Today started like most other days, with me getting out of bed and wondering what was on the Teevee (and between the screams of my two kids, I was able to catch most of a shitty C-Rate film about Beowulf). Dinner was boxed again, but quick, and adding enough salt almost gave it flavor. I stepped outside for a cigarette -- the last vestigial remains of my youth -- and then my flashy cell phone I pay too much for every month rang, and I answered it. It was my buddy Lunchbox, or "Chris" as he weirdly refers to himself these days. He calls up sometimes to bullshit. A couple of months ago he called a lot about forming a band and playing shitty songs for drunken roughnecks at shady bars, but lately he's just been calling to bullshit.
Then, it happened.
He didn't call to bullshit this time. He called for another, far more sinister purpose. He told me he and his wife (he's married now, believe it or not, and even has a few kids of his own) had gone to WalMart and picked up a pack of UNO cards, and he wanted to set up some time when me and my wife could go over to their place and play cards.
I don't think you heard me. This jolly fat guy who used to play kick ass punk music until his band blew their last offer at a record deal, called me up to play UNO.
UNO.
And what did I do? Did I berate him? Did I snap him out of it? Did I threaten to pawn his guitars and buy him a fucking Blackberry? Nope. I said I'd talk to my wife and see when we could do it.
And then I hung up. And then, I died a little.
Don't ask me why it took this one phone call to draw my attention to this fact. I'm sure I must have noticed something slowly overtaking me, I've just been "too busy" to care. It isn't that living with "the wife and the kids" is a bad thing, by itself. By itself, it's a good thing. That it's 180 degrees away from where I planned to be by 25 isn't the sticker, either. The part that really kills me is that in the half a second it took for me to click my phone off, I took a silent inventory of everything I do every day and I realized there are only two things left to do for my life to be complete.
Register as a Republican, and join a church.
Because for all my talk I might as well be every other Joe Schmoe out there, I'm no different than any of the wifebeating assholes who go "bowling" because they're too pious to just go to a bar like honest men. I get up every day, I go to work, I come home and have a prefabricated dinner, I smile at the kid and then I go to bed hoping I die of a stroke while I'm sleeping so I don't have to do it all over again tomorrow.
But it's alright. I've found solace in the one god who can really save me from this mediocrity -- the TeeVee. Maybe if I watch enough fucking soap operas on the Discovery Channel about midgets, listen to enough shitty third-rate emo music and subscribe to the Triple Digital Deluxe package, there'll be something in my life to offset the fact that I've given up everything but the attitude of a free man, and even that barely makes an appearance unless I feel like offending the sensibilities of all the wrong people.
Maybe if I convince my boss to let me grow shoulder-length hair and wear the bottom half of a bad goatee I'll be able to look myself in the mirror, like I'm getting ready to go tear shit up at the coffee house like some pretentious Beatnik, pissed off about all the injustice of non-recycled newspaper.
On second thought I'll just stick to the TV. I might be slipping into the world of prepackaged citizenship, but if I ever start looking up to Beatnik's, I'll hang myself.
Clearly you must work out drinking and/or strip rules for Uno before you play.
That sucks.
And I have to say, its one of the things I fear most about my future life.
As far as I can see, my only chances to escape are travel, travel and more travel. The hope is I will eventually find something interesting enough on the way to save me from a lifetime of drudgery. Failing that, I'll be constantly on the move and in unfamiliar situations, which keeps the mind relatively sharp.
I've tried real work, and an ordinary life. And it fucking sucks.
Or, you could start up a kick-ass punk band and play benefits for Roller Derby teams.
http://www.bostonderbydames.com/index.cfm?cdid=10545&pid=10200
Or, get your wife to pour chocolate sauce over herself and make out with hot chicks.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mgmphoto/sets/72157602734769814/
There are always options.
Not all is lost, Vex.
The above post indicates that your embers are still burning.
Psychosis is different (in part) from neurosis in that a neurotic person knows that something's wrong with them, but a psychotic person doesn't. You know that you're facing gray, and that means you have a huuuuge leg up on those Johns at the bowling alley.
Here in my work cube, hanging just to the left of my monitor, there's a flyer. Halfway down it, it reads
"YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT BE TALKING TO A ROBOT, EVEN IF YOU ARE ONLY TALKING TO YOURSELF"
You HAVE the answers to these problems, James, they're the same paths of action you recommend to the gray masses.
Your post also reminds me that a few months ago, Rev WHN asked, in the BIP forum, if he should be afraid of being comfortable.
well, should he?
And what is the common thread that Vex and I share? Having children.
I know where you are coming from Vex. It's really, really hard to have children and NOT feel like you've become tied down. But, I think there is a way to have your small victories. I haven't worked it all out myself. Sure, you can't go out and raise hell like you used to. It's hard to go on a flyer spree when you need to stop at the store and pickup diapers and diaper cream.
I think the trick is keeping it alive upstairs. Whether it's writing, music, nature walks, whatever keeps the noggin going. And then just working it into the schedule of parenthood whenever you can. Again, I don't know, I haven't worked it out yet either. If you do, let me know, k?
ok vex, i have a few questions. if they're very stupid, my apologies beforehand. but after i read your post it kept zooming around in my head for some hours, so here i am writing you a reply.
> Because for all my talk I might as well be every other Joe Schmoe out there
is this your life goal? to be unlike Joe Schmoe?
> and then I go to bed hoping I die of a stroke while I'm sleeping so I don't have to do it all over again tomorrow.
is this really true?
in which case, DAMN.
is this really, really true??
because that's pretty bad, if it is.
> This jolly fat guy who used to play kick ass punk music until his band blew their last offer at a record deal, called me up to play UNO.
now, this is probably the most stupid question of all. but could it be that mr Lunchbox is perhaps also looking for this very same thing you just realized you have lost? because really, i would be surprised if he actually just wanted someone to play Uno with, he could do that with his neighbours, somebody at the pub or a local neighbourhood meeting house thing.
i bet he doesn't really want to play Uno at all but was desperately grasping for an excuse to spend some quality time with you, your wife and his wife. this is of course not going to happen by just playing Uno.
so now is the opportunity for you, to schedule the appointment, play one game of Uno (though if you can skip it, even better) and come up with something better (which you discussed with them beforehand because spontanity doesn't really sound like an option in this scenario).
and even though PopeTom's suggestion sounds like a lot of fun, it'll probably be better if you try to make a great evening out of it without resorting to alcohol too much, because you don't want it to become just an excuse to get incredibly drunk either.
That's why the 'and/or' is so important.
Some of my favorite nights skipped the drinking and went straight to the nudity.
:P
HAW HAW!
Ask me why I'm laughing.
Go ahead. Ask.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 03:20:10 AM
HAW HAW!
Ask me why I'm laughing.
Go ahead. Ask.
Whatcha laughin' at, Rog?
/
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/roger_and_costello.jpg)
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on October 30, 2007, 03:30:25 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 03:20:10 AM
HAW HAW!
Ask me why I'm laughing.
Go ahead. Ask.
Whatcha laughin' at, Rog?
/
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/roger_and_costello.jpg)
Easy. While 70% of the 6.5 billion primates on the planet struggle to survive another day on the savannah, trying to find that one grain of rice they need, poor old Vex gets torpedoed amidships by a midlife crisis.
"OH, SHIT! One of my old friends came up with an excuse to come VISIT! SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME! I'M TOO COOL FOR UNO!"
Heh.
Guess what, Vex? That's IT. That's life, when you suddenly realize that you are not now - nor will you ever BE - 17 again. Get used to WHO you are, and maybe even LIKE it a little...because Slack isn't the newest, coolest fad, it isn't being seen in the hippest club, it isn't in being in the IN CROWD...It's ENJOYING THE FUCKING RIDE. You are NOT paid to DRIVE THE FUCKING BUS, your job is to LICK THE GODDAMN WINDOWS.
Now, listen to your spiritual advisor: Stop whining, call Lunchbox back, and say you'd be GLAD to play a little Uno, this Saturday night.
Or maybe you better join that Baptist church, because anyone who would leave an old friend feeling the way you just left Lunchbox feeling may as well become a fucking Republican.
Because you'd have no fucking soul.
Or kill me.
I've considered running away to Europe and being homeless as an alternative to being just another wage slave. I wonder if it would be worth it to the authorities to deport me, or if they'd let me wander around, eating out of the trash and taking mental pictures. Anyone have experience with homelessness? The cold must suck, and the not being allowed to loiter in bookstores, and the getting raped, but to me it seems to have its pros too...not working, going where I choose when I choose, having a lot more time to watch squirrels play.
I'm not suggesting Vex abandon the fam. I don't have much pity for him. I can't spawn, so everyone who does gets to experience certain joys I'm denied, and if that means they're trapped in Pleasantville I couldn't care less. Hopefully someday Vex's kids can be his allies against normalcy. (I assume by the screaming they're too young to be much fun yet.)
Meh. Sorry I don't have a point. For the record: I love Uno.
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 03:58:58 AM
I've considered running away to Europe and being homeless as an alternative to being just another wage slave.
Run all you like, but it will be the same in Europe because the problem isn't in your job and it isn't in America, it's
in your head.
Europe isn't Slack. Neither is America.
Somehow, Roger's hate always ends up being more helpful than all the "love" ever churned out by the Vatican.
but i don't want to drive the bus. i don't mind licking the windows, but i'd much rather be licking the windows of a passenger train as it plows through that bus.
but as it happens i did go play Uno, tonight, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
oh, and FTR, I was being a little more emo than I have any right to be.
Quote from: vexati0n on October 30, 2007, 04:05:18 AM
Somehow, Roger's hate always ends up being more helpful than all the "love" ever churned out by the Vatican.
THAT IS BECAUSE THE VATICAN IS FULL OF POTATO SUCKING FILTHY IRISH PAPISTS.
THEY ARE USELESS IN A DARK ALLEY AT 2AM.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 04:01:44 AM
Run all you like, but it will be the same in Europe because the problem isn't in your job and it isn't in America, it's in your head.
Europe isn't Slack. Neither is America.
I say Europe for the change in scenery and my love for the Crumpet-suckers. I know I'm the same boring me wherever I go. Any other helpful observations?
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 04:12:33 AM
Any other helpful observations?
Really want to know?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 04:14:52 AM
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 04:12:33 AM
Any other helpful observations?
Really want to know?
Awww Rog... I don't think I can
handle the Awful Truth
TM...
/
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/roger_and_costello2.jpg)
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on October 30, 2007, 04:19:58 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 04:14:52 AM
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 04:12:33 AM
Any other helpful observations?
Really want to know?
Awww Rog... I don't think I can
handle the Awful TruthTM...
/
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/roger_and_costello2.jpg)
Love those images. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 04:14:52 AM
Really want to know?
Yup. I'll try not to go all stupidly defensive but no promises.
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 03:58:58 AM
Anyone have experience with homelessness?
And here we thought we would not miss Kaienne at all.
Apparently if you are going to be homeless Toronto is the place to go.
Find the furry that doesn't know what steam punk is and tell him you are from PD.com, I'm sure he'll be of great help.
Quote from: PopeTom on October 30, 2007, 04:37:20 AM
Apparently if you are going to be homeless Toronto is the place to go.
...b-but Toronto is cold (So is England, I know, I KNOW, can't a girl have her fantasies?!) and I don't wanna run into Kaienne. I'd be too intimidated by that overabundant raw cutting-edge style.
Have you considered being homeless on the southern coast of Spain then?
FYI, I love playing UNO too, one of the girls I've been seeing has recently gotten me into it.
Have you worked out drinking and/or strip rules?
Quote from: PopeTom on October 30, 2007, 05:51:18 AM
Have you worked out drinking and/or strip rules?
On my "to do" list.
i remember uno being very popular in 4th grade....
Did you play with drinking and/... 4th grade? I retract the question.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 03:38:31 AM
Easy. While 70% of the 6.5 billion primates on the planet struggle to survive another day on the savannah, trying to find that one grain of rice they need, poor old Vex gets torpedoed amidships by a midlife crisis.
"OH, SHIT! One of my old friends came up with an excuse to come VISIT! SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME! I'M TOO COOL FOR UNO!"
Heh.
Guess what, Vex? That's IT. That's life, when you suddenly realize that you are not now - nor will you ever BE - 17 again. Get used to WHO you are, and maybe even LIKE it a little...because Slack isn't the newest, coolest fad, it isn't being seen in the hippest club, it isn't in being in the IN CROWD...It's ENJOYING THE FUCKING RIDE. You are NOT paid to DRIVE THE FUCKING BUS, your job is to LICK THE GODDAMN WINDOWS.
Now, listen to your spiritual advisor: Stop whining, call Lunchbox back, and say you'd be GLAD to play a little Uno, this Saturday night.
Or maybe you better join that Baptist church, because anyone who would leave an old friend feeling the way you just left Lunchbox feeling may as well become a fucking Republican.
Because you'd have no fucking soul.
Or kill me.
This now hangs on my bedroom wall.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 03:38:31 AM
"OH, SHIT! One of my old friends came up with an excuse to come VISIT! SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME! I'M TOO COOL FOR UNO!"
...
Slack isn't the newest, coolest fad, it isn't being seen in the hippest club, it isn't in being in the IN CROWD...It's ENJOYING THE FUCKING RIDE.
...
anyone who would leave an old friend feeling the way you just left Lunchbox feeling may as well become a fucking Republican.
Because you'd have no fucking soul.
Just when you're absolutely
convinced that TGRR is the most jaded, vicious son-of-a-bitch you'd ever meet, he hits you with a left cross of RIGHT THE FUCK ON.
Mittens, Internets, etc etc.
Quote from: Julie on October 30, 2007, 03:58:58 AM
I've considered running away to Europe and being homeless as an alternative to being just another wage slave. I wonder if it would be worth it to the authorities to deport me, or if they'd let me wander around, eating out of the trash and taking mental pictures. Anyone have experience with homelessness? The cold must suck, and the not being allowed to loiter in bookstores, and the getting raped, but to me it seems to have its pros too...not working, going where I choose when I choose, having a lot more time to watch squirrels play.
It sucks. How would I know? I was once dumped in 100 miles from home, with no wallet, no phone, no money, and told to survive for 2 days. That was more than enough.
There are other ways to bow out of the rat race, which allow for you to enjoy central heating, warm food and working the hours you choose.
Having kids is a weird experience. Especially when you, in many ways, feel you are still in your youth. But, I think this is a good thing. I think a Dad who still wants, inside, to maintain some kind of youthful existence, may have a different connection with his kids then a Dad obsessed with being "proper" and "the man", etc. While there is less time for your own personal anarchy, you have an opportunity to foster that happy and joyful anarchy that is innate in childhood. Especially when in many families parents discourage it and squelch it.
This thread gives me the warm fuzzy feeling that happens at the end of an episode of, say, Family Matters. You know, like when Carl Winslow has a heart-to-heart with Steve Urkel and tells him he doesn't really want him to die - he just said that out of anger. And a lesson about love is learned by all.
TGRR should be in a family-style sitcom. TGRR Knows Best. I'm serious.
:lulz:
I'd consider purchasing a TV and subscribing to cable, just for that!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 30, 2007, 03:38:31 AM
Easy. While 70% of the 6.5 billion primates on the planet struggle to survive another day on the savannah, trying to find that one grain of rice they need, poor old Vex gets torpedoed amidships by a midlife crisis.
"OH, SHIT! One of my old friends came up with an excuse to come VISIT! SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME! I'M TOO COOL FOR UNO!"
Heh.
Guess what, Vex? That's IT. That's life, when you suddenly realize that you are not now - nor will you ever BE - 17 again. Get used to WHO you are, and maybe even LIKE it a little...because Slack isn't the newest, coolest fad, it isn't being seen in the hippest club, it isn't in being in the IN CROWD...It's ENJOYING THE FUCKING RIDE. You are NOT paid to DRIVE THE FUCKING BUS, your job is to LICK THE GODDAMN WINDOWS.
Now, listen to your spiritual advisor: Stop whining, call Lunchbox back, and say you'd be GLAD to play a little Uno, this Saturday night.
Or maybe you better join that Baptist church, because anyone who would leave an old friend feeling the way you just left Lunchbox feeling may as well become a fucking Republican.
Because you'd have no fucking soul.
Or kill me.
THIS JUST IN: SLACK IS ABOUT HAVING FUN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, ENJOYING THE HELL OUTTA THE PRESENT MOMENT, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, EVERYTHING.
Its like Zen, without all those bullshit koans.
:mittens:
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on October 30, 2007, 02:28:05 PM:lulz:
I'd consider purchasing a TV and subscribing to cable, just for that!
i'd stream it from some site of questionable legality, get bored with it after 5-10 minutes and go back to hi speed unfocused surfing.
- 000,
doesn't even have the attentionspan for TV anymore
Quote from: triple zero on October 30, 2007, 03:04:11 PM
- 000,
doesn't even have the attentionspan for TV anymore
Every time someone says that, a news station updates its theme tune with drum and bass percussion. :cry:
Quote from: Xooxe on October 30, 2007, 05:26:35 PM
Quote from: triple zero on October 30, 2007, 03:04:11 PM
- 000,
doesn't even have the attentionspan for TV anymore
Every time someone says that, a news station updates its theme tune with drum and bass percussion. :cry:
Well maybe if they updated their themes and/or anchors to use vocoders, then Trip0 would have the attention span for them! :p
[MC Untzalot]
No vocoder!
[/MC Untzalot]
hmmm
maybe i should start watching the old battlestar (battleship?) galactica, judging from the bits i've seen those cylons had some awesome vocoder thing going on.
ALLLLLLZZZPAZEZZZZZZHIPZZARRRNOWINRANGZZZZZOFZECOLONIEZZZZZZ
\
(http://img107.imageshack.us/img107/9536/284736673450510caf1ck1.jpg)
(lol, loads of cylon pumpkins on yahoo image search today :-) )
Oh my goodness, Cylon pumpkins?! I might be in love!
I've never seen the old Battlestar, as I hear it is epic quantities of painful. But the new series, started in 2003 is absolutely amazing. Not much in the way of vocoders, though, I'm afraid.
Original Battlestar Galatica for D-Cup:
Mormons in space with Farah Faucett haircuts.
The end.
like this: http://www.michaellorenzen.com/galactica.html
(http://img57.imageshack.us/img57/4724/8200162anu0.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)
Quote from: vexati0n on October 29, 2007, 03:54:12 AM
Today started like most other days, with me getting out of bed and wondering what was on the Teevee (and between the screams of my two kids, I was able to catch most of a shitty C-Rate film about Beowulf). Dinner was boxed again, but quick, and adding enough salt almost gave it flavor. I stepped outside for a cigarette -- the last vestigial remains of my youth -- and then my flashy cell phone I pay too much for every month rang, and I answered it. It was my buddy Lunchbox, or "Chris" as he weirdly refers to himself these days. He calls up sometimes to bullshit. A couple of months ago he called a lot about forming a band and playing shitty songs for drunken roughnecks at shady bars, but lately he's just been calling to bullshit.
Then, it happened.
He didn't call to bullshit this time. He called for another, far more sinister purpose. He told me he and his wife (he's married now, believe it or not, and even has a few kids of his own) had gone to WalMart and picked up a pack of UNO cards, and he wanted to set up some time when me and my wife could go over to their place and play cards.
I don't think you heard me. This jolly fat guy who used to play kick ass punk music until his band blew their last offer at a record deal, called me up to play UNO.
UNO.
And what did I do? Did I berate him? Did I snap him out of it? Did I threaten to pawn his guitars and buy him a fucking Blackberry? Nope. I said I'd talk to my wife and see when we could do it.
And then I hung up. And then, I died a little.
Don't ask me why it took this one phone call to draw my attention to this fact. I'm sure I must have noticed something slowly overtaking me, I've just been "too busy" to care. It isn't that living with "the wife and the kids" is a bad thing, by itself. By itself, it's a good thing. That it's 180 degrees away from where I planned to be by 25 isn't the sticker, either. The part that really kills me is that in the half a second it took for me to click my phone off, I took a silent inventory of everything I do every day and I realized there are only two things left to do for my life to be complete.
Register as a Republican, and join a church.
Because for all my talk I might as well be every other Joe Schmoe out there, I'm no different than any of the wifebeating assholes who go "bowling" because they're too pious to just go to a bar like honest men. I get up every day, I go to work, I come home and have a prefabricated dinner, I smile at the kid and then I go to bed hoping I die of a stroke while I'm sleeping so I don't have to do it all over again tomorrow.
But it's alright. I've found solace in the one god who can really save me from this mediocrity -- the TeeVee. Maybe if I watch enough fucking soap operas on the Discovery Channel about midgets, listen to enough shitty third-rate emo music and subscribe to the Triple Digital Deluxe package, there'll be something in my life to offset the fact that I've given up everything but the attitude of a free man, and even that barely makes an appearance unless I feel like offending the sensibilities of all the wrong people.
Maybe if I convince my boss to let me grow shoulder-length hair and wear the bottom half of a bad goatee I'll be able to look myself in the mirror, like I'm getting ready to go tear shit up at the coffee house like some pretentious Beatnik, pissed off about all the injustice of non-recycled newspaper.
On second thought I'll just stick to the TV. I might be slipping into the world of prepackaged citizenship, but if I ever start looking up to Beatnik's, I'll hang myself.
Fuck this, there's nothing wrong with Uno.
There's nothing wrong with UNO, but I get the weird impression that Lunchbox was testing the waters. He was feeling old and gray, so he did something mildly absurd that one might expect of screwball teenagers and college students. Then he called up someone whom he figured might feel the same way, to see if there was someone left in his world who wouldn't tell him to behave like a timid old man. Suggesting a game of UNO (as opposed to a game of poker, croquet, or something similarly 'adult') was his way of saying "Hey Vex, have you been feeling like Daily Grind has worn your soul down to a nub? 'Cause I sure have. I've got an idea that might alleviate that feeling." Even better, what he was suggesting was not the act of a desperate middle-aged man, and I'll prove it.
Desperate activities are easily recognizable, because they try to convey the message "I'm still young" using the language that only the worn out and defeated have learned to speak. It's the language of soulless consumerism, of trying to grasp Slack with money and lies. Let's look at these three examples:
1. Buying a sports car = Fail, because you just sunk a couple grand for... what? A car? Get fucking real, you're not picking up chicks anymore. You know damn well that if some chick throws her bra at you when you drive past in your convertible Jaguar, she's a gold-digger. This classic example of a poorly handled mid-life crisis screams "I'M USING MONEY TO TRY AND REMEMBER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE SELF-ESTEEM."
2. Taking up golf and buying expensive equipment, even though you don't really care for the game = Fail, because it's transparently obvious that you're trying to look like a 'distinguished gentleman,' whom people will respect and admire even when his temples go gray. Way to go, dummy; now you've pissed away a bunch of money so you can look 'distinguished' while being bored off your ass. This is a classic example of MISSING THE POINT on an epic scale.
3. Playing UNO with a friend on a whim = Not Fail, because now you're starting to get it. It's also a reminder that you are not alone in The Machine, that you are not 'wrong' or 'pathetic' for grumbling and grousing and hating yourself for being a disposable part of it. It's a card game, so therefore it's cheap as hell (cheaper than drinking yourself stupid) and the real value of it is social interaction on a level that you might have forgotten exists: company for company's sake.
Teenagers seem to take an uncanny pleasure in just being around their friends and talking, but that's because they're still marveling at the mutual realization that "Hey, we're all human beings, how awesome is that?". Once that initial rush wears off, it's all too easy for society (i.e. The Machine, Real Life, or whatever) to condition us in perverse ways; to reprogram us, via soul-crushing drudgery, to seek that sense of of fulfillment in ways that bolster the economy and preserve social order without fully realizing that we're missing it. That desire to feel worthy, valued, becomes little more than a dull ache that we instinctively–futilely–try to soothe in the only way we know how. Or, I should say, in the only way we can remember. Our old ways of entertaining ourselves are dismissed as childish, and we laugh at them. We've been taught to find fulfillment in the numbers on our paycheck and in products, things that we can get without the company of friends or family. Indeed, it's often easier to get these things if we don't spend our money and time on the things that can actually make us feel human; and what's more, we pump more of that desperately needed liquid capital back into the economy when we try to have fun on our own than when we invest in having a good time with people we like. So we turn against our old friends, our neighbors, and basically everyone who isn't a close family member (and even they're within a hair's breadth of estrangement), and they turn against us. By being modern citizens, we have signed an unwritten pact to mutually neglect each other, without perceiving the inevitable result: we come to hate ourselves.
Who or what is doing this to us? Who or what is slowly but surely turning us into ingrown, spiteful little bitches?
Who cares? In this state, the answer would probably just depress us more. It doesn't matter who's been using you as a doormat when you haven't even fucking stood up yet to remind your own damn self that you're not a doormat. Look around; maybe you've only been lying in the mud feeling like shit because you think that's what you're supposed to do. Sure, someone might try and pull you down, or even several people, but if you look you'll see that they're all acting like doormats too, and they've got nothing but words and opinions. Who gives a shit about what a doormat says or thinks? Only another doormat.
YOU ARE NOT A CORPSE, SO GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING HOLE. GRAVEYARD SPACE IS LIMITED, YOU SELFISH JACKASS.
Vex, it's a good thing you decided to swallow your pride and play UNO. You might not have the time that you once had to spend with people, other than those with whom you have no choice but to socialize, but it takes only a little jolt to remind yourself that you're still alive. It's a strange thing, the human soul, because it constantly checks itself for vital signs. Once it stops checking, then you'll know it's dead.
(P.S. This whole thing wasn't specifically targeted at Vex. But you knew that.)
actually this wasn't what i REALLY thought. it was a sociological experiment! there, safe now.
srsly tho, being old and disposable is nothing to be ashamed of or gripe about. everything in the universe is either old or waiting to be old, and it's all disposable. besides i'm reaping the benefit of 100,000 years of human evolution and achievement right now. 99% of everyone who came before me was disposable too, but they amounted to enough to keep me out of a cave and killing things with rocks so i don't starve.
my OP sure sounds like the pitiful whine of a mid-life crisis (or one-third-life crisis in my case). but my real complaint isn't that i'm old and stagnant and going nowhere in my life, or going the wrong direction, or going there with the wrong people because none of that is true. it's just venting that i've absentmindedly skated through most of the decisions in my life, and i'm beginning to realize what living on autopilot does to your mind on the days when you wake up and take a conscious look around.
i'm not unhappy really, just one of those jarring moments when it comes to my attention how easy it is to make a lot of big decisions without making any real choices.
Quote from: vexati0n on October 31, 2007, 03:22:02 AM
actually this wasn't what i REALLY thought. it was a sociological experiment!
:rogpipe: Never again will I let you play me for a phool! :argh!: