Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Or Kill Me => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 06, 2008, 05:20:38 PM

Title: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 06, 2008, 05:20:38 PM
(I wrote this last year about my friend The Enucleator.)

She is not malicious. She is not calculating, she is not manipulative. She is not unreasonable. She is not making things up. She is not crying because she is trying to make you feel bad, she is crying because she feels bad.

Look at her. She looks like a girl. A woman, but we call ourselves girls. A mother. She is hard as iron, tough as nails. She endures like a mesa, bends like a fir in strong winds, stands upright after the storm. She is soft; she has curves, warm breasts, smooth arms, a nape on her neck that is made to be nuzzled. She is pretty. She has lips for kissing, eyes that can call for silence or snap and rage or fill with tears.

And she cries. A lot. More than she thinks she cries, because girls are made for crying. Crying and loving and holding people. And her heart is a soft, soft tender girl's heart. As strong as she is, as tough as she is, her hard hard heart softens at a moment's notice, and lets in the biggest baddest wolves as long as they talk gentle, move slow, and tell her the right stories. Because girls aren't made to be suspicious, aren't wagers of war or hostage negotiators. And it's too bad, because the hostages are our own hearts, our very tender not-lying-when-they-cry hearts.

Girls are amazing. There is no code; we are deceptively simple. We will tell you, in plain simple words, what we want. Love me. Be there when you say you're going to be there. Tell me what you want from me. If you listen, you can hear it. Don't complicate us; we aren't speaking in tongues. Don't pretend you don't understand. Don't pretend you never heard us. Just listen.

Just listen, and remember that inside the girl you are looking at is a girl's tender heart. Try not to hurt it. And when you have it, remember that she isn't very good at guarding her heart, so that will be up to you. That's a thing a man is good at.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Dysnomia on October 06, 2008, 08:03:04 PM
aw nigel...if I weren't medicated that would have made me cry.   :cry:
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on October 06, 2008, 08:06:52 PM
:mittens:

Very nice!!
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: hooplala on October 06, 2008, 08:15:59 PM
Quote from: Nigel on October 06, 2008, 05:20:38 PM
There is no code; we are deceptively simple. We will tell you, in plain simple words, what we want. Love me. Be there when you say you're going to be there. Tell me what you want from me. If you listen, you can hear it. Don't complicate us; we aren't speaking in tongues. Don't pretend you don't understand. Don't pretend you never heard us. Just listen.

Very nice, Nigel. 

I would argue, though, that the above quote is not true of all women, any more than it is true of all men.  I've known a few women in my time that were definitely being cryptic on purpose.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 06, 2008, 09:11:59 PM
Of course all people are different, but when I wrote it I was thinking about my friend, and of course my generalizations are based on the women I know.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: hooplala on October 06, 2008, 09:14:19 PM
Good enough.

Anyway, I did like it.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: East Coast Hustle on October 06, 2008, 10:17:35 PM
this gets :mittens:
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Kai on October 06, 2008, 11:58:31 PM
Nigel, I really like this.  :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on October 07, 2008, 01:54:59 AM
Very nice Nigel!!
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 07, 2008, 03:12:50 AM
Thank you!  :D

Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞ on October 07, 2008, 10:30:21 AM
I was moved.

:mittens:
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Bruno on October 09, 2008, 07:20:13 AM
I thought I was going to feel something, but then I didn't.

Probably just a loose connection on my end.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: RunsWithScissors on October 09, 2008, 11:49:46 AM
This is the sweetest thing I've seen on this board EVER.

:mittens:
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Triple Zero on October 09, 2008, 01:30:38 PM
Quote from: Nigel on October 06, 2008, 05:20:38 PMJust listen, and remember that inside the girl you are looking at is a girl's tender heart. Try not to hurt it. And when you have it, remember that she isn't very good at guarding her heart, so that will be up to you. That's a thing a man is good at.

.. and you better believe it ;-)

wonderful piece, Nigel!
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 09, 2008, 07:34:16 PM
 :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: wade on October 11, 2008, 03:34:12 AM
wow.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 01, 2008, 05:41:30 AM
Heh.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: nostalgicBadger on November 03, 2008, 06:20:04 PM
Quote from: RunsWithScissors on October 09, 2008, 11:49:46 AM
This is the sweetest thing I've seen on this board EVER.

:mittens:

Truf.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Manta Obscura on November 03, 2008, 06:46:13 PM
Nigel, normal mittens don't do this justice, so you get:

(http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m175/morgiechops/kitmit.gif)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 08, 2008, 06:32:14 AM
 :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Dr. Paes on November 08, 2008, 10:17:47 AM
I dunno if I do better than the cat.
But here are my mittens anyway. :mittens:

This made me "Aw".
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Zenpeanut on March 08, 2009, 07:21:08 AM
(http://i453.photobucket.com/albums/qq251/Zenpeanut/hippo_bump.jpg)

Because it makes me feel so much better even when my I feel shitty.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Faithless on March 08, 2009, 07:31:49 AM
I think that you give men far too much credit. Most of us, when seeing a woman cry, are confused and want to leave. Emotion, especially non-violent emotion, is an alien concept. Most of the people that I know (and I am speaking of the males)have a narrow view of the world. Their existance revolves around what affects them. Soft hearts and tears are viewed with suspicion. Few these days can see the truth in sincerity. It is a sad thing, and we lose our humanity for it.
   Excellent writing, by the way.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Pope Lecherous on March 09, 2009, 04:04:06 AM
I see what you wrote nigel. More importantly i try not to take advantage.  You make me smile with my heart
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 09, 2009, 07:49:44 AM
Awww :) Thanks for the bump, too.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: LMNO on March 09, 2009, 04:10:24 PM
Quote from: Faithless on March 08, 2009, 07:31:49 AM
I think that you give men far too much credit. Most of us, when seeing a woman cry, are confused and want to leave. Emotion, especially non-violent emotion, is an alien concept. Most of the people that I know (and I am speaking of the males)have a narrow view of the world. Their existance revolves around what affects them. Soft hearts and tears are viewed with suspicion. Few these days can see the truth in sincerity. It is a sad thing, and we lose our humanity for it.
   Excellent writing, by the way.


I strenuously object.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: AFK on March 09, 2009, 04:12:44 PM
Seconded.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 09, 2009, 05:38:23 PM
There's a real difference between being a sexually mature biological male and being a "real man"

Probably the same with women too
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 09, 2009, 06:26:05 PM
Quote from: LMNO redux on March 09, 2009, 04:10:24 PM
Quote from: Faithless on March 08, 2009, 07:31:49 AM
I think that you give men far too much credit. Most of us, when seeing a woman cry, are confused and want to leave. Emotion, especially non-violent emotion, is an alien concept. Most of the people that I know (and I am speaking of the males)have a narrow view of the world. Their existance revolves around what affects them. Soft hearts and tears are viewed with suspicion. Few these days can see the truth in sincerity. It is a sad thing, and we lose our humanity for it.
   Excellent writing, by the way.


I strenuously object.

Yeah, I couldn't really respond to that.  :|
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Aufenthatt on March 09, 2009, 08:52:50 PM
Quote from: Nigel on March 09, 2009, 06:26:05 PM
Quote from: LMNO redux on March 09, 2009, 04:10:24 PM
Quote from: Faithless on March 08, 2009, 07:31:49 AM
I think that you give men far too much credit. Most of us, when seeing a woman cry, are confused and want to leave. Emotion, especially non-violent emotion, is an alien concept. Most of the people that I know (and I am speaking of the males)have a narrow view of the world. Their existance revolves around what affects them. Soft hearts and tears are viewed with suspicion. Few these days can see the truth in sincerity. It is a sad thing, and we lose our humanity for it.
   Excellent writing, by the way.


I strenuously object.

Yeah, I couldn't really respond to that.  :|

Understandably.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 08:38:27 PM
Quote from: Faithless on March 08, 2009, 07:31:49 AM
I think that you give men far too much credit. Most of us, when seeing a woman cry, are confused and want to leave. Emotion, especially non-violent emotion, is an alien concept. Most of the people that I know (and I am speaking of the males)have a narrow view of the world. Their existance revolves around what affects them. Soft hearts and tears are viewed with suspicion. Few these days can see the truth in sincerity. It is a sad thing, and we lose our humanity for it.
   Excellent writing, by the way.

Thanks for promoting regressive stereotypes, ass.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: hooplala on March 18, 2009, 08:47:50 PM
So, nB, do you believe idealism is more useful than pragmatism?
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 08:51:35 PM
I don't see the pragmatism here. Faithless and I are both being idealists.Pragmatically, I doubt it matters.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: hooplala on March 18, 2009, 08:53:14 PM
You think its unlikely that, realistically, a lot of men do behave in the manner Faithless described?
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 09:00:07 PM
I also believe, realistically, that a lot of men do not, and that less would if they were not constantly bombarded with expectations. I have known plenty of guys who would act stereotypically macho around other guys, but would become considerably more sensitive in a comfortable situation where they knew they would not be judged. Bear in mind, I'm not trying to argue that "all men are as sensitive as women", just that statement made regarding all men, or men in general, are almost never accurate.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: hooplala on March 18, 2009, 09:01:27 PM
Do you also believe that there are people who read Raymond Chandler mysteries then go out to solve murders?
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Faithless on April 05, 2009, 12:19:34 AM
Quote from: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 09:00:07 PM
I also believe, realistically, that a lot of men do not, and that less would if they were not constantly bombarded with expectations. I have known plenty of guys who would act stereotypically macho around other guys, but would become considerably more sensitive in a comfortable situation where they knew they would not be judged. Bear in mind, I'm not trying to argue that "all men are as sensitive as women", just that statement made regarding all men, or men in general, are almost never accurate.
I would not make the mistake of generalizing all men into any catagory. That would be wrong. What I was referring to is the general insensitivity of the average human male. As a member of the aforementioned, I observe those around me, almost anywhere that I go. My statement was a reflection of what I have seen. It is unfortunate that most males tend to be as I described, but I do not by any means mean all of them.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 05, 2009, 12:36:14 AM
Quote from: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 09:00:07 PM
I also believe, realistically, that a lot of men do not, and that less would if they were not constantly bombarded with expectations.

Male crying about male crying fail.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Faithless on April 05, 2009, 12:39:45 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 05, 2009, 12:36:14 AM
Quote from: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 09:00:07 PM
I also believe, realistically, that a lot of men do not, and that less would if they were not constantly bombarded with expectations.

Male crying about male crying fail.
It could be worse, and you don't need my help to imagine it.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 05, 2009, 12:42:05 AM
Quote from: Faithless on April 05, 2009, 12:39:45 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 05, 2009, 12:36:14 AM
Quote from: nostalgicBadger on March 18, 2009, 09:00:07 PM
I also believe, realistically, that a lot of men do not, and that less would if they were not constantly bombarded with expectations.

Male crying about male crying fail.
It could be worse, and you don't need my help to imagine it.

Oh, trust me...Nostaglic Badger WILL get worse.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: BADGE OF HONOR on April 05, 2009, 02:08:46 AM
Welp, another good thread shitted-up.  Good job everyone.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 05, 2009, 03:22:54 AM
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on April 05, 2009, 02:08:46 AM
Welp, another good thread shitted-up.  Good job everyone.

It's just one more service we offer.   :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Sheered Völva on May 20, 2009, 02:31:42 AM
I liked it. Yes, not all girls are this way or all guys that way, but it would apply to many.

Unfortunately, the guys who really need to read this kind of thing usually don't read this kind of thing.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Corvidia on May 20, 2009, 03:15:41 AM
Oh indeed.

Excellent, Nigel. Found this via Sheered's bump and I liked it a lot. I would add a pair of mittens, but you've got more than you probably know what to do with. :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2009, 05:30:30 AM
Thanks! :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Bu🤠ns on May 20, 2009, 05:46:45 AM
AW nigel!  i missed this the first time around.

i pictured my bride during the whole reading.   :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 20, 2009, 05:52:58 AM
Quote from: Burns on May 20, 2009, 05:46:45 AM
AW nigel!  i missed this the first time around.

i pictured my bride during the whole reading.   :)

:) This pleases me because it makes me feel like I did it right.
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Sheered Völva on May 20, 2009, 04:03:08 PM
Quote from: Burns on May 20, 2009, 05:46:45 AM
AW nigel!  i missed this the first time around.

i pictured my bride during the whole reading.   :)
That's sweet. And quite a coincidence. When I read it, I also pictured your bride.  :mrgreen:

Siriusly, that's cool.  Good for you, and good for her.  :)
Title: Re: The Girl with a Girl's Tender Heart
Post by: Bu🤠ns on May 20, 2009, 07:52:19 PM
Quote from: Sheered Völva on May 20, 2009, 04:03:08 PM
Quote from: Burns on May 20, 2009, 05:46:45 AM
AW nigel!  i missed this the first time around.

i pictured my bride during the whole reading.   :)
That's sweet. And quite a coincidence. When I read it, I also pictured your bride.  :mrgreen:

Siriusly, that's cool.  Good for you, and good for her.  :)

wouldn't suprise me as we like enjoy the many different flavors of ice cream.