Originally posted May 27, 2003
Brethren and Cistern, the great Lenny Bruce once said, "American society will cripple you, and then arrest you for limping"...But we here at the Church of the Subgenius (Discordian) say, "CAST OFF THOSE CRUTCHES, AND CRAWL WITH PRIDE!" You can CRAWL AGAIN!
That's right, my fellow freaks, mutants, deviates, and wannabes, we have finally reached that Kafka-esque nightmare in which, due to the overwhelming complexity of the law, you break the law every day, whether you intend to or not! What most people fail to realize is this; they cannot watch everyone, all the time. There are simply too many people...so they get the ones that stand out. Those who dress funny, act funny, smoke funny stuff, or just plain LOOK GUILTY.
The world we live in is now nothing more or less than a giant prison, in which we shuffle around, trying to avoid the attentions of the wardens.
Are you gonna stand for that? Of course you are, because the CoN has become too big to smite! So what, my friends, can we do?
What's that you say? "Well, Reverend Roger (those of you who know me say), you always bitch about how bad things have gotten, but you never offer solutions!"
That changes today. Today I offer you CONCRETE answers on how to avoid the "wardens'" eyes long enough to tunnel out of the yard.
First, learn to blend in. Your edgy haircut may impress the Goths (or any other so-called "rebel" group of conformist-nonconformists), but as the Ashcroft era steamrolls along, it's just gonna get your nuts in a vise the first time you get caught monkeying with the system. Face it, the bodypiercings/tattoos/blue hair is gonna stand out like a sore thumb when the cops are trying to figure out just WHO in a crowd might have been the one that shot a strawfull of itching powder into their squadcar. On the other hand, if you look just like everyone else on the outside, it's harder to see the evil genius on the inside. Stay off their radar scopes.
Second, the CoN is just too large to smash, so don't get carried away. Go with the flow, and look for weak spots to exploit. The system is riddled with loopholes, and these can be exploited easily, once you know them. Why try to push the monolith over, when you can trip it? (To be honest, even this won't really do TOO much good, but at least you'll keep them wondering and keep their maintenence weasels busy for a while.)
Prime areas for loopholes:
1. Paperwork. This is the achilles heel of the Great Grey CoNspiracy. Even at the LOCAL level, the papertrails hav become so complex that NOBODY understands them completely. Use your imagination...Call your local county election board, pretending to be a state election official, and demand forms/papers that don't exist. Make it sound like they are gravely in error, and possibly in trouble. If you are a guntard, buy and sell a single gun back and forth every day...file all the correct forms. Convince others to do the same. If even a few pairs of people do it, you will so thoroughly (and legally) booger up the local ATF office that they will probably fall behind and get snarled up hopelessly. Sell the gun for a dollar, so as to avoid taxation on this jake.
2. Try to start pissing contests between local churches. Use your imagination...and don't feel bad, they're all a pack of heathens, anyway.
3. Order food at a drive through (when it's busy), and then jump out of line and drive off before you get to the pay window. This will utterly, totally bollix them up beyond belief (especially if they don't notice it, which they usually won't)...and it isn't gonna cost the poor minimum wage drones who work there a thing. Rubber/synthetic vomit in the dining room works even better (of course, REAL vomit would be perfect).
4. Make massive deposits of pennies at your local bank, on Friday afternoon.
5. Plant a mason jar of "seeds" in the municipal gardens. If they actually get to sprout, call the local press (ANONYMOUSLY!) and act outraged that the local government is growing their own stash. Be very indignant about it...and rest assured, it WILL make the papers.
6. Use your imagination. I just thought of these in 5 minutes. You creative little buggers should be able to do FAR better, given days or weeks to think about it.
TIP: Google-search the Patriot and HSD acts. Learn them well, and avoid any act which might fall under them...or it's no more fun for you, Bubba...ever.
Now, none of this is gonna derail the conspiracy...frankly, it will hardly even notice...but you will have increased the amount of local chaos, and you will have pleased Eris and/or "Bob".
Third, SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH. He who kicks society in the cojones and shuts his bloody gob about it, stays free to do it again. If you are doing this for the admiration of others, then your Bobbie-ass is gonna get what it deserves.
That's all for now, kids. I hope to write a little more later, as time and weirdness permit...so get out there and make the Greyfaces uneasy.
Or kill me.
(http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2007/03/gwb_in_brazil_009.jpg)
:lulz: :thumb:
It contains tips and suggestions.
That's what I like to see.
Quote from: hunter s.durden on March 28, 2007, 05:50:49 AM
It contains tips and suggestions.
That's what I like to see.
I am like the Bob Villa of asshattery.
Your sermons kick ass. But your still an asshole. :)
Quote from: rzasthole on March 28, 2007, 06:55:57 AM
Your sermons kick ass. But your still an asshole. :)
Thanks.
And I have never, ever, pretended to be otherwise.
Why, just tonight, I pulled over someone because I didn't like their bumperstickers.
No tickets, but I delayed them a good hour.
Do you have a sister, or daughter? 8)
joking.........cause the sermon gave me a semi.
Quote from: rzasthole on March 28, 2007, 08:24:45 AM
joking.........cause the sermon gave me a semi.
Oh, okay...because one's dead and the other is a little kid.
well, then it sure as hell wasnt a good one.
critical analysis:
let me preface, this is meant to be helpfull.
I liked this among others of your pieces but this rant left me feeling like a vital piece was missing.
That being...
It is good in that it takes precautions to prevent future naked discordian hippies(if he even was one?) from flinging ciggarettes at cops and drawing negetive attention to the label, but it doesn't address that internal subversion is also a necessary of part of a well developed sense of irony.
Do something once and it's mahdjickepickle,
Do it twice and it's precedent,
Third time it is bland and fails to be in the slightest bit anarchic.
Even a sheep will figure out that when the drive thru lady stops taking his orders and says "we know it's you and we don't mind serving you but you have to come inside to order" that the gag is old.
They may now feel that since this gag is no longer bringing about desired results that you somehow lied to them and now they start thinking for themselves and all hell breaks loose.
This is likely to lead to the idea that bigger is better which is exactly the opposite of what the point of the sermon was. Bigger is not better at this game. It gets you caught and lands your punk ass in jail, or worse, on national tv in a hospital bed after being brought down by snipers telling them how you did it for the "disocordian movement" (shudder).
That would be the massive fail. I like to think that if you elect yourself to speak that you have a responsibility of protecting the retards from themselves, not in the sense that you don't let them figure shit it for themselves or make mistakes, but that so they don't climb the bell tower with a rifle. That's an opinion though.
That was sufficiantly addressed but I'm tryig to view this from someone with the attention span of a retarded penguin. They are likely to forget what you told them to begin with and go off on their merry way if you don't derail that and imprint with a branding rod to begin with.
I propose that you include a section that speaks that to have a well developed sense of irony you have to also make a habbit of undermining your own bullshit. If you make randomness and internal part of the equation, although they are thinking they are still just following instructions and thus don't have to draw their own fucked up conclusions***
Granted you can't be held responsible for people who read take away something completely backword assed from yoru intention, but I think it's a good idea to try and accomodate a message the flock for greater impact.
***
by this I mean that they understand that once someting is precident the gag is through and now you need to either reverse the process(this really fucks and short circuits brains[though timing is everything on this one], when you hit them with something straight after fucking them with something off the wall, but again, do this 2x and it's precident) or get a new shtick and let that one be forgotten before you do it again. Basically I mean that it could use a good reference about how stage magician only does his trick once.
This also protects the participiant. Buying and selling a gun 20x a day may be legal but it will piss someone off after a while and eventually they'll find a reason to arrest you or slash your tires simply because they don't like your face.
and that would suck.
It think a scentence or two in the second bullet would fit well, or fuck it.
AKK
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 06:26:57 AM
critical analysis:
let me preface, this is ment to be helpfull.
I don't need any help from someone who actually changed his name to KLOK KAOS.
That is all.
TGRR,
Pretty much stopped right there.
:thumb:
good job!
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 08:37:40 AM
:thumb:
good job!
(http://www.forenpics.de/wayne/own3d-retard.jpg)
you are correct sir,
I'm feeling the burn...
seriously,
I mean it.
No sarcasm here.
None.
Keep reading
It doesn't get any better.
there's some food for you.
Or is it bait?
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 08:50:55 AM
you are correct sir,
I'm feeling the burn...
seriously,
I mean it.
No sarcasm here.
None.
Keep reading
It doesn't get any better.
there's some food for you.
Or is it bait?
I bet that sounded pithy when you typed it. :lulz:
pithy?
I hope not.
That might indicate that I cared for reasons beyond my own amusement.
that would silly.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 09:04:19 AM
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:01:58 AM
that would silly.
Are you drunk, or just stupid?
you'll never know. now quick, post something as witty as your last one! :mrgreen:
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:05:29 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 09:04:19 AM
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:01:58 AM
that would silly.
Are you drunk, or just stupid?
you'll never know. now quick, post something as witty as your last one! :mrgreen:
You know, I am now going to make it my personal mission to instantly derail YOUR threads.
One good turn deserves another, you know?
Fuckwad.
true enough. not that I'm concerned if you derail my threads, if someone has something to say about what I posted they can always just refer back with quotes.
I wasn't really intending on fucking your thread though, my first was intended to be pertinent, and then after that you told me you wanted to play, or at least that's what it sounded like, so I said ok, if you want though we can just start an "I have bigger cock" fight thread and bring this one back to pertinent discussion on your article.
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:10:35 AM
true enough. not that I'm concerned if you derail my threads, if someone has something to say about what I posted they can always just refer back with quotes.
I wasn't really intending on fucking your thread though, my first was intended to be pertinent, and then after that you told me you wanted to play, or at least that's what it sounded like, so I said ok, if you want though we can just start an "I have bigger cock" fight thread and bring this one back to pertinent discussion on your article.
Your first response was the same response you give
everyone about
everything: "I would have done this WAY better, and here's how".
Shut your fucking mouth, you fucking blowhard.
And no, when I spam a thread, it DIES.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 09:13:37 AM
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:10:35 AM
true enough. not that I'm concerned if you derail my threads, if someone has something to say about what I posted they can always just refer back with quotes.
I wasn't really intending on fucking your thread though, my first was intended to be pertinent, and then after that you told me you wanted to play, or at least that's what it sounded like, so I said ok, if you want though we can just start an "I have bigger cock" fight thread and bring this one back to pertinent discussion on your article.
Your first response was the same response you give everyone about everything: "I would have done this WAY better, and here's how".
Shut your fucking mouth, you fucking blowhard.
And no, when I spam a thread, it DIES.
I don't think I'm better then anyone man, I just know the advantage of having other prspectives involved. Why do you think I asked for critiques? To improve the overall product.
But I'm starting to see that you are fairly confident that you are perfect and that there is nothing you can glean from anyone. Good Job #1
You know I offer you a peaceable sollution and you offer me this. You're a big meanie!
I already know you have years worth of reputaion here, I tipped my hat to it once. I complimented you on writing skills, but even spamming my threads is not going to make me lay down for you. It just isn't happening.
So go be nasty if you need to.
Come back and say hello when you can play nice :mrgreen:
Quote from: Ambassador KAOS on March 29, 2007, 09:24:45 AM
Come back and say hello when you can play nice :mrgreen:
No, I'm just going to spam you into the dark ages.
AKK, I'm trying to figure out what the main thrust of your criticism is.
You say that a gag done too often loses it's effect. But TGRR never said to do the same thing over and over. Point 6, in fact, tells you to use your imagination.
Then, you say you need "internal subversion", and then you make vague and nonsensical words relating to this. I get the feeling you're trying to say that the people you're jaking shouldn't take you seriously. Or that you shouldn't take yourself seriously. Or something. Either way, that has no bearing on the essay at hand.
Lastly, much like debating fundamentalists, jaking the monkeys isn't usually for the benefit of the monkey, it's for the observers. Most of the people who will feel the brunt of a jake won't "get it". But as Enrico says, "fuck 'em. If they're that stupid, they deserve to stay that way." There will be a handful of bipeds who might catch a glimpse, though. They are the intended audience.
TGRR, if I've got that wrong, please to be fixing.
Quote from: LMNO on March 29, 2007, 02:14:40 PM
AKK, I'm trying to figure out what the main thrust of your criticism is.
You say that a gag done too often loses it's effect. But TGRR never said to do the same thing over and over. Point 6, in fact, tells you to use your imagination.
Then, you say you need "internal subversion", and then you make vague and nonsensical words relating to this. I get the feeling you're trying to say that the people you're jaking shouldn't take you seriously. Or that you shouldn't take yourself seriously. Or something. Either way, that has no bearing on the essay at hand.
TGRR, if I've got that wrong, please to be fixing.
I got the point in part 6, I just didn't trust that random shmoe who happened to read that would be able to use their imagination at all, let alone interperet "use your imagination" to mean don't ever pull the same crap twice.
Granted I don't have much faith in anything here ever reaching the willfully ignorant, but what about the common laymen who walks in and has no real motivation so he starts picking though and comes across this article.
That's the guy I'm talking about. he may not even fully understand the intentions behind the presetation of the PD but maybe he just thought it was kinda funny nonsense.
He needs some sollid direction if he is to ever stand on his own, let alone jump into this lion's den covered in fresh meat.
I never really got that the articles were so much for the guys in here, except for maybe for the initial printing. After that they probably assimilated and absorbed it when it happened. Keeping the thread after that or even reposting it is probably for their sake or the sake of reference catalouge for future writings.
That was my impression as I was understand that this place is supposed to be a think tank, meaning that the opinions of those around were respected and that's why you bounced ideas off of them.
Further, my critique of Roger's stuff was not to make an attack on him but to attempt to take an active interest in his contributions.I bolded that for roger in case he was skimming as this was a reply to you.
Internal subversion I take to mean not taking yourself seriously, and if you do it's probably time to undermine whatever that is. This keeps a person fresh, on their toes, alive and alert. Learning to recognize when you are taking yourself too seriously and having the strength to undermine whatever is holding you back is how one finely tunes their sense of irony until it builds a cressendo and you finally figure out that it is all indeed a steaming pile of horse shit.
(Same thing I said above just reworded some for hopefully better perception this time around.)
There is no scientific data to back that up, it's just an opinion.
I might not have thought roger was such a dick if he just said fuck your opinion, but instead he makes a direct assault on me, which is why I have to wonder about him sometimes.
I'm sure eventually he'll just get bored and find some noob to hate more than me.
I understand he has a purpose and a function here. I respect his years of service, reputation, contribution, and his authority as an admin, but still doesn't mean I'm going to lay down for him.
I think he'll figure that out eventually.
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
AKK:
1. Not everything written in these forums are intended to be understood by "some schmoe off the street. Sometimes, they are meant for people who have decided to take some action, yet still cling to notions that to make a difference, you have to stand out in a crowd.
2. Because of this, one would expect that the intended audience of this sermon woul already know that convictions make convicts, and taking yourself seriously is a good way to get hurt. Again, it's not relevant to the article at hand, which is how to get away with fucking up the system.
3. It sounds like one of your main talking points is internal irony. Why don't you write a separate essay on that, and show us what you got?
Quote from: LMNO on March 29, 2007, 03:13:17 PM
AKK:
1. Not everything written in these forums are intended to be understood by "some schmoe off the street. Sometimes, they are meant for people who have decided to take some action, yet still cling to notions that to make a difference, you have to stand out in a crowd.
2. Because of this, one would expect that the intended audience of this sermon woul already know that convictions make convicts, and taking yourself seriously is a good way to get hurt. Again, it's not relevant to the article at hand, which is how to get away with fucking up the system.
3. It sounds like one of your main talking points is internal irony. Why don't you write a separate essay on that, and show us what you got?
already in the works.
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 29, 2007, 03:03:28 PM
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
See what I mean? Fucking hopeless.
Oh, he's going to teach me how to be a Discordian. :lol:
Please to make yourselves aware of the nearest bunker entrances.
"Statistically, more people survive when they think only of themselves
Do not attempt to rescue friends, relatives, loved ones
You have only a few seconds to escape
Use those seconds sensibly or you will inevitably die!
Think only of yourself!
Do not panic!"
this thread needs some :popcorn: and some :taco:
Quote from: theCalmpsychopath on March 29, 2007, 10:22:34 PM
this thread needs some :popcorn: and some :taco:
The entire internets needs some :popcorn: and some :taco:
Quote from: davedim on March 29, 2007, 10:58:52 PM
Quote from: theCalmpsychopath on March 29, 2007, 10:22:34 PM
this thread needs some :popcorn: and some :taco:
The entire internets needs some :popcorn: and some :taco:
the entire internet is more than FULL of :popcorn: and :taco:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 05:40:13 PM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 29, 2007, 03:03:28 PM
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
See what I mean? Fucking hopeless.
Oh, he's going to teach me how to be a Discordian. :lol:
Please to make yourselves aware of the nearest bunker entrances.
I'll be around, but I'm not gonna help.
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 30, 2007, 12:58:08 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 05:40:13 PM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 29, 2007, 03:03:28 PM
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
See what I mean? Fucking hopeless.
Oh, he's going to teach me how to be a Discordian. :lol:
Please to make yourselves aware of the nearest bunker entrances.
I'll be around, but I'm not gonna help.
That's okay. I'm used to not getting a little help from my friends.
Quote from: Random Probability on March 29, 2007, 09:50:21 PM
"Statistically, more people survive when they think only of themselves
Do not attempt to rescue friends, relatives, loved ones
You have only a few seconds to escape
Use those seconds sensibly or you will inevitably die!
Think only of yourself!
Do not panic!"
Are you quoting Hawkwind?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 30, 2007, 07:03:09 AM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 30, 2007, 12:58:08 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 05:40:13 PM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 29, 2007, 03:03:28 PM
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
See what I mean? Fucking hopeless.
Oh, he's going to teach me how to be a Discordian. :lol:
Please to make yourselves aware of the nearest bunker entrances.
I'll be around, but I'm not gonna help.
That's okay. I'm used to not getting a little help from my friends.
That isn't it though. I already said I was gonna ease up. I'll only come down hard if I see somemore of that pseudoscience.
I realized I didn't like being a hypocrite. Remember what an emo fuck I was when I first came along?
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 30, 2007, 07:20:12 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 30, 2007, 07:03:09 AM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 30, 2007, 12:58:08 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 29, 2007, 05:40:13 PM
Quote from: Buddhist_Monk_Wannabe on March 29, 2007, 03:03:28 PM
You really don't know Roger very well. When it comes to hating someone, he doesn't let up.
See what I mean? Fucking hopeless.
Oh, he's going to teach me how to be a Discordian. :lol:
Please to make yourselves aware of the nearest bunker entrances.
I'll be around, but I'm not gonna help.
That's okay. I'm used to not getting a little help from my friends.
That isn't it though. I already said I was gonna ease up. I'll only come down hard if I see somemore of that pseudoscience.
I realized I didn't like being a hypocrite. Remember what an emo fuck I was when I first came along?
One of the great things about reforming yourself is the ability to shit on the heads of others.
I remember when this sermon was first put up.
Im still working my jakes. But now im under the radar.
Why didn't you put this up when I bitched you out for being useless?
Quote from: Dr. Cow Ass on April 17, 2007, 07:42:03 PM
Why didn't you put this up when I bitched you out for being useless?
Because your opinion didn't really matter enough to make me bother?
And it matters less now.
So sorry.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 17, 2007, 07:53:07 PM
Quote from: Dr. Cow Ass on April 17, 2007, 07:42:03 PM
Why didn't you put this up when I bitched you out for being useless?
Because your opinion didn't really matter enough to make me bother?
And it matters less now.
So sorry.
Then why did you make an entire thread for me?
Quote from: Dr. Cow Ass on April 17, 2007, 07:55:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 17, 2007, 07:53:07 PM
Quote from: Dr. Cow Ass on April 17, 2007, 07:42:03 PM
Why didn't you put this up when I bitched you out for being useless?
Because your opinion didn't really matter enough to make me bother?
And it matters less now.
So sorry.
Then why did you make an entire thread for me?
Because you set yourself up to be a glorious punching bag, and I wanted to share.
I'm generous, like that. 8)
bump
Quote from: Idem on April 09, 2008, 09:59:16 PM
bump
Damn. I remember this fread. Killed in the cradle by AKK.
Wow that was a lot of chode action.
Bump for AKK and Cowass goodness.
I like this one. I think maybe I should print it out and share it with my greasy anarchist friend who steals $2.00 worth of merchandise every time he goes to Wal-Mart.
With all due credit, of course.
Brilliant work. These are the things I keep in mind whenever I set out to start shit. Say what you want about the Reverend, but he could rant like no other.
Johnny, you make me laugh so hard sometimes I have to go lie down for a bit.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on February 25, 2010, 11:47:27 PM
Im really tired of all the drama/whining/fluff going about the rest of the forum.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on February 26, 2010, 09:41:35 AM
And if you are gonna go around crapping on everything i say... two can play that game.
:lulz:
Keep 'em coming, funnyman.
You know when something goes this META, you should all just fucking kill yourselves.
And fuck your own bodies.
Aside from the total douche-bags posturing ITT, this kind of stuff that highlights/discusses/brainstorms activities that can be done IRL is what we need more of, IMO. I'm a terrible troll, I just don't understand the subtleties of trolling, but trolling people LIVE, I can do that. I'm just still too new to this whole thing to be able to come up with good enough ideas on my own. PLZ CONTINUE, FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN NOOBS!!!
Started troll posting on my local newspaper, never realised how entertaining it can be, and how easy people are to wind up. :evil: Actually, I suppose I did know how easy people are to wind up, but when it's people you live among, it's much more gratifying. I'm going to see how slanderous and insane I can actually get*, before they pull my account. Or string me up from the nearest lamp post. :fnord:
edit. *Not very. (At least they only went with the former option)