(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/scenic-scotland.jpg)
On behalf of the people of Scotland I'd like to bid you a stony "Fuck off". You'll get a warm welcome from some people if you come to Scotland but those people are invariably foreigners and while you're busy fucking off if you could see your way to dragging a couple of those cunts with you we'd appreciate it. Not so's you'd notice or get a thank you or anything but we would.
Tips to staying alive during your visit to Scotland
1. Forget about Braveheart. Seriously. We're not a nation of noble savages we are a nation of ignorant, vicious degenerates who'd give savages a bad name. We couldn't give less of a fuck about freedom or justice. All we want is cheap booze and we'll kill you to get it.
2. Just hand over the money. That little 12 year old kid in the tracksuit? He isn't fucking around and yeah it's broad daylight and yeah he'll get caught if he kills you but you know what? He wants to get caught. If he gets caught he gets sent to a nice warm jail and spends christmas with his family. So give him the fucking cash and pray he misses you with the machete - it's the best you can hope for.
3. These aren't the drinks you're looking for. It might look vaguely like a pint but it tastes like harpy venom and doubles as stain remover. Brewing and distilling is an expensive process and we have free petrochemical effluent backing up in the streets so our local brand of falling down water comes with some wicked side effects which can seriously fuck up your genetic structure if you weren't weaned on the shit. PROTIP: If a local can't afford a pint they'll wait until a tourist is dumb enough to try one then drink their foaming remains.
4. It's not the temperature or the humidity it's the moodswings that make our weather stand out. It's cold here and wet. It's always raining. It's colder in Iceland or Siberia. It's wetter in the rainforest but only Scottish weather comes with built in depression. Our brightest of sunny days will have most people reaching for the nearest bridge. You don't need to pack an umbrella you need prozac and lots of it.
5. Avoid the food. If you're here for any length of time starvation is a much less traumatic way to go. Our national dish is cholesterol with a side order of botulism. Hygiene is something we say to people called Gene. In most restaurants the policy is you can have a refund if your food hasn't been spat in but you have to fight the chef for it and he gets first choice of the kitchen knives.
6. True Scots may or may not be wearing something under their kilt (it largely depends if you catch them before or after they got so drunk they shit their underwear) The main reason for this myth is so that tourists will ask and it's as good an excuse as any to bludgeon them to death and steal their valuables.
7. The cops dont give a fuck what happened to you. They only took the job so the other cops would stop fucking arresting them. If you complain long enough the best you can hope for is they will bludgeon you to death and steal your valuables.
:mittens:
I'm booking my flight now.
I do have to say, the picture you posted looks like a scene you'd find in many a rural Maine neighborhood. 9 out of 10 homes have at least one rusted out vehicle in the backyard with a bunch of junk around it.
Also, also, :golfclap: for the pun. :wink:
8. That bagpipe and kilt schmaltz is just a way to lure you in so the rabid schemie can get you from behind. To do what is at his discretion. If you're lucky it's already 3pm and he's drunk off his face: his aim will be off and it'll be harder for him to get it up. Of course, we have ways for compensating in such situations.
9. As Roger will tell you, our greatest enemy really is other Scots. We don't even view you as enemies, just distractions and obstacles.
10a. More than elsewhere you cannot judge the rockets, screamers and the plain old Mental Basturts on sight alone. When in Scotland avoid any and all people at all times.
10b. Playing "Spot the Spaniard", in an effort to find someone as scared, isolated and willing to cooperate in defence, will not help you. While it is true that many of our foreign visitors will be visibly more wrapped up against the chill, especially those from more pleasant climes, so too will some of our most psychotic (and heroin dependent) bastards.
11. Avoid wearing ANYTHING red, blue, green, orange, yellow, black, white or anything that looks even slightly like these colours. You will have your head put in by the denoted football teams most ardent enemies.
12. That isn't blood on the ground there, or a severed ear. That's a warning. Step back.
How could I have forgotten no 11???
:facepalm:
13. When people address you as "sir" do not mistake this to be a polite expression of respect. Quite the contrary - it usually means you are about to die, rather violently. Run!
14. D/N/T The wide scale antipathy for The Proclaimers. We WILL walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more just to be the antisocial raging asshat that's come tae kick yer door in and terrorise you, your goldfish and your elderly relative who is over for her weekly cup of tea and a biccy.
tickets have been booked a for about a week now...
Pixie- Needs to read Sun Tzu's Art Of War on the train.
There is no art to scottish warfare, per se. Our culture is so corrosive it's actually managed to debase the act of killing another human being with a pointy stick to the point where even battle hardened veterans have been known to puke and become withdrawn.
15. Fictionpuss and his kind MUST and WILL be mercilessly punched in the face until they move to Canada to bitch about it.
16.- if you can claim to be Irish- Do it, it won't save you, but if you accidentally run into Celtic fans you might get some Guinness out of it at least. Also the Irish are all mad bastards too, and they dont eat their own. Unless it's been fried in lard.
Scotland sounds like my kind of place.
Fuck vacation, I might move there.
Quote from: Rip City Hustle on December 17, 2009, 10:13:20 PM
Scotland sounds like my kind of place.
Fuck vacation, I might move there.
Glasgow's your best bet, then.
There's something just badwrong lulzy about those 5 words all appearing in the same sentence like that :lulz:
It's like the kind of thing a really subtle assassin would casually say to an unsuspecting mark.
Wow and here I thought Scotland was beautiful when the night was falling and the pipes were calling. Almost as if you could hear them loudly and proudly through the glen. I figured it was where the hills were sleeping and the blood was leaping as high as the spirits of old Highland men.
Guess I was wrong. :(
Don't beat yourself up over it. Our sewers are blocked with the carcasses of people who made exactly the same mistake
I got a second opinion on this, from an ex-American who moved to Scotland.
He says you're a bunch of Londoners who can't handle Scotland, and that the people there are quite nice compared to where he used to live.
I am never ever going within 100 miles of Philadelphia.
Just need to save up some money, bringing along a larger amazon to help with the 12 year old in the track suit. I wonder if i skin him with his own machete if i can make some sort of hat? maybe a cape?
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 17, 2009, 02:46:41 PM
15. Fictionpuss and his kind MUST and WILL be mercilessly punched in the face until they move to Canada to bitch about it.
I thought this was done. My statement was about being an English kid growing up in a rough area of Scotland, and having my birthplace given as the sole and consistent reason for the occasional beating and more frequent verbal abuse.
If you want to portray and spin that observation as me bitching about it then I guess I can't stop you, but we did have a truce until now -- do you really want another fight?
Bonus - you may get another t-shirt out of it.
17. Any grudges will be held close to the heart at all times and thrust into your back at the earliest convenience.
I dont care, and im still just joking.
its like your meme or something.
Like how Mourning Star refuses to beleive I'm not scottish.
Shirt is comfy too.
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:04:28 PM
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 17, 2009, 02:46:41 PM
15. Fictionpuss and his kind MUST and WILL be mercilessly punched in the face until they move to Canada to bitch about it.
I thought this was done. My statement was about being an English kid growing up in a rough area of Scotland, and having my birthplace given as the sole and consistent reason for the occasional beating and more frequent verbal abuse.
If you want to portray and spin that observation as me bitching about it then I guess I can't stop you, but we did have a truce until now -- do you really want another fight?
Bonus - you may get another t-shirt out of it.
Well, it's just a bit of fun. I mean I did find it simultaneously hilarious as fuck and offensive. My kind of meme. It's not even about YOU any more, you just happen to be inextricably linked to it through epic douche baggery. And you did bitch about it. It was one of your central arguments for EVERY SINGLE SCOT being a bigoted asshole as I recall.
As for this "bonus" crap, you can cut that shit out right now. Your speculations on anything regarding Pixie and myself are not welcome, partly because I'd like to keep that shit off the boards to a large extent but mostly because I just plain don't
like you.
P.S. I was the one that suggested No. 15 in the first place for the reasons detailed above.
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:04:28 PM
17. Any grudges will be held close to the heart at all times and thrust into your back at the earliest convenience.
YES! That's the spirit! Except it's not really the
earliest convenience...
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 17, 2009, 11:27:10 PM
Shirt is comfy too.
Well I'm glad something good came out of it.
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
And you did bitch about it. It was one of your central arguments for EVERY SINGLE SCOT being a bigoted asshole as I recall.
Link, or STFU.
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
As for this "bonus" crap, you can cut that shit out right now. Your speculations on anything regarding Pixie and myself are not welcome, partly because I'd like to keep that shit off the boards to a large extent but mostly because I just plain don't like you.
For the record I wasn't speculating about anything with the "bonus" comment - noting that a t-shirt was inspired by the last round is hardly an invasion of your privacy. You'd do well to take the advice you gave me and not take it so personally.
I WANT TO GO TO SCOTLANDDDDDDDDDDDD
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 02:08:03 PM
14. D/N/T The wide scale antipathy for The Proclaimers. We WILL walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more just to be the antisocial raging asshat that's come tae kick yer door in and terrorise you, your goldfish and your elderly relative who is over for her weekly cup of tea and a biccy.
Until this exact moment, I thought the Proclaimers were Australian.
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:39:38 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
And you did bitch about it. It was one of your central arguments for EVERY SINGLE SCOT being a bigoted asshole as I recall.
Link, or STFU.
Quote from: FP on August 04, 2009, 09:43:46 PM
Quote from: ( ´_ゝ`) on August 04, 2009, 09:25:17 PM
Quote from: fictionpuss on August 04, 2009, 09:17:46 PM
Quote from: ( ´_ゝ`) on August 04, 2009, 09:10:29 PM
Quote from: fictionpuss on August 04, 2009, 05:07:07 PMI was born in England
I'm pretty sure you can't get any less Scottish than that.
Tell me about it. But since I grew up and spent the worst 26 years of my life there, I consider myself from Scotland, but not Scottish. Thankfully.
Well as long as you understand that as long as you were born in England, to us you're about as English as Vinnie Jones dressed as the Queen while morris dancing and drinking tea (other than Scottish Blend, obviously).
Yeah - random punches to the face, death threats and a constant stream of bigotry and abuse are quite clear indications of this common belief. Never did find out what was so special about being Scottish, apart from a naturally violent inclination towards the English. The best parts of Scotland I ever found was in the countryside, but that's only because it was virtually empty as everyone else was down the pub getting pissed and telling jokes about how everything is the fault of The English.
And then you have Hogmanay, and the sugar sweet coating over the hundreds year old hatred.. and the "harmless fun" and the "not really meaning it" bullshit. Once you've lived it, it takes on shades of innocence similar to McCain singing "Bomb Bomb Iran" - you might or might not consciously wish any ill to people born south of the border, but by perpetuating the joke, you perpetuate the moronic hatred.
Seems pretty clear to me, plus a fuckton of other posts in that self same thread. Oh, I'm not saying that the people debating you were 100% right all the time. I just love your accusation that ALL SCOTS ARE BIGOTS, which you did by suggesting you only like the bits of Scotland with NO Scots in it and then diving into stereotype and incredibly broad generalisations. It's hilarious to me, especially because you seem so confident and sure of your towering capabilities. You're a smart guy, sure, I just love poking at you over that completely retarded statement.
Really though, now this joke so obviously irritates the living fuck out of you, be prepared to see more of it.
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:39:38 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
As for this "bonus" crap, you can cut that shit out right now. Your speculations on anything regarding Pixie and myself are not welcome, partly because I'd like to keep that shit off the boards to a large extent but mostly because I just plain don't like you.
For the record I wasn't speculating about anything with the "bonus" comment - noting that a t-shirt was inspired by the last round is hardly an invasion of your privacy. You'd do well to take the advice you gave me and not take it so personally.
You have speculated in the past. To wit:
Quote from: FP on September 28, 2009, 08:44:09 PM
Of course, that's probably just me, so feel free to continue your bizarre obsession with everything Payne says or does, and being a cheerleader for my derision.
Now, Pixie is a big girl and can look after herself (I know this from personal experience), but you do have a history of making sideyways comments regarding the two of us. It's not even taking it
personal as such, but me taking an active interest in seeing that she isn't attacked by asswads like you because asswads like me are attacking you. I don't want her to be thought of as any kind of target because she may or may not have some form of relationship or friendship with an asswad like me (this is why I try to keep extra-curricular activities off the board). Keep it between us, eh? It's more
gentlemanly that way.
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 18, 2009, 12:23:22 AM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 02:08:03 PM
14. D/N/T The wide scale antipathy for The Proclaimers. We WILL walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more just to be the antisocial raging asshat that's come tae kick yer door in and terrorise you, your goldfish and your elderly relative who is over for her weekly cup of tea and a biccy.
Until this exact moment, I thought the Proclaimers were Australian.
Good girl.
Go back to thinking they are and all will be well.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:30:10 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 18, 2009, 12:23:22 AM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 02:08:03 PM
14. D/N/T The wide scale antipathy for The Proclaimers. We WILL walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more just to be the antisocial raging asshat that's come tae kick yer door in and terrorise you, your goldfish and your elderly relative who is over for her weekly cup of tea and a biccy.
Until this exact moment, I thought the Proclaimers were Australian.
Good girl.
Go back to thinking they are and all will be well.
I'm totally happy with that.
there's not much difference anyway.
Australians are just sunburnt Scots.
Wow, re-read through the rest of that thread, and you're right about the epic douche baggery :horrormirth:
Oh well.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:39:38 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
And you did bitch about it. It was one of your central arguments for EVERY SINGLE SCOT being a bigoted asshole as I recall.
Link, or STFU.
Quote from: FP on August 04, 2009, 09:43:46 PM
Quote from: ( ´_ゝ`) on August 04, 2009, 09:25:17 PM
Quote from: fictionpuss on August 04, 2009, 09:17:46 PM
Quote from: ( ´_ゝ`) on August 04, 2009, 09:10:29 PM
Quote from: fictionpuss on August 04, 2009, 05:07:07 PMI was born in England
I'm pretty sure you can't get any less Scottish than that.
Tell me about it. But since I grew up and spent the worst 26 years of my life there, I consider myself from Scotland, but not Scottish. Thankfully.
Well as long as you understand that as long as you were born in England, to us you're about as English as Vinnie Jones dressed as the Queen while morris dancing and drinking tea (other than Scottish Blend, obviously).
Yeah - random punches to the face, death threats and a constant stream of bigotry and abuse are quite clear indications of this common belief. Never did find out what was so special about being Scottish, apart from a naturally violent inclination towards the English. The best parts of Scotland I ever found was in the countryside, but that's only because it was virtually empty as everyone else was down the pub getting pissed and telling jokes about how everything is the fault of The English.
And then you have Hogmanay, and the sugar sweet coating over the hundreds year old hatred.. and the "harmless fun" and the "not really meaning it" bullshit. Once you've lived it, it takes on shades of innocence similar to McCain singing "Bomb Bomb Iran" - you might or might not consciously wish any ill to people born south of the border, but by perpetuating the joke, you perpetuate the moronic hatred.
Seems pretty clear to me, plus a fuckton of other posts in that self same thread. Oh, I'm not saying that the people debating you were 100% right all the time. I just love your accusation that ALL SCOTS ARE BIGOTS, which you did by suggesting you only like the bits of Scotland with NO Scots in it and then diving into stereotype and incredibly broad generalisations.
Bullshit. You know I don't think all Scots are bigots. Not least because we already went over that particular quote a few months back and I specifically denounced that the narrow interpretation which you're back on it seems - which precludes the possibility that I may have not been completely serious in tone - as anything which holds any resemblance to my personal views.
It was stupid of me to insert my own stereotypes and generalisations, I took it as friendly riffing at the time - a nuance lost in the subsequent dogpile.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
It's hilarious to me, especially because you seem so confident and sure of your towering capabilities.
:? I give off that vibe? I must be better at bluffing than I thought.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
You're a smart guy, sure, I just love poking at you over that completely retarded statement.
Really though, now this joke so obviously irritates the living fuck out of you, be prepared to see more of it.
I'd really just prefer to wipe the slate clean.
But yeah, if you mock and misrepresent me, I'm going to stand up for myself. This shouldn't be coming as a surprise.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:39:38 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
As for this "bonus" crap, you can cut that shit out right now. Your speculations on anything regarding Pixie and myself are not welcome, partly because I'd like to keep that shit off the boards to a large extent but mostly because I just plain don't like you.
For the record I wasn't speculating about anything with the "bonus" comment - noting that a t-shirt was inspired by the last round is hardly an invasion of your privacy. You'd do well to take the advice you gave me and not take it so personally.
You have speculated in the past. To wit:
Quote from: FP on September 28, 2009, 08:44:09 PM
Of course, that's probably just me, so feel free to continue your bizarre obsession with everything Payne says or does, and being a cheerleader for my derision.
Yes, to wit, in the past. An incident that was singular in nature, and for which I apologised for as it was out of line.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
Now, Pixie is a big girl and can look after herself (I know this from personal experience), but you do have a history of making sideyways comments regarding the two of us.
Once. Apologised for. See above.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
It's not even taking it personal as such, but me taking an active interest in seeing that she isn't attacked by asswads like you because asswads like me are attacking you.
Bullshit. She attacked me and mocked me by name - I didn't seek her out.
In the first incident, she had been calling me a cunt for about a week in random threads, amongst other hurled abuse. I ignored all but the last provocation.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
I don't want her to be thought of as any kind of target
She targeted me. On both occasions. Without provocation on my part.
It just seems like you might be spinning this into a thing where I am attacking Pixie to get at you somehow, which is bizarre to me.
Also, I don't believe I did attack Pixie earlier today.. merely pointed out that mocking me was a violation of the truce.
I considered this response to be the end the matter, and wasn't planning on taking it further:
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:33:43 PM
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 17, 2009, 11:27:10 PM
Shirt is comfy too.
Well I'm glad something good came out of it.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
because she may or may not have some form of relationship or friendship with an asswad like me (this is why I try to keep extra-curricular activities off the board). Keep it between us, eh? It's more gentlemanly that way.
Look. I don't hold any bad feelings about either of you. I've admitted to my stupidity, I've apologised for when I went over the line, as far as I'm concerned the animosity is one-sided and it's up to you whether you want to continue with it.
All scots are bigots. Only an englishman or a fenian could possibly think otherwise :argh!:
Quote from: Requia ☣ on December 17, 2009, 10:45:30 PM
I got a second opinion on this, from an ex-American who moved to Scotland.
He says you're a bunch of Londoners who can't handle Scotland, and that the people there are quite nice compared to where he used to live.
I am never ever going within 100 miles of Philadelphia.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
He sets them up, HE KNOCKS THEM DOWN!
Quote from: FP on December 18, 2009, 05:19:00 AM
snipping the Patented Multi Nested Convoluted Payne/Fictionpuss Quote Screed.
Dude, I just like fucking with you. If an old joke that requires the
least amount of effort ever (Add equal parts Fictionpuss, Face punching, and Scotland. Mix well and serve over a bed of shredded butthurt) an gets THIS kind of reaction out of you, then my work is already done.
As I said, be prepared to hear this joke for the rest of your days.
Srsly. "Punched in the face by a Scot" has been elevated beyond your petty drama.
Get over it, and wallow in the meme.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
Quote from: LMNO on December 18, 2009, 01:50:15 PM
Srsly. "Punched in the face by a Scot" has been elevated beyond your petty drama.
Get over it, and wallow in the meme.
THIS! IT'S YOUR MEME, INNIT! Your moment of PeeDee in-joke that MAY just last longer than your posting here.
Face it dude, its your LEGACY! ;)
i think you're now less of a douche than the guy who posted the crazy for you thread, incidentally FP, and hold no beef. Just a spatula.
It could be worse.
Just ask Aini, Dead Kennedy, AKK, Lamanite, etc., etc.,
(for some reason I think it's okay to stick my nose into this business, apologies if it is not)
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 12:27:00 AM
Seems pretty clear to me, plus a fuckton of other posts in that self same thread. Oh, I'm not saying that the people debating you were 100% right all the time. I just love your accusation that ALL SCOTS ARE BIGOTS, which you did by suggesting you only like the bits of Scotland with NO Scots in it and then diving into stereotype and incredibly broad generalisations. It's hilarious to me, especially because you seem so confident and sure of your towering capabilities. You're a smart guy, sure, I just love poking at you over that completely retarded statement.
It kind of makes me wonder, I'm not sure if you did notice (with you spending less time on PD and all), but FP did clear up somewhat on the douchebaggery front (yeah FP, I said it :-P).
But he did say those things. He also admitted they were wrong things and over the top hyperbole things, more than once.
Of course there is a kernel of truth in what he said, and this kernel is probably the fact that he (without generalisation) may have been (violently) mistreated by various Scots, for the apparent reason of being non-Scottish.
Now I wonder, and this is more a question to FP than to you, Payne, in how much part this mistreatment can have been caused by said douchebaggery?
FP, what do you
now think, if you were in the same or similar situation (an Englishman in Scotland), would you get into the same kind of trouble?
Or would you tell yourself that they are all monkeys and just need some excuse, any excuse, and KYFMS? (or something, I dunno what the situations were)
Really though, now this joke so obviously irritates the living fuck out of you, be prepared to see more of it.
Quote from: FP on December 17, 2009, 11:39:38 PM
Quote from: Payne on December 17, 2009, 11:33:10 PM
As for this "bonus" crap, you can cut that shit out right now. Your speculations on anything regarding Pixie and myself are not welcome, partly because I'd like to keep that shit off the boards to a large extent but mostly because I just plain don't like you.
For the record I wasn't speculating about anything with the "bonus" comment - noting that a t-shirt was inspired by the last round is hardly an invasion of your privacy. You'd do well to take the advice you gave me and not take it so personally.
You have speculated in the past. To wit:
Quote from: PayneNow, Pixie is a big girl and can look after herself (I know this from personal experience)
Yes, she is slightly taller than you, isn't she?
Quote from: FP on December 18, 2009, 05:19:00 AM
But yeah, if you mock and misrepresent me, I'm going to stand up for myself. This shouldn't be coming as a surprise.
How's that working out for you so far?
(hint: mocking or satire carries more and/or different force than plain argument, don't you just love discord?)
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 01:30:09 PMDude, I just like fucking with you. If an old joke that requires the least amount of effort ever (Add equal parts Fictionpuss, Face punching, and Scotland. Mix well and serve over a bed of shredded butthurt) an gets THIS kind of reaction out of you, then my work is already done.
As I said, be prepared to hear this joke for the rest of your days.
Payne, you are a horrible bastard.
And I mean that in the most horrible way.
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 01:30:09 PM
Quote from: FP on December 18, 2009, 05:19:00 AM
snipping the Patented Multi Nested Convoluted Payne/Fictionpuss Quote Screed.
Dude, I just like fucking with you. If an old joke that requires the least amount of effort ever (Add equal parts Fictionpuss, Face punching, and Scotland. Mix well and serve over a bed of shredded butthurt) an gets THIS kind of reaction out of you, then my work is already done.
As I said, be prepared to hear this joke for the rest of your days.
Huh. I guess I asked for that. Does it still count as a punch to the face if I'm the one running into your otherwise stationary fist?
Wait, are you calling Payne a bigot?
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Now I wonder, and this is more a question to FP than to you, Payne, in how much part this mistreatment can have been caused by said douchebaggery?
In the case of being accosted by strangers for being a scrawny kid with an offensive accent - I'd say next to none.
You open your mouth to buy a train ticket, and the next thing you know the random kids who were in the line behind you are now crowding you on the train. Groups of kids will do that sort of shit anyway, but when they find a built-in excuse it's much more frequent and not evenly distributed.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
FP, what do you now think, if you were in the same or similar situation (an Englishman in Scotland), would you get into the same kind of trouble?
Or would you tell yourself that they are all monkeys and just need some excuse, any excuse, and KYFMS? (or something, I dunno what the situations were)
Well I definitely think I would have had an easier time if I'd just taken a beating, kept my mouth shut and stayed in the shadows.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Really though, now this joke so obviously irritates the living fuck out of you, be prepared to see more of it.
Meh, I don't mind the joke. It's the feud/animosity that bugs me the most.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Quote from: FP on December 18, 2009, 05:19:00 AM
But yeah, if you mock and misrepresent me, I'm going to stand up for myself. This shouldn't be coming as a surprise.
How's that working out for you so far?
(hint: mocking or satire carries more and/or different force than plain argument, don't you just love discord?)
Not ideal, but it seems like the best option left out of a bunch of bad choices.
Quote from: FP on December 18, 2009, 03:26:09 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Now I wonder, and this is more a question to FP than to you, Payne, in how much part this mistreatment can have been caused by said douchebaggery?
In the case of being accosted by strangers for being a scrawny kid with an offensive accent - I'd say next to none.
You open your mouth to buy a train ticket, and the next thing you know the random kids who were in the line behind you are now crowding you on the train. Groups of kids will do that sort of shit anyway, but when they find a built-in excuse it's much more frequent and not evenly distributed.
either a Dutch accent doesn't do it, or I just happened to meet only nice Scots when in Edinburgh, then.
QuoteQuote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Really though, now this joke so obviously irritates the living fuck out of you, be prepared to see more of it.
Meh, I don't mind the joke. It's the feud/animosity that bugs me the most.
just pointing out this is misquoted, Payne said that.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
(for some reason I think it's okay to stick my nose into this business, apologies if it is not)
It kind of makes me wonder, I'm not sure if you did notice (with you spending less time on PD and all), but FP did clear up somewhat on the douchebaggery front (yeah FP, I said it :-P).
But he did say those things. He also admitted they were wrong things and over the top hyperbole things, more than once.
Of course there is a kernel of truth in what he said, and this kernel is probably the fact that he (without generalisation) may have been (violently) mistreated by various Scots, for the apparent reason of being non-Scottish.
Naw man, it's a public forum. Say what you want.
Yes, I am aware that FP is less Douchbaggy lately. Still like poking him once in a while though.
And yes, I even admitted that there is a serious and pernicious bigotry problem in Scotland. I just like to make jokes about it. As I recall this makes me and every other person who does
also a bigot. Of course, the fact that I as a Canadian with a Canadian accent who had to deal with very much the same thing growing up has no bearing what so ever on my own views on the matter. (Payne: Was repeatedly beaten for being different. Can still make jokes about it and doesn't appear to blame even a majority of Scots, let alone virtually every single one. [I know he didn't
actually mean to do this, but it can be read as such].)
I never disputed that he had been subject to violence. I only had a problem to his reaction to it. And so made a joke about it and drove it into the ground. And will continue to do so.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Quote from: PayneNow, Pixie is a big girl and can look after herself (I know this from personal experience)
Yes, she is slightly taller than you, isn't she?
Yes. Yes she is. But she has a bigger slap and bigger boots for shin kickery.
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 18, 2009, 02:07:51 PM
Payne, you are a horrible bastard.
And I mean that in the most horrible way.
:oops:
Do I have to sit on the naughty step now?
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 05:43:46 PM
Do I have to sit on the naughty step now?
:lmnuendo:
She beat me to it!
I have to admit Alphapance, I did not see that coming.
Are you feeling okay?
Quote from: Payne on December 18, 2009, 05:48:56 PM
I have to admit Alphapance, I did not see that coming.
I was aiming for the chin.
I AM NOT TALLER THAN PAYNE!
i be 5.ft3.5, payne is a whole 2 inches taller than A Pix. :argh!:
spags.
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 18, 2009, 07:05:40 PM
I AM NOT TALLER THAN PAYNE!
i be 5.ft3.5, payne is a whole 2 inches taller than A Pix. :argh!:
spags.
Pfffft, you're Scottish so you were probably drunk at the time of measuring. Can't trust the data.
Quote from: Doctor Rat Bastard on December 18, 2009, 07:08:40 PM
Quote from: Pixie O'Fubar on December 18, 2009, 07:05:40 PM
I AM NOT TALLER THAN PAYNE!
i be 5.ft3.5, payne is a whole 2 inches taller than A Pix. :argh!:
spags.
Pfffft, you're Scottish so you were probably drunk at the time of measuring. Can't trust the data.
BUT IM NOT SCOTTISH! :facepalm:
But you were drunk. I almost remember that for a fact(ish)
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on December 18, 2009, 08:32:19 PM
But you were drunk. I almost remember that for a fact(ish)
Close enough!
srsly - history is written by the most sobar
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on December 18, 2009, 08:48:05 PM
srsly - history is written by the most sobar
YES AND SYNAPTYX IS NOT HERE TO AID OUR FRIED MINDS.
Quote from: BAI on December 19, 2009, 04:14:23 AM
for some reason, Scottish people have been nothing but NICE to me.
this scares me.
Different time, different place, different ages of your peers. That'd be my guess anyway. There was also a tonne of anti-English sentiment during that period, not least to do with the Poll Tax - for a while I was a proxy for Thatcher - the Scots, still wanting their own parliament felt especially put upon by having such an unfair burden placed upon them by an authority far away which they didn't recognise and which did little to no work for them.
But by the time I left high-school, almost no adults I encountered ever made an issue of my nationality in a negative way, and certainly nothing violent.
Quote from: Doktor Vitriol on December 17, 2009, 12:42:34 PM
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/scenic-scotland.jpg)
On behalf of the people of Scotland I'd like to bid you a stony "Fuck off". You'll get a warm welcome from some people if you come to Scotland but those people are invariably foreigners and while you're busy fucking off if you could see your way to dragging a couple of those cunts with you we'd appreciate it. Not so's you'd notice or get a thank you or anything but we would.
Tips to staying alive during your visit to Scotland
1. Forget about Braveheart. Seriously. We're not a nation of noble savages we are a nation of ignorant, vicious degenerates who'd give savages a bad name. We couldn't give less of a fuck about freedom or justice. All we want is cheap booze and we'll kill you to get it.
2. Just hand over the money. That little 12 year old kid in the tracksuit? He isn't fucking around and yeah it's broad daylight and yeah he'll get caught if he kills you but you know what? He wants to get caught. If he gets caught he gets sent to a nice warm jail and spends christmas with his family. So give him the fucking cash and pray he misses you with the machete - it's the best you can hope for.
3. These aren't the drinks you're looking for. It might look vaguely like a pint but it tastes like harpy venom and doubles as stain remover. Brewing and distilling is an expensive process and we have free petrochemical effluent backing up in the streets so our local brand of falling down water comes with some wicked side effects which can seriously fuck up your genetic structure if you weren't weaned on the shit. PROTIP: If a local can't afford a pint they'll wait until a tourist is dumb enough to try one then drink their foaming remains.
4. It's not the temperature or the humidity it's the moodswings that make our weather stand out. It's cold here and wet. It's always raining. It's colder in Iceland or Siberia. It's wetter in the rainforest but only Scottish weather comes with built in depression. Our brightest of sunny days will have most people reaching for the nearest bridge. You don't need to pack an umbrella you need prozac and lots of it.
5. Avoid the food. If you're here for any length of time starvation is a much less traumatic way to go. Our national dish is cholesterol with a side order of botulism. Hygiene is something we say to people called Gene. In most restaurants the policy is you can have a refund if your food hasn't been spat in but you have to fight the chef for it and he gets first choice of the kitchen knives.
6. True Scots may or may not be wearing something under their kilt (it largely depends if you catch them before or after they got so drunk they shit their underwear) The main reason for this myth is so that tourists will ask and it's as good an excuse as any to bludgeon them to death and steal their valuables.
7. The cops dont give a fuck what happened to you. They only took the job so the other cops would stop fucking arresting them. If you complain long enough the best you can hope for is they will bludgeon you to death and steal your valuables.
BUMP
How did I miss this? Oh, yeah, I was crazy when it was written.
I just pooped. :lulz:
Reality has once again defeated your best efforts. This film (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doomsday_%28film%29) was funded, in part, by the Scottish Tourism Board. It features:
* a future where Scotland has been quarantined due to the onset of a deadly virus
* the survivors are either murderous, Mad Max style road cannibals, or
* brutally violent medieval style warriors
* insane amounts of gore and blood
* bad acting
QuoteScotland's tourism agency VisitScotland welcomed Doomsday, hoping that the film would attract tourism by marketing Scotland to the rest of the world. The country's national body for film and television, Scottish Screen, had contributed £300,000 to the production of Doomsday, which provided economic benefits for the cast and crew that dwelled in Scotland. A spokesperson from Scottish Screen anticipated, "It's likely to also attract a big audience who will see the extent to which Scotland can provide a flexible and diverse backdrop to all genres of film."
:lulz:
Quote from: Cain on August 14, 2010, 10:27:55 AM
Reality has once again defeated your best efforts. This film (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doomsday_%28film%29) was funded, in part, by the Scottish Tourism Board. It features:
* a future where Scotland has been quarantined due to the onset of a deadly virus
* the survivors are either murderous, Mad Max style road cannibals, or
* brutally violent medieval style warriors
* insane amounts of gore and blood
* bad acting
QuoteScotland's tourism agency VisitScotland welcomed Doomsday, hoping that the film would attract tourism by marketing Scotland to the rest of the world. The country's national body for film and television, Scottish Screen, had contributed £300,000 to the production of Doomsday, which provided economic benefits for the cast and crew that dwelled in Scotland. A spokesperson from Scottish Screen anticipated, "It's likely to also attract a big audience who will see the extent to which Scotland can provide a flexible and diverse backdrop to all genres of film."
:lulz:
:lulz:
Bump
Damn, I gotta find a free week to get over there...
I wanna go there and say something like "WAIT! I thought you guys played football...Those guys are playing soccer which is for girls."
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 04:23:39 PM
I wanna go there and say something like "WAIT! I thought you guys played football...Those guys are playing soccer which is for girls."
that would reduce your survival rate some, Roger, I would not advise this course of action.
Quote from: Pixie on April 06, 2011, 04:27:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 04:23:39 PM
I wanna go there and say something like "WAIT! I thought you guys played football...Those guys are playing soccer which is for girls."
that would reduce your survival rate some, Roger, I would not advise this course of action.
It's all part of my Ugly American Tourist Or Kill Me program.
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Oh, no argument. I was just getting my line ready for accidentally all over Aberdeen or Glasgow. I figure if I get killed on day one, I won't use as much vacation time.
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Don't look at me, I wear a helmet because the people
*I* play with are, in fact, swinging either sticks or swords at my cranium. (Wish a couple more shots last night had been aimed at my head, got some beautiful bruises forming on my arms... and one in the bikini area that we won't discuss. And, NO, you can't have pics.
Quote from: Luna on April 06, 2011, 04:34:38 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Don't look at me, I wear a helmet because the people *I* play with are, in fact, swinging either sticks or swords at my cranium. (Wish a couple more shots last night had been aimed at my head, got some beautiful bruises forming on my arms... and one in the bikini area that we won't discuss. And, NO, you can't have pics.
Then it nevar happened! :argh!:
(I don't make the rules)
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 04:33:17 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Oh, no argument. I was just getting my line ready for accidentally all over Aberdeen or Glasgow. I figure if I get killed on day one, I won't use as much vacation time.
Glasgow then.
On an Old Firm match day.
Quote from: Payne on April 06, 2011, 06:46:29 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 06, 2011, 04:33:17 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Oh, no argument. I was just getting my line ready for accidentally all over Aberdeen or Glasgow. I figure if I get killed on day one, I won't use as much vacation time.
Glasgow then.
On an Old Firm match day.
:lulz:
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:37:45 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 06, 2011, 04:34:38 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 06, 2011, 04:31:45 PM
British football is for girls but most scots disagree with me on this. American football is slightly less for girls but seriously - helmets? Body armour? Would they fall to bits if they weren't wearing that and a rugby player slipped his chains and charged into them thinking the ball was the right shape?
Don't look at me, I wear a helmet because the people *I* play with are, in fact, swinging either sticks or swords at my cranium. (Wish a couple more shots last night had been aimed at my head, got some beautiful bruises forming on my arms... and one in the bikini area that we won't discuss. And, NO, you can't have pics.
Then it nevar happened! :argh!:
(I don't make the rules)
Fine, here ya go.
(http://i1141.photobucket.com/albums/n595/Luna0219/IMG_20110406_133452.jpg)
Heh, it picked up more color since I looked at it last night.
BUMP
Quote from: Captain Utopia on December 17, 2009, 11:04:28 PM
17. Any grudges will be held close to the heart at all times and thrust into your back at the earliest convenience.
Manifestos, ITT.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on October 10, 2011, 09:22:54 PM
Quote from: Captain Utopia on December 17, 2009, 11:04:28 PM
17. Any grudges will be held close to the heart at all times and thrust into your back at the earliest convenience.
Manifestos, ITT.
:lulz:
At least he didn't go on and on about it, like the Unibomber (until he did it, then he wouldn't shut up). Christ, who wants to read 50 pages of why a fucker's gonna do something? This may be the only thing CU ever did right.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 10, 2011, 09:27:18 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on October 10, 2011, 09:22:54 PM
Quote from: Captain Utopia on December 17, 2009, 11:04:28 PM
17. Any grudges will be held close to the heart at all times and thrust into your back at the earliest convenience.
Manifestos, ITT.
:lulz:
At least he didn't go on and on about it, like the Unibomber (until he did it, then he wouldn't shut up). Christ, who wants to read 50 pages of why a fucker's gonna do something? This may be the only thing CU ever did right.
:lulz:
I'm pretty sure we had close to 100 pages from CU, if we include his e-democracy and whining justifications for what he did.
Quote from: Cain on October 10, 2011, 09:37:43 PM
I'm pretty sure we had close to 100 pages from CU, if we include his e-democracy and whining justifications for what he did.
Or his "let children chose what to learn and how" crap. Christ, he's a windy bastard.
I was simply referring to his one line prophecy ITT.