Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:30:57 PM

Title: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:30:57 PM
Threw a blacksmith mallet at a 3" scorpion on the other side of my office, and smashed that fucker flat.

Dok,
Mjollner for hire, will travel.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:32:08 PM
You have scorpions.  IN THE FUCKING CITY?

Right, never visiting Tucson.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:34:56 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:32:08 PM
You have scorpions.  IN THE FUCKING CITY?

Right, never visiting Tucson.

Oh, yeah.  The refinery I work at is out in the desert, but we get those little bastards everywhere...Along with mice, rats, snakes of all descriptions, tarantulas, coyotes, javalinas (right down town, no shit), bobcats, and the occasional cougar.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: LMNO on May 06, 2010, 08:37:37 PM
...AND THAT'S JUST THE LOCAL BAR SCENE!
   


:rimshot:
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:39:12 PM
And here I thought watching drunken frat boys get chased by a buck was exciting wildlife for a city.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Elder Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:46:26 PM
Nice shot, man!
You've got pretty much the same things we've got in Dallas, Dok.  But i've never killed one with quite that panache!

Doesn't every place have some kinda creepy crawlies?
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on May 06, 2010, 08:46:46 PM
Dok is being nice, they aren't just tarantulas, they are.....

TARANTULAS

and of the whole list, those fuckers scare me the worst...

Nice aim there Dok!! :wink:
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:48:20 PM
Aren't Tarantula's pretty harmless?
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:49:02 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:48:20 PM
Aren't Tarantula's pretty harmless?

Almost entirely. 
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Elder Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:51:57 PM
they're terribly delicate, too.
i had a friend that had one as a pet, and he had to superglue it back together again several times when it got dropped...
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:52:49 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:51:57 PM
they're terribly delicate, too.
i had a friend that had one as a pet, and he had to superglue it back together again several times when it got dropped...


Also, tarantula hawks.  Google it.  God's a psycho.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Jasper on May 06, 2010, 09:32:19 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:52:49 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:51:57 PM
they're terribly delicate, too.
i had a friend that had one as a pet, and he had to superglue it back together again several times when it got dropped...


Also, tarantula hawks.  Google it.  God's a psycho.

Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:32:08 PM
Right, never visiting Tucson.

Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 10:18:01 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:52:49 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:51:57 PM
they're terribly delicate, too.
i had a friend that had one as a pet, and he had to superglue it back together again several times when it got dropped...


Also, tarantula hawks.  Google it.  God's a psycho.

Dammit I had forgotten about those  :x
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Freeky on May 06, 2010, 10:26:29 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:34:56 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 08:32:08 PM
You have scorpions.  IN THE FUCKING CITY?

Right, never visiting Tucson.

Oh, yeah.  The refinery I work at is out in the desert, but we get those little bastards everywhere...Along with mice, rats, snakes of all descriptions, tarantulas, coyotes, javalinas (right down town, no shit), bobcats, and the occasional cougar.

Ask us about what's in the boonies/mountains/open desert. Go on, ask. It'll be fun.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Jasper on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 10:53:17 PM
No.  The shit you have in the city is right out of lovecraft.  I don't want to know what lives in the deserts.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:54:01 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?

Feral ostriches (up by Casa Grande).  No shit.  They eat the wrong plants and go batshit for a month before they die.  It's like having rabid dinosaurs running around.

Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:55:36 PM
HAH!  Konrad just found one of those spiny lizards in the bathroom.

This place rocks.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Eater of Clowns on May 06, 2010, 10:55:44 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:54:01 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?

Feral ostriches (up by Casa Grande).  No shit.  They eat the wrong plants and go batshit for a month before they die.  It's like having rabid dinosaurs running around.



And if you hit the drum sand, the Makers will come.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:56:53 PM
Quote from: EoC on May 06, 2010, 10:55:44 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:54:01 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?

Feral ostriches (up by Casa Grande).  No shit.  They eat the wrong plants and go batshit for a month before they die.  It's like having rabid dinosaurs running around.



And if you hit the drum sand, the Makers will come.

:lulz:

I wish.  No, they farm ostriches here, and they occasionally escape.  They can run 45MPH.  And they can completely eviscerate you with a kick.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Jasper on May 06, 2010, 10:59:21 PM
Oh come on, what the fuck man.  Really?  Really?

That is worse than some of the darker parts of super mario world.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:01:04 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:59:21 PM
Oh come on, what the fuck man.  Really?  Really?

That is worse than some of the darker parts of super mario world.

I shit you not. 

Also, bears.  In the desert.  Yep.

And  big fucking cats.  And desert rats.  The two-legged kind.  You have to watch them.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Freeky on May 06, 2010, 11:03:50 PM
Dok, I found out what (may) have happened to our transients. It isn't nearly as bad and weird as you may have thought.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:04:09 PM
Quote from: Professor Freeky on May 06, 2010, 11:03:50 PM
Dok, I found out what (may) have happened to our transients. It isn't nearly as bad and weird as you may have thought.

Then I don't want to know.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 11:08:38 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:54:01 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?

Feral ostriches (up by Casa Grande).  No shit.  They eat the wrong plants and go batshit for a month before they die.  It's like having rabid dinosaurs running around.



Do they form groups, or is it one at a time?
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Freeky on May 06, 2010, 11:09:07 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:04:09 PM
Quote from: Professor Freeky on May 06, 2010, 11:03:50 PM
Dok, I found out what (may) have happened to our transients. It isn't nearly as bad and weird as you may have thought.

Then I don't want to know.

Which is why I refrained from saying in that post, in case I was right and you'd have preferred some horrible end.  :lol:
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:11:53 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 11:08:38 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 10:54:01 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 06, 2010, 10:52:47 PM
I am perversely fascinated.  Tell me, what is in the open desert?

Feral ostriches (up by Casa Grande).  No shit.  They eat the wrong plants and go batshit for a month before they die.  It's like having rabid dinosaurs running around.



Do they form groups, or is it one at a time?

One at a time, and not very often.  But it happens, which makes this the bestest state ever.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Salty on May 06, 2010, 11:13:16 PM
Wait. BEARS in the DESERT?
Jesus crippled Christ. Is there no place that is safe from those killing machines?

You can't throw a hammer at a bear. Well, you CAN, but that's the last thing you'll ever do.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:15:19 PM
Quote from: alty on May 06, 2010, 11:13:16 PM
Wait. BEARS in the DESERT?
Jesus crippled Christ. Is there no place that is safe from those killing machines?

You can't throw a hammer at a bear. Well, you CAN, but that's the last thing you'll ever do.

Santa Rita mountains are crawling with the bastards.  They've developed a taste for people, I've heard, as the best source of food is illegals moving North.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Lies on May 06, 2010, 11:16:10 PM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on May 06, 2010, 10:18:01 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 08:52:49 PM
Quote from: Iptuous on May 06, 2010, 08:51:57 PM
they're terribly delicate, too.
i had a friend that had one as a pet, and he had to superglue it back together again several times when it got dropped...


Also, tarantula hawks.  Google it.  God's a psycho.

Dammit I had forgotten about those  :x

Heh, we got those fuckers down here too.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Freeky on May 06, 2010, 11:16:23 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 06, 2010, 11:15:19 PM
Quote from: alty on May 06, 2010, 11:13:16 PM
Wait. BEARS in the DESERT?
Jesus crippled Christ. Is there no place that is safe from those killing machines?

You can't throw a hammer at a bear. Well, you CAN, but that's the last thing you'll ever do.

Santa Rita mountains are crawling with the bastards.  They've developed a taste for people, I've heard, as the best source of food is illegals moving North.

Is that where Bear Canyon is? I forget.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Salty on May 06, 2010, 11:23:04 PM
We need to hurry up and cover the earth with pavement so I can safely enjoy nature.

Then again, maybe I should just get a nice, big gun and so as to love nature more intimately.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Remington on May 07, 2010, 12:33:34 AM
Damn. Here in Alberta, it's headline news if someone gets bitten by a black widow. They live down in the badlands, apparently.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Juana on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
That is some damn good aim, Dok.

We get cougar here. There's about four of them on the river, from our biggest green space in the city to the dam, which is only about ten miles long. Then there's coyotes, foxes, possums (we had one on the block for a while - it was adorable), camel spiders, and mule deer and brown/grizzly bears in the mountains and hills, plus the other critters.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:05:55 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
We get cougar here.

We get cougars here too. They mostly hang around the bars and nightclubs with a hungry look in their eyes.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: BadBeast on May 07, 2010, 02:13:55 AM
Quote from: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:05:55 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
We get cougar here.

We get cougars here too. They mostly hang around the bars and nightclubs with a hungry look in their eyes.

Officially, there are fucking great big double hard Badgers here, but unofficially, there is a few breeding populations of non-specific big cats. (Which I can unofficially confirm, cuz I've seen one)
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Juana on May 07, 2010, 02:16:41 AM
Quote from: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:05:55 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
We get cougar here.

We get cougars here too. They mostly hang around the bars and nightclubs with a hungry look in their eyes.
:roll: :)
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 02:17:11 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 02:16:41 AM
Quote from: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:05:55 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
We get cougar here.

We get cougars here too. They mostly hang around the bars and nightclubs with a hungry look in their eyes.
:roll: :)

It was only a matter of time.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:18:46 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 02:17:11 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 02:16:41 AM
Quote from: Nast on May 07, 2010, 02:05:55 AM
Quote from: Hover Cat on May 07, 2010, 01:37:28 AM
We get cougar here.

We get cougars here too. They mostly hang around the bars and nightclubs with a hungry look in their eyes.
:roll: :)

It was only a matter of time.

It was what the Free Market demanded!
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:03:26 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!

:argh!:

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FOR THE DESERT!
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 07, 2010, 04:04:10 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:03:26 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!

:argh!:

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FOR THE DESERT!

Wait a few thousand years, I bet they will.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:04:47 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:04:10 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:03:26 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!

:argh!:

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FOR THE DESERT!

Wait a few thousand years, I bet they will.

WE DON'T HAVE TO WAIT!  WE HAVE SCIENCE!

(and I have pillspillspills)
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: President Television on May 07, 2010, 04:33:19 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:03:26 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!

:argh!:

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FOR THE DESERT!

Um:
(http://www.vanhiel.com/daniel/MC_images/bulette.jpg)

:x
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 07, 2010, 04:34:28 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:04:47 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:04:10 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 07, 2010, 04:03:26 AM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 07, 2010, 04:01:27 AM
Oooh I just thought of what we have that you don't have! Sea lions and sharks!

:argh!:

THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM FOR THE DESERT!

Wait a few thousand years, I bet they will.

WE DON'T HAVE TO WAIT!  WE HAVE SCIENCE!

(and I have pillspillspills)

IF YOU HALLUCINATE THEM, THEY WILL COME.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: LMNO on May 07, 2010, 01:19:29 PM
I say, old chap!  All we have out here are turkeys.  Turkeys, I say!
         \
:judge:
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Eater of Clowns on May 07, 2010, 02:54:19 PM
Quote from: LMNO on May 07, 2010, 01:19:29 PM
I say, old chap!  All we have out here are turkeys.  Turkeys, I say!
         \
:judge:

Yeah, and deer.  New England wildlife is delicious.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Triple Zero on May 07, 2010, 03:39:37 PM
We sometimes have some, um, a bunch of swans in the pond around the corner. Mean fuckers will fuck you up.

(Well they actually will especially if they have young, D/N/T swans.)

There's also some geese, they're big, but not aggressive like swans.

And a junkie/dealer house right next door across the street. Can watch their clientele enter and leave all day right from the window. I should find a way to fuck with them, they're just too far to pee on.


Anyway, pretty tame compared to the desert.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Rumckle on May 07, 2010, 03:44:24 PM
Train up an attack swan.

Actually, I've heard that swans make for very good guard animals.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Jenne on May 07, 2010, 05:00:57 PM
We have so many types of animals here, it's hard to list them all.  I mean, I personally have seen bears, a mountain lion, lots of hawks, opossums, raccoons, deer, dolphins, seals, whales, coyotes GALORE, burros, scorpions, sidewinders, and the list is just too long.  I didn't get to the birds, either.  We have ostrich farms, I'm sure a few escape, though I never heard of them going apeshit.  We have turkey farms, too, and probably a few of them go wild in the wild before someone runs them over.  Oh BUNNIES.  Motherfucking BUNNIES.  I know they feed the hawks, owls and whatnots around here, better them than my wee little shit of a dog, but really--so many damned bunnies!
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: BadBeast on May 07, 2010, 05:22:04 PM
About five years ago, there were a colony of Great Bustards reintroduced, as an attempt to establish a native breeding population. and now they are successfully breeding. And those fuckers are huge. They are the heaviest flying bird in the world, and look like a cross between a Turkey, and a really ugly Heron.
But I don't know what they taste like. Yet.
Title: Re: I AM LIKE UNTO THOR!
Post by: Jenne on May 07, 2010, 05:24:00 PM
We have some storks and herons.  They ARE huge, and don't look like they should be flying, they look so ungainly.  But they're quite lithe in the sky.

On the flipside, FUCK seagulls, rats of the seaskies (my kids' school mascot is the seagull).