Post your own definition/imagery of a "spag".
For me, the perfect image of a spag is:
an obnoxious ten year old boy making too much noise and windmilling his arms for no goddamn reason
That guy who's standing ahead of you in line, and just as he gets to the cash register, he answers his cell phone and he's talking too loud.
You briefly make eye contact with the cashier. Without a word, and without any visible reaction, you are both psychically on the same page: this guy is a spag
you grab your own balls in frustration
It's eleven hundred degrees. You're drenched in sweat. Steam is coming off your body. Meat which touches your body is instantly cooked.
Some guy flashes a horse-like grin and goes, "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA".
Then he brays like a donkey at this supernova of a joke.
You bite your lip so hard your teeth touch
The food chain, from highest to lowest:
Glorious Faggot
Spag
Someone I know from around the way.
Pond Algae
Noob
Gloryhole Squeezings
Ann Coulter
that one kid who is CONSTANTLY spitting loogies
like every 10 minutes with this spag, it's a big *snrrrkt* and then a *pbpptht* for no fucking reason
Quote from: Cramulus on September 23, 2013, 04:53:09 PM
It's eleven hundred degrees. You're drenched in sweat. Steam is coming off your body. Meat which touches your body is instantly cooked.
Some guy flashes a horse-like grin and goes, "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA".
Then he brays like a donkey at this supernova of a joke.
You bite your lip so hard your teeth touch
Generally, everything goes red at that point, and then it's HAHAHA I'LL NEVER GET THIS SHIRT CLEAN
NOW! Then Billy Mays shows up and tells me about OxyClean.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 04:57:08 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on September 23, 2013, 04:53:09 PM
It's eleven hundred degrees. You're drenched in sweat. Steam is coming off your body. Meat which touches your body is instantly cooked.
Some guy flashes a horse-like grin and goes, "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA".
Then he brays like a donkey at this supernova of a joke.
You bite your lip so hard your teeth touch
Generally, everything goes red at that point, and then it's HAHAHA I'LL NEVER GET THIS SHIRT CLEAN NOW! Then Billy Mays shows up and tells me about OxyClean.
:lulz: You guys sure get some pretty strong mirages out there in the high desert.
Like, you can touch them and everything. Weird!
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on September 23, 2013, 04:58:34 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 04:57:08 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on September 23, 2013, 04:53:09 PM
It's eleven hundred degrees. You're drenched in sweat. Steam is coming off your body. Meat which touches your body is instantly cooked.
Some guy flashes a horse-like grin and goes, "HOT ENOUGH FOR YA".
Then he brays like a donkey at this supernova of a joke.
You bite your lip so hard your teeth touch
Generally, everything goes red at that point, and then it's HAHAHA I'LL NEVER GET THIS SHIRT CLEAN NOW! Then Billy Mays shows up and tells me about OxyClean.
:lulz: You guys sure get some pretty strong mirages out there in the high desert.
Like, you can touch them and everything. Weird!
I like that description. Wait til I tell Marilyn Monroe and Elvis about that tonight.
A spag is just smart enough to know that Bill Gates probably won't give them fifty thousand dollars for forwarding that one e-mail, but they send it anyway.
You receive this e-mail, you immediately rip out your own eye balls and chuck them in the trash.
When you ask a spag if the movie was any good, they tell you the entire plot, and spoil the best jokes.
You break a plate on your head.
You're at a friend's house. You ask if you can use the bathroom, and to be cute, they say "No".
But instead of laughing at the joke, you shit your pants in open defiance
You're at a restaurant. Starving.
You already know what you want, and are ready to order, but your friend is rambling about something boring.
The waiter comes over, politely waits for your friend to finish rambling, but she doesn't. You eventually have to nudge her elbow. The server asks your friend if she knows what she'd like to eat. Your friend says No. The waiter patiently walks away, hovering nearby. Your friend doesn't even pick up the menu, she just continues the story. Your stomach growls, the story goes on. And on.
To pass the time, you speedbag yourself in the face.
You pour yourself a delicious 72 ounce caffeinated soft drink beverage
Just as the oversized rim touches your lips, Mayor Bloomberg zips by on roller-skates and slaps it out of your hands, causing you and your entire family to be splashed, drenched, soaked to the bone with highly acidic coca cola product.
Mayor Bloomberg is a spag.
Your face melts, Raiders of the Lost Ark style.
(http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/scariest-moments-in-non-horror-movies/i-mockery-raiders-of-lost-ark-face-melt.gif)
:lulz:
I remember spags in the military.
"Hey, Roger, guard my bourbon, I'll be back in two hours."
or
"Hey, Roger, keep my girlfriend company until I get off of guard rotation."
Ah, the good old days, when Spags just LINED RIGHT THE FUCK UP with their pants around their ankles and their stupid hanging out.
-
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
Let me think for a second
Well, Oh, he gets butt-naked
And then he walks through the streets
Winking at freaks
With a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He just don't care
He might try to put a weave
In his nut hair
Cuz he could give a fuck less
What a bitch thinks
He tell her that her butt stinks
And all that
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
He drinks like a fish
And then he starts huggin people
Like a drunk bitch
Next thing, he's pickin fights
With his best friends
Then he starts with the huggin again
Fuck!
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
A fucking lunatic
Somebody with a rope tied
To his dick
Then he jumps out a ten-story window
Oh!
(Chorus 2x)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
Desertlands? (We spags)
The Swamp? (We spags)
Belgium? (We spags)
Fuckin everybody (We spags)
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
Get the fuck up
Get the fuck the out of here
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
A dead body
Well, he ain't really dead
But he ain't like
Anybody that you've ever met before
He'll eat Monopoly and shit out Connect Four
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spa--What the fuck?
Connect...? Man that shit is whack
(Professor Cramulus)
Don't worry about my shit
Just rap motherfucker
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He ain't a bitchboy
He'll walk through the hills
And argue down a rich boy
Walks right in the forum
When you're having supper
And dip his nuts in your soup (gloop)!
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
Well, he ain't a phoney
He'll walk up and bust a concept
In your pet project
And watch you sit there
And finish up the last bit
Cause your a stupid ass dumb fuckin idiot
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He's a graduate
He graduated from....well
At least, he got a job
He's not a dumb putz
He works for himself scratching his nuts (ha)
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
A Hulkamaniac
He powerbombs mutha-fucka's into thumbtacks
People like him till
They find out he's unstable
He Sabu'd your mom through a coffee table
(Chorus)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
Get the fuck up
Get the fuck out of here
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
(I figures you would understand)
(Chorus 2x)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
Portland? (We spags)
Tucson? (We spags)
Providence? (We spags)
Everybody? (We spags)(x 3)
Fuckin everybody? (We spags)
Everybody? (We spags)
What is a spag?
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Holy shit :lol:
ahhhhhh ahahahas :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Hate New York City
It's cold and it's damp
And all the people dressed like monkeys
Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimos
That town's a little bit too rugged
For you and me you bad girl
Rollin' down the Aviation Highway
With a spaggy Nigel at my side
Santa Rita winds blowin' hot from the East
And we was born to ride
Roll down the window flip off the cop
Crank up the Pixies baby
Don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more
From South Filth to the Legal District
From the West Side to the Hive
Everybody's very HAPPY
'Cause the sun is shining ALL THE TIME
Looks like another perfect day
I love Tucson (We love it)
I love Tucson (We love it)
Look at those mountains
Look at those killer bees
Look at that Spag over there, man
He's down on his knees
Look at these meth'd out people
There ain't nothin' like 'em nowhere
Tucson Boulevard (We love it)
Speedway Boulevard (We love it)
Broadway Boulevard (We love it)
Fourth Street (We love it, we love it)
I love Tucson
I love Tucson
(help us)
A spag is a unit of measurement. To make one Discordia, you need all the spags that are in a given location, plus one.
SPAGS, TWO DIFFERENT KINDS:
The Spag works way too much for way too little
The Spag drinks way too early till way too late
The Spag hasn't had a raise since New Years Day in '08
gets trampled on by everyone
Except when he comes in here
And The Spag is the product of the Haggard generation
The Spag's got a redneck side when you get him agitated
The Spag's got the gold toothed look from a stiff right hook
The Spag's proud he took for his right wing stand on Vietnam
Says he lost his brother there
The Spag yells out "Johnny Cash!"
When the band starts to play
A ring of fire as the Spag walks up
And stands there by the stage
And the Spag says
Hell yeah!
Turn it up!
Right on!
Hell yeah!
Sounds good!
Sing that song!
Guitar man playin' all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me
Life was good and love was easy
The Spag's got an MBA and a plush corner office
The Spag's got a don't mess with me attitude
The Spag will close a deal she don't reveal that she can feel
The loneliness the emptiness
Except when she comes in here
The Spag's the product of the Me generation
The Spag's got a rock and roll side when you get her agitated
The Spag's got the tattoo there on her derriere from a spring break dare
In Panama where love was all she thought she'd ever need
The Spag yells out to the band
"Know any Bruce Springsteen?"
Then the Spag jumps up on the bar
And she, and she starts to scream
The Spag says
Hell yeah!
Turn it up!
Right on!
Hell yeah!
Sounds good!
Sing that song!
Guitar man playin' all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me
When life was good and love was easy
Yeah, yeah
Can or can't you get my mind off thinkin' 'bout
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Hey, hell yeah
Hell yeah
Turn it up
Right on
Hell yeah
Sounds good
Sing that song
Guitar man playin' all night long
Take me back to where the music hit me
When life was good
Quote from: Mean Mister Nigel on September 23, 2013, 06:16:58 PM
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
Let me think for a second
Well, Oh, he gets butt-naked
And then he walks through the streets
Winking at freaks
With a two-liter stuck in his butt-cheeks
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He just don't care
He might try to put a weave
In his nut hair
Cuz he could give a fuck less
What a bitch thinks
He tell her that her butt stinks
And all that
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
He drinks like a fish
And then he starts huggin people
Like a drunk bitch
Next thing, he's pickin fights
With his best friends
Then he starts with the huggin again
Fuck!
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
A fucking lunatic
Somebody with a rope tied
To his dick
Then he jumps out a ten-story window
Oh!
(Chorus 2x)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
Desertlands? (We spags)
The Swamp? (We spags)
Belgium? (We spags)
Fuckin everybody (We spags)
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
Get the fuck up
Get the fuck the out of here
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
A dead body
Well, he ain't really dead
But he ain't like
Anybody that you've ever met before
He'll eat Monopoly and shit out Connect Four
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spa--What the fuck?
Connect...? Man that shit is whack
(Professor Cramulus)
Don't worry about my shit
Just rap motherfucker
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He ain't a bitchboy
He'll walk through the hills
And argue down a rich boy
Walks right in the forum
When you're having supper
And dip his nuts in your soup (gloop)!
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
Well, he ain't a phoney
He'll walk up and bust a concept
In your pet project
And watch you sit there
And finish up the last bit
Cause your a stupid ass dumb fuckin idiot
(Dirty Old Uncle Roger)
What is a spag?
He's a graduate
He graduated from....well
At least, he got a job
He's not a dumb putz
He works for himself scratching his nuts (ha)
(Professor Cramulus)
What is a spag?
A Hulkamaniac
He powerbombs mutha-fucka's into thumbtacks
People like him till
They find out he's unstable
He Sabu'd your mom through a coffee table
(Chorus)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
Get the fuck up
Get the fuck out of here
I'm the spagalagalocoroni
(I figures you would understand)
(Chorus 2x)
What is a spag?
A spag
Ask what it is
Well, fuck, if I know
What is a spag?
I don't know
But I'm down with Discordia
And I'm down for life, yo
Portland? (We spags)
Tucson? (We spags)
Providence? (We spags)
Everybody? (We spags)(x 3)
Fuckin everybody? (We spags)
Everybody? (We spags)
What is a spag?
I thought of this song too. :P Excellent!
What was the original song?
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 08:42:32 PM
What was the original song?
ICP's "What is a Juggalo?" NSFW NSFW http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RUhEK2tHc8 NSFW. NSFW.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 23, 2013, 08:48:16 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 08:46:50 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on September 23, 2013, 08:45:15 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 08:42:32 PM
What was the original song?
ICP's "What is a Juggalo?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RUhEK2tHc8
Thanks. I'll watch it at home. :lulz:
It's a funny song. I like it.
Normally, I'd play it over the fucking intercom, let alone at my desk, but we have a couple of our major customers auditing us.
A spag can be real about the important things.
A spag can take a phenomenal crap, and admit it's time for a smoke.
A spag will hit off the clamatto can twice, to see if it really DOES get worse.
A spag will hand you the wool to pull over your own eyes.
A spag in the yard is worth 5 on the street.
A spag will add a certain je ne sais quoi to any soup in proper amounts.
Hey RHWN, where are those killer spag tracks you laid down? We need them ITT!
Can we get a HALLELUJAH!?
Quote from: Mean Mister Nigel on September 27, 2013, 02:18:00 AM
Can we get a HALLELUJAH!?
(http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11/117617/2606910-l_hallelujah.jpg)
Quote from: Cramulus on September 26, 2013, 08:12:46 PM
Hey RHWN, where are those killer spag tracks you laid down? We need them ITT!
Hmm, they seem to not exist anymore on the internet anywhere. I'll have to see where I might have them saved at home.