...And the bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
It was actually a suicide bombing wasn't it.
:|
a skeleton walks into a bar
he orders a beer and a mop
wop wop wop
Quote from: Cramulus on August 14, 2013, 08:29:26 PM
a skeleton walks into a bar
he orders a beer and a mop
wop wop wop
:mittens: :lulz:
A dwarf walks out of a bar .....
:rimshot:
(http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/4705/1184566-thats_the_joke.jpg)
Quote from: Cramulus on August 14, 2013, 08:29:26 PM
a skeleton walks into a bar
he orders a beer and a mop
wop wop wop
An Irishman, a drunk, and a lunatic walk into a bar...
...
...
...
That's it.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 14, 2013, 08:31:18 PM
An Irishman, a drunk, and a lunatic walk into a bar...
He orders a beer.
Fixxxed.
Two men walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
:rimshot:
Hamburger walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Hey! We don't serve food in here."
You guys better look out, I'll start telling the stick jokes.
A man walks into a bar.
RWHN advises the state to remove the man's children from him.
Quote from: Pæs on August 14, 2013, 10:31:15 PM
A man walks into a bar.
RWHN advises the state to remove the man's children from him.
Paes wins the internets. :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Pæs on August 14, 2013, 10:31:15 PM
A man walks into a bar.
RWHN advises the state to remove the man's children from him.
OSHI--
:spittake:
At first, I was kind of pissed that my thread became another RWHN thread.
Then I remembered that it's a joke thread, and suddenly it was very fitting.
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine, I just quit drinking."
A scotsman walks into a bar
... and that's about all I can remember about that night
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 15, 2013, 12:21:23 PM
A scotsman walks into a bar
... and that's about all I can remember about that night
TROOF.
Scotsman don't go to bars. Bars are for southern pansies who can't hold their beer, and children.
A Scotsman would only go to a bar with another bar.
(http://cdn.overclock.net/d/d9/d944c3d8_xzibit-happy.jpeg)
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a bar, looking at an empty house opposite.
They see two people enter the house, and a short while later they see three people leave.
The biologist says 'They must have reproduced."
The physicist says "Experimental error. Our observations must be wrong."
The mathematician says "If one person enters the house now, then it will be empty again."
Quote from: McGrupp on August 15, 2013, 02:55:54 PM
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a bar, looking at an empty house opposite.
They see two people enter the house, and a short while later they see three people leave.
The biologist says 'They must have reproduced."
The physicist says "Experimental error. Our observations must be wrong."
The mathematician says "If one person enters the house now, then it will be empty again."
:lulz:
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
A dyslexic walks into a bra.....
Quote from: McGrupp on August 15, 2013, 03:26:26 PM
A dyslexic walks into a bra.....
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says.
The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'?"
"Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"
Quote from: Suu on August 15, 2013, 04:49:08 PM
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says.
The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'?"
"Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"
:lulz: :lulz: ahhhh
I have way too many of these.
A guy walks into a bar. The Bartender asks, "Hey, how's it going?"
The guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own."
"That's good." replied the bartender. "You'd get arrested if you held someone else's."
:rimshot:
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 14, 2013, 10:06:46 PM
You guys better look out, I'll start telling the stick jokes.
You do, and I swear to god I'll find a way to tell the brick joke through the Internet. :argh!:
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 14, 2013, 10:06:46 PM
You guys better look out, I'll start telling the stick jokes.
There's more than just that one best ever stick joke? I MUST HEAR THEM
Waffles, my Lutheran minister friend, and I were actually working on a couple of these last week on FB.
I'll give you a version a version that cuts out the preacherman's ecumenicalism.
A Viking and a Minister walk into a bar whereupon they find an Irishman, who is already way ahead of them. The Minister is trying to explain Lutheranism to the Viking and convert him from his marauding ways. The Irishman crosses himself and mutters something in Latin, and both the Viking and the Minister glance at him but get back to their conversation, since the Viking is intrigued. The Minister convinces the Viking to be a Lutheran. The Viking, overjoyed with his newfound salvation, offers to buy the next round. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of the Irishman, take his wallet and toss it to the barkeep. He then thinks about it and apologizes to the good reverend, "Sorry, old habits die hard." "It's ok, my friend," said the Minister, "he's a fucking Papist anyway."
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 16, 2013, 02:06:38 AM
Waffles, my Lutheran minister friend, and I were actually working on a couple of these last week on FB.
I'll give you a version a version that cuts out the preacherman's ecumenicalism.
A Viking and a Minister walk into a bar whereupon they find an Irishman, who is already way ahead of them. The Minister is trying to explain Lutheranism to the Viking and convert him from his marauding ways. The Irishman crosses himself and mutters something in Latin, and both the Viking and the Minister glance at him but get back to their conversation, since the Viking is intrigued. The Minister convinces the Viking to be a Lutheran. The Viking, overjoyed with his newfound salvation, offers to buy the next round. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of the Irishman, take his wallet and toss it to the barkeep. He then thinks about it and apologizes to the good reverend, "Sorry, old habits die hard." "It's ok, my friend," said the Minister, "he's a fucking Papist anyway."
:spittake:
Quote from: Suu on August 16, 2013, 02:41:38 AM
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 16, 2013, 02:06:38 AM
Waffles, my Lutheran minister friend, and I were actually working on a couple of these last week on FB.
I'll give you a version a version that cuts out the preacherman's ecumenicalism.
A Viking and a Minister walk into a bar whereupon they find an Irishman, who is already way ahead of them. The Minister is trying to explain Lutheranism to the Viking and convert him from his marauding ways. The Irishman crosses himself and mutters something in Latin, and both the Viking and the Minister glance at him but get back to their conversation, since the Viking is intrigued. The Minister convinces the Viking to be a Lutheran. The Viking, overjoyed with his newfound salvation, offers to buy the next round. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of the Irishman, take his wallet and toss it to the barkeep. He then thinks about it and apologizes to the good reverend, "Sorry, old habits die hard." "It's ok, my friend," said the Minister, "he's a fucking Papist anyway."
:spittake:
:thanks:
Ed, my minister friend, wanted to change the rationale to it being a fan of Notre Dame or something. I don't follow football, so no clue.
Best joke ever. :lulz:
Quote from: Aloha Ackbar on August 16, 2013, 02:06:38 AM
Waffles, my Lutheran minister friend, and I were actually working on a couple of these last week on FB.
I'll give you a version a version that cuts out the preacherman's ecumenicalism.
A Viking and a Minister walk into a bar whereupon they find an Irishman, who is already way ahead of them. The Minister is trying to explain Lutheranism to the Viking and convert him from his marauding ways. The Irishman crosses himself and mutters something in Latin, and both the Viking and the Minister glance at him but get back to their conversation, since the Viking is intrigued. The Minister convinces the Viking to be a Lutheran. The Viking, overjoyed with his newfound salvation, offers to buy the next round. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of the Irishman, take his wallet and toss it to the barkeep. He then thinks about it and apologizes to the good reverend, "Sorry, old habits die hard." "It's ok, my friend," said the Minister, "he's a fucking Papist anyway."
:lulz: This is great.
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 16, 2013, 12:39:34 AM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 14, 2013, 10:06:46 PM
You guys better look out, I'll start telling the stick jokes.
There's more than just that one best ever stick joke? I MUST HEAR THEM
They are TERRIBLE
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return when you throw it?
A STICK
What do you call a car that doesn't have automatic transmission?
A STICK
And of course the #1 all time best stick joke ever,
What's brown and sticky?
A STICK.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 16, 2013, 04:33:46 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 16, 2013, 12:39:34 AM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 14, 2013, 10:06:46 PM
You guys better look out, I'll start telling the stick jokes.
There's more than just that one best ever stick joke? I MUST HEAR THEM
They are TERRIBLE
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return when you throw it?
A STICK
What do you call a car that doesn't have automatic transmission?
A STICK
And of course the #1 all time best stick joke ever,
What's brown and sticky?
A STICK.
:lulz:
Yesss! Are there more? I remember we already agreed a few years ago that that last one is indeed the BEST JOKE EVER.
Okay, so this man walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "STOP OPPRESSING ME!!! YOU ARE BEING RACIST AGAINST MY KIND!! YOU ARE BEING OFFENSIVE AND UNETHICAL!!!"
:rimshot:
(for those that did not know it already, it actually ends like this:
The guys replies, "I am already seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on.")
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 16, 2013, 04:59:25 PM
Yesss! Are there more? I remember we already agreed a few years ago that that last one is indeed the BEST JOKE EVER.
Those are the only three I know, but I would be really delighted if anyone came up with any more.
What do you call a bow that lost it's string?
A STICK!
What do you call a vertically challenged robbery?
A STICK!
What do you call a blood sucking insect in your butt?
ASSTICK!
Quote from: :regret: on August 18, 2013, 09:35:00 PM
What do you call a bow that lost it's string?
A STICK!
What do you call a vertically challenged robbery?
A STICK!
What do you call a blood sucking insect in your butt?
ASSTICK!
:lol: Oh dear. That last one...
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks "Do you want a drink?"
Descartes says "I think not," and poof. He's gone.
Quote from: Suu on August 19, 2013, 05:46:22 PM
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks "Do you want a drink?"
Descartes says "I think not," and poof. He's gone.
:lulz:
Quote from: :regret: on August 18, 2013, 09:35:00 PM
What do you call a bow that lost it's string?
A STICK!
What do you call a vertically challenged robbery?
A STICK!
What do you call a blood sucking insect in your butt?
ASSTICK!
Do dutch primary schools teach punning along with how to read and count and stuff?
Mind you, the dutch can work it. it's the deadpan delivery.
Regret usually hates it when I pun at meetups :) Maybe I infected him? :) :)
You know, I seem to be immune to my own puns.
I didn't even notice I punned until Pixie pointed it out.
This is excellent news for me and horrible news for the rest of the world!
Quote from: :regret: on August 19, 2013, 07:12:13 PM
You know, I seem to be immune to my own puns.
I didn't even notice I punned until Pixie pointed it out.
This is excellent news for me and horrible news for the rest of the world!
WE WILL BE PUNSTOPPABLE!!!
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2013, 08:39:20 PM
Quote from: :regret: on August 19, 2013, 07:12:13 PM
You know, I seem to be immune to my own puns.
I didn't even notice I punned until Pixie pointed it out.
This is excellent news for me and horrible news for the rest of the world!
WE WILL BE PUNSTOPPABLE!!!
Dammit, I just ran headfirst into a downside to not noticing when I pun.
I can't do it on porpoise.
...
ok nevermind, I
can do it on purpose I just need to stop trying so hard.
q: what's brown and sticky?
a: parcel tape
Quote from: Cramulus on August 20, 2013, 08:21:10 PM
q: what's brown and sticky?
a: parcel tape
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
(http://i.imgur.com/3xWMoU5.png)