Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Lies on April 27, 2011, 08:47:39 AM

Title: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Lies on April 27, 2011, 08:47:39 AM
You know the Hoodies you sell? You know that bit of string that goes into said hood part of the hoodie?

How does one put it back in again if one accidently pulls it all the way out?

I am clothing illiterate, please help before I do something stupid with the left over string.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 12:30:43 PM
Basically you need a bodkin, which is a metally bit that looks like this:

(http://www.jjneedles.com/product_images/t/bodkin002_product_image_001__42366.jpg)

The drawstring hooks into that, and you feed it back through the casing.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 01:07:04 PM
When I can't find a bodkin (which is often, I lose the bloody things, and I don't use them often enough to replace them regularly), a safety pin works...  Kinda.  If you're careful.  Use the largest that will fit through the available hole.  Run the cord through it and tie it, and (this is important) feed it through pointy end BACK, so that if you manage to squeeze it and open it halfway through, it doesn't pin itself to the inside of your hood, causing you to pull it all the way back out and start over.  Tie to the side of the pin that it won't slide off of if the pin opens.

Note, this is a pain in the ass, but it works.  Bodkins are MUCH superior.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: AFK on April 27, 2011, 01:18:01 PM
Buy another one. 
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 01:22:49 PM
Quote from: fell deeds awake, now for wrath, now for RWHN on April 27, 2011, 01:18:01 PM
Buy another one. 

:D  That'd work, too.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: AFK on April 27, 2011, 01:26:53 PM
What can I say, I'm brilliant.  We'll get this American Economy rocking again.  One hoodie at a time!
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Richter on April 27, 2011, 02:12:32 PM
Coat hanger.  Coat hangers solve everything.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Richter on April 27, 2011, 03:14:18 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on April 27, 2011, 03:28:18 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 02:12:32 PM
Coat hanger.  Coat hangers solve everything.

THIS!! I do it for the boys all the time.  I have also used a large paper clip.

Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Lies on April 27, 2011, 03:35:21 PM
Thanks for all teh suggestions guys :D
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Lies on April 27, 2011, 03:35:49 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

No, but I like having it in there for the sake of completeness.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 04:02:27 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 03:14:18 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.

I can see it, Richter, leaning forward at the 7/11 hot dog roller to gaze at the gleaming near-sausages within.  In the trance brought forth by those glistening wieners, you barely notice the tug on the drawstring of your hoodie.  It's fed from one roller to the next, drawing you inexorably closer and suddenly your vision focuses not on the choice convenience store delicacies but the angry, vengeful red heat lamps above.  And your fate.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 04:08:05 PM
EoC:  :lulz:  Sounds apt to me.  Richter, he's a force.

Lies, any of these will work--the largest safety pin you can find (about 10-15 cm in length?) works best, imho.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Richter on April 27, 2011, 04:43:26 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 04:02:27 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 03:14:18 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.

I can see it, Richter, leaning forward at the 7/11 hot dog roller to gaze at the gleaming near-sausages within.  In the trance brought forth by those glistening wieners, you barely notice the tug on the drawstring of your hoodie.  It's fed from one roller to the next, drawing you inexorably closer and suddenly your vision focuses not on the choice convenience store delicacies but the angry, vengeful red heat lamps above.  And your fate.

:lulz:

I can see it.  My face slowly roasts off and my cires for help are strangled by the hoody's strings.  I'm found hours later, my flesh leathery in spots sloughed off, grinning skull exposed under those evil lamps, weiners churning around my ears, and a massive strangulation induced erection jutting forth from my pance.

"Death by Misadventure"
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 05:45:37 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 04:02:27 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 03:14:18 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.

I can see it, Richter, leaning forward at the 7/11 hot dog roller to gaze at the gleaming near-sausages within.  In the trance brought forth by those glistening wieners, you barely notice the tug on the drawstring of your hoodie.  It's fed from one roller to the next, drawing you inexorably closer and suddenly your vision focuses not on the choice convenience store delicacies but the angry, vengeful red heat lamps above.  And your fate.

:spittake:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 06:21:04 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 04:43:26 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 04:02:27 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 03:14:18 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 02:37:33 PM
Do you use the drawstring?  This happened to me a few years ago and I just realized the draw string was superfluous, so I cut it off.

It's not superfluous if you want to impersonate a character from "South Park", or you have an asphixiation fetish.
I usually take them off my hoodies, they scream liability.

I can see it, Richter, leaning forward at the 7/11 hot dog roller to gaze at the gleaming near-sausages within.  In the trance brought forth by those glistening wieners, you barely notice the tug on the drawstring of your hoodie.  It's fed from one roller to the next, drawing you inexorably closer and suddenly your vision focuses not on the choice convenience store delicacies but the angry, vengeful red heat lamps above.  And your fate.

:lulz:

I can see it.  My face slowly roasts off and my cires for help are strangled by the hoody's strings.  I'm found hours later, my flesh leathery in spots sloughed off, grinning skull exposed under those evil lamps, weiners churning around my ears, and a massive strangulation induced erection jutting forth from my pance.

"Death by Misadventure"

Well, by happy accident, I came across this AFTER lunch, not before, which means you didn't destroy my appetite today. 

(http://webpages.charter.net/trussell/pictures/raspberry%20smiley.gif)
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Sir Squid Diddimus on April 27, 2011, 06:34:11 PM
THIS SHIT MADE MY FUCKING DAY!
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 07:24:18 PM
I actually got the ambulance call at work.  I've heard some distraught EMTs in my years, but I don't think I've ever heard horrormirth actually creak through their voice quite like this time.

It was a priority 1 call, meaning basically they're either dead or dying.  Judging from the tone, I'll go with the former.  The got the call from Fall River, a guy stepping into the convenience store to buy some gas.  The clerk had, apparently, fled some time before.  A streak of sweat and grease on the door marked where his forehead apparently slammed as he attempted to run through the reinforced glass.  It must have been a fuck of a thing.  The guy works in a cess pit even New Bedford can look down upon, so you know he's seen some shit.

So the EMT says the guy was found with his head in a hot dog heater, his hoodie draw string all rolled up in a deadly weave amongst the favored late night treats of stoners and loners and gastronomic daredevils.  As you can imagine, the taught string had pulled the hood pretty well closed over the victim's face, basically catching itself on his brow and just under the nose.  These ambulance drivers don't usually get very descriptive in these cases, but here the man turned right into a poet.  He said the flesh looked like a topographical map of Mars, his nose closest to the heat lamps an Olympus Mons of sorts, but in the younger days of the planet where the occasional gush hinted at a life only very recently extinguished.

Evidence of a priapism is one of those things they teach you at the EMT courses, but I think this man forewent the traditional sweep of the crotch.  By his description, the hot dog heater was overhanging a shelf of bagged chips and small candies, which were strewn and, paradoxically, open.  A Neco wafer had lodged itself in the ceiling as though thrown like a discus.

He was covered in bruises.  I wanted then to interject and tell them, inform them they did not result from the struggle but from being beaten by sticks, which was in fact the purpose of his late night outing.  It explains why, in his tired state, energy expenditure did not seem all that great but for one thing.  After the momentary resistance against the slow and wretched machine, the man apparently gave up and focused on a new goal.  He ripped and he tore and he contorted in ways a big man should not be able to do to reach it.  Richter was found with a half eaten hot dog in his mouth, still present at the time of the ambulance ride as, apparently, it had been fused to him in the time it took the paramedics to arrive.

The EMT suggested a cleaning crew.  They were covered in vomit both their own and that of the patrons that seemed to witness the event, expel their stomachs, and turn heel in hopes of vanquishing the sight forever.  My guess is at least one of them is still running.

The important thing is he had a smile on his face and, well, they don't clean the grease trays on those things very often so a part of him is still among us.  Friends, this was a Holy Man.  I say we dedicate this 7/11 a shrine, and partake of its delectable wieners on Fridays.  Of course, sans buns.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 07:26:15 PM
I can't fucking breathe.   :lulz:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 07:27:29 PM
PRIAPISM? NECO WAFERS?? 

:fap: :x :horrormirth:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 07:32:27 PM
Quote from: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 07:27:29 PM
PRIAPISM? NECO WAFERS?? 

:fap: :x :horrormirth:

In the CEILING!

:fap:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Dysfunctional Cunt on April 27, 2011, 07:33:10 PM
jesus christ I have to stop reading this stuff at work.  Not only do they think I'm insane, now I need yet another fucking keyboard.  

:lulz:  :lulz:  :lulz:

Gentlemen BRAVO!!

:mittens:  :mittens:  :mittens:  
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Richter on April 27, 2011, 07:39:05 PM
Ye GODS man!  :lulz:  :mittens:

I love the amount of degredation, realism and indirect cannibalism in these.

We must ask though, who do we eulogize next?
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 07:58:50 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 07:39:05 PM
Ye GODS man!  :lulz:  :mittens:

I love the amount of degredation, realism and indirect cannibalism in these.

We must ask though, who do we eulogize next?

(http://www.dogproductshop.co.uk/smile/scared/scared0016.gif)
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 08:01:29 PM
Quote from: Richter on April 27, 2011, 07:39:05 PM
Ye GODS man!  :lulz:  :mittens:

I love the amount of degredation, realism and indirect cannibalism in these.

We must ask though, who do we eulogize next?

:mrgreen:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 09:08:53 PM
...SUU!  you know not what you ask!
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 09:11:38 PM
I've known Richter for the better part of a decade. I don't fear that man.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 09:13:49 PM
Yes yes...but he's now got an archangel!
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 09:16:58 PM
EoC? Meh. He's from New Bedford, which is like Providence's redheaded stepchild that was born from the disgusting union of Fall River and Brockton. It's a good thing we have a couple of rivers and bays separating us from Southeast Mass. It's a great way to keep him quarantined.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 09:24:09 PM
You sound far too smug and in control, Suu.

Danger, Will Robinson.   Danger.

*fears FOR you*
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 27, 2011, 09:24:28 PM
I gotta say, this is the Golden Age of writing on PD.

My electricians all think I'm a lunatic, because I just laughed myself purple.  PURPLE.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 09:25:37 PM
If it wasn't for the fact that I have a 5 pager due tomorrow night and a 12 pager due next week, I'd be participating more. :(
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 09:40:30 PM
"I.  I.  I'm not okay with this.  I'm not okay with it.  I'm just a clerk, man.  That guy, he f*bleep*.  Getting my GED, I'll do whatever it takes, can't won't do this."
-Former 7/11 store clerk, when asked about the incident.

"You know what the worst part was?  It was the smell.  I showed up there and I just figured it was the hot dogs, but then it just stayed there the whole ride.  It really got to me.  It's not the burned flesh thing, I mean, I've dealt with burn victims before it's just.  Well.  He smelled delicious."
-Paramedic responding to the call.

"Between you and me?  Like, turn the camera off?  Not recording?  Alright, I was totally going to *bleep* him.  Never *bleep* a corpse before and I figured it was going to be my chance.  But then I was all getting into it and, well, do you remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?  The bad guy drinks from the wrong cup and he gets all old and *bleep*?  I felt that happening to my *bleep*.  No *bleep*.  Felt it.  Got the *bleep* out of there."
-Local pervert.

"Never seen anything like this before.  What do you want, some kind of comment?  Well that's my comment.  Never seen anything like this before, not in 13 years.  No, no we won't be investigating this matter.  Actually, I wish we didn't have to file this report.  Legally required to hold onto it for two years, you know.  So two years from now, when I'm finally over the whole thing, I'm going to be shredding some old documents, see my name down there, and remember it all again.  Look I'm going home and think of a thing to tell my wife and kid when they ask me what work was like today."
-Officer responding to the scene.

"Have you tried these hot dogs?  They're incredible.  I buy them by the half dozen now, here, take one."
-Bystander.

Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 09:43:31 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 09:40:30 PM
"I.  I.  I'm not okay with this.  I'm not okay with it.  I'm just a clerk, man.  That guy, he f*bleep*.  Getting my GED, I'll do whatever it takes, can't won't do this."
-Former 7/11 store clerk, when asked about the incident.

"You know what the worst part was?  It was the smell.  I showed up there and I just figured it was the hot dogs, but then it just stayed there the whole ride.  It really got to me.  It's not the burned flesh thing, I mean, I've dealt with burn victims before it's just.  Well.  He smelled delicious."
-Paramedic responding to the call.

"Between you and me?  Like, turn the camera off?  Not recording?  Alright, I was totally going to *bleep* him.  Never *bleep* a corpse before and I figured it was going to be my chance.  But then I was all getting into it and, well, do you remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?  The bad guy drinks from the wrong cup and he gets all old and *bleep*?  I felt that happening to my *bleep*.  No *bleep*.  Felt it.  Got the *bleep* out of there."
-Local pervert.

"Never seen anything like this before.  What do you want, some kind of comment?  Well that's my comment.  Never seen anything like this before, not in 13 years.  No, no we won't be investigating this matter.  Actually, I wish we didn't have to file this report.  Legally required to hold onto it for two years, you know.  So two years from now, when I'm finally over the whole thing, I'm going to be shredding some old documents, see my name down there, and remember it all again.  Look I'm going home and think of a thing to tell my wife and kid when they ask me what work was like today."
-Officer responding to the scene.

"Have you tried these hot dogs?  They're incredible.  I buy them by the half dozen now, here, take one."
-Bystander.



:horrormirth:   :lulz:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 09:45:59 PM
O gawd o gawd.  :lulz: 

...Suu...tried to warn ya, Babe.  Also, witness the man's handle: EATER of CLOWNS.  Clowns.

He eats them.

Just saying...

...and EoC, that last quote, by "Bystander"?  Awesomesauce in a pure :horrormirth: way.  Lovely touch at the end there!
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Luna on April 27, 2011, 09:47:00 PM
I'mma wake up screaming tonight because of the "local pervert" bit.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Richter on April 27, 2011, 09:48:55 PM
 :lulz:
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Suu on April 27, 2011, 10:06:08 PM
Quote from: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 09:45:59 PM
O gawd o gawd.  :lulz: 

...Suu...tried to warn ya, Babe.  Also, witness the man's handle: EATER of CLOWNS.  Clowns.

He eats them.

Just saying...

...and EoC, that last quote, by "Bystander"?  Awesomesauce in a pure :horrormirth: way.  Lovely touch at the end there!

Naaaaah, I've had beers with the guy in person. He's a kitten. I swear.
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Jenne on April 27, 2011, 10:11:42 PM
A kitten...

WHO EATS CLOWNS
Title: Re: HELP ME SUUUUU
Post by: Eater of Clowns on April 27, 2011, 11:00:41 PM
For reference purposes:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=29011.0 (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=29011.0)