A few of my roommates have these extremely negative and hostile reactions to very mundane occurrences. It puts me on edge.
Yesterday, we were driving to the bagel store for breakfast. Sunday was apparently Race day in Tarrytown. There were a lot of people on bikes, wearing numbers as if they were in a race. This set my roommate off for some reason.
First he was bitching about how shitty the bikers are for being in the street and getting in everybody's way. They're acting like they're cars! Oh god oh god. They think they're so important, but it's so shitty of them to bike on roads. People have places to go, can't they understand that? God I hate stupid people.... Except that the bikers weren't in our way, they were actually on another road. And my roommate, the one excreting all this anger, doesn't even drive.
We parked, and got in line at the bagel store. There were some runners from this local prep school standing behind us in line. They were clearly a track team, all wearing matching t-shirts and running shorts. After we sat down, my roommate got so worked up over these kids. They didn't talk to us or even look at us, but he hated their tight shorts. He was outraged because he could see their butts. "You shouldn't be wearing fucking banana hammocks in public!" and swearing and gnashing and getting all worked up over these kids. "Self improvement REALLY IS masturbation!"
The irony of the situation is that his vulgar screed was pissing off the family sitting next to us and he wasn't even aware. His ranting was far more objectionable and offensive than some guys on bikes, or some high school kids wearing jogging shorts.
When the rant crescendoed in a tirade about how we should line these people up and kill them with shot guns, I was like, "Woah... take a breath, dude. It's just shorts." And he calmed down, he realized he had been in hate mode all morning for basically no reason... eventually he got fixated again on some mundane thing and got all twisted out of shape about it.
I've gotta keep that kind of negativity at arm's length -- it can really infect you.
It's so easy to hate on "stupid people". And it feels very rewarding to be outraged. But it's not a fun vibe to be around.
I found myself wondering how to orient myself to it. I wanted to object to his objections. I wanted to say, "dude, we're in a public space, sometimes you're going to see things you don't like and you're gonna hafta deal with it." But I also myself didn't want to get consumed by the critical nitpicky energy. If I wanted to preach tolerance, maybe the best thing was to practice tolerance and keep my mouth shut. And just remove myself from the situations which piss me off so much.
Your friend is retarded and should be shot. Is he overweight or out of shape? Maybe that is why he is hating on the cyclists and runners.
Anger is exciting, even when it's meaningless. It feels good. It is a drug.
The best prognosis possible: He gains some self-awareness and learns to channel his anger in humorous or instructive ways like Dok Howl does.
That sort of thing takes time and some other stuff I haven't discovered yet.
I've had days where I felt like that, but very rarely ever acted like that (not that I've never gotten all bent outta shape over pointless crap). I have, however, spent a lot of time experiencing the same kind of discomfort you describe; the person you're hanging out with is raising their hackles over nearly everything, to the point where you kind of don't want to be hanging out with them until they calm the fuck down.
Maybe they just think they're being like Lewis Black. That would be an easier fix.
Have them read Nonsense as Salvation from the PD, (if they haven't already) and ask them what they think about it.
Cram I so totally feel you!
Two days ago my friend called me, to confirm about hanging out on Sunday, except he was on his bike (which is completely accepted behaviour in the Netherlands) and after about 2 seconds in the phonecall, before he had said anything except "hi" he got cut off by a car or another bike or whatever I forgot and started ranting that he had right of way and explaining me the situation in traffic over there (whereever that was) in full detail and blahblah and indeed they should be shot with shotguns, against a wall.
And I was just finished running and therefore tired and therefore cut him short and asked him what was up.
And so he confirmed about handing out on Sunday and so we did and we watched Machete which is totally about shooting people with shotguns and cutting them up with machetes sometimes without any provocation whatsoever as long as it looks damn cool and we had a great time. Also, pizza.
And that's the story.
(PS it has no moral, but I'm with you)
I exhibit irrational hatred and rage over incredibly mundane things...Because it's the mundane things that piss me off. The drab, day-to-day little stones they pile on your back, the people who make life more difficult an miserable just because they can.
Yeah, the lady at the DMV who lives to make people start over again, at the back of the line after 4 hours of waiting. The cop who pulled my son over on a ridiculous pretext because there were 4 teenagers in a jeep on a Saturday night. Yes, the bicyclists who WON'T use the fucking bike lane (the damn thing is 3.5' wide). Also, the shitbag bluehair snowbird doing 55 in a 65, in the fast lane, as if it is his/her patriotic duty to see that we don't go too fast. The entitled fat slob in the SUV with the handicapped plates, which he/she has for being morbidly obese, taking up the handicapped spot that should be more properly going to people who are actually crippled...The same asshole in the supermarket who rammed her mobility scooter into my leg because I arrived at the deli counter just before she did, damn near breaking my fucking ankle.
Yes, Cram, it's the little things, the small things that, by themselves, are very minor issues. They pile up and pile up and then one day you're up a water tower screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS! YEAH, SEE!" like James Cagney on crack. It's really only a matter of time, man. They'll get us all in the end.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 27, 2010, 04:34:38 PM
I exhibit irrational hatred and rage over incredibly mundane things...Because it's the mundane things that piss me off. The drab, day-to-day little stones they pile on your back, the people who make life more difficult an miserable just because they can.
Yeah, the lady at the DMV who lives to make people start over again, at the back of the line after 4 hours of waiting. The cop who pulled my son over on a ridiculous pretext because there were 4 teenagers in a jeep on a Saturday night. Yes, the bicyclists who WON'T use the fucking bike lane (the damn thing is 3.5' wide). Also, the shitbag bluehair snowbird doing 55 in a 65, in the fast lane, as if it is his/her patriotic duty to see that we don't go too fast. The entitled fat slob in the SUV with the handicapped plates, which he/she has for being morbidly obese, taking up the handicapped spot that should be more properly going to people who are actually crippled...The same asshole in the supermarket who rammed her mobility scooter into my leg because I arrived at the deli counter just before she did, damn near breaking my fucking ankle.
Yes, Cram, it's the little things, the small things that, by themselves, are very minor issues. They pile up and pile up and then one day you're up a water tower screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS! YEAH, SEE!" like James Cagney on crack. It's really only a matter of time, man. They'll get us all in the end.
This, plus the bitch who flips me off because I beeped my horn after SHE ran a stop sign almost smashing my car with her SUV.
For better or for worse, I tend to be a people pleaser. I like to be happy and see everyone else happy and we're all happy. Yay! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and be nice to everyone unless given reason not too. I WANT to see the good in humanity. Maybe that's why I take the ignorance, rudeness, laziness, selfishness, self-entitlement, bigotry of other people so personally. I am no saint, but I try to go by "I'm fine, you're fine" and even still try to go by "maybe they're just having a bad day too" when something pisses me off. But it is EVERYWHERE, and much of it more than just a bad day. And I see these behaviors emerging in kids of these people and it disgusts me even more. It eats away to the point that I am amazed at the amount of contempt I feel for humanity at times.
My ire may not be directed to track teams and the like, but ranting and raving helps (granted, I tend to not do it in such a way that causes a seen or offends other uninvolved individuals). If I bottled up everything that made me angry, I would probably be a very angry person. I'm not going to sit and flip out if someone accidentally bumps into me and spills a drink on my shoe, but if bitching about the girl that almost changed lanes right into me because she was talking on the phone, helps me get over it and move on with my day, I will.
Granted, it can work the other way too. I've been ready to strangle the next person that looked at me the wrong way and someone will do something so stupidly simple, but nice, that it cheers me up and gives me just a little bit of faith that not everyone is a self-centered, stupid asshole. Letting me go ahead in line because I have only one thing, while their basket is full, letting me set something heavy in their carriage while we wait, even just a polite gesture can mean something when it feels like those habits are fading fast.
When I'm running around trying to keep my head above water and still find some enjoyment out of life, it's not always easy to look at the big picture. It really is a lot of the little things that make a huge difference.
Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning. They signify truths about the world we live in.
This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 27, 2010, 06:24:03 PM
Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning. They signify truths about the world we live in.
This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.
You haven't seen me lose my shit in the welding shed. :lulz:
I'm with the good Dok on this one I'm afraid. Ranting is an art and must be practised at any available opportunity in order to prevent atrophy of the hate gland. I'll go off on one over the slightest little thing and the conclusion usually involves invading a large-ish country and lining every man woman and child up against a wall and blowing their brains out because that's where rants lead - it's the fucking rules, goddamnit! The key is do it with style, with humour, with an odd sense of detachment that kinda runs contrary to the veins popping out on your neck but above all you gotta do it.
Cram, i think your friend suffers from misdirected anger.
Quote from: Doktor Vitriol on September 27, 2010, 07:17:30 PM
I'm with the good Dok on this one I'm afraid. Ranting is an art and must be practised at any available opportunity in order to prevent atrophy of the hate gland. I'll go off on one over the slightest little thing and the conclusion usually involves invading a large-ish country and lining every man woman and child up against a wall and blowing their brains out because that's where rants lead - it's the fucking rules, goddamnit! The key is do it with style, with humour, with an odd sense of detachment that kinda runs contrary to the veins popping out on your neck but above all you gotta do it.
Like the man said, "Shit your hate, or you will DIE!"
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 27, 2010, 06:26:33 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 27, 2010, 06:24:03 PM
Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning. They signify truths about the world we live in.
This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.
You haven't seen me lose my shit in the welding shed. :lulz:
At least when
your apoplectic towering rage is completely meaningless, it's fun to watch. :lol:
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 27, 2010, 07:24:15 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 27, 2010, 06:26:33 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 27, 2010, 06:24:03 PM
Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning. They signify truths about the world we live in.
This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.
You haven't seen me lose my shit in the welding shed. :lulz:
At least when your apoplectic towering rage is completely meaningless, it's fun to watch. :lol:
That's what my crew says. :lulz:
there is totally a time and a place for ranting. And there are tons of topics which NEED ranting about.
What I'm describing here is a more generalized negativity that brings down everybody around you. This was my Sunday morning - I wanted to relax, hang out with friends, nosh on a bagel and coffee. But it wasn't relaxing - I spent 20 minutes listening to somebody bitch about trivial stuff which doesn't hurt anybody.
And this is a greater theme, I think. I know a LOT of people that only have one mode - criticism. I think my roommate gets off on being judgmental, it makes him feel empowered. The other day he was ranting about conservatives and what goonfucks they are. At some point during the monologue I pointed out a flaw in his reasoning and it launched him into this epic screed about how stupid republicans are and how they don't understand America. By the end it wasn't even a response to what I said, he was just channeling disgust.
Ultimately, I find that people who are disgusted all the time are no fun to hang out with.
My GF has shades of the same problem - it's not that she's critical, but she is often very pessimistic and negative. She gets fixated on problems and dismissive of solutions. Sometimes people get very protective of their bad mood - at a certain point you just have to back away slowly.
related: http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/08/11/catharsis/
The Misconception: Venting your anger is an effective way to reduce stress and prevent lashing out at friends and family.
The Truth: Venting increases aggressive behavior over time.
Quote from: Cramulus on September 27, 2010, 07:38:43 PM
related: http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/08/11/catharsis/
The Misconception: Venting your anger is an effective way to reduce stress and prevent lashing out at friends and family.
The Truth: Venting increases aggressive behavior over time.
I fail to see why this is undesirable. You would, too, if you were me.
Quote from: Cramulus on September 27, 2010, 07:37:02 PM
there is totally a time and a place for ranting. And there are tons of topics which NEED ranting about.
Yes. There are approximately 6,835,000,000 topics that need ranting about.
I think the difference between healthy rant and unhealthy whining is where your friend is maybe falling between the cracks. Ranting is powerful and it's inclusive - the person whom the rant is being imparted upon must either be actively participating or passively entertained. Your mate sounds more like a moaner than a ranter to me. An important distinction.
Yeah. I still maintain that it's a drug. It does feel good to get all righteous and full of vinegar. It's easy to lose perspective when you're channeling righteous wrath.
I like this bit:
QuoteIf you get into an argument, or someone cuts you off in traffic, or you get called an awful name, venting will not dissipate the negative energy. It will, however, feel great.
That's the thing. Catharsis will make you feel good, but it's an emotional hamster wheel. The emotion which led you to catharsis will still be there afterward, and if it made you feel good, you'll seek it out again in the future.
Video games, horror movies, romance novels – all fun, but no psychologist would prescribe these outlets as a cure for anger or fear or loneliness.
Flailing in a mosh pit or screaming along to death metal doesn't release your demons, it prolongs your angst.
Smashing plates or kicking doors after a fight with a roommate, spouse or lover doesn't redirect your fury, it perpetuates your rancor.
If you spank your children while infuriated, remember you are reinforcing something inside yourself.
Common sense says venting is an important way to ease tension, but common sense is wrong. Venting – catharsis – is pouring fuel into a fire.
I read that.
And even though I know that venting is bad emotional hygiene, I still do it sometimes. I don't believe in completely subverting my anger reflex, even though I could.
It would make me seem less human to others, and it would rob me of a primal side of myself that has a lot of vitality.
Ranting for me is a creative act. It's reinforcing the distinction between me and the ingorant fuckheads that comprise the majority of the human race. And they are ignorant fuckheads, oh yes. And I refuse to not feel like they deserve my scorn. And I will make you laugh when I pour said scorn upon them. That's the creative part. Fuck turning the other cheek. Fuck pretending that stupidity and ignorance is somehow acceptable if the majority is practicing it. Fuck live and let live. :argh!:
Quote from: Sigmatic on September 27, 2010, 07:51:19 PM
I read that.
And even though I know that venting is bad emotional hygiene, I still do it sometimes. I don't believe in completely subverting my anger reflex, even though I could.
It would make me seem less human to others, and it would rob me of a primal side of myself that has a lot of vitality.
totally. LHX wrote really well about that - http://blackironprison.com/index.php?title=Pipe_Bombs
get angry, but DO something with that anger!
I think that's the best explanation of "shit your hate or you will die" I've read...
Quote from: Doktor Vitriol on September 27, 2010, 07:53:36 PM
Ranting for me is a creative act. It's reinforcing the distinction between me and the ingorant fuckheads that comprise the majority of the human race. And they are ignorant fuckheads, oh yes. And I refuse to not feel like they deserve my scorn. And I will make you laugh when I pour said scorn upon them. That's the creative part. Fuck turning the other cheek. Fuck pretending that stupidity and ignorance is somehow acceptable if the majority is practicing it. Fuck live and let live. :argh!:
This.
For the love of God, this.
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24047.msg823476#msg823476
Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 08, 2010, 11:09:07 AM
And rage is bad for you. In hindsight, needing rage to act is a sign of laziness, and you typically miss your intended target...
I know im taking this quote out of context, and regardless of how it may seem, it is not a jab.
I keep it in my bottom quotes always because -not only making Roger more "charismatic" so to speak- it is a posture i deeply agree with.
See, i think "hating" something is fine, but i dont think "raging" is, for raging muddles ones own thought process, you lose yourself in the moment - and taking a step back and nit-picking what/how/why something angers you gives you much useful insight.
Also, screeching about something that annoys you to your friends, is the equivalent of screeching
at your friends.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on September 27, 2010, 08:04:15 PM
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24047.msg823476#msg823476
Quote from: Doktor Howl on February 08, 2010, 11:09:07 AM
And rage is bad for you. In hindsight, needing rage to act is a sign of laziness, and you typically miss your intended target...
I know im taking this quote out of context, and regardless of how it may seem, it is not a jab.
I keep it in my bottom quotes always because -not only making Roger more "charismatic" so to speak- it is a posture i deeply agree with.
See, i think "hating" something is fine, but i dont think "raging" is, for raging muddles ones own thought process, you lose yourself in the moment - and taking a step back and nit-picking what/how/why something angers you gives you much useful insight.
Also, screeching about something that annoys you to your friends, is the equivalent of screechingat your friends.
I was all fucked up on bad head chemistry when I wrote that drivel.
Rage keeps me warm on cold desert nights.
You know what I think it is, largely?
I don't think the anger itself is the only thing worth mentioning. Maybe it's just as important to notice that Cram's friend also seems to be completely unable to read his audience while ranting. Taking an audience for granted is no good. Maybe that's more fixable than chronic meaningless rage.
Ok, I think I finally got it. I've been trying to post in this thread for a while, but I got stymied.
When Dok rages and rants, he takes the small, annyoing frustrations, but then he ties them into a larger narrative, and strikes at the cholesterol-clogged heart of the human condition.
What Cram's friend does is bitch about being mildly inconvenienced.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 27, 2010, 08:11:44 PM
Ok, I think I finally got it. I've been trying to post in this thread for a while, but I got stymied.
When Dok rages and rants, he takes the small, annyoing frustrations, but then he ties them into a larger narrative, and strikes at the cholesterol-clogged heart of the human condition.
What Cram's friend does is bitch about being mildly inconvenienced.
I still don't get the part about the track team. :?
We live in a nation of fat bastards, and this guy is mad because some people are doing something healthy?
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 27, 2010, 08:15:32 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 27, 2010, 08:11:44 PM
Ok, I think I finally got it. I've been trying to post in this thread for a while, but I got stymied.
When Dok rages and rants, he takes the small, annyoing frustrations, but then he ties them into a larger narrative, and strikes at the cholesterol-clogged heart of the human condition.
What Cram's friend does is bitch about being mildly inconvenienced.
I still don't get the part about the track team. :?
We live in a nation of fat bastards, and this guy is mad because some people are doing something healthy?
Which is why I think Cram's friend must be fat or out of shape or couldn't make the cut in high school for track.
Commenting on the shorts points to self-hating closeted homophobia.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 27, 2010, 08:15:32 PM
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 27, 2010, 08:11:44 PM
Ok, I think I finally got it. I've been trying to post in this thread for a while, but I got stymied.
When Dok rages and rants, he takes the small, annyoing frustrations, but then he ties them into a larger narrative, and strikes at the cholesterol-clogged heart of the human condition.
What Cram's friend does is bitch about being mildly inconvenienced.
I still don't get the part about the track team. :?
We live in a nation of fat bastards, and this guy is mad because some people are doing something healthy?
yeah that was what was so baffling to me, too. Part of his was about people that need to show off. Like people who always dress in gym clothes, it communicates to everybody how active and fit you are. He thought that was masturbatory.
"What's wrong with masturbation?" I asked
"Nothing," he said after a long pause, "as long as you don't do it in public."
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 27, 2010, 08:11:44 PM
When Dok rages and rants, he takes the small, annyoing frustrations, but then he ties them into a larger narrative, and strikes at the cholesterol-clogged heart of the human condition.
What Cram's friend does is bitch about being mildly inconvenienced.
yeah, I agree there. Dok's rage has better aim than my buddy's. Part of the greater point though (and to be clear, this is directed at my roommate) is that it's no fun to hang around people that are critical and disgusted all the time.
Quote from: Doktor Alphapance on September 27, 2010, 08:17:11 PM
Commenting on the shorts points to self-hating closeted homophobia.
Quote from: Cudgel on September 27, 2010, 08:17:00 PM
Which is why I think Cram's friend must be fat or out of shape or couldn't make the cut in high school for track.
while he may have annoyed me on Sunday, to be clear - he's not a closet homophobe or a fat ass. He has tons of redeeming qualities. But when he gets in a foul mood he's frustrating to be around.
Quote from: Cramulus on September 27, 2010, 08:22:57 PM
yeah, I agree there. Dok's rage has better aim than my buddy's. Part of the greater point though (and to be clear, this is directed at my roommate) is that it's no fun to hang around people that are critical and disgusted all the time.
What's funny is that one or two people I met in Boston expected me to be like that. :lulz:
There's a time and a place for everything.
yeah man, I imagine a lot of people who only know you on the net would be surprised to find out what an agreeable and good humored dude you are.
Quote from: Cramulus on September 27, 2010, 08:25:58 PM
yeah man, I imagine a lot of people who only know you on the net would be surprised to find out what an agreeable and good humored dude you are.
:oops:
Again, there's a time and a place for everything. I can be a rat bastard if the situation requires it...But I prefer to be nice, if that's possible. In Boston it was more than possible...It's a really nice town, and those of you whom I met are really nice people.
Tucson and Chicago, not so much.
I totally agree with Cram's point about the hostility, and it got me thinking about how much of it I spew myself.
Dok's example, like it was pointed out, has more purpose, and I've always tried to do this. (My "Scum under the shelves", and "Celtic Cheese" rants beign two of my personal favorites.) It's not JUST about venting hate publicly, it's about makign it moving, interesting, or at the very least funny. (Ideas and more examples per Warren Ellis.)
As far as the gym shorts, or offensive clothing in general, I'd rather wince because of someone else exploiting a freedom we all share, than not have it. In the case of clothing, architecture, art, child discipline, driving, etc., I also MUST have the freedom of speach to comment on it.
The kids have the right to wear silly pance, roomie has the right to rant, and we ALL have the right to tell him to STFU before we throw his hateful sour ass out the temple.
(Exception: Spandex needs to be a controlled product. You should need a licence, display a certain nonenveloping or rolling form, and pass a written exam about when it's wearing is acceptable. This must be renewed yearly.)
I like my rage with a side of funny. That's one thing Dok is good at... he's so good-humored and fun to hang out with, and when he's raging he knows how to interject the horror with mirth in all the right places.
You guys all came to the same conclusion I was thinking of while reading this: it's a time, place and audience factor this guy was missing. And I don't blame Cram for not wanting to get HIS hate on at the same time. Especially since the guy was on and on about shit that really wasn't inconveniencing him, just vaguely annoying to notice.
What a waste of rage and a pleasant Sunday afternoon. Like as not, something internal was making him unhappy...
Hate Wide Open! :lulz: That's genius, somehow. It needs to be USED.
Hate is the law.
Hate under will.
(http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i312/P3nT4gR4m/AlolsterCrowlulz.jpg)
So while at the phone shop getting new screen protectors,
This old woman with a bible school size (who used to have FREE IRAN stickers all over it) mini van attempts to sign up two rugrats to her plan, sie they didn't look over ten, and her check wasn't accepted by the machine. She's bitching infront of the kids then storms out of the store. Sales clerk says "have a nice day" you could hear the silence as old woman slams the door.
Only to come back in store and complains clerk didn't give her back her ID, which seeing that it was on the counter infront so behind computer and the clerks reach. The blond sales girl giggles "see I gave it back to you, your the one who didn't pick it up, Hope you have a nice day"
Old woman snaps now that her whatevers are in the car and out of earsight saying how rude it was of the girl to say have a nice day when she's clearly not and if it would be better service to say I'm sorry and be all apologized like. Clerk replies "no your being rude this entire time. I ran your check three times, so whatever is bugging you I hope it gets better HAVE A NICE DAY"
Leaving I hold the door for the customer who really needs to relax o wait too late she speeds out of the parking lot only to get pulled over by the police :lulz:
Quote from: Pēleus on October 01, 2010, 08:32:24 PM
So while at the phone shop getting new screen protectors,
This old woman with a bible school size (who used to have FREE IRAN stickers all over it) mini van attempts to sign up two rugrats to her plan, sie they didn't look over ten, and her check wasn't accepted by the machine. She's bitching infront of the kids then storms out of the store. Sales clerk says "have a nice day" you could hear the silence as old woman slams the door.
Only to come back in store and complains clerk didn't give her back her ID, which seeing that it was on the counter infront so behind computer and the clerks reach. The blond sales girl giggles "see I gave it back to you, your the one who didn't pick it up, Hope you have a nice day"
Old woman snaps now that her whatevers are in the car and out of earsight saying how rude it was of the girl to say have a nice day when she's clearly not and if it would be better service to say I'm sorry and be all apologized like. Clerk replies "no your being rude this entire time. I ran your check three times, so whatever is bugging you I hope it gets better HAVE A NICE DAY"
Leaving I hold the door for the customer who really needs to relax o wait too late she speeds out of the parking lot only to get pulled over by the police :lulz:
:lulz:
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Cy1suq91vBA/SL6aEIESrbI/AAAAAAAABSA/7k3pC025M7M/s320/simpsons_nelson_hah.jpg)
I had a great day, and have nothing to complain about.
This pisses me off.
I reread 48 Laws of Power recently. One of the Laws is something like "spurn the misfortuned, surround yourself with the fortunate". IOW, surround yourself with positive, empowered people, and stay far away from negative pessimistic people. The people I surround myself with affect my growth. If I surround myself with genuinely happy people, I will tend to become more happy. On the other hand, surrounding myself with depressed people will probably make me more depressed. Whatever qualities I desire myself, those are the people I should spend time with.
Which is the point by which I come to this rant. There is a time and place for anger, but frankly, getting upset at things like kids in tight running shorts or cyclists on the road (assuming they are doing it safely) is not worth my time and effort. And I really don't want to be around someone that gets pissed off at such little things, because it's going to negatively effect my attitude.
^ This.
It sounds to me like Cram's roommate is just needlessly bitching. Those aren't the kind of things worth getting worked up over.
Odd. I reread it like three days ago.
Even though I have to deal with unlucky miserable people (can't escape roommates or family), I don't let it into my head like I used to.
Quote from: Kai on October 03, 2010, 12:25:24 AM
I reread 48 Laws of Power recently. One of the Laws is something like "spurn the misfortuned, surround yourself with the fortunate". IOW, surround yourself with positive, empowered people, and stay far away from negative pessimistic people. The people I surround myself with affect my growth. If I surround myself with genuinely happy people, I will tend to become more happy. On the other hand, surrounding myself with depressed people will probably make me more depressed. Whatever qualities I desire myself, those are the people I should spend time with.
Which is the point by which I come to this rant. There is a time and place for anger, but frankly, getting upset at things like kids in tight running shorts or cyclists on the road (assuming they are doing it safely) is not worth my time and effort. And I really don't want to be around someone that gets pissed off at such little things, because it's going to negatively effect my attitude.
Law 47 has some useful advice on this topic as well, which I have been trying to consciously apply for the last couple of years. After all, if it's annoying when other people do it, then it is especially counterproductive to be found doing it yourself.
Also, perhaps by amazing coincidence (or not) the way in which I generally try to enact Law 47 is described by Alicorn in her Living Luminously Sequence. To whit:
QuoteWhen the person exhibits a characteristic, habit, or tendency you have on your list (or, probably just to aggravate you, turns out to have a new one), be on your guard immediately for the fundamental attribution error. It is especially insidious when you already dislike the person, and so it's important to compensate consciously and directly for its influence. Elevate to conscious thought an "attribution story", in which you consider a circumstance - not a character trait - which would explain this most recent example of bad behavior. This should be the most likely story you can come up with that doesn't resort to grumbling about how dreadful the person is - that is, don't resort to "Well, maybe he was brainwashed by Martians, but sheesh, how likely is that?" Better would be "I know she was up late last night, and she does look a bit tired," or "Maybe that three-hour phone call he ended just now was about something terribly stressful."
Reach a little farther if you don't have this kind of information - "I'd probably act that way if I were coming down with a cold; I wonder if she's sick?" is an acceptable speculation even absent the least sniffle. If you can, it's also a good idea to ask (earnestly, curiously, respectfully, kindly! not accusatively, rudely, intrusively, belligerently!) why the person did whatever they did. Rest assured that if their psyche is fairly normal, an explanation exists in their minds that doesn't boil down to "I'm a lousy excuse for a person who intrinsically does evil things just because it is my nature." (Note, however, that not everyone can produce verbal self-justifications on demand.) Whether you believe them or not, make sure you are aware of at least one circumstance-based explanation for what they did.
http://lesswrong.com/lw/2a5/on_enjoying_disagreeable_company/
Submitted OP to the ShutUpYouAreAnIdiot.com blog (http://shutupyouareanidiot.com/blog), which has had a woeful lack of activity this year.
Sitting as a draft right now with a link to cramul.us. Let me know if you want to change anything before I publish (or if you just want me to yank it).
Quote from: Telarus on October 05, 2010, 01:23:01 AM
Submitted OP to the ShutUpYouAreAnIdiot.com blog (http://shutupyouareanidiot.com/blog), which has had a woeful lack of activity this year.
Sitting as a draft right now with a link to cramul.us. Let me know if you want to change anything before I publish (or if you just want me to yank it).
ERRRR I'm a bit paranoid about my roommate finding it
I'd kind of prefer that this be kept here where I'm sure it'll be buried under mountains of crap in about 5 minutes
sorry!
No prob.
Every time I see it, the title of this thread makes me delighted at the idea of hostile reactions to mundane things. Like, really excessively hostile reactions to really, really mundane things.
Like salt shakers.
Maybe that's the answer to how you should deal with it... just step it up a notch. Become enraged and just start screaming and ranting at napkins, and mustard packets, and benches.
YES
I like that.
"WHAT THE TURDSPLOSION ARE THESE?! CIRRUS CLOUDS?! WE NEVER GET FFF- AUGH CIRRUS, REALLY? YOU ASSHOLES!"
Quote from: Sigmatic on October 05, 2010, 07:51:40 AM
YES
I like that.
"WHAT THE TURDSPLOSION ARE THESE?! CIRRUS CLOUDS?! WE NEVER GET FFF- AUGH CIRRUS, REALLY? YOU ASSHOLES!"
:lulz:
I also have another technique I sometimes use when I think I'm going to have a hostile reaction to mundane things, a little trick that helps me.
I lay on my back and hang my head over the edge of the couch or bed. Then, like you're trying to cure hiccups, drink warm salt water from the far edge of a glass. The altered ...blood flow and and subsequent shift in consciousness will help you focus on what you need to.
Wow, great! It works!
Quote from: Cramulus on September 27, 2010, 03:30:34 PM
A few of my roommates have these extremely negative and hostile reactions to very mundane occurrences. It puts me on edge.
Yesterday, we were driving to the bagel store for breakfast. Sunday was apparently Race day in Tarrytown. There were a lot of people on bikes, wearing numbers as if they were in a race. This set my roommate off for some reason.
First he was bitching about how shitty the bikers are for being in the street and getting in everybody's way. They're acting like they're cars! Oh god oh god. They think they're so important, but it's so shitty of them to bike on roads. People have places to go, can't they understand that? God I hate stupid people.... Except that the bikers weren't in our way, they were actually on another road. And my roommate, the one excreting all this anger, doesn't even drive.
We parked, and got in line at the bagel store. There were some runners from this local prep school standing behind us in line. They were clearly a track team, all wearing matching t-shirts and running shorts. After we sat down, my roommate got so worked up over these kids. They didn't talk to us or even look at us, but he hated their tight shorts. He was outraged because he could see their butts. "You shouldn't be wearing fucking banana hammocks in public!" and swearing and gnashing and getting all worked up over these kids. "Self improvement REALLY IS masturbation!"
The irony of the situation is that his vulgar screed was pissing off the family sitting next to us and he wasn't even aware. His ranting was far more objectionable and offensive than some guys on bikes, or some high school kids wearing jogging shorts.
When the rant crescendoed in a tirade about how we should line these people up and kill them with shot guns, I was like, "Woah... take a breath, dude. It's just shorts." And he calmed down, he realized he had been in hate mode all morning for basically no reason... eventually he got fixated again on some mundane thing and got all twisted out of shape about it.
I've gotta keep that kind of negativity at arm's length -- it can really infect you.
It's so easy to hate on "stupid people". And it feels very rewarding to be outraged. But it's not a fun vibe to be around.
I found myself wondering how to orient myself to it. I wanted to object to his objections. I wanted to say, "dude, we're in a public space, sometimes you're going to see things you don't like and you're gonna hafta deal with it." But I also myself didn't want to get consumed by the critical nitpicky energy. If I wanted to preach tolerance, maybe the best thing was to practice tolerance and keep my mouth shut. And just remove myself from the situations which piss me off so much.
Your friend seems rather amusing to me.