Unkle Enrico! Unkle Enrico!
Tell us a story! Tell us!
Tell us about the time Pongo tried to brush his teeth!
Pleeeeeeeezzzze?
Was Pogo, not Pongo. Pongo was disgraced Salazorian television star, originator of Match Game, which was ruthlessly steal by Gene Rayburn here in USA years later... bless his perverted scab of a soul. And bless Pongo too.
But, little boy, you ask about Pogo and how he attempt to brush his teeth one day...
First, is important to know that in Salazore is capital crime to attempt to brush teeth. It go back to famous Salazorian, Ubu "Mad Dog" Guacamole, who was famous philosophisor and he claim that if it necessary for peoples to brush and clean teeth our mouth holes would come with built in electric toothbrush, which was strange and prophetic thing to say, since he die in 1872. Guacamole was very influential, and many of his vague ideas and fancies were made into State Law. For instance, the law about childrens be neither seen NOR hear was base on something Guacamole say one time at dinner party with Prince Albert... was institute as law after die, and for many year childrens were kept in dark rooms and not taught to speak until age of 35. Kasper Hauser was a Salizorian child. Those were the good old day.
But, about teeth brushing. Yes, is true, is capital offense to brush one's teeth in Enrico's homeland. But, one day when Enrico was still in command he make proclamation about Daylight Saving time which his son, Pogo, did not like. He think that time of day should change twice a year to save moneys in light. Is stupid. Time is time, and was hand down from great tortoise... is not to be fuck with by peoples just to save a measley guido.
To spite Enrico, when the Generalissimo make televised Fireside Chat about this heinous idea, Pogo was hide inside skin of Enrico's favorite doberman Suzie, who he had kill and skinned earlier in the day and make "beef" stroganoff for Enrico. Was only good thing he do that day. Was very tasty. Suzie was good, Enrico will miss him.
While Enrico talk, Pogo leap out from skin of Suzie, were he had been laying near fireplace pretend to chew on orphan ankles like Suzie always do, to delight of tv viewers everywhere except Berkley California. He jump up onto Enrico's lap with toothbrush in hand, and shriek traditional Salizorian insubordination jingle... but was just after Spaghetti Revolution, so Enrico was still perhap overly cautious about junta be performed and was wear full switchblade suit. Was beautiful suit, make by Edith Head. Very expensive, very leather, very sweaty, and smell VERY good. Pogo was pierced 575 time on back, tushie, and leg. He only have one leg, or might have be almost 600 pierces!
On top of this, Enrico's camera crew is always fully arm and ready for junta as well, so they all open fire on Pogo - even though he is sit on Generalissimo. Is fortunate that Pogo always wear kevlar pajama, or Enrico may not be here today to tell this charming anecdote. As well, Diabo was there, and she cut off Pogo's head; not because she think he is junta, she follow him onto set... she was very angry he had make better stroganoff than she ever make. She cut off his head on purpose.
It was Enrico's most highest rate Fireside Chat.
Luckily Enrico was able to have Pogo's head reattach. Not to his body, it was destroy by switchblade suit and open fire, but Salazore have many orphans run around who make good candidate for body take over.
Story has happy ending! All other orphans were all the time cry cry cry that they never have ball for to play football in the razor fields, but after orphan have give up his body, what we have? One extra head! It make perfect ball once it has been boiled... and with the boiling Diabo once again gained favor for her cooking. All is well that end well, is true?
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:fuckmittens:
Well, yes, but what about the electric cantalope? Why was this not used?
I have holiday spirit now. The heartwarming, bloodthirsty kind.
that's whiskey, dude
Hey, it's not the holidays unless your breath smells like the booze - pickled souls of 3 chainsmoking guerilla warfare vets.
Quote from: Cramulus on December 01, 2010, 05:30:02 PM
that's whiskey, dude
No, that's girly whiskey.
The real stuff comes in white labeled bottles that simply say "Whiskey" ("Contents: Whiskey"), and tastes like red hot fish hooks ripping your trachea out. None of this "warm" bullshit.
That actually describes the spiced everclear concoction I made perfectly.
Quote from: Richter on December 01, 2010, 05:52:27 PM
That actually describes the spiced everclear concoction I made perfectly.
Does your mouth taste like a rat pissed in it an hour after you have one?
It feels like a surly crew of state roadways contractors jsut ran an asphalting machine over your tongue.
Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.
Quote from: Doktor Blight on December 01, 2010, 07:58:15 PM
Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.
To wash the taste out, or to drink?
Quote from: Requia ☣ on December 02, 2010, 02:24:14 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on December 01, 2010, 07:58:15 PM
Mental note- if going to the Meetrack, bring mouthwash.
To wash the taste out, or to drink?
Probably be safer to drink it than the whiskey.
A little bit of both. To start off so I'm numb to the taste, and to finish off to destank.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on December 01, 2010, 03:19:52 PM
Well, yes, but what about the electric cantalope? Why was this not used?
So, YEAH, what
about the electric cantalope, you twisted old freak?
HEY UNCLE ENRICO!
TELL US ABOUT THE TIME DIABO GAVE BIRTH TO TRIPLETS!
Fuck! Who is Enrico Salazar??? This is an alt for who????
More importantly, is this the same Enrico????
http://twitter.com/enricosalazar
Thanks in advance.
Your friend and secret lover,
Rizzo
Enrico, tell us the story of when all the roosters started walking backwards...
Is a time that Salazorian scientists (called "goopeys") recall with much fondness and delight, as well as Kinsey Institute.
You see, for every young and virile Salzazorian boy there come time when he must prove his manhood by impregnating a local rooster, or cock as they are call in homeland.
Is very proud moment between the man and his popo and momo, and immediate family. Nowadays many photos are take, and there is cake in shape of the cock and the lourka (which mean rooster and cock for those who do not understand Salazorian so good). Many present are give to the boy if he is able to impregnate the rooster, and many knive are thrown if he cannot. Enrico's brother Flip was killed in just such a manner. The Generalissimo's momo has very good aim, she was number one marksman in Salazorian army. Until she untimely death, but through Ouiji board Enrico have it on good authority that she forgive him.
So. Rooster impregnation. It came to pass when Enrico's father, Ritzibottom, who is poet laureate of island nation of Salazore, was become 10 like all other boys his age on Salazore. Sex, she can happen anytime on Salazore (and Enrico mean ANYTIME) but, the impregnation of the womens can only happen on January 1 which is day that the Great Tortoise vomited all of creation out, as every school child know. So, all childrens are born around start of September in Salazore. Is hard on wallet in September.
So, when Ritzibottom is ten is time for the cock walk. Did Enrico mention that this impregnation of roosters is done while walking around beaches of Salazore barefeeted? Is true. Salazorian beaches are filled with broken bottles, discard razor blades, and bits of Anne Coulter's pubic hair... is very dangerous. One might think Anne Coulter she is young, but not true, she is as old as the hill. She has gone by many name, Lizzy Bathory, Typhoid Mary, Mata Hari, Eva Braun, et al.
So, was time for cock walk, and Ritzi had chosen his rooster, a large turquois bastard with three eye and teeth. It actually had teeth. Enrico has seen photograph. He was go to catch the cock, when to his surprise and delight the rooster, he began to walk backwards toward Ritzibottom. Everyone was stun. First, he had not had to step onto beach at all, so to this day his feet are smooth and scarless. Enrico should know, he is look at them right now, they are pickled and in jar on kitchen counter. So beautiful.
Yes, this rooster began to walk backwards toward Ritzibottom, and snuggled against his lourka, not only asking, but begging for it. It WANT to be pregnant it seem. So, Ritzibottom he finish up, and low and behold, three day later this cock lay an egg. The egg crack open and we have another basilisk to put into dungeon underneath Salazore Parliament. Is nice to have somewhere to place peoples who do not agree with truth. Ask Ronald Reagan, he know that when he have Denver International Airport built. You will soon see.
The novelty she wear off after few days and all other roosters act same with all other boys going into estrus. The goopeys want to know why, so they send out electric cantalopes to hunt down each rooster and kill it. Everyone know that roosters love the cantalope, but nobody want to touch roosters if they are not going to fuck them, because these animals will peck at scrotums until the man become backup BeeGee. Is frightening to behold. The goopeys want to kill all these roosters so they can perform very sexy vivisection on their dead parts. It seem that a rare parasite which feed on particular enzyme in Salazorian babyjuice had crawled into roosters so they would do whatever necessary to get that delicious goo all to themselves, greedy fucking parasites. Just like sick and poor in world today. How dare they live?
Is funny post script to story. Because the goopeys kill all those rooster, is no way to know if they became with basilisk, so all the other boys the age of Ritzibottom were soundly thrashed and kill by their parents through no fault of their own. Is so funny. What a world!
Someone let Enrico on Twitter? God help us all.
Quote from: Hoopla on December 07, 2010, 09:38:10 PM
Someone let Enrico on Twitter? God help us all.
I don't know, when I imagine it the potential for absolute gloriousness is there.....
Can you imagine receiving the following as a tweet?
Quote from: Enrico Salazar on December 07, 2010, 09:26:50 PM
First, he had not had to step onto beach at all, so to this day his feet are smooth and scarless. Enrico should know, he is look at them right now, they are pickled and in jar on kitchen counter. So beautiful.
Quote from: Niamh on December 07, 2010, 10:21:50 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on December 07, 2010, 09:38:10 PM
Someone let Enrico on Twitter? God help us all.
I don't know, when I imagine it the potential for absolute gloriousness is there.....
Can you imagine receiving the following as a tweet?
Quote from: Enrico Salazar on December 07, 2010, 09:26:50 PM
First, he had not had to step onto beach at all, so to this day his feet are smooth and scarless. Enrico should know, he is look at them right now, they are pickled and in jar on kitchen counter. So beautiful.
Yeah, it would look like this:
Quote from: Enrico Salazar on December 07, 2010, 09:26:50 PM
First, he had not had to step onto beach at all, so to this day his feet are smooth and scarless. Enrico should know, he is look at them right now, they are pi
:lol:
Quote from: Rizzo on December 07, 2010, 08:39:48 PM
Fuck! Who is Enrico Salazar??? This is an alt for who????
More importantly, is this the same Enrico????
http://twitter.com/enricosalazar
Thanks in advance.
Your friend and secret lover,
Rizzo
HALLOOOOOOOOOOO
I see you sitting there reading this, stop pretending like you're not.
I want ANSWERS dammit!
:argh!:
I also heard a rumor of an upcoming blog... welcome to 2005, Unkle Enrico!
Quote from: Hoopla on December 07, 2010, 10:55:53 PM
I also heard a rumor of an upcoming blog... welcome to 2005, Unkle Enrico!
You must be Enrico.... nice to meet you.
http://baronvonhoopla.wordpress.com/category/stories/
Think these things are edible?
(http://www.freewebs.com/mrkallal/furry%20lobster.jpg)
French marine biologists do.
I'd think the fuzz would get stuck in your teeth.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 08, 2010, 10:51:35 AM
I'd think the fuzz would get stuck in your teeth.
That's never stopped me before.
I read that they live in boiling water... its like they're doing half the work for us.
I'm looking for a crab that lives in court-bouillon or drawn butter.
Now, if they would only walk up to your door and invite themselves in for dinner.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on December 08, 2010, 02:11:13 PM
I'm looking for a crab that lives in court-bouillon or drawn butter.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on December 08, 2010, 02:13:41 PM
Now, if they would only walk up to your door and invite themselves in for dinner.
THESE are the things science should be working on, dammit.
Funny, Enrico's pet name for Diabo was "hairy crab".
He is glad she is dead.
Dear Enrico,
My hot sorority friends keep getting stuck in the same argument. One is a communist and one is a capitalist. Neither of them will make hot dirty until this is resolved. What should I tell them?
Sincerely,
Invisible Hand