This is the IRC documentation of Dok Howl eating some cactus, and deciding I needed to have built a boyfriend. Some of the beginning is missing, but you get the gist.
[22:24] *** NARF (droid@hide-7B525774.tmodns.net) has joined #discord
[22:25] * MistressFreeky is freaking out
[22:25] <Cainad> oh wow
[22:25] <NARF> peer?
[22:25] <MistressFreeky> How does he keep getting cactus?!
[22:25] <Kai1> freeky is freaking?
[22:25] <MistressFreeky> Who the fuck gives it to him!?
[22:26] <Kai1> wait, he's on CACTUS?
[22:26] <Kai1> FUCK
[22:26] <MistressFreeky> I am going to KILL A MOTHERFUCKER
[22:26] <Kai1> enjoy the ride while it lasts lol
[22:26] *** fnord124 (Mibbit@hide-FAC2F292.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #discord
[22:26] <NARF> goody keyboard
[22:26] <MistressFreeky> I'm fucking doomed.
[22:26] <MistressFreeky> He's still laughing.
[22:27] <MistressFreeky> /me is nearing hysterics
[22:27] * MistressFreeky is nearing hysterics
[22:27] <Kai1> hey
[22:27] <Kai1> it will turn out alright
[22:27] <Kai1> just enjoy the ride!
[22:28] <MistressFreeky> No,, Kai. Is not ride. Is horrorfilm.
[22:28] <MistressFreeky> Wait, he's coming down the stairs.
[22:29] <MistressFreeky> Hang on...
[22:29] *** Kai (Kai@hide-A95D9B33.gsp.bellsouth.net) has joined #discord
[22:29] <Cainad> But the nice girl always survives the horrorfilm!
[22:29] *** Kai1 has quit IRC (Quit: Leaving.)
[22:29] <Kai> goddamn internets
[22:29] <Kai> IS RIDE
[22:29] <Kai> ENJOY
[22:29] <NARF> keep him away from convenience store clerks
[22:29] <MistressFreeky> He's gone back into the garage again.
[22:30] <Kai> IN CACTUS EATING ROGER LAND, HORRORFILM RIDES YUO
[22:30] <MistressFreeky> Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to hide his jeep keys.
[22:30] <Kai> hey, what's the worst thing that could happen?
[22:30] <Kai> run over another joshua tree?
[22:30] <MistressFreeky> PUPPY CANNONS.
[22:30] <Kai> that sounds fucking cool
[22:30] <MistressFreeky> HORRIBLE WHIRRING THINGS.
[22:30] <Kai> wish I could visit
[22:30] <MistressFreeky> Not when they're rifled with razor blades, Kai!
[22:31] <Kai> it's for science, freeky
[22:31] <Kai> you don't question science
[22:31] <Kai> you just do it
[22:31] <MistressFreeky> He's shouting for something, hang on.
[22:31] <MistressFreeky> Does anyone know where I can find a buyer for a slightly used, somewhat bloody diamond-edged tile saw?
[22:32] <Cainad> It has it's own needs, it's own morality. Science is a higher calling, and woe unto he who turns away from it!
[22:32] <MistressFreeky> ._.
[22:32] <Idem> why don't you partake
[22:32] <Kai> yeah
[22:32] <Kai> why aren't you doing science, Freeky?
[22:32] <MistressFreeky> He ate it all.
[22:33] <MistressFreeky> He ran back upstairs just now, screaming "WHERE IS MY OSCILLOSCOPE?!"
[22:34] *** narot (~narot@hide-D47B1CDE.socal.res.rr.com) has joined #discord
[22:34] <MistressFreeky> I AM NOT A SCIENCY PERSON
[22:34] <MistressFreeky> I LIKE TO SLEEP IN BEDS THAT ARE SOFTISH.
[22:34] <narot> evening folks :)
[22:34] <MistressFreeky> NOT FILLED WITH UNKNOWN BLOODY STUFF.
[22:34] <Idem> get a media player and set it to the oscilloscope visualization
[22:34] <narot> drinking a night train express woo
[22:35] <MistressFreeky> I'm actually kind of worried about attracting his attention at this point.
[22:35] <Idem> lol
[22:35] <MistressFreeky> I'm just going to let him get on with his science, and sleep down here on the couch.
[22:36] <MistressFreeky> OSHIT
[22:36] <MistressFreeky> WTF
[22:36] <narot> ??
[22:36] <MistressFreeky> SOMETHING IS GOING BANG BANG BANG
[22:36] <MistressFreeky> Dok is /laughing/ again.
[22:37] <MistressFreeky> *gibber*
[22:38] <MistressFreeky> His dog just ran down the stairs with it's tail between it's legs.
[22:38] <MistressFreeky> Well, hobbled.
[22:38] <MistressFreeky> It can't run real well.
[22:39] <Idem> "Look, we're basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job's to help people shit or fuck, it's not that important, so relax."
[22:39] <narot> :)
[22:40] <MistressFreeky> He's calling for Nurse to help him.
[22:40] <MistressFreeky> Nivek isn't here,, wtf?
[22:40] <Idem> nivek is never here
[22:40] <MistressFreeky> D'you think he means me?
[22:40] <Idem> oh wait you mean there
[22:40] <Idem> right
[22:40] <Idem> no
[22:40] <Idem> i mean i dunno
[22:40] <MistressFreeky> O shit, he does.
[22:41] <MistressFreeky> Back in a few.
[22:43] <MistressFreeky> He just needed me to wrap up his hand
[22:43] <MistressFreeky> He cut it on someting.
[22:43] <MistressFreeky> Wouldn't let me look in the room, either.
[22:43] <Cainad> oh dear
[22:43] <MistressFreeky> When I asked what he was doing, he just giggled.
[22:44] *** Kai has quit IRC (Quit: Leaving.)
[22:44] <MistressFreeky> I asked if he remembered I was supposed to sleep in that room, he guffawed.
[22:44] <MistressFreeky> Couch it is tonight!
[22:44] *** Kai (Kai@hide-A95D9B33.gsp.bellsouth.net) has joined #discord
[22:45] <MistressFreeky> Jesus.
[22:45] <Cainad> lol
[22:45] <MistressFreeky> There's that BANG BANG BANGing angain.
[22:45] <MistressFreeky> again*
[22:45] <MistressFreeky> Sorry, my hands are shaking pretty bad...
[22:46] *** Cainad has quit IRC (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
[22:46] *** koasdx (koasdx@851E6109.8A23D5BA.7AA52BA.IP) has joined #discord
[22:46] *** Cainad (Mibbit@hide-D186640C.dyn.optonline.net) has joined #discord
[22:46] <Idem> cainad
[22:46] <Cainad> idem
[22:47] <MistressFreeky> And there's that creaking and groaning.
[22:47] <MistressFreeky> He's gone back in the kitchen, but that banging is still going.
[22:47] <MistressFreeky> WTF?
[22:48] <MistressFreeky> Oh, he needed a sammich. Apparently, whatever is up there can handle itself for a few minutes.
[22:48] <MistressFreeky> According to Dok.
[22:49] <NARF> o my
[22:50] <Idem> tell him you're waiting a few stories up
[22:51] <MistressFreeky> Picture, if you will, the Dok wearing his vintage doctor's outfit, the glacier goggles, he's bleeding into the sandwich he's eating, and carrying a dremel.
[22:52] *** Kai has quit IRC (Quit: Leaving.)
[22:52] *** Kai (Kai@hide-A95D9B33.gsp.bellsouth.net) has joined #discord
[22:53] <MistressFreeky> I'm waiting a few stories up?
[22:53] <Dok> thiis is a good sammich
[22:53] <Idem> yo
[22:54] <Dok> hey
[22:54] <Dok> Nurse Freeky's been complaining about not getting laid, so I did something about it.
[22:54] <Kai> hi dok
[22:54] <Dok> I mean, not me personally
[22:54] <MistressFreeky> O_O
[22:54] <Dok> hey kai
[22:54] <Kai> what did you do?
[22:55] <Dok> I HAVE BUILT HER A MACHINE
[22:55] <MistressFreeky> OH GAWD
[22:55] <Dok> It has a 1 hp motor.
[22:55] <Kai> I know you've been doing science, on cactus
[22:55] <Dok> fucking thing works, Kai
[22:55] <Dok> needs a little polishing up
[22:55] <Kai> what is it?
[22:55] <Kai> a sex machine?
[22:55] <Dok> right now it looks like a catapult with a dick
[22:55] <Kai> one of those mechanical fucker gadgets?
[22:55] <Dok> anda resouvoir
[22:55] <Idem> dok, so it's a hardon collider?
[22:56] <Dok> for teh mayo
[22:56] <Dok> HAH
[22:56] <Dok> Nurse better appreciate ths shit. I think I need stitches
[22:56] <Cainad> THAT'S what the mayonnaise was for?
[22:56] <Idem> lolomg
[22:56] <Dok> bleeding all over my keyboard
[22:56] <Idem> ack
[22:56] <Dok> it's kind of cold though
[22:56] <Dok> need some way to warm it up
[22:56] <Idem> what's it look like
[22:57] <Idem> Oh jesus no dok noooo
[22:57] <Dok> wut
[22:57] <Dok> Nursey doesn't look very grateful
[22:57] <Kai> use a heating blanket
[22:57] <Dok> YES
[22:57] <MistressFreeky> Kai, you're not helping.
[22:57] <Dok> I neeed something
[22:58] <MistressFreeky> You need to stop taking cactus.
[22:58] <Idem> a cold wound is a good wound
[22:58] <Dok> No
[22:58] <Dok> I need bourbon
[22:58] <Dok> It replenishes science
[22:58] <Kai> Yes, I am helping
[22:58] <Kai> and no, you don't dok
[22:58] <Kai> cactus is fine.
[22:58] <Dok> why not
[22:58] <Dok> cactus isn't flammable
[22:58] <Kai> jack daniels is not
[22:58] <MistressFreeky> Who the fuck gives that shit to you?
[22:58] <Idem> *spew*
[22:59] <Dok> what shit
[22:59] <MistressFreeky> CACTUS
[22:59] <Dok> the preacher at my church
[22:59] <Idem> wal-mart
[22:59] <MistressFreeky> YOU DONT GO TO CHURCH
[22:59] <Dok> so
[22:59] <MistressFreeky> SO WHOH THE FUCK GIVES IT TO YOU I WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER
[22:59] <Dok> (we're yelling this shit at each oterh while we type)
[23:00] <Dok> You need to try out your new BF
[23:00] <MistressFreeky> NO MAYONNAISE
[23:00] <MistressFreeky> NONONONO
[23:00] <Dok> I got the spring all coiled up and everything
[23:00] <Idem> dood smear that shit on the keyboard
[23:00] <MistressFreeky> lkkAUUUGH!
[23:00] <Idem> it'll get up the blood
[23:00] <NARF> picture?
[23:00] <Dok> how do you KNOW you won't like it if you never even try it/
[23:00] <Cainad> I am literally crying with laughter
[23:01] <Dok> so is freeky. I think
[23:01] <MistressFreeky> FUCK
[23:01] <MistressFreeky> FUCK OFF
[23:01] <Idem> we don't need eyes where we're going
[23:01] <Dok> brb bourbon & smoke reward for Dok
[23:02] <Burns> aww fuck whaddai miss
[23:02] <MistressFreeky> Dok on Cactus, and science
[23:02] <Kai> Oh god
[23:02] <Kai> I am laughing so hard
[23:02] <Idem> yeah so am i
[23:02] <Idem> oh jesus
[23:03] <Kai> Freeky, JUST ENJOY THE RIDE
[23:03] <Kai> I mean that both figuratively and literally
[23:03] <MistressFreeky> IS NOT RIDE KAI
[23:03] <MistressFreeky> IS NOT RIDE
[23:03] <Kai> IS RIDE
[23:03] <Kai> ENJOY
[23:03] <Idem> you better enjoy that hardon collider
[23:03] <NARF> love machine
[23:03] <Cainad> that thing sounds like it would throw her across the room
[23:03] <Idem> LOL
[23:03] <MistressFreeky> IS NOT GOOD RIDE
[23:03] <Kai> I believe it's spelled "hard-on", idem
[23:04] <Idem> *cough* *hack*
[23:04] <Cainad> the LARGE Hardon Collider
[23:04] <Dok> Kai, wrote you letter earlier
[23:04] <Dok> WTF
[23:04] <Idem> kai then it would be too removed from hadron
[23:04] <Kai> the large HARD-ON collider
[23:04] <Idem> which is the point
[23:04] <MistressFreeky> WAHT WAS THAT
[23:04] <Idem> hardon
[23:04] <MistressFreeky> GLASS BREKIGNA
[23:04] <Kai> am I going to receive it in the mail, dok?
[23:04] <Dok> oh shit
[23:04] <Burns> so who is getting gloriously rained upon this evening?
[23:04] <Kai> brb
[23:04] <Dok> holy fuck
[23:04] <MistressFreeky> WHATS OUTSIDE
[23:05] <Dok> yes, kai
[23:05] <Dok> The dick
[23:05] <Idem> what happened with the fucking glass
[23:05] <Kai> lol
[23:05] <MistressFreeky> IS NOT RIDE
[23:05] <Idem> DID IT FLY ACROSS THE ROOM
[23:05] <Dok> spring broke lol
[23:05] <Kai> LOL
[23:05] <Dok> out window
[23:05] <Idem> OH GOD
[23:05] <Idem> HYAHAHAHA
[23:05] <Dok> i can fix it
[23:05] <MistressFreeky> NO FIX
[23:05] <NARF> Is ride
[23:05] <Dok> brb
[23:05] <Kai> LMAO
[23:05] *** EvilSpork has quit IRC (Quit: This computer has gone to sleep)
[23:05] <MistressFreeky> IS ANIMAL SOUND?!
[23:05] <MistressFreeky> WHAT?
[23:06] <Dok> FUCK
[23:06] <MistressFreeky> WHAT!
[23:06] <Dok> Fucking neighbor's dog ran off with the dildo
[23:06] <MistressFreeky> Oh thanks god.
[23:06] <Idem> can't breathe
[23:06] <Burns> wow
[23:06] <Dok> Boy, is Henry going to be surprised
[23:06] <Burns> lmfao
[23:07] <Cainad> i can barely fucking see through my tears
[23:07] <Dok> teach the bastard to train his dog to get the paper
[23:07] <Dok> smartass
[23:07] <Dok> No worries.
[23:07] <MistressFreeky> While YOUR dog is hiding under your bed.
[23:07] <Dok> I WILL BUILD A BETTER DILDO
[23:07] <MistressFreeky> NO BETTER
[23:07] <Idem> oh fuck he thought it was paper
[23:07] <MistressFreeky> NO BUILD
[23:07] <Idem> *faints*
[23:07] <MistressFreeky> NO ORE
[23:07] <Dok> I have a couple of pounds of spackle in the garage
[23:08] <Idem> FINAL DESTINATION
[23:08] <MistressFreeky> MRE NOT
[23:08] <MistressFreeky> NO MORE
[23:08] <Cainad> DOG'S GONNA BRING THE DILDO BACK HOME
[23:08] <Kai> I am going to die
[23:08] <Dok> Like I said, Henry is gonna be surprised at the saturday paper
[23:08] <Burns> cainad some master/pet relationships should be left alone.
[23:09] <Dok> Nurse Freeky is inchorent
[23:09] <Dok> can't tell screaming or laughing
[23:09] <MistressFreeky> GAUUUUHG
[23:09] <Kai> She doesn't know how to have a good time
[23:09] <Dok> SHE WILL LEARN
[23:09] <Dok> She's always bitching about not getting laid, and THIS is the thanks I get
[23:10] <Idem> http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l2y8yfHdMY1qanb21o1_500.jpg
[23:10] <Kai> I don't think she meant a washing machine.
[23:10] <MistressFreeky> I LEIK POPEL
[23:10] <Burns> ;the best part on saturday morning will be the 'tug-o-war'
[23:10] <Dok> lol
[23:10] <Burns> GIMME THAT!
[23:10] <Kai> This has made my day all better
[23:10] <Dok> Not me
[23:10] <Cainad> nothing can ruin my weekend now
[23:10] <Dok> Now I have to mold a dildo out of spackle
[23:11] <NARF> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSfe-4l3TBk
[23:11] <Idem> you can do it
[23:11] <MistressFreeky> How long does it take for spackle to dry?
[23:11] <Idem> just uhh don't get blood mixed with it
[23:11] <Dok> Does it matter?
[23:11] <MistressFreeky> UGHUGHNO BDO
[23:11] <MistressFreeky> BLODO
[23:11] <Dok> yeah, my hand is bleeding like a bitch
[23:11] <MistressFreeky> BLOOD
[23:11] <Dok> Hey, Kai
[23:11] <Kai> yeah?
[23:12] <Dok> Bourbon + lorezapam?
[23:12] <Dok> Not so mcuh
[23:12] <Kai> no
[23:12] <Idem> HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A SPACKLE DILDO
[23:12] <Dok> and cactus
[23:12] <Kai> cactus is fine
[23:12] <Dok> Gonna woof cookies again, I think
[23:12] <Kai> do not drink alcohol on that stuff
[23:12] <Dok> too late
[23:12] <Kai> DON'T DIE
[23:12] <MistressFreeky> Serves you right.
[23:12] <Idem> what happens kai
[23:12] <Dok> wut
[23:12] <Dok> Only had one shot
[23:13] <NARF> boot to the head
[23:13] <Dok> Kai?
[23:13] <Kai> taking alcohol on antidepressents can lead to the worst hangover you've had in your life
[23:13] <Dok> So can being beaten by Nursey, who is blocking me from the garage
[23:13] <Dok> Kai, I cannot be killed.
[23:14] <Dok> This is fact.
[23:14] <Kai> she should let you do science.
[23:14] <Idem> find an alternate route
[23:14] <Dok> She should
[23:14] <Idem> the world is an adventure
[23:14] <Dok> Fucking spring
[23:14] <Kai> she must learn to ENJOY THE RIDE
[23:14] <Kai> in both senses
[23:14] <Dok> That would have been a hell of a ride
[23:14] <Dok> Considering it went half way across the street
[23:14] <Dok> brb beating
[23:14] <Idem> oh god
[23:14] <Kai> might have taken out her cervix
[23:15] <MistressFreeky> There now.
[23:15] <MistressFreeky> He's under a table.
[23:15] <MistressFreeky> I took care of him with a iece of doweling.
[23:15] <MistressFreeky> Again.
[23:15] <Kai> hey
[23:15] <Kai> that wasn't nice
[23:16] <Idem> it'd be an irresistable force meeting an immovable object
[23:16] <MistressFreeky> He tried to build a thing that would have disemboweled me, maybe.
[23:16] <Kai> nah
[23:16] <Idem> only had 1 horsepower
[23:16] <Kai> yeah
[23:17] <MistressFreeky> Well, we'll neve know now.
[23:17] <Kai> sure we will
[23:17] <MistressFreeky> The spring is gone, and I don't think he has another.
[23:17] <Kai> he can rebuild it
[23:17] <Kai> better, stronger, faster
[23:17] <Idem> HE CAN MAKE IT STRONGER
[23:17] <MistressFreeky> If he does, I'ma hide the
[23:17] <Kai> dildo?
[23:17] <MistressFreeky> Oh wait, he's taking off his clothes and shouting about caddis flies.
[23:17] <MistressFreeky> No, springs.
[23:17] <Idem> oh jesus
[23:17] <Kai> YAY
[23:17] <Idem> kai what did you do
[23:18] <MistressFreeky> Holy shit, is that one hairy bastard.
[23:18] <Kai> I can't be held responsible for where inspiration of my glory arises
[23:18] <Kai> I mean, shit man, there are more insects than anything else, they're everywhere.
[23:19] <MistressFreeky> brb, trying to keep Dok inside.
[23:19] <Kai> I'm starting to vibrate
[23:19] <Kai> NO
[23:20] <Kai> YOU MUST LET THE YETI OUT
[23:21] <MistressFreeky> Well, shit.
[23:21] <MistressFreeky> He's gone.
[23:21] <MistressFreeky> In his engineer boots and NOTHING ELSE.
[23:21] <MistressFreeky> Not even the doweling rod could stay him this time.
[23:22] <MistressFreeky> Let's hope he doesn't run out into traffic
[23:22] <MistressFreeky> :c
[23:22] <MistressFreeky> Jesus, that was a lot of hair...
[23:23] <Cainad> oh dear
[23:23] <NARF> hairy escapes
[23:23] <Dok> BACK. WITH THE DILDO.
[23:24] <Cainad> LOL
[23:24] <Dok> VICTORY IS MINE
[23:24] <Dok> Fucking dog bit me on the calf.
[23:24] <Kai> lol
[23:24] <Dok> Right above the boot
[23:24] <Cainad> well, you took away his toy
[23:24] <Cainad> dogs are like that
[23:24] <Kai> can you fix the fucktoy?
[23:24] <Dok> Going to fix machine now. Freeky needs to get her monkey on.
[23:24] <Kai> yes
[23:25] <Dok> If I'm not back in 10 minutes, don't send help
[23:25] *** Dok has quit IRC (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
[23:25] <MistressFreeky> Yeah, cuz I might be beating you again.
[23:25] <NARF> Nike
[23:26] <MistressFreeky> You guys shouldn't encourage him, at least not when I'm his test subject.
[23:26] <MistressFreeky> :/
[23:27] <Kai> he's not going to hurt you
[23:27] <Kai> he's too loyal for that
[23:28] <MistressFreeky> Yes...
[23:28] <MistressFreeky> But he get's all carried away.
[23:28] <MistressFreeky> He's upstairs yelling "FOR SCIENCE" now.
[23:28] <MistressFreeky> I hope you guys are happy.
[23:29] <MistressFreeky> How much is a horsepower, anyway.
[23:29] <Cainad> I am so happy there are little happiness faries dancing in my bloodstream as we speak
[23:29] <Kai> lol
[23:29] <Kai> I'm quite amuzed
[23:29] <Kai> but I'm twitching out
[23:29] <Cainad> 1 hp is actually roughly equivalent to the amount of work 3 horses can do, or something like that
[23:30] <Kai> caffeine is wearing off
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> Sooo...
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> It's like getting fucked by 3 horses?
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> And a soring?
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> spring*
[23:30] <Kai> no
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> Oh...
[23:30] <MistressFreeky> :c
[23:31] <Kai> just let him have his fun
[23:31] <MistressFreeky> Wait, what?
[23:31] <MistressFreeky> I thought he was building it for me.
[23:31] <Kai> he is
[23:31] <Kai> sorta
[23:31] <Cainad> roughly 550 ft-lbs per second
[23:31] <Kai> hes just building it to build it
[23:31] <MistressFreeky> And to test it?
[23:32] <Cainad> to prove that it can be done
[23:32] <MistressFreeky> Sooo, Cainad...
[23:32] <Kai> nahh
[23:32] <Kai> like I said
[23:32] <Kai> he's just teasing you
[23:32] <Kai> so just ride it out
[23:32] <MistressFreeky> It's like geting fuck by 550 feet, each weighing a pound, per second.
[23:32] <Kai> enjoy the fun
[23:33] <MistressFreeky> ?
[23:33] <Kai> no
[23:33] <Kai> 550 lbs per square foot
[23:33] <Kai> so, more or less like a normal rough fucking.
[23:33] <MistressFreeky> But I'm not a square foot wide!
[23:34] <Cainad> "work" in this mechanical sense is a little wuzzy in my brain... it involves some maths that I forgot
[23:34] <Kai> me too cainad
[23:34] <Kai> and I had physics, several semesters
[23:34] <MistressFreeky> Horrible crashing noise from upstairs.
[23:34] <MistressFreeky> Some screaming, cursing.
[23:34] <Kai> probably has got low coordination right now
[23:35] <Cainad> okay, here we go... 1 hp is roughly equivalent to 750 watts
[23:35] <MistressFreeky> . . .
[23:35] <Cainad> and wikipedia sez..
[23:35] <Idem> 750 horsecocks
[23:35] <Idem> err
[23:35] <Cainad> A person having a mass of 100 kilograms who climbs a 3 meter high ladder in 5 seconds is doing work at a rate of about 600 watts.
[23:35] <Idem> 7.5 horsecocks
[23:35] <Idem> forgot to move decimal
[23:35] <MistressFreeky> I KNEW IT
[23:36] <Cainad> a 220 lbs man climbing up 9 feet in 5 seconds is doing less mechanical work than that 1 p engine
[23:36] <Cainad> *1 hp
[23:37] <MistressFreeky> How can a guy climging a ladder light up a lightbulb, and how does that relate to the Machine of Horrible Doom Sex?
[23:37] * Cainad is probably reading this all wrong
[23:37] <Idem> what are you gonna do about the window
[23:37] <Idem> a fucking dildo shattered it
[23:38] *** NARF has quit IRC (Quit: -a- Connection Timed Out)
[23:38] *** NARF (droid@hide-7B525774.tmodns.net) has joined #discord
[23:38] <MistressFreeky> Probably Dok will build some horrible Science contraption to put in front of it.
[23:38] <MistressFreeky> And I'll say it was fucking.
[23:39] <MistressFreeky> I just shouted up to him about the window.
[23:40] <MistressFreeky> He says it's more nature-y stuff that's condusive to my hippy-ness.
Please tell me there are pictures.
Quote from: BADGE OF HONOR on June 05, 2010, 08:31:36 AM
Please tell me there are pictures.
No, and I'm going to try and convince him to disassemble it in the morning.
I can't fucking breathe anymore! :lulz:
:aaa:
I'm getting a little bit sceptical as to whether Dok is really a fucking Doctor at all!
If I shut my eyes while listening to this, I can see Dok, and Nurse Freeky, at work.
And it reminds me never to have a general anaesthesia, in a room with any Medical Professional at all. Ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXJN2_Btofc
Nurse: "Shouldn't that be sterilised Doktor?"
Doktor Benway: "Very likely, but there's no time!" :cry:
:? :eek:
Kai> can you fix the fucktoy?
Dok> Going to fix machine now. Freeky needs to get her monkey on.
Kai> yes
Bad Beast, are you saying you would deny SCIENCE?!
I love Science.
The Dok, he needs to get his own Practical Science TV show NOW.
I think he needs a whole new "ology" of science, all of his own, for the good of all mankind.
And yes, the sooner the better. Preferably before that cactus wears right off, hopefully it will science his lorazepam hangover better.
NO! A man of the good herr Doktors prodigious talents shouldn't be pigeon holed into one discipline! The entirety of SCIENCE must be his playground!
As for the lorazepam hangover, we should count whatever blessings we can. And anyway, he did only have one shot of JD.
A Pansciencologist?
A Doktor of Pansciencology?
Quote from: Kai on June 05, 2010, 10:27:31 AM
Bad Beast, are you saying you would deny SCIENCE?!
Never would I deny a Science! Science is Glorious Leader. All of my bases is belong to science! One day, all of peoples will be sciences too. This I knows is truth.
Sweet merciful fuck!
:lulz:
I don't think there's ANY mercy in that fuck.
Also, Dok, can you send one over for Pixie?
:spittake:
:crankey:
Wow... I was chuckling until the dildo went flying out the window and the neighbor's dog got it. THen I couldn't stop laughing.
:lulz:
How's his hand?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on June 05, 2010, 11:10:29 AM
NO! A man of the good herr Doktors prodigious talents shouldn't be pigeon holed into one discipline! The entirety of SCIENCE must be his playground!
As for the lorazepam hangover, we should count whatever blessings we can. And anyway, he did only have one shot of JD.
I feel like someone shat in my skull.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on June 05, 2010, 05:40:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Payne on June 05, 2010, 11:10:29 AM
NO! A man of the good herr Doktors prodigious talents shouldn't be pigeon holed into one discipline! The entirety of SCIENCE must be his playground!
As for the lorazepam hangover, we should count whatever blessings we can. And anyway, he did only have one shot of JD.
I feel like someone shat in my skull.
...OOps
DID CYBORG FUCK MACHINE WERK?
Quote from: Hawk on June 05, 2010, 06:08:31 PM
DID CYBORG FUCK MACHINE WERK?
And do you have pics of the contraption? I have an image in my head but I think that this is something that must be seen.
I don't know if it works, and there will be no pics. NONE. :|
Quote from: Professor Freeky on June 05, 2010, 06:19:28 PM
I don't know if it works, and there will be no pics. NONE. :|
:argh!: :argh!: :argh!:
IS FOR SCIENCE
I want to see blueprints at the very least.
Quote from: Professor Freeky on June 05, 2010, 06:19:28 PM
I don't know if it works, and there will be no pics. NONE. :|
That frightening, huh? Yeah blueprints would be good. Catapult with a dildo raises more questions than answers
Blueprints? You're gonna have to ask Dok about blueprints. I haven't seen any.
Quote from: Professor Freeky on June 05, 2010, 06:28:43 PM
Blueprints? You're gonna have to ask Dok about blueprints. I haven't seen any.
Probably aren't any. From the chat it looks like it was a sort of spontaneous thing.
In GURPS terms, this is true Science! (not to be confused with Science.)
..and yeah, rapid improvisation, mental CAD studio / prototyping work is a hallmark of IRL Science!
Quote from: Richter on June 05, 2010, 06:53:48 PM
In GURPS terms, this is true Science! (not to be confused with Science.)
..and yeah, rapid improvisation, mental CAD studio / prototyping work is a hallmark of IRL Science!
Science! sounds like an awesome thing to behold. To bad I don't know any Scientists! IRL. Scientists, yes, but not Scientists!
[/quote]
I feel like someone shat in my skull.
[/quote]
After reading that, so did I, :lulz:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:58:05 PM
Quote from: Richter on June 05, 2010, 06:53:48 PM
In GURPS terms, this is true Science! (not to be confused with Science.)
..and yeah, rapid improvisation, mental CAD studio / prototyping work is a hallmark of IRL Science!
Science! sounds like an awesome thing to behold. To bad I don't know any Scientists! IRL. Scientists, yes, but not Scientists!
Show up Friday in Boston and meet 2+ then!
Quote from: Richter on June 05, 2010, 07:33:40 PM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on June 05, 2010, 06:58:05 PM
Quote from: Richter on June 05, 2010, 06:53:48 PM
In GURPS terms, this is true Science! (not to be confused with Science.)
..and yeah, rapid improvisation, mental CAD studio / prototyping work is a hallmark of IRL Science!
Science! sounds like an awesome thing to behold. To bad I don't know any Scientists! IRL. Scientists, yes, but not Scientists!
Show up Friday in Boston and meet 2+ then!
Will do!
I can has a science!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rK2bpjWT_lM
This is possibly the best thing that has ever happened.
:lulz::mittens: :lulz:
Holy shit! :lulz: I wish I'd been there!
I wish I'd been somewhere else.
Seriously, how did I get roped into being the new Nurse? Wherever Nivek is, she needs to get back on her job. :x
Quote from: Professor Freeky on June 06, 2010, 01:40:43 AM
I wish I'd been somewhere else.
Seriously, how did I get roped into being the new Nurse? Wherever Nivek is, she needs to get back on her job. :x
Everything is an adventure! Someday you will learn about the Wall, and the joys of Taking It There.
Thanks to Idem, I have the beginning of this "adventure."
[23:28] <Dok> NARF, yeah. 5 letters a week, minimum. I should hit everyone in about 3 months.
[23:28] <Dok> Best writing exercise yet.
[23:28] <+Cainad> That is quite a project
[23:28] <Dok> Each letter will be unique.
[23:28] <Idem> that's some goddamn customer service right there
[23:28] <+Cainad> actually, yes, that would be a great writing exercise...
[23:29] * +Cainad ponders
[23:29] <Dok> Some letters will be accompanied by odd, mostly legal items, as I see fit.
[23:29] <Dok> I have a shrunken head, for example, but I don't know if it's legal to mail people bits.
[23:29] <Idem> when'd you get a shrunken head
[23:30] <Dok> 1987.
[23:30] <Dok> Just found it in a box of my old army stuff.
[23:30] <Dok> I shall write Fred next.
[23:30] <Idem> have you asked the post office if you can mail a shrunken head
[23:31] <Dok> brb, cactus.
[23:31] <Dok> No.
[23:31] <Idem> I'm gonna
[23:31] <Dok> gonna what
[23:32] <Dok> hold up, gotta puke this shit up
[23:32] <Idem> ask my local post office
[23:36] <+Cainad> my ability to taste capsaicin is so burnt out by my abuse of my taste buds that I barely even taste the chili in this Lindt chili chocolate bar
[23:36] <Dok> FRED
[23:36] <Dok> FRED
[23:36] <Dok> FRED
[23:36] <Dok> FRED
[23:36] <Dok> My bones are all melty.
[23:36] <+Cainad> it's still delicious, but if I didn't know what it was I might think it was regular chocolate
[23:36] <Dok> what the fuck is capsaicin
[23:37] <Dok> ...
[23:37] <+Cainad> the stuff what makes chilis spicy
[23:37] <Dok> oh
[23:38] <Dok> I think it's time for another 2 month cactus bender.
[23:38] <Dok> This shit is all over me.
[23:38] <Idem> holy shit the ceiling is peanuts
[23:38] <Dok> Hey Cainad, you are going to hang with us next week, right?
[23:38] <+Cainad> I have been in college 2 years now and have yet to try anything stronger than weed or alcohol
[23:38] <+Cainad> yes
[23:38] <Dok> Idem, don't fuck with a man of science.
[23:38] <Dok> Good.
[23:38] <+Cainad> I am going to try my damndest
[23:39] <Dok> On both counts.
[23:39] <Dok> Strong drugs should be left to medical professionals, such as myself.
[23:39] <Idem> THEY'RE STARTING TO FALLLL
[23:40] <+Cainad> I'm going to a Jethro Tull concert in New Jersey that Sunday, so it's gonna be quite a weekend
[23:40] <Idem> oh and i've only done weed and salvia
[23:40] <Dok> I don't know who you trip with, Idem, but that's nada. I currently have little worms poking out of orifices like evil little pinatas.
[23:40] <Dok> Salvia. Weaksauce.
[23:40] <+Cainad> ah yes that's right, I did do salvia once
[23:41] <+Cainad> must've been a weak extract, or else it just doesn't affect me much
[23:41] <Dok> brb
[23:41] <Idem> yes it's not that good
[23:41] <Dok> have to write this letter before my keyboard gets all gooey.
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[23:58] <+vexati0n> i thought you gave up on cactus.
[00:01] <Dok> Done
[00:01] <Dok> What?
[00:01] <Dok> No, I am using this medicinally.
[00:01] <Dok> To deal with the horrible brain damage.
[00:01] <Dok> Seriously, that MRI was ugly.
[00:02] <Dok> Also, it keeps the neighbors in their place, and saves on having to toss dead javelinas over the fence.
[00:02] <+Cainad> it sounded bad. Meningitis?
[00:02] <Dok> No, actually. Wasn't malaria, either. They still aren't sure what it was, but it left my reticular formation looking like a WWI battlefield.
[00:03] <Dok> Hmm.
[00:03] <Idem> the damage stopped though?
[00:03] <Dok> Yeah
[00:03] <Idem> weird
[00:03] <Dok> But the doc was like "we're not sure why you aren't dead".
[00:03] * @Fred (Fred@hide-FB6EFF98.columbus.res.rr.com) Quit (Quit: Fred)
[00:03] <+Cainad> dayum
[00:03] <Dok> Not so weird. Glorious antivirals.
[00:03] <Idem> jesus
[00:04] <Dok> I AM FUCKING IMMORTAL
[00:04] <Dok> I CANNOT BE KILLED.
[00:04] <Dok> I AM MIGHTY
[00:04] <MistressFreeky> What's goinng on?
[00:04] <MistressFreeky> Oh.
[00:04] <Idem> dok's supposed to be daed
[00:04] <+Cainad> If, theoretically, you were to become dead, would you donate your brain to science?
[00:04] <MistressFreeky> Yes, I know.
[00:04] <Dok> She knows, she's fucking 5 feet from me.
[00:05] <Dok> Well, she's not fucking, to be precise.
[00:05] <+Cainad> 'Cause that shit sounds fascinating as hell from a medical perspective
[00:05] <MistressFreeky> :C
[00:05] <Dok> Not when it's in your neck.
[00:05] <Dok> NO NOOKIE FOR FREEKY, CAUSE SHE'S A BAD NURSE.
[00:05] <+Cainad> well, no. That's not the medical perspective, though.
[00:05] <MistressFreeky> How am I a bad nurse?!
[00:05] <Dok> We have to go. The neighbors need need punishing, nurse.
[00:05] <MistressFreeky> I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING!
[00:06] <Dok> YOU DIDN'T PAY THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
[00:06] <Dok> THEY'VE CUT OFF MY SUPPLY OF CRITTERS
[00:06] <MistressFreeky> BECAUSE I DONT APPROVE OF WHAT YOURE DOING TO THEM
[00:06] <Idem> HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT WHAT YOU ENJOY IS HORRIBLE
[00:06] <Dok> IT'S FOR GODDAMN SCIENCE
[00:07] <MistressFreeky> I DIDNT VOLUNTEER FOR THIS
[00:07] <Dok> What is this "volunteer" shit?
[00:07] <Dok> I know not of what you speak.
[00:07] <MistressFreeky> It means how did I get roped into this?
[00:07] <Dok> BECAUSE NURSE MAYHEM QUIT.
[00:07] <Dok> SHE WUSSED OUT
[00:08] <Dok> THIS IS SCIENCE, GODDAMMIT
[00:08] <MistressFreeky> Take it up with her, I'm a nice person and can't
deal with it!
[00:08] <+Cainad> Science demands kittens and tamarind monkeys
[00:08] <MistressFreeky> SCIENCE BE DAMNED
[00:08] <Dok> ...
[00:08] <+Cainad> *gasp*
[00:08] <Dok> WHY DON'T YOU JUST...GO TO SLEEP.
[00:08] <Dok> brb
[00:09] <MistressFreeky> BECAUSE
[00:09] <MistressFreeky> ok
[00:09] <Dok> I need t fix things up for Freeky's stay
[00:09] <MistressFreeky> Hey wait.
[00:09] <MistressFreeky> Why is he getting out power tools?
[00:10] <+Cainad> gotta build a loft, doesn't he?
[00:10] <MistressFreeky> And now he's going back into the garage...
[00:10] <Idem> http://www.cracked.com/article_18548_the-6-most-impressive-cases-identity-theft-ever-pulled-off.html
[00:10] <MistressFreeky> And pushing something on wheels and under a tarp up the stairs?!
[00:10] <Idem> "So, to recap, both NASA and the Navy--staffed by folks highly trained in keeping secrets and checking backgrounds--were fooled into giving tours of top-secret facilities and discussing very sensitive information with a guy who, when busted, insisted Bill Clinton was his lawyer."
[00:11] <MistressFreeky> I told him I dont think it's going to make the turn.
[00:11] <MistressFreeky> At the top of the stairs, Imean.
[00:11] <MistressFreeky> He laughed at me.
[00:11] <MistressFreeky> I think I heard this horrible whirring noise when it passed by me.
[00:12] <MistressFreeky> Like this horribly efficient metallic mechanical /whirring/.
[00:12] <+Cainad> ahahaahaaha
[00:13] <+Cainad> the Doktor is a good man, a man devoted to his work.
[00:13] <MistressFreeky> I bet you think this is a joke.
[00:13] <+Cainad> that work being, of course, /science/
[00:13] <MistressFreeky> Not. Kidding.
[00:13] <+Cainad> no, I believe every word you say
[00:13] <+Cainad> that's what makes it all the more hilarious
[00:14] <MistressFreeky> He really oughtn't be using those tools on peyote...
[00:14] <MistressFreeky> Now he's gone into the kitchen and is rummaging in the fridge.
[00:15] <MistressFreeky> Holy shit, where did he get that much MAYONNAISE?
[00:15] <MistressFreeky> It's literally a 5 gallon bucket!
[00:15] <MistressFreeky> And he's going upstairs with it.
[00:15] <+Cainad> AHAHAHAAAHA
[00:15] <+Cainad> oh man
[00:15] <MistressFreeky> Guys, I'm scared.
[00:15] <+Cainad> stay with us here
[00:16] <MistressFreeky> There's some sort of...
[00:16] <MistressFreeky> Creaking noise...
[00:16] <MistressFreeky> Not as though from straining floorboards, it's really hard to describe.
[00:16] <MistressFreeky> But it's really loud.
[00:17] <MistressFreeky> ._.
[00:17] <MistressFreeky> That whirring is getting louder, too.
[00:17] <MistressFreeky> More towards a grinding noise.
[00:18] <MistressFreeky> He's laughing /that laugh/.
[00:18] <MistressFreeky> Guys seriously, I need help!
[00:19] <MistressFreeky> Oh god!
[00:19] <+Cainad> what?
[00:20] <MistressFreeky> You, you know that sound that happens when the air starts smelling yellow?
[00:20] <Kai1> hi
[00:20] <MistressFreeky> OH GAWD.
[00:20] <Kai1> what the hell is going on?
[00:20] <MistressFreeky> KAI HELP
[00:20] <Kai1> smelling yellow?
[00:20] <MistressFreeky> DOK IS DOING SCIENCE
[00:20] <Kai1> Have you been GRABBING PILLS again?
[00:20] <MistressFreeky> AND THE SCIENCE IS WHERE IM GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT
[00:20] <Idem> grabbin' peels
[00:21] <MistressFreeky> OH GOD
[00:21] <Kai1> Also, I am totally hyped on coffee
[00:21] <Kai1> I have to catch a ride in 2 1/2 hours to the airport
[00:21] <Kai1> so I can fly out to Santa Fe
[00:21] <Idem> cool
[00:21] <Kai1> and I decided I'm not sleeping
[00:22] <Kai1> so I've been sitting in wafflehouse drinking coffee and reading EO Wilson
[00:22] <Kai1> musing about the nature of mind, consciousness, intelligence, science and the humanities, etc
[00:23] <Kai1> also, burj khalifa is fucking huge
[00:23] <MistressFreeky> And, and, and now he's got, oh god.
[00:23] <MistressFreeky> It's a tube of some sort.
[00:23] <MistressFreeky> I recofgnize that tube.
[00:23] <MistressFreeky> It's the puppy cannon!
[00:24] <Kai1> lol
[00:24] <Kai1> WTF?
[00:24] <MistressFreeky> WHAT THE FUCK IS A PUPPY CANNON DOING IN AN AREA WHERE IM GONNA SLEEP?
[00:24] <Kai1> my eyes are bugging out
[00:24] <Kai1> I had 6 cups of coffee
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[00:25] * NARF (droid@hide-7B525774.tmodns.net) has joined #discord
[00:25] * MistressFreeky is freaking out
:lulz: :horrormirth:
I am very very very disappointed that there are no pictures :(
:lulz: I want to visit Tucson, seriously.
Mr. Language is visiting his family in August (WHO GOES TO FUCKING ARIZONA IN AUGUST???) and I'm kinda hoping I'll get invited along. If so, holy shit, I think an evening of SHEER EXCESS AND MAYHEM is in order!
I want to know:
1) How Dok can type coherently, even fucked up on cactus?
2) How can he even manage to stay in front of the keyboard?
You must take pictures, Freeky. It is absolutely necessary.
Quote from: Remington on June 06, 2010, 08:04:13 AM
You must take pictures, Freeky. It is absolutely necessary.
IMPERATIVE.
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on June 06, 2010, 08:05:00 AM
Quote from: Remington on June 06, 2010, 08:04:13 AM
You must take pictures, Freeky. It is absolutely necessary.
IMPERATIVE.
Too late, the monstrosity has been disassemled. So there
:crankey:
:argh!:
SKETCHES, THEN
MSPAINT IT LIKE A PRO
(http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y153/Meiintas/dildomachine.png)
Hmm, I think the problem was that it was on fire.
I am actually quite glad there were no pictures. They wouldn't do justice to the footage indelibly seared into my cerebral cortex by my imagination, and just might cause a paradox that would result in another horribly messy embolism.
Quote from: Rumckle on June 06, 2010, 09:39:56 AM
Hmm, I think the problem was that it was on fire.
It's not on fire!
This is the sort of picture that third graders make up uses for. Like an inkblot for mad science.
Quote from: Professor Freeky on June 06, 2010, 08:09:14 AM
Quote from: Ne+@uNGr0+ on June 06, 2010, 08:05:00 AM
Quote from: Remington on June 06, 2010, 08:04:13 AM
You must take pictures, Freeky. It is absolutely necessary.
IMPERATIVE.
Too late, the monstrosity has been disassemled. So there
Too bad. It could have been modified into a dildo cannon, which would have been pretty funny too.
Quote from: Richter on June 07, 2010, 04:54:06 PM
This is the sort of picture that third graders make up uses for. Like an inkblot for mad science.
Nobody SAID they wanted to be able to discern what was what. Do you know how hard it is to draw with a touchpad instead of a mouse?
That black stuff was motorized parts, the table lookind bit was a folding table, the brown upright thingies were some wood bits holding the motorized parts, and I assume you can figure out what the pink was.
Obviously it was the ID (Insertable device) of the assembly.
I know Dok was arranging some sort of spring contraption, but I envision somehtign ver difference from your drawing.
I see a gymnast's vaulting horse, hollowed and re-cored with a stator coil. The black thing on the brown upright is obviously then another, opposing stator on a guidepost, to which the ID is mounted. When activated, these two coild could rhythmically repel and attract to provide the necessary oscilating vertical motion. Careful calibration would make this a gentle force with variable speed. The downside is a power surge might, well, fuck the user through the roof.
Quote from: Richter on June 07, 2010, 05:36:31 PM
Obviously it was the ID (Insertable device) of the assembly.
I know Dok was arranging some sort of spring contraption, but I envision somehtign ver difference from your drawing.
I see a gymnast's vaulting horse, hollowed and re-cored with a stator coil. The black thing on the brown upright is obviously then another, opposing stator on a guidepost, to which the ID is mounted. When activated, these two coild could rhythmically repel and attract to provide the necessary oscilating vertical motion. Careful calibration would make this a gentle force with variable speed. The downside is a power surge might, well, fuck the user through the roof.
It was the window in this case.
Quote from: Richter on June 07, 2010, 05:36:31 PM
Obviously it was the ID (Insertable device) of the assembly.
I know Dok was arranging some sort of spring contraption, but I envision somehtign ver difference from your drawing.
I see a gymnast's vaulting horse, hollowed and re-cored with a stator coil. The black thing on the brown upright is obviously then another, opposing stator on a guidepost, to which the ID is mounted. When activated, these two coild could rhythmically repel and attract to provide the necessary oscilating vertical motion. Careful calibration would make this a gentle force with variable speed. The downside is a power surge might, well, fuck the user through the roof.
My design was more of a combination of a gynocologist's table with a reciprocating piston.
And a safety belt. You have to keep safety in mind with this sort of thing.
Good call. Someone could fall off and hurt themselves.
Quote from: Richter on June 07, 2010, 08:34:07 PM
Good call. Someone could fall off and hurt themselves.
You have to put safety first. Nobody wants to be the next OSHA video.
After all, you don't want it getting all out of control, and smashing the windows, and ending up "Penetralia Caninus Bobbitus" :lulz:
Quote from: BadBeast on June 07, 2010, 08:39:30 PM
After all, you don't want it getting all out of control, and smashing the windows, and ending up "Penetralia Caninus Bobbitus" :lulz:
I have an excuse! :argh!:
Remember Klaus, Dok?
Forklifts are damn dangerous, we know that, and I for the large part blame boredom and frustration. DOing things safe jsut doesn't OCCUR to people pressured to do a job fast, or people who get bored. It usually takes awhile though, but Klaus hit jsut about every mistake his first day out, with predictable results.
It was a little different, him beign a German native and all. No OSHA over there.
We used to write back and forth in high school, did I ever tell you that? EMail pen - pals, back when email was still soemthign new and special. He'd talk about his love of skateboarding, the books he'd read, all that sort of thing. I still want to stomp the morbid fucker who kept filming him instead of stepping in that day, Klaus might still be around.
It was a fuckign snuff film by the end of the day. Klaus had a warehouse tech still impaled screaming on each fork, as his headless body drove them off into the sunset. I don't know why the fuckign producer didn't have a latex clad cadre waiting to come out and fist his neck - hole while moaning "ya. ya." jsut a little too deep. Seriously, Klaus deserved better.
Quote from: Richter on June 07, 2010, 08:42:39 PM
Remember Klaus, Dok?
Forklifts are damn dangerous, we know that, and I for the large part blame boredom and frustration. DOing things safe jsut doesn't OCCUR to people pressured to do a job fast, or people who get bored. It usually takes awhile though, but Klaus hit jsut about every mistake his first day out, with predictable results.
It was a little different, him beign a German native and all. No OSHA over there.
We used to write back and forth in high school, did I ever tell you that? EMail pen - pals, back when email was still soemthign new and special. He'd talk about his love of skateboarding, the books he'd read, all that sort of thing. I still want to stomp the morbid fucker who kept filming him instead of stepping in that day, Klaus might still be around.
It was a fuckign snuff film by the end of the day. Klaus had a warehouse tech still impaled screaming on each fork, as his headless body drove them off into the sunset. I don't know why the fuckign producer didn't have a latex clad cadre waiting to come out and fist his neck - hole while moaning "ya. ya." jsut a little too deep. Seriously, Klaus deserved better.
:lulz:
Now my electricians think I've lost my mind.
Dok,
Laughing fit to bust.
It's a film that actually exisits too, as you may know, Dok. If by chance you haven't seen it, ask the youtube for "Forklift Driver Klaus" (It's Stappelerfurher Klaus or something in German.) (Also, LOL Stapler-Furher. Evokes images of Cram running a facist revolution, dramatic billboard images, and slogans of pranking dissobedience. Not to imply bad on Cram or say he'd ever start a REICHGASM, but it's a funny thought.)
I mentioned Klaus was a skater, right? There was one thing we never figured out. One of his emails went on about how he loves skateboarding on "Bowels". We figured he meant "Bowls", or twisty, turny concrete formations made specifically for intersting riding. Seeing his body count in that video though, we start to wonder.
The rest of my World Culture class from back then, they knew Klaus too, from the emails. We all don't talk much. When we do, I tried to tell them the news about Klaus, and if they knew any more. They all just shut up. It's hard to hear and all, and I may be the one from our graduating class more people want a piece of, but jeez, fill a brother in!
Maybe they jsut don't want to dwell on Klaus ending like that, poor guy. Guess if my classmates can't bear to think, I won't bring it up to them. Some may go back to their Brazilian soccer fanaticism, others to their coke, and the rest to (near as I can tell) their work at a Portugese figging parlor. People change Dok, same way as they don't.
Good times, good times.
:lulz:
Oh man, this thing had me cackling when it was going on.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 15, 2010, 02:56:52 PM
:lulz:
Oh man, this thing had me cackling when it was going on.
I was enjoying myself.
But Freeky, Enabler, and TGG won't let me have cactus anymore. :(
I remember the contraption ebing built, but "Bob" as my witness, I had no idea I wrote any of that!
OHGAWD MAYONAISE!
MAYONAISE!!!!! :x
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 15, 2010, 04:08:16 PM
OHGAWD MAYONAISE!
MAYONAISE!!!!! :x
I switched to miracle whip after reading this thread, but then the tanginess just made it so much worse.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 15, 2010, 04:12:20 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 15, 2010, 04:08:16 PM
OHGAWD MAYONAISE!
MAYONAISE!!!!! :x
I switched to miracle whip after reading this thread, but then the tanginess just made it so much worse.
:horrormirth: :horrormirth:
Some things are used for lube which lube should never be...
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 15, 2010, 03:02:25 PM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 15, 2010, 02:56:52 PM
:lulz:
Oh man, this thing had me cackling when it was going on.
I was enjoying myself.
But Freeky, Enabler, and TGG won't let me have cactus anymore. :(
I bet they will if you let them have some too. For science.
I find it kind of amusing that, towards the end of all that, I started looking up work and power conversions and shit like that, in a futile attempt to restore rational thinking in my mind after all that mad cackling. :lulz:
Tears were spilling off of my face and onto my keyboard that day. Good times.
Quote from: Cainad on October 17, 2010, 03:56:56 AM
I find it kind of amusing that, towards the end of all that, I started looking up work and power conversions and shit like that, in a futile attempt to restore rational thinking in my mind after all that mad cackling. :lulz:
Tears were spilling off of my face and onto my keyboard that day. Good times.
Likewise here, my throat and cheeks was sore from laughter
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 06:48:14 PM
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
I'm surprised you ever got over it. That kind of thing can have you waking up in a cold sweat 30 years later.
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 06:59:28 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 06:48:14 PM
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
I'm surprised you ever got over it. That kind of thing can have you waking up in a cold sweat 30 years later.
Well, this IS Tucson. There's always something far more awful just around the next corner.
I just nearly peed myself. :lulz:
I also kinda want one...
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 06:59:28 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 06:48:14 PM
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
I'm surprised you ever got over it. That kind of thing can have you waking up in a cold sweat 30 years later.
Well, this IS Tucson. There's always something far more awful just around the next corner.
So what are the origins of Tuscon? Why did people settle there in the first place?
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 07:10:51 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 06:59:28 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 06:48:14 PM
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
I'm surprised you ever got over it. That kind of thing can have you waking up in a cold sweat 30 years later.
Well, this IS Tucson. There's always something far more awful just around the next corner.
So what are the origins of Tuscon? Why did people settle there in the first place?
Dok would be able to tell you better than I could.
If it's anything like Texas, we sent a bunch of gringos into a part of Mexico to overthrow the local government and become part of the US
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 17, 2010, 07:57:55 PM
If it's anything like Texas, we sent a bunch of gringos into a part of Mexico to overthrow the local government and become part of the US
Was that Davy Crockett, and the Alamo?
Tucson is merely the logical progression which includes amongst many others: Persepolis (one of many concurrent), Carthage (rebuilt several times before we finally got them to "fuckin' stop it already"), Moslem Jerusalem, Paris or London or Madrid or Berlin (depending on where your loyaltys lay at any given time), Moscow and Beijing.
Tucson is all of these. And worse. And very much less.
It is a requirement, an eternal constant. It must always exist, and each must be greater than the last.
Alexander never left Persepolis, he carried it on his back - leaving him broken. Carthage only finally fell when Rome was sacked, and its screams were both the birthing yelp and the lullaby of Imperial Rome. All the others are still with us, tearing shit up.
There is no terminus on the Lost Highway. There are only service stations.
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 07:10:51 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 07:02:46 PM
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 06:59:28 PM
Quote from: Mistress Freeky, HRN on October 17, 2010, 06:48:14 PM
Yeah, that was pretty hilarious, once I got over it. :lol:
I'm surprised you ever got over it. That kind of thing can have you waking up in a cold sweat 30 years later.
Well, this IS Tucson. There's always something far more awful just around the next corner.
So what are the origins of Tuscon? Why did people settle there in the first place?
Tucson has always existed.
In fact, Tucson is the only place that exists. If you try to drive out on I-10, you wind up driving in the other side, like in Pac Man. Rumors exist of "other cities", but that's fantasy on the level of unicorns and fairies. I mean, WHY would there be anywhere else? Everything is here.
It's one of those Cities in America that no-one (here) has ever been to. I know plenty of people who have been to America, even spent a year or two there, travelling around, New York, Detroit, Boston, Seattle, Vegas, LA, San Francisco, New Orleans, Dallas, even Orlando, but no-one ever seems to have Tuscon on their ''Places I saw in Amerca'' stoplist. The only person I can think of who ever went there, was fictional and in a Beatles song. (And even then, he spent the rest of the song trying to get back)
Maybe, as suggested in this thread, it really is Mythical, like Shangri-La, or Moorcock's Tanelorn, only instead of being the City that wanderers spend lifetimes trying to discover it's whereabouts, Tuscon kind of sucks people in, without them realising quite where they are, then they spend eternity stuck there, trying to get out. A bit like Swindon, but without the year round cloud cover.
And it's name is an anagram of ''So, Cunt''!
Not that that means anything, I'm sure it's a lovely place to live. But nowI just can't get the ''PacMan'' analogy out of my head. With Dok running round munching Cactus buttons, pretending to let those ghosts hunt him down, then getting his Horrorup on, and chewing the bastards to shreds. Sweet. :)
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 11:17:07 PM
It's one of those Cities in America that no-one (here) has ever been to. I know plenty of people who have been to America, even spent a year or two there, travelling around, New York, Detroit, Boston, Seattle, Vegas, LA, San Francisco, New Orleans, Dallas, even Orlando, but no-one ever seems to have Tuscon on their ''Places I saw in Amerca'' stoplist. The only person I can think of who ever went there, was fictional and in a Beatles song. (And even then, he spent the rest of the song trying to get back)
That's because if people come here, they stay here.
QuoteAnd it's name is an anagram of ''So, Cunt''!
:lulz:
POST OF THE YEAR.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 17, 2010, 11:44:16 PM
Quote from: BadBeast on October 17, 2010, 11:17:07 PM
It's one of those Cities in America that no-one (here) has ever been to. I know plenty of people who have been to America, even spent a year or two there, travelling around, New York, Detroit, Boston, Seattle, Vegas, LA, San Francisco, New Orleans, Dallas, even Orlando, but no-one ever seems to have Tuscon on their ''Places I saw in Amerca'' stoplist. The only person I can think of who ever went there, was fictional and in a Beatles song. (And even then, he spent the rest of the song trying to get back)
That's because if people come here, they stay here.
QuoteAnd it's name is an anagram of ''So, Cunt''!
:lulz:
POST OF THE YEAR.
:thanks: