Okay, I have come to deal with the fact that I am getting older. I am no longer pretty. Gravity does ignorant shit to my bits, and my organs do whatever the fuck they please. I am told I must slow down, relax a little, and most of all calm down, if I wish to live a while longer.
Well, fuck that. You aren't supposed to leave a pretty corpse, you're supposed to go flying headfirst into your grave snarling curses and dragging at least one person in with you. Preferably one of those people who is full of great advice on how to "stay young", while they're wearing a fucking mumu because they top the fucking scale at 400 LBS (for you Eurospags, that's about 182 Kg, or if you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using).
With this in mind, I am getting the motorcycle and the guns out of storage. I will NOT live a fucked up little shadow of a life because my heart might play stupid fucking games while I'm cruising the razor edge of the high side at 130 MPH (there is no translation for this speed - on a motorcycle, or at least the right motorcycle - into Eurospeak. Europeans lack the correct glands for this sort of thing.)
I have no urge to fall over dead just this minute, but that's what I'm already doing, one day at a fucking time. The bastards almost had me. They found a sneaky-ass way of getting me to fit into their fucking box, and I AIN'T HAVING IT.
Obviously, this means I have to eat more veggies, so that when this DOES kill me, I will make the entire area uninhabitable when my bowels release upon death. Just a final gift from me to my adoring masses.
TGRR,
Too weird to live, too smelly to be buried.
I prophesied this a while back.
Rock on Roger.
Quote from: Payne on August 25, 2009, 06:38:17 PM
I prophesied this a while back.
Rock on Roger.
Boo yah.
maybe you just need to do really healthy/safe stuff, but in a decidedly EXTREME way
like instead of taking out the trash
SET IT ON FIRE
don't flush once
FLUSH 12 FUCKING TIMES
instead of listening to Christmas music
LISTEN TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC REAL FUCKING LOUD
IN AUGUST
instead of ordering a salad
GRAB THE WAITER BY THE HAIR AND THROW HIM TO THE FLOOR
instead of pissing while standing up
PISS WHILE FALLING
instead of smoking a cheap cigar
ROLL UP YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA AND SMOKE IT IN THE GOVERNOR'S FACE LIKE A BLUNT
TGRR training camp:
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_2sbE8ZrwLa4/SfXKqZ89aJI/AAAAAAAACU8/VNyn5DkD7hU/s400/Military+1941.jpg)
Where a kid can be a kid...
Move to Portland
Become vegetarian
Replace meat with alcohol
Take up rock climbing
Start going to Burning Man
Replace pasta with acid
Become peanutbuttersandwicharian
Develop an obsession with fat older housewives
Develop an obsession with Richard Simmons
Develop an obsession with picking up hot chicks at art openings
Develop an obsession with filling jars with urine
Give up vegetarianism
Fall madly in love with an abstract statue
Get arrested trying to copulate with it
Give up Burning Man
Replace alcohol with meat
Give up rock climbing
Replace rock climbing with public art installations of urine-filled vessels
Wake up one morning after an art opening groggy, bound and gagged in an unfamiliar room
Get raped repeatedly by hot chick from art opening
After a month of confinement develop Stockholm Syndrome
Marry hot rapist chick from art opening
Live happily ever after.
:mittens: Go Rog Go!
And I like Nigel's scenario except for the receptacles of urine: too Howard Hughesian. Otherwise, recipe for pure win.
shit yeah
210 km/h. You can probably do that on the German autobahn. It's also pretty fucking fast and you'll be leaving all the Mercedeses and BMWs in the dust.
If they had dust on the German autobahns, that is.
Also, FUCK YEAH
(except I hope it doesnt kill you, sorry)
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using
I believe, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the average subject of the Empire does not care about weight but bases their social and health status as determined by the amount ferrets said Brit can stuff down their pants.
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on August 25, 2009, 08:45:09 PM
Move to Portland
Become vegetarian
Replace meat with alcohol
Take up rock climbing
Start going to Burning Man
Replace pasta with acid
Become peanutbuttersandwicharian
Develop an obsession with fat older housewives
Develop an obsession with Richard Simmons
Develop an obsession with picking up hot chicks at art openings
Develop an obsession with filling jars with urine
Give up vegetarianism
Fall madly in love with an abstract statue
Get arrested trying to copulate with it
Give up Burning Man
Replace alcohol with meat
Give up rock climbing
Replace rock climbing with public art installations of urine-filled vessels
Wake up one morning after an art opening groggy, bound and gagged in an unfamiliar room
Get raped repeatedly by hot chick from art opening
After a month of confinement develop Stockholm Syndrome
Marry hot rapist chick from art opening
Live happily ever after.
You are a wise, wise person.
Quote from: Mr. P. Carrey on August 26, 2009, 12:07:54 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using
I believe, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the average subject of the Empire does not care about weight but bases their social and health status as determined by the amount ferrets said Brit can stuff down their pants.
yeah, you're right, except that you're wrong too.
us Brits don't care about health issues at all - we've got a fucking National Health Service to deal with that for us - ya jealous yet . . . ?
but, much more seriously, any more than one ferret per pair of pants could be construed as attempted suicide - while several ferrets down your Trousers could be seen as a macho British understatement - subtle difference
- also, great rant
Quote from: Xebra on August 26, 2009, 12:14:49 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on August 25, 2009, 08:45:09 PM
Move to Portland
Become vegetarian
Replace meat with alcohol
Take up rock climbing
Start going to Burning Man
Replace pasta with acid
Become peanutbuttersandwicharian
Develop an obsession with fat older housewives
Develop an obsession with Richard Simmons
Develop an obsession with picking up hot chicks at art openings
Develop an obsession with filling jars with urine
Give up vegetarianism
Fall madly in love with an abstract statue
Get arrested trying to copulate with it
Give up Burning Man
Replace alcohol with meat
Give up rock climbing
Replace rock climbing with public art installations of urine-filled vessels
Wake up one morning after an art opening groggy, bound and gagged in an unfamiliar room
Get raped repeatedly by hot chick from art opening
After a month of confinement develop Stockholm Syndrome
Marry hot rapist chick from art opening
Live happily ever after.
You are a wise, wise person.
Nigel is teh awesomes.
Quote from: MMIX on August 26, 2009, 12:31:59 AM
Quote from: Mr. P. Carrey on August 26, 2009, 12:07:54 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using
I believe, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the average subject of the Empire does not care about weight but bases their social and health status as determined by the amount ferrets said Brit can stuff down their pants.
us Brits don't care about health issues at all - we've got a fucking National Health Service to deal with that for us - ya jealous yet . . . ?
U GUYS LET BIG GOVERNMINT GET IN THE WAY BETWEEN U AND UR FERRETz?!?1?one
Quote from: Mr. P. Carrey on August 26, 2009, 12:45:46 AM
Quote from: MMIX on August 26, 2009, 12:31:59 AM
Quote from: Mr. P. Carrey on August 26, 2009, 12:07:54 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using
I believe, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that the average subject of the Empire does not care about weight but bases their social and health status as determined by the amount ferrets said Brit can stuff down their pants.
us Brits don't care about health issues at all - we've got a fucking National Health Service to deal with that for us - ya jealous yet . . . ?
U GUYS LET BIG GOVERNMINT GET IN THE WAY BETWEEN U AND UR FERRETz?!?1?one
ferret injuries are like duelling scars they aren't a health issue in any conventional sense - and NOBODY comes between a Brit and his ferret - if you'd ever met a ferret you would understand that once those little fuckers get their teeth into you their aint no govermint big enough to get between you
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on August 26, 2009, 12:33:46 AM
Quote from: Xebra on August 26, 2009, 12:14:49 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on August 25, 2009, 08:45:09 PM
Move to Portland
Become vegetarian
Replace meat with alcohol
Take up rock climbing
Start going to Burning Man
Replace pasta with acid
Become peanutbuttersandwicharian
Develop an obsession with fat older housewives
Develop an obsession with Richard Simmons
Develop an obsession with picking up hot chicks at art openings
Develop an obsession with filling jars with urine
Give up vegetarianism
Fall madly in love with an abstract statue
Get arrested trying to copulate with it
Give up Burning Man
Replace alcohol with meat
Give up rock climbing
Replace rock climbing with public art installations of urine-filled vessels
Wake up one morning after an art opening groggy, bound and gagged in an unfamiliar room
Get raped repeatedly by hot chick from art opening
After a month of confinement develop Stockholm Syndrome
Marry hot rapist chick from art opening
Live happily ever after.
You are a wise, wise person.
Nigel is teh awesomes.
:)
Bump.
Great bump and great read :D
I feel your pain TGRR. I have lost my job because I am no longer able to work. I have applied for disability and the wait time is 5 months. Meantime I am bored out of my mind and feel the need to cause havoc.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
or if you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using).
Crumpet suckers? In England, Crumpet is a euphemism for blart.
Quote from: BadBeast on April 20, 2010, 04:08:01 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
or if you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using).
Crumpet suckers? In England, Crumpet is a euphemism for blart.
For what?
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 20, 2010, 04:16:55 AM
Quote from: BadBeast on April 20, 2010, 04:08:01 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 25, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
or if you're in England, 25 stone, or whatever the hell archaic system you crumpet-suckers are using).
Crumpet suckers? In England, Crumpet is a euphemism for blart.
For what?
Blart, Flange, Totty, Minge, = Crumpet, or what you ex-colonials call "Pussy".
I forgot about that handle.