Good evening fuckers. I am currently sort of messed up on buttered rum concoction courtesy of Nivek's recipe, and have reached a revelation about this season.
I hate the sudden erection of morality. Like everyone sudden forgets that they don't have to be good for another mythic bogeyman, and turns up the bullshit.
As soon as we hit past the mid December mark and actual OMG CHRISTMAS takes full effect, we seem to be bombarded with other people's sudden need to tell us horrible, depressing stories that insinuate we are not being CHRISTMAS enough.
This is akin to emotional terrorism in my viewpoint. Your story does NOTHING to make me a better person, except make me regret things I cannot control.
Here's a touching Christmas story for you.
Some jackass idealist young professional feels bad for the have not underclass, so on his way to family dinner on Christmas day, in the snow, he invites a lonely meth ho in to share a meal with his family.
This does not share the Christmas spirit. She just steals the silverware, and mortifies our young idealist fuckface's fuckface mother.
This doesn't bring her a revelation based on charity, it just gets her away from her horrible life for a few hours and horrifies his family in the process.
This doesn't benefit anyone, except Grandpa, who tips her for a blowjob under the table before the fruitcake is served.
Find he morality that makes you happy. Fuck other opinions. Just another fuckhead's opinion.
I want Christmas sex...meth head optional.
BEST CHRISTMAS STORY EVER
My tree has a glass pickle on it!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it a gherkin?
Quote from: Squid on December 20, 2009, 08:33:40 AM
My tree has a glass pickle on it!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAS ONE OF THOSE TOO do you hide it for prizes?
hiding the pickle is its own prize.
It is a pickle made of thin glass shit with shiny paint just like teh balls.!
JUST.LIKE.BALLS.
Bigger than gherkin, big like jewish dill thing
I LOVE IT
Christmas pickles are win! It's such a wacky tradition.
Quote from: Squid on December 20, 2009, 08:33:40 AM
My tree has a glass pickle on it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mine too! I like the pickle.
XMAS PICKLES!!
I told the story to my German friend Rolf, and watched him look more and more confused.
Does he know the story of the Little Match Girl?
And yes, Pickles.
Quote from: Richter on December 20, 2009, 07:57:39 PM
Does he know the story of the Little Match Girl?
And yes, Pickles.
I sure he does... who doesn't? Hans Christian Andersen would have approved so much of the terrible things we write here, wouldn't he?
maybe they're supposed to be pinecones?
I think all discordians that have been exposed to the glass pickle have adopted the tradition.
Do you have a little one or a big one? (i've seen two sizes for sale)
...
I got the big one. 8)
Iptuous,
with bigger pickle hiding in his fir...
I resisted the pickle, but that's because the place I used to work sold them and my boss thought they were so cute and she has horrible taste usually so I kind of lumped them in with sweaters with scottie dogs on them and the other stupid stuff she likes.
I made mine... it's not very big, maybe three inches?
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 20, 2009, 08:13:56 PM
maybe they're supposed to be pinecones?
No, they are pickles.
http://www.thepickleornament.com/
My favorite thing about that website is that it says the tradition "dates back to Germany".
Unlike other traditions, which date back to France, or Newark.
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 20, 2009, 10:51:58 PM
My favorite thing about that website is that it says the tradition "dates back to Germany".
Unlike other traditions, which date back to France, or Newark.
That's like, what, 30 kilometers in metric?
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 20, 2009, 10:41:29 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 20, 2009, 08:13:56 PM
maybe they're supposed to be pinecones?
No, they are pickles.
http://www.thepickleornament.com/
GTFO
http://www.thepickleornament.com/
Holy shit. People will fucking market ANYTHING.
Evil marketing, money, me type world.
I got some two sided story here:
http://mymerrychristmas.com/2005/pickle.shtml
Pickles-huh-who would have thought. Pickles are now ruined for me. Thanks guys.
:)
WOW! I didn't even know about the story behind this crap.
I just thought it was a horribly ugly tacky ornament.
I kinda like the tradition though.
My parents used to do the St Nicholas eve thing on the 5th where you left your shoe outside your bedroom door and if you were good you got candy, bad you got coal and switches.
Quote from: Squid on December 20, 2009, 11:49:48 PM
WOW! I didn't even know about the story behind this crap.
I just thought it was a horribly ugly tacky ornament.
I kinda like the tradition though.
My parents used to do the St Nicholas eve thing on the 5th where you left your shoe outside your bedroom door and if you were good you got candy, bad you got coal and switches.
I had a friend who did that. I never understood it. I don't understand where many of these traditions come from, be it shoes or socks, or pickles for that matter. I had never heard of this pickle thing until just now. I suppose I should read up.
HO GAWD BIG PICKLES ARE SO HAWT.
Apologies.
Mistress Freeky,
Needs some freeky time with someone.
:asplode:
Quote from: Suu on December 20, 2009, 05:35:26 AM
I want Christmas sex...meth head optional.
meth head is great, especially when most of their teeth are out of the way.
Quote from: Richter on December 20, 2009, 05:08:01 AM
Good evening fuckers. I am currently sort of messed up on buttered rum concoction courtesy of Nivek's recipe, and have reached a revelation about this season.
I hate the sudden erection of morality. Like everyone sudden forgets that they don't have to be good for another mythic bogeyman, and turns up the bullshit.
As soon as we hit past the mid December mark and actual OMG CHRISTMAS takes full effect, we seem to be bombarded with other people's sudden need to tell us horrible, depressing stories that insinuate we are not being CHRISTMAS enough.
This is akin to emotional terrorism in my viewpoint. Your story does NOTHING to make me a better person, except make me regret things I cannot control.
Here's a touching Christmas story for you.
Some jackass idealist young professional feels bad for the have not underclass, so on his way to family dinner on Christmas day, in the snow, he invites a lonely meth ho in to share a meal with his family.
This does not share the Christmas spirit. She just steals the silverware, and mortifies our young idealist fuckface's fuckface mother.
This doesn't bring her a revelation based on charity, it just gets her away from her horrible life for a few hours and horrifies his family in the process.
This doesn't benefit anyone, except Grandpa, who tips her for a blowjob under the table before the fruitcake is served.
Find he morality that makes you happy. Fuck other opinions. Just another fuckhead's opinion.
:mittens:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 20, 2009, 10:55:02 PM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 20, 2009, 10:51:58 PM
My favorite thing about that website is that it says the tradition "dates back to Germany".
Unlike other traditions, which date back to France, or Newark.
That's like, what, 30 kilometers in metric?
Roughly.
I did a LOT of digging when I first discovered the pickles.
As far as I can tell IIRC, what happened was that a glass factory in Lauscha, Germany somehow managed to produce a large quantity of these pickles sometime in the 1880's. My best guess is that there was either some sort of horrific miscommunication, or a company (maybe a pickle maker who was going use them as a promotional item?) actually ordered them on purpose and then backed out. So, the factory was stuck with a huge quantity of glass pickle ornaments.
Desperate to unload the damn things, the company either made up a couple of stories in order to market the pickles in the US, or the companies they ended up selling them to (one in Michigan and Wisconsin, one in Georgia, or maybe two branches of the same company) made up stories for marketing them. Due to the utterly nonsensical quality of the Northern version of the pickle story, I suspect the latter.
For anyone unfamiliar with the extended version of the story, two or sometimes three Spanish (yes, specifically Spanish) boys were traveling home from boarding school for Christmas, and they stopped at an inn. The cruel innkeeper inexplicably murders the boys and stuffs their bodies into a pickle barrel. St. Nicholas comes along later that same night, magically knows what's happened to the boys, and taps the barrel with his cane, restoring them to life. So, Germans started hanging a pickle on the tree to remind them of... something. Maybe of how fucked up and nonsensical that story is.
In the Southern story, a John Lower, born in Bavaria in 1842, came to the US and fought in the American Civil War. He was captured and sent to prison in Andersonville, Georgia. On the verge of death, he begged a guard for just one pickle before he died. The guard took pity on him and found a pickle for John Lower. The pickle, by the grace of God, gave him the strength to live on. After the war was over and he was released, he somehow got the idea of make a pickle Christmas tree ornament and hid it on the tree for the children to find in the morning, and the child who found it would be especially blessed with good fortune for the following year.
That one makes pretty much as much sense as the Spanish schoolboy one, but is hilariously specific.
Update: I just found out that it was Woolworth's that started marketing them in the US.
This is beautiful.
The funniest thing, to me, is that Lauscha is still the main producer of pickle ornaments, almost all of which are shipped to the US, though apparently they have recently started marketing them in Germany as well.
I don't even have a christmas tree, but OBVIOUSLY NOW I NEED ONE (a pickle, not a tree)
I do have a jar of pickles and a roll of aluminiuminium foil.
And my gf's parents who we'll be spending christmas at will probably have a tree.
And they live in Germany, I mean they would understand, right?
Quote from: Triple Zero on December 21, 2009, 09:11:19 AM
I don't even have a christmas tree, but OBVIOUSLY NOW I NEED ONE (a pickle, not a tree)
I do have a jar of pickles and a roll of aluminiuminium foil.
And my gf's parents who we'll be spending christmas at will probably have a tree.
And they live in Germany, I mean they would understand, right?
Hell yes.
Do it!
Whatever "it" is.
Hopefully something really disturbing, with pickles.