In which I tackle the worlds misconceived faux-pas with my wealth of inexperience.
First up:
GARLIC BEFORE A DATE.
Frankly. Fucking do it. I fucking love garlic, people who don't probably aren't worth knowing, in fact non-garlic lovers should probably be avoided at all costs.. They're probably vampires. Hell, I equate "ability to use a garlic crusher" with "culinary genius" in most cases. In fact, don't even bother eating the garlic, just get some garlic butter and lather it onto your earlobes. In fact why not go the whole hog and turn entirely naked except for garlic butter so I can wrap you in spaghetti.
Ermm...
In conclusion: Demand information on garlic preference beforehand. Your pre-date communication should break down like this (in descending order of importance): Garlic Preference (if no feign an important commitment at the last minute), Place, Time and Name/Sex (unless indifferent).
More incoming, I'd also welcome suggestions and will answer any tough questions you might be struggling with in your love life!
x
edd
Garlic crushers are for posers.
:lulz:
SMASH IT WITH YOU'RE FACE!
NO. 2 YOUR DATE HAS ACTUALLY FUCKING ANSWERED THEIR MOBILE AT DINNER
THIS, is incredibly rude. It's something I've done by accident if I'm honest, and sometimes, it REALLY IS an important call. How to make those awkward moments when your date is having a great conversation with an old friend while your sitting in silence waiting for zer attention to drift back your way? Easy, pretend to be on the other end of the call, and laugh along with them! You could even get your own mobile out to complete the illusion. After they hang up I suggest you punch them in the face and leave*. This is a sure-fire way to get a second date and end up in that hateful, abusive, "happy ever after" Hollywood relationship we all dream of.
*lightly, if they're a lady, gotta be a gent after all
Me & Mr. Language used to make arrangements to assure that if one of us ate garlic or onions pre-date, the other one did too.
Quote from: Jerry_Frankster on April 03, 2011, 01:06:11 AM
Garlic crushers are for posers.
This. Finely minced with sea salt or gtfo. Hobart if there's a clock on it.
I once ate so much roasted garlic I felt high. It was life-changing.
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
Mince it, chop it, crush it, what the fuck ever. Just make tasty food and eat it without being a pretentious shitfuck about it.
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
On most accounts of things like this I'd be right behind you, but I've personally noticed that different preparations get different flavors.
Quote from: Sigmatic on April 03, 2011, 07:01:05 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
On most accounts of things like this I'd be right behind you, but I've personally noticed that different preparations get different flavors.
Right, so different recipes should use different preparations for different results, and everybody should prepare their fucking food the way that tastes best to them, regardless of what some other douche says is the One True and Only Right Way.
I have very little patience for pointless elitist dickbaggery today. Seriously, "garlic crushers are for posers"? "Minced with sea salt or GTFO"? What kind of dillhole useless poseur bullshit is that?
:lulz:
I guess my generation is more likely to talk like that casually. I'm not really prepared to dig in my heels on that one, because it really is just garlic.
Quote from: Sigmatic on April 03, 2011, 07:32:47 PM
I guess my generation is more likely to talk like that casually. I'm not really prepared to dig in my heels on that one, because it really is just garlic.
I don't say stupid shit like that. Just sayin'
Phox,
Not one to let an argument go. :lol:
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
You actually use
ARIAL font?
:disgust:
Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on April 03, 2011, 07:49:05 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
You actually use ARIAL font?
:disgust:
LOLWAT. Why are you dissing the absolute coolest font ever?
Quote from: Doktor Phox on April 03, 2011, 07:51:49 PM
Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on April 03, 2011, 07:49:05 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
You actually use ARIAL font?
:disgust:
LOLWAT. Why are you dissing the absolute coolest font ever?
Comicsans > Arial
DEAL WITH IT
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 07:10:26 PM
Quote from: Sigmatic on April 03, 2011, 07:01:05 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
On most accounts of things like this I'd be right behind you, but I've personally noticed that different preparations get different flavors.
Right, so different recipes should use different preparations for different results, and everybody should prepare their fucking food the way that tastes best to them, regardless of what some other douche says is the One True and Only Right Way.
I have very little patience for pointless elitist dickbaggery today. Seriously, "garlic crushers are for posers"? "Minced with sea salt or GTFO"? What kind of dillhole useless poseur bullshit is that?
:lulz:
:whack: :box: :whack:
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 05:17:44 PM
Me & Mr. Language used to make arrangements to assure that if one of us ate garlic or onions pre-date, the other one did too.
This fills me with all kinds of weird joy. :)
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
Obviously, you've never had garlic prepared
right.
Quote from: Triple Zero on April 03, 2011, 09:45:38 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
Obviously, you've never had garlic prepared right.
Garlic Crushers are too mainstream.
\
:hipster:
#3 YOU'RE DATE WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR EX
Tell them in intricate and intimate detail about your ex. Tell them absolutely everything that you are comfortable saying, even some things that you might not be. Make it vivid and visceral, if they don't squirm in their seats you ain't doin' it right.
Mention at the end of your love-struck monologue that your mum/dad was a really great girl/guy.
Quote from: Roaring Biscuit! on April 03, 2011, 11:13:35 PM
#3 YOU'RE DATE WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR EX
Tell them in intricate and intimate detail about your ex. Tell them absolutely everything that you are comfortable saying, even some things that you might not be. Make it vivid and visceral, if they don't squirm in their seats you ain't doin' it right.
Mention at the end of your love-struck monologue that your mum/dad was a really great girl/guy.
:aaa:
:mittens:
Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on April 03, 2011, 10:01:15 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on April 03, 2011, 09:45:38 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2011, 06:49:12 PM
Seriously, people are elitist about the method used to prepare garlic for consumption? STFU. Seriously. That has to be THE most pretentiously retarded thing I've ever heard of being elitist about.
Obviously, you've never had garlic prepared right.
Garlic Crushers are too mainstream.
\
:hipster:
:lulz:
WTF is wrong with you guys?
ONLY PUSSIES DO ANYTHING BUT CRAM WHOLE CLOVES OF GARLIC IN THEIR NOSE HOLES!!!!
AND THEN YOU SMASH FACE INTO COUNTER!
WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT? :crankey:
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 04, 2011, 07:02:58 AM
WTF is wrong with you guys?
ONLY PUSSIES DO ANYTHING BUT CUM WHOLE CLOVES OF GARLIC IN THEIR NOSE HOLES!!!!
WHAT I READ
I LOVE (http://www.thestinkingrose.com/) GARLIC (http://www.garlicrose.com/)
I've become particularly fond of roasted garlic and have been roasting and smashing mine for a while now.
Quote from: The Fred ⊂(◉‿◉)つ on April 04, 2011, 09:59:49 AM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on April 04, 2011, 07:02:58 AM
WTF is wrong with you guys?
ONLY PUSSIES DO ANYTHING BUT CUM WHOLE CLOVES OF GARLIC IN THEIR NOSE HOLES!!!!
WHAT I READ
OWTCH
Quote from: Roaring Biscuit! on April 03, 2011, 11:13:35 PM
#3 YOU'RE DATE WON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT THEIR EX
Tell them in intricate and intimate detail about your ex. Tell them absolutely everything that you are comfortable saying, even some things that you might not be. Make it vivid and visceral, if they don't squirm in their seats you ain't doin' it right.
Mention at the end of your love-struck monologue that your mum/dad was a really great girl/guy.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: