When God loves you, he gives you hodgekin's disease!
:x
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
\
:mullet:
Your sins give you the disease, it's part of gods plan.
God does these things to test us, to check for...spiritual soundness. Sometimes he does these things just to keep us in check or, like any parent, God must occasionaly punish his children.
The Good News is, God always forgives. There's always a way to redeem yourself if you put forth enough effort. A lifetime of effort, maybe.
Who can say but The Lord? His Day may come any day, so it's best to just be prepared.
Compared to Ass Ebola, it is good news.
God is a dick with terrible aim.
This does not give me good hope for the special mass being held for my cousin tomorrow :|
Quote from: Requia ☣ on August 23, 2010, 12:27:42 AM
This does not give me good hope for the special mass being held for my cousin tomorrow :|
JESUS LOVES YOU
:horrormirth:
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 23, 2010, 03:35:44 AM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on August 23, 2010, 12:27:42 AM
This does not give me good hope for the special mass being held for my cousin tomorrow :|
JESUS LOVES YOU
:horrormirth:
AND TO PROVE IT HE WILL GIVE YOU BUTTSECKS
No really, that WAS the sermon. That when shit happens to you, don't ask why because it's irrelevant, however the why is because God loves you. What the fuck? Sometimes I hate people. :|
Quote from: Charley Brown on August 23, 2010, 03:36:45 AM
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 23, 2010, 03:35:44 AM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on August 23, 2010, 12:27:42 AM
This does not give me good hope for the special mass being held for my cousin tomorrow :|
JESUS LOVES YOU
:horrormirth:
AND TO PROVE IT HE WILL GIVE YOU BUTTSECKS
OF GODLIKE PROPORTIONS
AND ALSO
AIDS
Buttsex with Jesus would be horribly uncomfortable, I'd spend the whole thing thinking about how many people he's 'loved' and that he has extra love for those with horrible diseases.
Not to mention the lack of sanitation back then. Sand gets everywhere.
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 23, 2010, 03:37:06 AM
No really, that WAS the sermon. That when shit happens to you, don't ask why because it's irrelevant, however the why is because God loves you. What the fuck? Sometimes I hate people. :|
It reminds me of the "milk-jug" argument,
Pray to God(or a milk-jug it makes no difference) and ask for something?
Did you get it? If you got what you asked for its because God/the milk jug in his infinite love decided to
bestow it upon you PRAISE GOD/THE MILK JUG!
If you didnt get what you asked for then God/the milk jug in his infinite wisdom decided you didnt need it(even if "it" was your cancer going away),
PRAISE GOD/THE MILK JUG!
Quote from: Kingderp on August 23, 2010, 04:36:00 AM
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 23, 2010, 03:37:06 AM
No really, that WAS the sermon. That when shit happens to you, don't ask why because it's irrelevant, however the why is because God loves you. What the fuck? Sometimes I hate people. :|
It reminds me of the "milk-jug" argument,
Pray to God(or a milk-jug it makes no difference) and ask for something?
Did you get it? If you got what you asked for its because God/the milk jug in his infinite love decided to
bestow it upon you PRAISE GOD/THE MILK JUG!
If you didnt get what you asked for then God/the milk jug in his infinite wisdom decided you didnt need it(even if "it" was your cancer going away),
PRAISE GOD/THE MILK JUG!
(http://assuefazione.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/noodly_appendage.jpg?w=500)
So with two serious relationships with women who either had or developed cancer over the course of it, then recovered after it was over, does that make me an instrument of god?
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on August 23, 2010, 10:15:15 PM
So with two serious relationships with women who either had or developed cancer over the course of it, then recovered after it was over, does that make me an instrument of god?
No, it makes you radioactive. Use a lead condom next time.
In Christianity, bad shit happens to you because he LOVES YOU bitch, and don't make him do it again. :argh!:
In Discordianism, bad shit happens to you because Eris is crazy and you're the butt of her joke. :lulz:
Item number one is more like item number two, but item number two is more honest about it.
From a theistic perspective of course.
They avoided the whole 'why did this happen' question entirely and just focused on the 'she's with god now' thing.
HUMAN: OH FUCK! AIDS!
GOD: I MADED U A PREZANT, CUZ I LUV U! <3
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 24, 2010, 08:39:30 AM
HUMAN: OH FUCK! AIDS!
GOD: I MADED U A PREZANT, CUZ I LUV U! <3
God didnt make AIDS because he loves us. He made every other disease because he loves us, AIDS was made to punish you for being gay.
Which is why 90 something percent of the people who have it are straight :lulz:
So they say.
They can try to fool me, but you can't fool God.
SEKRIT HOMOSEXICLEZ
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 04:38:11 AM
SEKRIT HOMOSEXICLEZ
That sounds like a Greek Demigod. Homosexicles, son of Zeus and Ganymede. Oh what adventures he has.
HA!
Homosexicles.
It begs a parable or two, doesn't it?
Quote from: Charley Brown on August 23, 2010, 03:36:45 AM
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 23, 2010, 03:35:44 AM
Quote from: Requia ☣ on August 23, 2010, 12:27:42 AM
This does not give me good hope for the special mass being held for my cousin tomorrow :|
JESUS LOVES YOU
:horrormirth:
AND TO PROVE IT HE WILL GIVE YOU BUTTSECKS
that's how my priest justified it.
Misatribution on some of this. God didn't give me nightmares about bedbugs and a calf cramp at 3am. It was my low intake of water and potassium, and the fact that my subconscious is an asshole.
LOGIC IS THE WORK OF SATAN RICHTER! :argh!:
Quote from: Doktor Blight on August 25, 2010, 04:39:47 AM
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 04:38:11 AM
SEKRIT HOMOSEXICLEZ
That sounds like a Greek Demigod. Homosexicles, son of Zeus and Ganymede. Oh what adventures he has.
or a gay sex Popsicle. :fap:
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 08:31:04 PM
LOGIC IS THE WORK OF SATAN RICHTER! :argh!:
Quote from: Doktor Blight on August 25, 2010, 04:39:47 AM
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 04:38:11 AM
SEKRIT HOMOSEXICLEZ
That sounds like a Greek Demigod. Homosexicles, son of Zeus and Ganymede. Oh what adventures he has.
or a gay sex Popsicle. :fap:
Or the Greek Demigod of GAY SEX POPSICLES!
NOW THAT'S A GOD I CAN GET BEHIND
:fap:
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 09:32:33 PM
NOW THAT'S A GOD I CAN GET BEHIND
:fap:
Well sure. If he gets behind you, you're going to feel something very cold.
Quote from: BLARFINGARF on August 25, 2010, 09:32:33 PM
NOW THAT'S A GOD I CAN GET BEHIND
:fap:
:rimshot:
:bsex:
OKAY YOU FUCKERS. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LIP! AS GODDESS OF BEND YUOR SPACE/TIME HRONY, IT IS MY DUTY AND MY PRIVELEGE TO FUCKING EVERYTHING BECAUSE I FRUSTRATED ANYTHING!
RAAAAAH!
Please allow 4-6 business weeks for results to occur. Non refundable.
eep.