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Apple Talk / Re: Official shit on rong thread
« on: September 16, 2023, 05:46:00 am »
Same. I just signed him up for so much Christian fundie and pregnancy newsletter spam it would be impossible to block it all, honestly.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: September 07, 2023, 05:03:20 pm »
End of the fucking line again.

I was spending so much time focusing on climbing out of the hole I live in that I didn’t notice the ground crumbling under my FUCKING FEET.

No income. No rent means no housing. No good money and SNAP actively fucking me over means I will not have food anymore either real soon. I am so fucking tired of struggling for nothing, of fighting so fucking hard and making progress and having EVERYTHING TAKEN FROM ME yet the fuck again. I’m 33 and i have NOTHING

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: September 02, 2023, 02:54:44 pm »
I'm juggling too much shit.

Gluten-free diet, relearning how to prepare foods that don't come in pre-packaged forms, finally have pans that won't hold gluten because no one else will be (no one else had BETTER BE) using them, building a small database of recipes I can prep myself (thinking about shepherd's pie, but with corned beef and frozen-section roast beef since I can't handle raw meat until my fingers stop bleeding, and replacing the gluten-containing gravy with a mixture of bone broth and queso), trying to visit a crush of mine and a friend of mine because it's cheaper that way, trying to get healthcare back (no luck so far...), etc, etc, etc...

I cannot be trying to quit smoking again right now, absolutely not, but I'm zeroed out. Also, I need to come up with 100 dollars for unrelated reasons that relate to maintaining housing and sanity. (If I explained this one, you probably wouldn't believe me, but suffice to say: Wisconsin is currently a better bet for me than Chicago.)

And because of Elon Musk, crowdfunding has all dried up. I'm this || close to being able to hit self-sufficiency, and I have made actual strides toward it. I cook my own food! I wanted a little treat and I had a tiny bit of money for it but realized I had butter and generic gluten-free rice krispies cereal and marshmallows and I made myself a little treat INSTEAD! I'm capable of trading energy in to save money now, where I wasn't before!

But one manbaby's ego has made it so I can't make it the rest of the way up. Well, okay, there's that and the nature of our capitalist hellscape in general, plus the unique awfulness of USAian healthcare, etc, etc, but I would be able to just say "fuck you" to all of that and muscle through... if.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 28, 2023, 10:23:06 pm »
The screaming in my head is around 17 or 18 kHz, and it's not alone.

My brain is full of the THX logo sound, but tuned two octaves lower.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 28, 2023, 01:07:22 am »
In fairness, Dok, it can be very fun and rewarding to have nothing in your head but a 23Hz drone. Or so I'm told.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 26, 2023, 07:55:47 pm »
I have apparently been told I'm blocked from the PD(dot)Com facebook page, which I had never heard of am not interested in.

That will show me!


Do they think that's like a coup?

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 20, 2023, 08:06:18 pm »
First week at the new place! They might be fucking me on taxes but otherwise looking good. Had some time and energy to do some flyering, including putting Two Weeks up at the intersection in front of my old job, because I am a petty bitch sometimes always.

On the jobs front, I'm actually considering working at Google.


It's the only place that has true-remote positions right now.

Propaganda Depository / Re: Self-Attribution Licence is now a thing!
« on: August 12, 2023, 01:23:53 am »
I'll trust your judgment and good will.

We haven't been introduced, so I'll just think of you as "prey".

Aren't they always, though? It's just polite, honestly.

Principia Discussion / Re: Behind the Bastards - Discordian Edition
« on: August 08, 2023, 08:39:51 pm »
Which is not to say that there are no good ideas within Discordianism, but I also don't think those ideas are unique to it or need to be expressed within the existing Discordian framework.

I've heard this referred to as post-Discordianism, and it's more or less where I think things have gone here and in the most closely-aligned splinter groups of this place for a long while.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 07, 2023, 08:39:35 pm »

I'm marking all as read.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 03, 2023, 07:49:29 pm »
Yeah, I normally don't post my stuff in here, we have other parts of the forum for that.

It's just that for me these past couple things have been big life-updates. Like "this is what I've been up to lately". But they also aren't enough mine to feel like I should make a new thread, I was a minor part at most. It's a life update, goes to the general "here's how I am" thread in my mind.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: August 03, 2023, 01:35:36 am »
Another release with my name loosely associated! My friend Mabel's debut EP, featuring Garry of Memorrhage on vox. Did mix feedback, provided moral support when she doubted herself, and was the one who linked her up with Garry B for the release. Must-hear if you like Mick Gordon's nu-Doom work, Sepultura, etc. She's also just a really cool person.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: July 25, 2023, 09:57:51 pm »
The main problem is it's hugely expensive. And it REALLY doesn't need to be. Take GF pasta, for instance: buckwheat exists and is gluten free, and buckwheat noodles have been a thing forever. But these days I can't even find pure buckwheat soba around here -- it's 50% wheat or, in a couple cases, pure wheat. Why? That isn't even fucking soba anymore. So I'm gonna have to order it, because every other alternative costs two to five times as much as a box of cheap durum wheat pasta, of course.

The big surprise to me is that Cheerios have no gluten tax. They have gluten-free oats, and that's for all their cereal.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: July 22, 2023, 06:33:35 pm »

Partner is NOT dying, AFAIK. She's having intermittent cognitive issues and aphasia as she goes through recovery (brain tumors suck) but it's been confirmed that to all appearances, she's fine. She thought she was dying because she misunderstood the doctor due to her aphasia.

That was still fucking terrifying, though.

I have started going gluten-free due to unintentionally giving myself a gluten challenge that began with about 1800 calories of sausage gravy and stuffing for breakfast, and ended with a near-emergency hypoglycemic episode two hours later. It's week two of this and there are some serious changes I've noted.

1: I'm eating less. Like, noticeably less. QGP can tell you how I used to eat, but yesterday I had, in order:
--1 quarter of a 10 inch pizza
--1 large bowl of black rice stir fry
--1 small bowl of chocolate ice cream
and after that, went to bed full and happy.

2: More energy. The past two days I have woken up to basically full functionality in under two hours of being awake. Yesterday I had no caffeine, and maintained a high-energy-high-brainfog state into the late night. Today I woke up in less than a half hour, and I'm having an energy drink because I suspect the brainfog has to do with insufficient B-vitamins (remember, I got actual fucking scurvy last year, so nutritional deficiencies are a big CHECK for me). Regardless, I'm HERE. I'm PRESENT. That's new! Especially given I woke up one hour ago.

3: Better sleep, or at least better absorption of sleep meds. Normally I overdose (3x recommended amount, doctor approved for me specifically) on sleeping meds and wake up in 5-6 hours. Last night, I did the same overdose, slept 9 hours, woke up feeling refreshed and healthy. I'm going to lower that to a 2x overdose for the next two weeks, and see if I can stop taking sleep meds altogether over time? But, genuinely, HUGE improvement.

4: Better mood? Not much, but no deep depressive episodes since I've begun this. Well, at least none if we don't count "my partner is going to die far away from me because of her shitty live-in partner", which even if it ended up being okay I sure don't count as a deep depressive episode, depression is kind of reasonable there. Also less easily frustrated, etc. Have I mentioned I don't have a doctor, so I'm not on any psych meds at the moment? Yeah, so this isn't a better absorption thing, this is a legitimate mood shift.

So uh, celiac disease seems reasonable to presume, or at least some level of gluten sensitivity.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: July 15, 2023, 09:02:06 am »
The hardest parts, no particular order.

1: I have never had to seriously grieve before. I do not know how to handle it.
2: We share a second partner, who is already in a permanent deep depressive state, and who I'm in poor shape to support, and who has no one the fuck else but me. I don't know if it'll survive this, and I don't know if I can survive a third loss so soon.
3: Oh. Right. I'm still recovering from a recent breakup, so this hit me harder than it probably otherwise would have.
4: I never got to fucking hold her.
5: No one's gonna remember all of her. There will be only one name on that grave, and it'll be the one that was never hers. No one's gonna remember Dara, Fox, Val or Nye. No one's gonna remember Cadera, or Laurel. This isn't just one person, it's a whole group sharing a mind. And no one will remember. My memory isn't worth a fucking thing, I don't even remember MYSELF most days. I can't write her story, I didn't know her long enough. She was isolated and alone most of her life. There's no way to properly reconstruct those lives now. There will be no history to write. Just a dozen people, one body, erased.
6: If anyone but me and her other LDR partners had given a single solitary fuck, this probably could have been avoided. 6 months after the diagnosis that she should have been on chemo, derailed by her trash-fire live-in girlfriend. Finally got on it, the course finished last month, and it was all too fucking late.

Anyway. Done shitting up the thread.

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