There was an old lady from Calais
Who lived in a big palace
She fancied a beau
Who lived down below
And now he is taking Cialis
There once was a man from the sticks
who liked to write limericks
but he wrote them too short
There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two.
There was a lazy bastard named Cramulus
THERE ONCE WAS.
There once was a guy named LMNO
He was a very nice fellow
He loves the reverbs
But to many it disturbs
Especially when he says hello-lo-lo-lo-lo
There once was a Prof named Cramulus
Dressed in tweed and teaches Calculus
He is prone to spasms
Especially when he GASMs
Ew, Cram you Damnulus! :argh!:
There once was a lady from Bude
Who went swimming one day in the lake.
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in the water
And said "You can't swim here -- it's private."
There once was a limerick writer
who was prone to pull an all nighter
He got to line four
then he started to snore
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
There was a young girl who begat
Three triplets named Nat, Pat and Tat.
‘twas fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding,
There wasn’t a spare tit for tat.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
who kept all his cash in a bucket.
He had a daughter named Nan
who ran off with a man,
and that was the end of the bucket, Nantucket.
....I'm sorry, were you were expecting some OTHER version of that?
I *hic* wonder whence limericks come,
when they're spilling out *hic* over my tongue.
Are the rhymes from my brain *hic*
or would they *hic* still sound the same
if I hadn't have had so much Rum?!
*hic*
Anonymous once was a coward,
A chattering fool, Slashdot powered
But now that he's grown,
Scientologists moan,
For with Hot Grits they've all been deflowered!
*note: Anonymous Coward was first used as a posting ID on Slashdot, where trolls often talked about pouring Hot Grits down people's pants.
Eight Circuits define who we are,
But then, so does a Black Prison Bar,
Each is a map,
and each is a trap,
if we take the model too far!
A lusty young woodsman of Maine
For years with no woman had lain,
But he found sublimation
At a high elevation
In the crotch of a pine---God, the pain!
There once was a mushroom named Mark
He took his lady for a stroll in the park
She had a twinkle in her eye
And said, "You are a really fungi"
And then they were both eaten by a lark.
In metrics we sometimes define,
the limerick's feet per each line,
We count two in between
leaving three, which must mean
OMGZ23LAWLOFFIVES!!!!!!!
There was a faith healer from Deal
Who said, "Althrough pain isn't real,
if I sit on a pin, and it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel."
In limerick I once hid a meme,
which I thought twas a beaut of a gem,
but when read by my peers
I was left with my tears
Cause it wasn't a meme-gem to them.
There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe.
He dreamed of Venus
and played with his penis,
and woke up with a handful of goo.
With pineal, fnord and the Apple,
do young children of Eris oft' grapple.
They see twenty threes
floating on the breeze
and think that their card makes them Papal
But, they learn (or they don't), it depends
on how often we stick them with pins
To prod them to think
beyond the game 'sink' <------------- (EDIT thx to Darth Cupcake!)
to where thinking for oneself begins.
Like Children, they laugh with delight
at the jokes and the grayfaces plight
Some may snarl, "You dummy,
Those old jokes aren't funny!"
And I suppose that in some sense they're right.
So the words of the foolish and wise,
intermingle in Discordian eyes
And in some search of Truth,
the goal stays aloof,
and we simply don't know where it lies.
Then Eris, in her delight,
I'm sure enjoys a good fight,
We may get Top Billin'
When we pick on Her Chil'en
But even good boxers aren't bright.
:lulz:
Quote from: Ratatosk on February 15, 2008, 04:36:34 PM
In metrics we sometimes define,
the limerick's feet per each line,
We count two in between
leaving three, which must mean
OMGZ23LAWLOFFIVES!!!!!!!
I LOL'd.
I admit it.
He's way too good at these...
Yeah, Rat, I am totally digging on your limericks. They're loltastic!
Quote from: Ratatosk on February 15, 2008, 05:26:37 PM
But, they learn (or they don't), it depends
on how often we stick them with pins
To prod them to think
beyond a game of sink
to where thinking for oneself begins.
For better rhythm, though, I'd suggest changing that line to "beyond the game 'sink'" just to fit the meter a little more closely.
Otherwise, these are awesome. :lol:
"In circuits", did Leary once say,
"I can model the most likely way,
that people will act
though it may not be fact...
it seems rather useful today."
The first circuit imprints when you're born,
and you're hungry and alone and forlorn,
You'll learn flee or fight,
(if Leary is right)
when you're treated with love or with scorn.
Circuit two determines the way,
that territory will come into play,
Are you bottom or top,
will you fight, will you flop,
In short are you hunter or prey?
And the third of the circuits is said,
to help you map out your head
in symbol and sign,
as bound up with time
And that's how ideas can spread
Society and sex it would seem,
fall into the fourth circuits stream.
If you like it rough,
or you like to be tough,
or covered in cherries and cream.
And after, perhaps there are more,
than circuits one, two, three and four,
but the next quatrain it seems,
is of dubious means,
Since he was tripping his balls 'cross the floor.
Okay...these need to get over to POSTERGASM.
:lulz:
Rat, you have officially been added to my list of Platonic Internet Crushes.
The last stanza fucking killed.
In Limericks, there isn't a sin,
so my thanks, dear RHWN!
for this forum thread,
we can post till we're dead.
I think that this forum is WIN!
But not like that sad waste of time,
in the Pun House where nary a rhyme,
can be seen or heard,
just the twist of a word
and we all know that Punning's a crime!
Quote from: LMNO on February 15, 2008, 06:13:46 PM
The last stanza fucking killed.
I was thinking of you when I wrote it ;-)
Quote from: Ratatosk on February 15, 2008, 06:13:55 PM
In Limericks, there isn't a sin,
so my thanks, dear RHWN!
for this forum thread,
we can post till we're dead.
I think that this forum is WIN!
But not like that sad waste of time,
in the Pun House where nary a rhyme,
can be seen or heard,
just the twist of a word
and we all know that Punning's a crime!
:argh!:
Actually the Pun House does have a couple of rhyming puns, one of which is a Limerick.
I've quickly realized I suck at Limericks thus I've subtracted my moniker from this thread.
Lastly, Rat, how would you feel about someone (me) committing your Limericks to tape, er MP3? I'm thinking of the more Discordian ones.
I was thinking the same thing.
Check out the Beastie Boys' "Negotiation Limerick File" on Hello Nasty. They do a whole rap based on the limerick style. it's pretty cool.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on February 15, 2008, 06:17:13 PM
Quote from: Ratatosk on February 15, 2008, 06:13:55 PM
In Limericks, there isn't a sin,
so my thanks, dear RHWN!
for this forum thread,
we can post till we're dead.
I think that this forum is WIN!
But not like that sad waste of time,
in the Pun House where nary a rhyme,
can be seen or heard,
just the twist of a word
and we all know that Punning's a crime!
:argh!:
Actually the Pun House does have a couple of rhyming puns, one of which is a Limerick.
Well, yeah, but the meter didn't measure with exceptions ;-)
Quote
Lastly, Rat, how would you feel about someone (me) committing your Limericks to tape, er MP3? I'm thinking of the more Discordian ones.
In limerick, I wrote a wee verse,
its pattern forced me to be terse,
though I love to write prose
some think I'm verbose
But it's due to my name, what a curse!
(David means "Beloved"; Clyde is welsh for "heard from afar". My mother thus called me her beloved bigmouth)
Oh and you can record my limericks if you want to :)
Quote from: LMNO on February 15, 2008, 06:22:03 PM
I was thinking the same thing.
Check out the Beastie Boys' "Negotiation Limerick File" on Hello Nasty. They do a whole rap based on the limerick style. it's pretty cool.
LOL, I haven't heard that rap in a minute!
I met a lewd nude in Bermuda,
Who thought she was shrewd ; I was shrewder;
She thought it was crude
To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her,subdued her and screwed her.
There once was a priest from Dundee,
Who went in the alley to pee.
Dominiscus Nobiscum,
Oh why don't the piss come?
It must be the C-L-A-P.
There once was young man named Dave
who kept a dead whore in a cave
"I know it's a sin,"
he said with a grin,
"But think of the money I save!"
A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst
There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
It blew her vagina
To North Carolina
And ass to Buckingham Palace
Quote from: burnstoupee on February 15, 2008, 06:50:17 PM
A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst
Here is a simpler answer:
If this thread were a cyst we could lance her.
But these verbal crimes
and corny-ass rhymes
are much more like ovarian cancer
On Olympus did Peleus find,
the right girl, right place and right time.
He wooed Thetis to wed,
and then take to bed,
and thought everything would be fine.
Of course, the wedding went wrong,
tis remembered in story and song.
Though they all blame Eris,
and her gift to the fairest...
I think they were smoking a bong!
Myrmidons, were Peleus' peeps,
a race born of Ants, were the creeps.
But Thetis, you see,
was a nymph from the sea,
And where would an ant and nymph sleep?!
Cramulus, I tried to resist
But limericks just spring from my wrist
I'd stick with haikus
But it would be a ruse
Mine at least have an innocent twist
I unfortunately cannot take credit for the following limericks--they are the works of one Wendy Cope, but they are just too hilarious, if you have ever read "The Wasteland," by T. S. Eliot (which it seems just about everyone is forced to read at least once before leaving school).
The Wasteland Limericks
I
In April one seldom feels cheerful;
Dry stones, sun and dust make me fearful;
Clairvoyantes distress me,
Commuters depress me--
Met Stetson and gave him an earful.
II
She sat on a mighty fine chair,
Sparks flew as she tidied her hair;
She asks many questions,
I make few suggestions--
Bad as Albert and Lil--what a pair!
III
The Thames runs, bones rattle, rats creep;
Tiresias fancies a peep--
A typist is laid,
A record is played--
Wei la la. After this it gets deep.
IV
A Phoenician named Phlebas forgot
About birds and his business--the lot,
Which is no surprise,
Since he'd met his demise
And been left in the ocean to rot.
V
No water. Dry rocks and dry throats,
Then thunder, a shower of quotes
From the Sanskrit and Dante.
Da. Damyata. Shantih.
I hope you'll make sense of the notes.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on February 15, 2008, 06:55:39 PM
Quote from: burnstoupee on February 15, 2008, 06:50:17 PM
A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst
Here is a simpler answer:
If this thread were a cyst we could lance her.
But these verbal crimes
and corny-ass rhymes
are much more like ovarian cancer
These corny rhymes, without a doubt
make for dreadful, cancerous spout
though lest we be blessed
to save a nice breast
And say tits or GTFO!
..eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$e.
J$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$e
4d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c
z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c
d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$r
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$3$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"
4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$%*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"
4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$F ..
4$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$F ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$
*$$$$$$F 4$b *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .
"$$$$$L ^ .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c
"$$$$$c...d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$%
^*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P" "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"
"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P" ^*$$$$$$$$$P**
a poet once tried for a month
to find a word rhyming with purple
he thought maybe orange
and possibly silver
are bad words for a limerick writer
It's hard to wake up at the last hour
and rise from bed without glower
you might try and combine
your routines to save time
it's just a shame you can't shit in the shower.
(i'm havin a hard time writing a limerick that isn't dirty. )
I wonder if limerick rhymes,
are ready for modern times,
perhaps they need Moar
so they won't bore,
a generation that expects more than lines!
Can a limerick be made to fit,
in media not made for it?
A video short,
the fifth scene a retort,
Or is that idea just shit?
1 7Я13[) 2 vvЯ173 7|-|15 N 1337,
45 4 1337 L1|\/|341CK Ш0u£D 83 /V337
8u7 1 ƒ0u/\/[) +#4+ /\/\y 3y35
2 /\/\y (_-Я3a+ 5uЯPЯ153
Could no longer translate leet speak
:eek:
There once was a guy named RWHN
Some surveys, he was trying to scan
When one of them jammed
And he yelled "Damned!"
"Fuck this I'm gonna hit the can!"
Some say that our great Sacred Chao,
is simply a joke on the Tao,
But I find the sign,
apropos for our time,
as it was when it came out of Mal!
:lulz:
A Hodge and a Podge and some Flax,
were taking some time to relax,
A Fnord happened by,
they did not bat an eye,
For they didn't want to be snacks!
ZOMG
A poor litte Fnord spent each night,
stuck being alone was his plight,
He said "Why, oh why
does no one drop by?
You would think that they think I might bite?!"
Epic thread!
lyrical gangstas
poetry in ya FACE, BITCH
next: a Cinquain thread
there once appeared a discordian from Greep
whose favourite sound seems Bleep
but he lost his patience in a short time
"i can't go through with this eep-rhyme!
it's costing me long lost nights of sleep!"
There once was a buttface named Orange
whose postings were really quite mordant.
While buying some pot,
from a Dutch coffee shop,
000 ate his identity and thus he became a discordant.
There was a girl whom i wished to bestow
expensive gifts but i didn't have dough.
so i painted my prick
just like a gold brick
and she went down like a 2 dollar airplane.
to save for a rainy day
i wrote a limerick void of cliché
i won't beat around the bush
but when shove came to push
i figured a turnabout is fair play
i once had a girl named kate
she was lovely and pretty great
we went to a dance
she dove into another guy's pants
I guess too low, was my membership rate
McCain will represent the GOP
The Dems by Obama or Hillary
But, I have to say,
that either way,
The ones getting screwed are You and Me.
Rat, I'm stealing some of these to post at TCC.
I'm gonna presume they're Kopyleft, just wanted to let you know.
Quote from: LMNO on March 06, 2008, 08:28:26 PM
Rat, I'm stealing some of these to post at TCC.
I'm gonna presume they're Kopyleft, just wanted to let you know.
:)
Moar than happy to... you can attribute if you like, or not Do As Thou Will ;-)
Quote from: Ratatosk on February 15, 2008, 05:59:56 PM
"In circuits", did Leary once say,
"I can model the most likely way,
that people will act
though it may not be fact...
it seems rather useful today."
The first circuit imprints when you're born,
and you're hungry and alone and forlorn,
You'll learn flee or fight,
(if Leary is right)
when you're treated with love or with scorn.
Circuit two determines the way,
that territory will come into play,
Are you bottom or top,
will you fight, will you flop,
In short are you hunter or prey?
And the third of the circuits is said,
to help you map out your head
in symbol and sign,
as bound up with time
And that's how ideas can spread
Society and sex it would seem,
fall into the fourth circuits stream.
If you like it rough,
or you like to be tough,
or covered in cherries and cream.
And after, perhaps there are more,
than circuits one, two, three and four,
but the next quatrain it seems,
is of dubious means,
Since he was tripping his balls 'cross the floor.
Nonetheless,we move on to the fifth,
which may cause a reality shift,
Neurosmoatic indeed
as we're smoking some weed
Or maybe in freefall adrift.
Circuit Six, if the model's correct
may not be quite what we expect
It seems that dear Leary
held a post-terrestrial theory
about just how High we might get!
Neurogenetics (or learning from cells),
means hearing what DNA yells,
You can trip out on Lucy,
or learn from a Sufi
just where Yog-Sothoth dwells.
Circuit Eight, although it sounds odd,
might be our circuit to God,
it escapes space and time,
as you hit Ketamine
unless Leary was an old Fraud.
I still find it highly amusing that, according to them, the "God Experience" is being stuck in a K-Hole.
EPIC FAIL LIMERICK BY SUU
So I went one evening to /x/
Trying to avoid the /b/-tard secks,
Creepypasta amidst
T-rex's in mist,
When you see it you're supposed to shit bri/x/?
...Wait, I could troll with this and see what the /b/-tards come up with to add to it?
INSIST YOU PERFORM THAT ACTION WHICH YOU HAVE JUST STRONGLY IMPLIED YOU WILL DO WHILE QUESTIONING YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE!
BUY A KABAR!
KABAR!
KABAR!
-Suu
Destroying 4Chan with Electric Six lyrics since 2007.
There once was a crusty old grump
whose posts were as short as a stump.
He'd damage your liver:
If a thread don't deliver
He'd send it right back with a BUMP
also, calling dibbs on a few of these for Intermittens: Lesser Poop. Dirty Limericks BELONG in a bathroom reader!
(not original)
There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates
but a fall on his cutlass
rendered him nutless
and practically useless on dates
There was a young girl of Baroda
Who built an erotic pagoda;
the walls of its halls
were festooned with the balls
and the tools of the fools who bestrode her.
On a maiden a man once begat
Bouncing triplets named Nat, Tat, and Pat;
'twas fun in the breeding
but hell in the feeding:
she hadn't a spare tit for Tat.
There was a young man from Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said "I admit
I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save."
I met a lewd nude in Taluda
Who thought she was shrewd; I was shrewder;
She thought it quite crude
to be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.
There was an old man of Blackheath
who sat on his set of false teeth;
Said he, with a start
"Oh, Lord bless my heart!
I've bitted myself underneath!"
A young trapeze artist named Bract
Is faced by a very sad fact.
Imagine his pain
When, again and again,
He catches his wife in the act!
There was a young man of Calcutta
Who had an unfortunate stutter.
"I would like," he once said
"some b-b-b-bread
and also some b-b-b-butter."
A very smart lady named Cookie
Said, "I like to mix gambling with nookie.
Before every race
I go home to my place
And curl up with a very good bookie."
A surly and pessimist Druid,
A defeatist, if only he knew it,
Said, "The world's on the skids
and I think having kids
Is a waste of good seminal fluid."
Let us now broach a firkin to Durkin,
Addicted to jerkin' his gherkin;
His wife said, "Now Durkin,
By jerkin' your gherkin
You're shirkin' your firkin' -- you bastard."
There was a young man of Eau Claire,
Enjoying his girl on the stair;
On the forty-fourth storke,
the banister broke
and he finished her off in mid-air.
In Summer he said she was fair,
in Autumn her charms were still there;
But he said to his wife
in the Winter of life,
"There's no Spring in your old derriere."
A fellow with passions quite gingery
Was exploring his young sister's lingerie;
Then with giggles of pleasure
He plundered her treasure-
adding incest to insult and injury.
There once was a young lad named Obad
Who played with food on his own nads
From pastry teabaggin'
His balls were left sagging
Serves him right for Dunkin the Donuts.
there once was a dot com named Pee Dee
who's dwellers thought they were Erises sweetie
so a golden apple she tossed
and their delusions they lost
they were really quite decrepit and seedy
There once was a lonely Pork Pieman
Who was asked by a virgin walked by him,
If she'd sample his wares
If she'd acknowledge he's there
The deal? She got food for her "Hi Man!"
one evening while sipping a porter
and pondering thoughts of disorder
i googled P.D.
and soon i would see
you don't just walk into mordor
I was reading posts in Or Kill Me
Looking for something to thrill me
Rat from this board
Posted a limerick on fnord
Now you'll hate me like I'm Brian Kilmeade
The Limericks here are just fine,
But the best rhymes by far, are all mine,
I may just post some more,
just as soon as I'm sure,
I'm not casting my pearls before swine.
This limerick thread is a muck up
But do not frown and buck up
Everything will be cool
If you don't act like a tool
And now lets shut the fuck up
For a Limerick not to sound shite,
all the syllables need to be tight,
if they simply don't fit,
then you'll sound like a tit,
if they do, then you're getting it right.
The Captain, (A man from Nantucket)
kept a Codfish, alive, in a bucket,
when becalmed 'pon the sea,
to relieve ennui,
he would take out the codfish, and fuck it.
The Captain, (disgracefully drunk)
went down to he Cabin boy's bunk,
threw the lad on ther floor,
like a cheap, dockside whore,
then filled up his scuppers, with spunk.
There was an asshole named Blight
Who stumbled drunkenly one night
Upon a PD thread
He thought was dead,
And said, ain't this a poor fucking sight.
A poor sight indeed, I agree,
but not one beyond remedy,
so come on, post a rhyme,
while there's still fucking time,
or this bump will be wasted. You see?
Hey there, BadBeast and Blight
How are you guys tonight?
I am doing okay,
enjoying my stay -
May just move in, I might.
You want a fucking rhyme
I'll give you the time
Watch fucking Hitler
Being a shitler
Might as well be a damn mime
The Phox is incredible
Her taste ain't that terrible
She gives the youtube
Too each fucking noob
This clip so watchable......
.....dude
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFA-rOls8YA
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:49:04 AM
Hey there, BadBeast and Blight
How are you guys tonight?
I am doing okay,
enjoying my stay -
May just move in, I might.
No, not at all really
Cuz right now I'm feely
a wee bit drunk
Like a goddamn skunk
My brain's all damn wheely
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 05:52:30 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:49:04 AM
Hey there, BadBeast and Blight
How are you guys tonight?
I am doing okay,
enjoying my stay -
May just move in, I might.
No, not at all really
Cuz right now I'm feely
a wee bit drunk
Like a goddamn skunk
My brain's all damn wheely
Your rhymes seem kinda weak,
More white pine than a teak
Keep going, though
This is great show
I like the havok you wreak.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:54:44 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 05:52:30 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:49:04 AM
Hey there, BadBeast and Blight
How are you guys tonight?
I am doing okay,
enjoying my stay -
May just move in, I might.
No, not at all really
Cuz right now I'm feely
a wee bit drunk
Like a goddamn skunk
My brain's all damn wheely
Your rhymes seem kinda weak,
More white pine than a teak
Keep going, though
This is great show
I like the havok you wreak.
My rhymes are fucking weak
Because I took some sneak
It takes me some time
To get good rhymes
Not on the spot I'm a fucking artiste
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 05:57:36 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:54:44 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 05:52:30 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 05:49:04 AM
Hey there, BadBeast and Blight
How are you guys tonight?
I am doing okay,
enjoying my stay -
May just move in, I might.
No, not at all really
Cuz right now I'm feely
a wee bit drunk
Like a goddamn skunk
My brain's all damn wheely
Your rhymes seem kinda weak,
More white pine than a teak
Keep going, though
This is great show
I like the havok you wreak.
My rhymes are fucking weak
Because I took some sneak
It takes me some time
To get good rhymes
Not on the spot I'm a fucking artiste
Ah, well. The alcohol, too.
It does a number on you.
I avoid that shit
It's a fucking pit
That I will not dive into
You're missing a good time, Pizza
If you know your limit it will treat ya
If you come to Boston
The creature begins
With a smile on my face to greet ya
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
This game is a fucking joke.
What the fuck did you all smoke?
Your rhymes are all lame,
And you all sound the same.
And I hope you all just fucking choke.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:09:08 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
Your face
To my mace
I shall introduce
I painted it puce
You have no saving grace
Blight's mojo is obviously missing,
flushed away with the beerRum (fixt) he's been pissing,
but at least Blighty tried,
Coyote's rhyme died,
now he's capslocked, outraged, and he's hissing!
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:11:27 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:09:08 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
Your face
To my mace
I shall introduce
I painted it puce
You have no saving grace
Nice come back Sir Coyote
Take some more peyote
Threaten me some more
It's a big fucking bore
Your redheaded ass is just some big fucking whore
And Phox, trying to step on my rocks
Take a step back before I whip you with my cock
We all know the Limerick is a weak ass meme
Stab City wishes it was Cork's fucking dream
But Cork City, the most shitty steps up to that shit
Not even Dublin the capital can keep up with it
If you want to take drugs with a shrug head down to the southest county
Meet up with fucking Faust with all your ill-got bounty
Sure enough he can find your stuff just based on where he lives
And if you stick close enough maybe you can dodge the shivs
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:16:55 AM
Blight's mojo is obviously missing,
flushed away with the beer he's been pissing,
but at least Blighty tried,
Coyote's rhyme died,
now he's capslocked, outraged, and he's hissing!
Badbeast is a right bad man
but it is ok as he thinks he is Han
Solo that is
The slickest pirate in the biz
Coyote, no idea why he did this again.
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:16:55 AM
Blight's mojo is obviously missing,
flushed away with the beer he's been pissing,
but at least Blighty tried,
Coyote's rhyme died,
now he's capslocked, outraged, and he's hissing!
It was rum not beer. I think my deviation speaks for it.
Did Phoxy just suffer a knock,
from that floppy excuse for a cock?
that Blight's waving around,
like some flag that he's found,
he should cover it up. With a sock!
No one could be drunker than Blight,
Don't know why I should put up a fight,
If you so desire,
I'll break out the ire,
And we can keep going all night.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:09:08 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
:mittens:
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 06:36:21 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:09:08 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
:mittens:
Curiosity killed my cat
I hit it with my bat
This is just Philler
And his friend Biller
TWINKLE TWINKLE WHERE IS MY HAT!!!!!!!!
Sorry, ladies and gents,
My brain meat is all bent
Nessies have got me
They're all I can see
My writing has gotten all rent*
* As in ripped to fucking shreds by Nessies.
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:26:26 AM
Did Phoxy just suffer a knock,
from that floppy excuse for a cock?
that Blight's waving around,
like some flag that he's found,
he should cover it up. With a sock!
Limey, stop fucking sounding so whiney
Your woman's 1000 miles away
I admit my dick's not that big any day
If it was it would be a federal disaster
And everyone would know I'm their master
But as it stands my glans stays in Boston
All the better, so it doesn't cross the New York flotsam
Cuz I don't want to catch that shit
The stinky ass Big Apple on my dick
The only thing worse is if I got LA
If I got the bomb I would drop it there any day
Fuck that bitch, LA thinks it's the shit
Maybe true because it has it's nose in it
Like a fucking dog it's the same old cog
But I'm dreaming of nuking it
And lets talk a sec about Wiltshire, England
Don't think I know about a goddamn thing and
Who gives a shit about your fucking island
It's just this thing in the Atlantic and a pile and
The former capital of our Empire, but when colonists conspire
The shit gets moved to a Western Hemisphere groove
Move it from LonDON to WashingTON
Take a step back and we'll take it from here
Until Beijing does their thing and shows us all up
And beats us like a pup, the runt of the litter
And leaves all of us honkeys in the fucking shitter
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:39:07 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 06:36:21 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:09:08 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 06:05:28 AM
NO MORE RHYMES NOW!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!
Get out of this thread
You fucking jarhead
Oh, you're a grunt
And kind of a cunt
And also a gingerbread
;)
:mittens:
Curiosity killed my cat
I hit it with my bat
This is just Philler
And his friend Biller
TWINKLE TWINKLE WHERE IS MY HAT!!!!!!!!
You're mad I gave Blight some mittens,
That's why you're going medieval on kittens.
Take a chill pill, dude.
No need to get rude.
Your hat is probably inside on what you've been sittin'.
Quote from: Doktor Phox on April 09, 2011, 06:10:59 AM
This game is a fucking joke.
What the fuck did you all smoke?
Your rhymes are all lame,
And you all sound the same.
And I hope you all just fucking choke.
I'll be the Joker and you be Harley Quinn.
We'll take this pissing contest out for a spin.
But I'm warning you, girl,
I'm nuts like a squirrel.
I'd explain but I don't know where to begin.
My blistering skill at this game,
renders all other limericks lame,
so let's see what you've got,
you hilarious lot,
cuz my rhyming will put yours to shame!
What a fantastic display of SUCK.
Like dining on shit-roasted duck.
If you don't cease,
Just look at BadBeast,
And ask why he is such a cuck.
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:44:50 AM
My blistering skill at this game,
renders all other limericks lame,
so let's see what you've got,
you hilarious lot,
cuz my rhyming will put yours to shame!
This thread is now about free form rap you crackah ass muthahfuckah
Why must I suffer this curse?
This thread makes me long for the hearse,
No, it ain't about rap,
None of that crap,
Limericks are bad, but rap's worse!
Phox is all whines and moans
tossing her sticks and stones
fuck you then,
prissy little hen
You'd not give a dog a bone.
Cue up the beatbox, bitches
CPD will leave you in stiches.
I got every move
to start the groove -
Score one for the witches!
ETA: Okay, so maybe not. Typo.
So you say I'm a prissy hen?
What a strange way to make friends!
If I had a stick...
Wait just a tic!
I'll take the one from your rear end!
Quote from: Doktor Phox on April 09, 2011, 07:00:56 AM
So you say I'm a prissy hen?
What a strange way to make friends!
If I had a stick...
Wait just a tic!
I'll take the one from your rear end!
Okay, that was good. A+++ would get burned by again.
Ahem.
Now wait a minute, young miss
You started all of this.
With your fucks
and your sucks
All over this thread, taking a piss.
Wait a minute CPD, still waiting for delivery
THought it would be 30 minutes or I would get it for free
So let's see, did you get my order? Best hurry up or I won't tip you your quarter
Best be piping hot, and if it is not
I'll take a fucking shot
Watch your ass fucking drop
Then take poitin in a shooter
and follow up with some cooter
And eat teh fucking pie when I spit in your eye
Call the EMT to haul you outta hie
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:48:06 AM
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:44:50 AM
My blistering skill at this game,
renders all other limericks lame,
so let's see what you've got,
you hilarious lot,
cuz my rhyming will put yours to shame!
This thread is now about free form rap you crackah ass muthahfuckah
Free form rap? are you sure? Nigga, please!
if you can't do a limerick, with ease,
then you've no fucking hope,
cuz my rhyming's so dope,
you should bow, before me, on your knees.
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 07:09:38 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:48:06 AM
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:44:50 AM
My blistering skill at this game,
renders all other limericks lame,
so let's see what you've got,
you hilarious lot,
cuz my rhyming will put yours to shame!
This thread is now about free form rap you crackah ass muthahfuckah
Free form rap? are you sure? Nigga, please!
if you can't do a limerick, with ease,
then you've no fucking hope,
cuz my rhyming's so dope,
you should bow, before me, on your knees.
Doing so would be contrary to your political disposition, and far be it for me to make you a hypocrite, my friend :)
You should have learned by now,
Hate spewing is all Phox knows how,
I kept it in style,
And went the extra mile,
Did better than Blight, you bossy cow!
Quote from: Doktor Phox on April 09, 2011, 07:14:33 AM
You should have learned by now,
Hate spewing is all Phox knows how,
I kept it in style,
And went the extra mile,
Did better than Blight, you bossy cow!
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo
Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 07:11:39 AM
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 07:09:38 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 06:48:06 AM
Quote from: BadBeast on April 09, 2011, 06:44:50 AM
My blistering skill at this game,
renders all other limericks lame,
so let's see what you've got,
you hilarious lot,
cuz my rhyming will put yours to shame!
This thread is now about free form rap you crackah ass muthahfuckah
Free form rap? are you sure? Nigga, please!
if you can't do a limerick, with ease,
then you've no fucking hope,
cuz my rhyming's so dope,
you should bow, before me, on your knees.
Doing so would be contrary to your political disposition, and far be it for me to make you a hypocrite, my friend :)
My superior skill in the rhyme
means it's not hypocritical time,
as it will not be me,
who is bending the knee,
cuz my lyrical skills are sublime!
(And my modesty, peerless!) :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 07:07:08 AM
Wait a minute CPD, still waiting for delivery
THought it would be 30 minutes or I would get it for free
So let's see, did you get my order? Best hurry up or I won't tip you your quarter
Best be piping hot, and if it is not
I'll take a fucking shot
Watch your ass fucking drop
Then take poitin in a shooter
and follow up with some cooter
And eat teh fucking pie when I spit in your eye
Call the EMT to haul you outta hie
Delivery is always free,
when you get it from me.
You want it hot,
then you want what I got.
Bend over and take it, you'll see.
I'll bring the hip, I'll bring the hop
I'll rock this bitch and baby I won't stop
Let the others come
And try to get some
But this ain't a god damn thrift shop.
They want it fresh, they want it hot,
with the choice of toppings that I got?
Line up everyone, one and all
Now taking orders short or tall
When I serve it up - you'll like what you bought.
Blight's at the mic, tryin' to rhyme
BadBeast's peepin' his watch, checkin' the time.
Phox writes with a Sharpie
she wields like a harpy
Get 'em all, three for a dime.
Wait a minute Pizza, not trying to keep ya
Seems a little cyber attack is ready to greet ya
If you're logged into gchat that is
Cuz the People's Republic is getting all up in it's biz
Yet again, makes me mad but then
If I didn't have them to hate, what else would I have on my plate
Cuz there ain't nothing I hate more than China
Want to see all their students get all wind up
Show them what a people's army really is
Give em some democracy with a side of blitz
See the blood flow cuz that's how it goes
Gotta buy freedom with red, as everyone knows
Really the best solution is a violent revolution
Punish all the fuckers who suppressed the fucking Confucians
To see it go up in fire is my ultimate desire
Maoism can suck my jizm, let's free the proletarians from their selfimposed prison
Get out of my gmail, communism fucking fail
Drop your ass grind it in the grass, toss it on the third rail
Say my name and here I am
If you pardon my short attention span.
I'm sure your spiel was real sweet
But I got to dance to another beat
All the hatin' ain't my style,
I'd rather give an inch and walk a mile
But don't let me hold you back,
You seem like a decent enough chap.
Get it all off your chest
then give that mic of yours a rest.
Have yourself some pizza and a beer.
Don't go havin' a heart attack, m'dear.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 07:58:55 AM
Say my name and here I am
If you pardon my short attention span.
I'm sure your spiel was real sweet
But I got to dance to another beat
All the hatin' ain't my style,
I'd rather give an inch and walk a mile
But don't let me hold you back,
You seem like a decent enough chap.
Get it all off your chest
then give that mic of yours a rest.
Have yourself some pizza and a beer.
Don't go havin' a heart attack, m'dear.
Would that I could for a pizza and a beer
The problem though is that I am right here
Here being Boston, U to the S to the A
Time zone is Greenwich, but throw 5 hours away
What I'm gettin' at is that it's 3 in the morning
So I don't need no warning
To let me know it's no go for either pizza or a beer
At least for 5 hours, and maybe after a shower
But considering how I am when I'm up late
No chance that this will happen just at 8
Some of these are fucking radical. Is there room on the CDgasm list?
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 08:09:20 AM
Some of these are fucking radical. Is there room on the CDgasm list?
The track list is always up for tweaking. Plus, not all CDs have to have the same tracks.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 08:05:53 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 07:58:55 AM
Say my name and here I am
If you pardon my short attention span.
I'm sure your spiel was real sweet
But I got to dance to another beat
All the hatin' ain't my style,
I'd rather give an inch and walk a mile
But don't let me hold you back,
You seem like a decent enough chap.
Get it all off your chest
then give that mic of yours a rest.
Have yourself some pizza and a beer.
Don't go havin' a heart attack, m'dear.
Would that I could for a pizza and a beer
The problem though is that I am right here
Here being Boston, U to the S to the A
Time zone is Greenwich, but throw 5 hours away
What I'm gettin' at is that it's 3 in the morning
So I don't need no warning
To let me know it's no go for either pizza or a beer
At least for 5 hours, and maybe after a shower
But considering how I am when I'm up late
No chance that this will happen just at 8
I've been to Boston and I loved it.
I didn't want to leave but, well, shit,
You don't get to pick where you go as a kid.
I meant to move back there some day
but got distracted and went the opposite way.
From PA to Iowa and then down to Georgia,
the land of sun-drenched sweet-as-tea paranoia.
I want to go to Oregon and see the sea
Maybe go back to Boston and honor the bean.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 08:11:41 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 08:09:20 AM
Some of these are fucking radical. Is there room on the CDgasm list?
The track list is always up for tweaking. Plus, not all CDs have to have the same tracks.
Do you even have the list for CDGasm?
When I asked, someone had a spasm
over in the CDg thread
I don't actually recall what they said
But I had the chance to razz 'em.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on April 09, 2011, 08:16:43 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on April 09, 2011, 08:11:41 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 09, 2011, 08:09:20 AM
Some of these are fucking radical. Is there room on the CDgasm list?
The track list is always up for tweaking. Plus, not all CDs have to have the same tracks.
Do you even have the list for CDGasm?
When I asked, someone had a spasm
over in the CDg thread
I don't actually recall what they said
But I had the chance to razz 'em.
Yeah, nothing is solid yet, but I think there is enough material, or close to enough material to start solidifying things. It all depends on the individual tracks, how long they are etc. Ones that are set to music will naturally be a bit longer.
There once was a leper from Hoboken,
Who gave his numb penis a pokin'.
When off his dick fell
He said, "It's just as well,
As I had no more fingers for strokin'."
A Farmer called "Feathery Fred",
made animal porn in his shed,
every ewe in his flock,
got a taste of his cock,
but his Wife had a donkey instead
A Circus performer, name Mick,
had a very unusual prick,
his member, when hard,
measured almost a yard,
but was only a half an inch thick.