Hi. My name's Dan.
I'm not a hero, never really wanted to be one. No, I'm just the maintenance geek down at the Hall of Justice. It pays the bills, though I have noticed that the Superfriends don't actually seem to have any source of income. Heh. Not my problem.
I have enough on my plate without worrying about that shit. Take Wonder Woman's plane, for example. You ever try to pull maintenance on an invisible plane? Gotta do all the checks and services by touch...And it better be right, because that woman never does a walk-around. Nope, off she goes, without a thought for the possibility that I missed something while working on her - let me say this again - invisibile airplane.
Then there's Aquaman's tank. If that bugger goes even a LITTLE cloudy, I never hear the end of it, and the bastard sends lobsters up through the sewers to my toilet, to teach me a lesson. Ever get a lobster claw on your junk?
Alfred's pretty good about managing the batmobile, but he's a little old for doing major jobs. So me and my apprentice gotta load new missiles, clean the turbine, that sort of thing.
The worst is when they have parties. Superman gets all drunk on rocket fuel, and everyone else is all full of rum. The apprentice and I hide in the basement until all the banging and crashing around is over, then we go call contractors in to repair the building...After we make sure all the hookers are gone, and all the blow is cleaned up. Can't let that kind of thing hit the press, can we?
Yeah, that's right. They're all fucked up on one thing or another. Hardly surprising, when you think about it. They spend all day fighting the next threat to the world, and then...What? Go home to a family? Hardly. Families would make them vulnerable. They're all single (Except the Wonder Twins, but I don't want to talk about that), and they have nothing to do. Think about it...What could possibly excite you, after fighting some super-powered mutant trash all week?
So they get all fucked up. That's when I make myself scarce. There's nothing like having some guy who could rip you in half bawling on your shoulder or getting in your face. I just wait until evening, then flip people on their sides so they don't choke on their puke, take the needle out of Robin's arm, hose down the Wonder Twins' room, yada yada.
I'm kind of sick of it all, but you know how the economy is. I've had other offers, but something tells me that Doctor Octopus or Doctor Doom would be even worse...And the Fantastic Four got overextended in the downturn, and they aren't hiring.
Well, I gotta go. Superman needs me to fire up the hydraulic press to take a wrinkle out of his cape.
For fuck's sake.
Or Kill Me.
I love the imagery! all these titans who are actually just shitty humans too
and we're the shitty humans that have to clean up after them
Two words:
Kryptonite starch.
ITT the mistake of glorifying those for what they do in public, not for being human.
Judy Garland.
Quote from: Cramulus on January 05, 2011, 03:56:04 PM
I love the imagery! all these titans who are actually just shitty humans too
and we're the shitty humans that have to clean up after them
What's the psychological term for putting people on a pedastle? Idealizing, or some shit?
That just gave me an idea for the next one.
Idolatry, perhaps.
Another knockout. TGRR's on a roll, ladies and gents.
I fucking love this one!
Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe? (http://i54.tinypic.com/f6rnn.gif)
Maybe they just rob all the villains they defeat. D&D style.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD on January 05, 2011, 04:05:06 PM
Idolatry, perhaps.
Another knockout. TGRR's on a roll, ladies and gents.
Thanks.
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
I fucking love this one!
Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe? (http://i54.tinypic.com/f6rnn.gif)
Yeah.
What would happen if they stopped paying them?
Ho ho ho!
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
This is fucking awesome!!! :mittens:
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
There are more kinds of Familiar Heroes than just the depressed. :wink:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:07:10 PM
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
I fucking love this one!
Also I have a hunch the U.S. / World gov't pays the superhero teams. Part of the defense/police budget, maybe? (http://i54.tinypic.com/f6rnn.gif)
Yeah.
What would happen if they stopped paying them?
Ho ho ho!
:lol: Heroes made even
more familiar... :x
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.
Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing. WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane? Who reloads Batman's weapons?
Someone's got to do it.
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:10:10 PM
There are more kinds of Familiar Heroes than just the depressed. :wink:
I wanted to cleanse everyones' palate, as LMNO once said. If it's ALL a downer, it loses its punch.
Quote from: Epimetheus on January 05, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
:lol: Heroes made even more familiar... :x
Oh, yeah. And WHY the government would stop paying them. There's something here that's always been overlooked, and I think I have just the way to explain it. Stay tuned, kiddies. Same bat time tomorrow, same bat channel.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.
Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing. WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane? Who reloads Batman's weapons?
Someone's got to do it.
Oh, yes. I do like it very much. It is an interesting thing to consider. But it seems a bit out of place. But, if you're having fun with it, who gives a fuck what I think?
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:14:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.
Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing. WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane? Who reloads Batman's weapons?
Someone's got to do it.
Oh, yes. I do like it very much. It is an interesting thing to consider. But it seems a bit out of place. But, if you're having fun with it, who gives a fuck what I think?
I do. I need both kinds of feedback. Hearing what people like is helpful, because it tells me where to focus, but hearing what people don't like helps a lot, too, so I can learn from mistakes.
I liked this a whole lot, because everything I see or hear about is goddamn miserable, even the fun stuff, so it's really nice when something ISN'T depressing as fuck.
:mittens: I like!
This, and the rest of the series = awesome. ::mittens::
I've liked every one of these so far. Awesome work, TGRR.
Quote from: Fujikoma on January 05, 2011, 08:58:34 PM
I've liked every one of these so far. Awesome work, TGRR.
Heh. Go back and read "A Brief Explanation, parts I-V".
But that series, you have to read in order, or it ruins the effect.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:35:31 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:14:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2011, 04:10:20 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on January 05, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
Eh. I didn't find this one as emotionally evocative as the other two. It's good, but I liked the others better.
I felt the same thing when I wrote it, but I wanted to have fun with the idea of the poor bastard who has to pick up after the superheroes, and do all the maintenance and other things that lets them do their thing.
Nobody ever thinks about that sort of thing. WHO does maintenance on an invisible plane? Who reloads Batman's weapons?
Someone's got to do it.
Oh, yes. I do like it very much. It is an interesting thing to consider. But it seems a bit out of place. But, if you're having fun with it, who gives a fuck what I think?
I do. I need both kinds of feedback. Hearing what people like is helpful, because it tells me where to focus, but hearing what people don't like helps a lot, too, so I can learn from mistakes.
I wouldn't call anything in this a "Mistake". My only problem with it is that it seems to me to be breaking the "theme" of the series, by focusing on an outside party rather than a specific hero. Which, depending on how the other two come out, may not actually be theme breaking at all. Can't really judge it until it's finished, after all.
Uh oh, I think I may have read a few of those out of order... I'll get right on that.
Have you ever written a book, or thought about it? I tried a few dozen times, but I'd get about thirty pages in at most and rip it to shreds... Probably warranted, I write like shit (and my world view is too inconsistent) :lulz:.
I think this is my favorite of the ones you've done, TGRR. I'm pretty sure there's a comic like this, instead of being the butler, its the guys who are contracted to clean up after the super fights. Imagine rebuilding a city block after its been hit by Doctor Doom or Chemo...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damage_Control_%28comics%29 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damage_Control_%28comics%29)
I like. Somewhat out of left field compared to the other two, but that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. The second one had a different mood than the first, so as far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with this one having a different mood as well.
Heeee! I like this one! Because, of course, what about the dirty back-end of superheroing? Who cleans up the mess when they puke? Nobody ever thinks about that.
Track down a comic series called "The Boys." Garth Ennis at his most twisted.
This is kind of why Alan Moore thought up the character of John Constantine and put him into Swamp Thing. So that John, (An expert in his field) could bring the "Muck encrusted mockery of a man" out of his sulk in Slaughter Swamp, and up to speed on his new role as Guardian of the Green, and its occult implications.
But someone not part of the established DC/Vertigo Universe.
(JC is Vertigo's longest running title now)
ETA, And this has real potential as a character. Having papers on the JLA, Batman, and Wonder Woman, must be quite a secure position.
Bump, because it occurs to me that I wrote this LONG before I read The Boys.
Quote from: Luna on April 19, 2011, 01:46:20 PM
Track down a comic series called "The Boys." Garth Ennis at his most twisted.
HAH!