was so fucking filled with hope for a future I knew nothing about and I felt alive in a sea of dead whereas now I feel like dead in a sea of alive, a bitter man thinking he has come full circle because the few dreams I had when I was a child have been made manifest but never of my own doing, lazily waiting for opportunities good enough instead of going out into the jungle, pith helmet and colonial makeup, I used to not believe in a master race but what is there for a nerd after the console wars have played out the way they have

like any other war, useless and empty, hollow and leaving the consumers with less than what they had when they begun with the illusion of having more, quality of life improvements in something that isnt real, quality of life patches us through this beginning and to increase your backpack in the mmo youve played for close to fifteen years you give your number(tattooed on the inside of your arm) sacrificing it in the name of security, give me convenience or give me death

give me da'at

I feel old, I feel like my grandfather barely awake in a strange dream, unable to eat, remembering only one segment of his life, ninety years, the memories of an entire life and the only thing to be remembered is with panic, someone has to make sure the boats are shored up nicely because there might be a storm, there might be a night where Thor will hammer his anvil

I used to be not believe in any gods, human made or actual ones but now I do, those made in our minds atleast, not one but all of them, every prophet, martyr or messiah, every old god and all the creations of Lovecraft, Derleth and everyone else who dreamt up something, each and every one of them is there, is here and we are strengthened by them for we are still infants and I love it for gods represent something animalistic, being belief rather than logic, cold or warm, all holy texts mean something for everyone

like a dream

I used to want to be a writer because I thought I wanted to be an intellectual like the writers that shaped and moulded me when my brain hadn't gotten old, when it was ready for an adventure, ready to play with Hobbes and tyrannosaurs in f-15s, ready to believe that one of these world would one day manifest like any post Gaiman fantasy but it wasnt true, I wanted to be a writer to be famous and I think that is why I stopped for so many years and its taken me so many to realize that was the reason because I remember the day I wanted to end writing, sitting in the back of one of the swedish trams, just as we drove out of grand central, the moment we entered the glare of oslo city, twixt a man with a cast on one of his legs, crutches held tightly under the left arm, a woman and her daughter each talking loudly in the phone and then, a thought entered and I stopped.

occasional stories would need to get out of my mind but it is now as I sit and type here that I understand, wallowing in despair, regret, melodrama and self-pity I had forgotten the words of Horselover Fat, I had not gotten the needed distance, I wanted to do something with my writing and I thought myself destined to be a writer for the catharsis writing provides and now I understand that was what it was or I might have gone beyond an obscure forum, no offense intended, this is therapy, this is me connecting with me by making sentences creating words avoiding grammar, this is me connecting with my gods, this is the true magickque

the suspension of ego for a brief while, thinking wonderful thoughts, going into the zone, becoming something more inside this zone, this holy playground of gods and everything else immaterial, this world where dead people live again and everyone is like the best of us ever were in everything, the big picture never visible but just felt amidst every genre in every discipline

Scribbling things down on paper or by keys, the act itself is enough not every story is good and some stories have no meaning and it feels like ive found myself like doctor Franklin back in babylon 5 on his walkabout and I know I will forget myself again, probably in not too long and I dont think I have a Delenn to deconstruct my falling stars

yet now I feel a little bubble of hope somewhere inside me, a blood vessel opening, a pupil dilating, a cock hardening

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: January 06, 2019, 02:01:56 pm »
rip in peace roger



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