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Messages - Sepia

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Or Kill Me / Re: loop #1
« on: June 28, 2019, 08:10:35 pm »
Usually I'm just not good enough to express what I want in the fashion I want

I'll start off with an idea I like and usually after I've had the first joint, I'm bored/can't focus on the original idea so then my brains says fuck it and I turn on complete stream of consciousness. Sometimes, when the initial idea was good/broad enough I can nestle something from there into the other and it gives the illusion of being connected

Like this piece, which had a good Ginsbergish beginning but I couldn't figure out where I wanted it to go so I went with the flow, the title was an afterthought but made it work better in my opinion because it reads better when you actually loop it

some stories are without meaning

Or Kill Me / loop #1
« on: June 27, 2019, 09:50:26 pm »
I see the light, some say its passing but i can see it still, clearly with my blue eyes they say its passing but i can see the light he hangs on the cross and a man is piercing him and he says something in passing but i can see the light and the fiery roar of technology as it manifests dreams across a sky across television sets into a sea of tranquillity and they say its passing  but i can see the light years later as a man shoots golf on the moon and as the ball is passing i see the light a man standing on a stage giving aid, a man in an alley getting aids as it is the only way he can be with the man he loves, a child in in the streets of stockholm trying to change how the world works and they say it'll pass, its going to blow over and i have seen light

what did you see in the light?

did you see yourself there, cramped, waiting for them to open the casket and surprise you or did you see yourself there, hidden inside a comatose body while your mind still worked having no mouth wanting to scream, seeing yourself over and over, strobing, building madness inside yourself or did you see yourself over there, out there in the stars climbing on spider webs all the way to Eris with its highly eccentric orbit, did you touch her, eat her golden apple did she give you the holy grail or did she give you the wand, did you accept? willingly or with obligation? did you accept because it would make a better story? how does that validate or invalidate your previous argument?

what did you see in the light?

humans, all too human humans trying to carve out something from themselves in a game that is rigged, in a game where 90% fight over 10% while the 10% control the 90% because why not? with this in mind we become even more human and we close to kill those we love and we lick the arses of those we hate because that is the rhythm of it, that is the familiar, the culture and with that in mind we become even more human so we compete in the gutters where we belong because we don't understand that we could be getting a lot more than 10%

what did you see in the humans?

I fucking wish i could just stay in the hive eat honey and fart all day

shit and come and fuck and be and be a bee

oh, that we were bees, working for a goal, a distinct goal, an idea a vision a man or a woman or something just driving the bus, someone getting in and getting it done and sometimes when I'm blue and sad and here I just wish for someone with a vision to take us through and let us break on through but all the doers are fucks, all the doers are shit, every cause idea symbol gathering point focus point everything that starts with a pinprick turns to shit

not like the person in tiananmen who was a doer and did one good thing before disappearing or being disappeared, theres probably lots more like mother theresa, some versions of jesus christ, like some versions of anakin skywalker it was bill hicks wasnt it who said it another dead hero but I've been looking for heroes and the heroes aren't where they're supposed to be so what they say comes out wrong because some of our eyes are still old, some of our minds gelled during certain events and with these ears we can hear nothing but noise, desiring the sound of crickets

women shouldn't talk about politics
gayness is a disease and with time and faith we can cure it
transpeople are okay as long as they stay in their closets
no blacks allowed

for me, very stereotypical american issues but all heard through rural norway in the year of our lord 2k19

is this it
is this where the past will overtake the future and the future will panic and fire bits of itself into the past while we have no fear for the things we should fear, the things we should feel reverence for, the old religions understood it and kept it simple while some fanatics placed their faith in one unending god in a universe where everything will end

pigs have gentle hearts but they will eat you when hungry enough and it's not just the cops, we're all pigs here on this globe and soon we'll have pigs hearts, pig ears and pig cocks too pig cunts as we marvel at the scientific achievement of creating a hermaphrodite while the rich escape to live on the moon and then we the common people will live and do whatever we do and we'll fail watch our life slide out of view and dance and drink and screw,

Or Kill Me / pieface
« on: May 28, 2019, 09:21:15 pm »
a little too loudly as he walked into the diner getting dragged into the back by coffee, hashbrowns and burgers

ONLY HERE FOR THE ____ he said

we dont know much more of what he said because he vanished into the mists having found an enlightenment, the last of the free discordians, his name is Robert Budd Dwyer and in his nirvana he built his silver city and in the middle a feathered serpent held court and from heaven and hell he received his dream, a false dream but his dream nonetheless and he went out into the world to preach

but how does a discordian preach?

social manipulation?
be the dude with the sign?
charity drives?
learn to tattoo, abduct people, cover them in golden apples and release them?

he came upon a quaint little town filled with boutique shops, shabby chic ten years too late, housewives blind on prescription meds and moved into a house down by the river. he opened up the way to his backyard and made a quaint little store in the shed where he also made cute small signs, inscribed with inspiring sentences such as

Don't be perplexed at different realities!
Reality is the original Rorschach!
I don't know man, I didn't do it!
Emperor Norton was Right!
No hot dog buns!
Celebrate Mungday!
I want YOU to fight the curse of GREYFACE!
Why are we here?

and he preached
he preached to the housewives their husbands their gardeners making them grow his weed he preached to the poolboys and got word on which pools were nice to clean and which weren't he preached to their drivers their cats their politicians their servants their world

Or Kill Me / disone iz for you,
« on: March 31, 2019, 07:07:33 pm »
the seas will boil when the sun goes supernova, clarice sterling there to ask the psychopath at the end of time

'what did become of the world?'

and he will tell us, dispassionately

'Mankind can keep alive thanks to its brilliance
In keeping its humanity repressed
And for once you must try not to shriek the facts
Mankind is kept alive by bestial acts'

we will return from where we came and we'll eat frozen yoghurt to know that we are truly in hell and it doesn't matter that I didn't have children, I still feel sorta bad about the planet, barren wastelands of a thought-utopia dreamt through the kaleidoscope by a junkie sleepingwaking under the bridge

we could have learned alot from bees but we didn't but I'm getting tired of reading papers up papers down yellow journalism, all journalism save for a few last bastions bee journalism in yellow pages with big bold black letters swarming but without purpose no longer the big picture no longer the details merely noise

freeze your cheez-doodles and enjoy them with an ok champagne or cremant but don't believe it when the british say they make good bubbles

the sun sets as we will set and the bones will jiggle, juggle jungling through the tygers tygers burning bright, here it comes again, revolving once more for us, the sun we've seen so little this winter and to be honest I haven't really missed it, our nemesis and the president of the free world reads my mind and there are talks about pre-emptive strikes and trickle-down diplomacy and we know what we have to do as one globe is first to establish a base on the moon so we can attempt to speak with the sun, we must  have come thus far that diplo should be the first trick, building something together with duplos before we move onto the legos and if diplomacy we will sue the sun, monopoly isn't fair, we should be allowed to choose what source of warmth we get from, we should be able to ask questions, like

is your sun veganfriendly?
is your sun vegan?
can you trace the source of your sun, is it certifiablevbblebleblblbabbly organic?
is this sun holy, is it THE sun?

Two fingers held to her own temple and she makes the sound and her head jerks and something more than a bullet is released and in the seconds it takes for her to drop down dead we see her life lived, trancelike we awake to a thud, forgetting enlightenment

becoming who we used to be as elon musk fires kissinger into the heart of the sun

Or Kill Me / viagra boys
« on: January 29, 2019, 07:36:35 pm »
Ivy, pretty ivy shun me into darkness, come beside me in this heart of shit, this throb of man manning on becoming butterflies and balls of deep fried butter served alongside deeply fried coca cola, see the world and as you gaze into the darkness and light that is them that is you shove the syringue filled with washing powder, rat poison and heroin into that eyeball and gaze into the future, become nostradamus, become the mayan calendar transcend time and step into the future, create it like powerful maagickque from something you have made nothing

and in nothing you will end and I will have something because I'll be dancing on your grave, tapdance on top of the fake marble, poledance on that pretentious obelisk you got yourself and I will dwindle away to Tchaikovsky, an angry stupid bird going back and forth, in the zone, gotten the rhythm like no white man ever since

and they glow like the fires of the fields of Verdun

Or Kill Me / Confessions
« on: January 20, 2019, 12:17:06 am »
To live and sing the praise of life and love becomes harder as you grow older, fiery eyes closed behind guylined curtains the sound and fury diminished in the eyes of the young and you think your eyes are young because they've changed so little, they see worse than they used to but you are that you are still twenty something, frozen in time like a mans handwriting, ugly scribbles we learned when we were in 6th grade, managing only to pass but nothing more, interest already waning then as we understand and begin to lay the bricks for our fortress of solitude

Looking backwards gives you nothing, regret is never worth it regret would have been worth it if we learned something from it but I never do and as I grow older I understand why we are where we are, I was so fucking filled with hope for a future I knew nothing about and I felt alive in a sea of dead whereas now I feel like dead in a sea of alive, a bitter man thinking he has come full circle because the few dreams I had when I was a child have been made manifest but never of my own doing, lazily waiting for opportunities good enough instead of going out into the jungle, pith helmet and colonial makeup, I used to not believe in a master race but what is there for a nerd after the console wars have played out the way they have

like any other war, useless and empty, hollow and leaving the consumers with less than what they had when they begun with the illusion of having more, quality of life improvements in something that isnt real, quality of life patches us through this beginning and to increase your backpack in the mmo youve played for close to fifteen years you give your number(tattooed on the inside of your arm) sacrificing it in the name of security, give me convenience or give me death

give me da'at

I feel old, I feel like my grandfather barely awake in a strange dream, unable to eat, remembering only one segment of his life, ninety years, the memories of an entire life and the only thing to be remembered is with panic, someone has to make sure the boats are shored up nicely because there might be a storm, there might be a night where Thor will hammer his anvil

I used to be not believe in any gods, human made or actual ones but now I do, those made in our minds atleast, not one but all of them, every prophet, martyr or messiah, every old god and all the creations of Lovecraft, Derleth and everyone else who dreamt up something, each and every one of them is there, is here and we are strengthened by them for we are still infants and I love it for gods represent something animalistic, being belief rather than logic, cold or warm, all holy texts mean something for everyone

like a dream

I used to want to be a writer because I thought I wanted to be an intellectual like the writers that shaped and moulded me when my brain hadn't gotten old, when it was ready for an adventure, ready to play with Hobbes and tyrannosaurs in f-15s, ready to believe that one of these world would one day manifest like any post Gaiman fantasy but it wasnt true, I wanted to be a writer to be famous and I think that is why I stopped for so many years and its taken me so many to realize that was the reason because I remember the day I wanted to end writing, sitting in the back of one of the swedish trams, just as we drove out of grand central, the moment we entered the glare of oslo city, twixt a man with a cast on one of his legs, crutches held tightly under the left arm, a woman and her daughter each talking loudly in the phone and then, a thought entered and I stopped.

occasional stories would need to get out of my mind but it is now as I sit and type here that I understand, wallowing in despair, regret, melodrama and self-pity I had forgotten the words of Horselover Fat, I had not gotten the needed distance, I wanted to do something with my writing and I thought myself destined to be a writer for the catharsis writing provides and now I understand that was what it was or I might have gone beyond an obscure forum, no offense intended, this is therapy, this is me connecting with me by making sentences creating words avoiding grammar, this is me connecting with my gods, this is the true magickque

the suspension of ego for a brief while, thinking wonderful thoughts, going into the zone, becoming something more inside this zone, this holy playground of gods and everything else immaterial, this world where dead people live again and everyone is like the best of us ever were in everything, the big picture never visible but just felt amidst every genre in every discipline

Scribbling things down on paper or by keys, the act itself is enough not every story is good and some stories have no meaning and it feels like ive found myself like doctor Franklin back in babylon 5 on his walkabout and I know I will forget myself again, probably in not too long and I dont think I have a Delenn to deconstruct my falling stars

yet now I feel a little bubble of hope somewhere inside me, a blood vessel opening, a pupil dilating, a cock hardening

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: January 06, 2019, 02:01:56 pm »
rip in peace roger



Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Drinks are on the Supreme Court
« on: January 05, 2019, 03:58:17 pm »
Hello, friends.

What happened to roger? I'm guessing there is no detailed chronicle regarding his departure

Any other interesting old-fart departures?

Or Kill Me / a fresh new lemon-scented you
« on: February 28, 2018, 09:49:01 pm »
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

"It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice" - Scooter

We speak to them, our choir, we speak to them as if they are a part of us, another idea, another concept of us. Sullen, we have become and we will end and they will be there with us, when we end as they were when we began and we sing to them as we feel something ends as something begins our voices become melodious because the thing we learned when we were smaller and thought that some of this we did mattered in the end, erased by cheap rubbers as we became older and lost our sense of direction, rudderless rubbberless but still we sing, still our voices are there and not still, the choir booms and becomes and we invoke it when we see fit, we invoke the dreams they cast upon us we invoke them when we feel helpless and small for their tones, their power is what we ourselves put into them without becoming them because it wouldn't be becoming of us

to let go and only listen

people are strange when you're a stranger

and strange we are, mother earths children each and every one of us, one global tribe connected through james cameron when he became a tree and we all coloured ourselves blue, we see we see the strangeness and the weirdness that shaped us and all of it or we think we do or we know we dont but fuck you we're conjuring here, new realites, other fantasies

we aren't combating or extinguishing our diseases and ills, our sicknesses are merely symptoms of what we will become because one day far far away in the story of human evolution, alois schicklgrubers fever dream, the perfect man, his aryan of whatever colour, creed or orifices to be penetrated in will become birthed, mutated through every ailment, the first of the last(first), mankinds destiny is to become a living breathing weapon,

Death becomes me and I am its shadow

succulent we were then, succulent we will come to be the flood will come and the ark itself will manifest and within it the ten commandments unedited version untainted by human hands


Or Kill Me / not political
« on: January 06, 2018, 12:11:34 am »
and death becomes silent as cain begins the revolution and the choir sings are we able and we descend as we ascend and enter  the right frame of mind enter Eastenders

we google oogle google words we no longer remember and we feed bananas to our cryptocurrencies hoping new cryptobananas will be born silently hoping someone else will join our wankathon

we feel we owe it to ourselves we owe it to someone else we feel we owe it to the sky to mom to dad to mother to father to elon musk to greath cthulhu to donald trump, the first of his name to honningbarna to rage against the machine but not the prophets of rage
to ideas and dreams to hopes of futures we know will never happen

here, shades and phantoms: what did you become?

Or Kill Me / Fuckball
« on: May 12, 2017, 08:06:16 pm »
come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me, I'm tired I said, I'm getting old I don't have your longevity, come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me, I have work in the morning loved one I have to get out and be about, come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me, I love you and I'll play with you when time comes, come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me

I love you, with all my heart, mother earth, torturist of us all, jailer of alien spirits I see what you made us and I love you, you are our perfect parasite our perfect symbiotic love, I have witnessed the silver city in dreams and I have seen the angels that reside there and I have heard their song and I sat there as they sang

come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me, I watch her filled with vigor her movements filled with grace and precision learned and known, come play fuckball she said come play fuckball with me, she's an aleph beautiful in her own way tending to her own library of dreams and revolving doors, traps snapping shut

Jaws snapping shut, life ending becoming death becoming a life worth living as death peers at me while she sets a new record in pong smiling knowing she is untouchable in every aspect that matters to her she reminds me of the time

she said come play fuckball with me, now

Or Kill Me / Re: fuck you america?
« on: December 20, 2016, 01:18:11 am »

Undying, shackle time and let me remember to get up to drink the coconut before it stales, mother time, commemorate me to destruction and become your own annihilation, be brave in this time of your own shush now

Hear her now mother america how you have nurtured us into this age of empire and how you will chaperone us into this new thing for you are the world, you are the people

Or Kill Me / Re: Everyone will always be too late (2016)
« on: November 14, 2016, 01:13:48 am »
are these like the others in lost or more like the others in asoiaf?

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