And all this talk of Jesus coming back doesn't fool me, because I've been out on the wire, on the sharp end, praise Baby Jesus and pass the go-pills and doesn't the smell of CLP make you think of home on the range? Yeah, that's where it's at, right, 90MPH on the one-lane to Morenci, 300 feet down and no shoulder. Nope, not fooled. If Jesus was coming back, he'd have done it already with a size 14 boot for the species' collective arses. But then, yeah, then you slow down some, living that suburban life, where they're all so fucking bored that all they can do is rat each other out to the HOA. They hate me and I hate them, and everyone's happy that way, because I know something they don't know. I know OR KILL ME and I WILL KILL A MOTHERFUCKER and GEE, I WONDER WHO DROVE THROUGH YOUR ZEN GARDEN IN A JEEP, SUCH A SHAME. It's party time in the hills, and everyone's invited, oh my yes. All of you fuckers. You breed to fucking fast, there's too many of you, and I'd deal with you PROPERLY, but some hippie gun-grabber passed a law saying I can't own a nuke in the privacy of my own home, which is un-American as FUCK.
So go back to your incessant unprotected sex and your WalMart and your Goddamn $0.99 heart attack at Mickey D's, and live in the comfort that the odds are remarkably low that I'll pull a Chainsaw Billy on your fat, silly arse while you're walking out to your car in the morning. Why? Because I fucking hate you. I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns, and I won't rest until each and everyone has tasted my bile.
I've had it up to HERE with you people. So just shut up. All of you.
Or Kill me.
There you go, Phox.
The single reason Christ will NOT take all the fuckers this weekend is that a world free of their bullshit would be far too gratifying. I need to suffer to be any sort of creative, and the head office knows this. WE will never be allowed respite until me eventua reward. Firing my ragign ehart through ym ribcage like a fucking cannon. MY dispalced organ will strangle some plate-pushin pastor with th tattered remains of my aorta as I heave out my last breath in hillarious ecstacy
Rog, That's like taking a glass of cheap whiskey to the face.
Well done.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 04:11:49 AM
There you go, Phox.
Sweet, thanks, Roger. Should I delete my transfer to FB, or should I leave it and change the title?
This is good fucking shit.
Yes, I realize that this meeting is a chance for you to show how knowledgeable you are. Yes, I know that this is the only validation in your life, that you haven't got a single friend outside of work other than your wife (who is also, to put it plainly, a recluse with no social skills). I also know that you don't actually find your own jokes that funny...That you bray laughter like the village idiot for the purpose of disrupting what anyone else may have to say, as a means to keep the attention on your brilliant ideas.
I realize that blogging every single thing that happens in your life is crucial to you, and I realize that I am supposed to be captivated by the minor, day-today details of your life on Facebook, Twitter, and any given internet forum. I understand, also, that e-flirting shows what a rake/femme fatale you are. I don't mind having a facebook page dedicated to an idea turned into your showcase for your life, nor do I at all mind having my threads derailed into what amazing thing happened to you while you were brushing your teeth. I understand that Open Bar is for the little people, that you are special, and that it's urgent that you interrupt the conversation to tell us about the drama of your day-to-day existence. It's why I'm here.
I can see why that oil spot on my driveway forced you to call the HOA...It must be the size of a quarter. I can see that - while you wanted to address me directly about it - rules are rules, and if we don't maintain these rules in the style of Draco, it will be cats and dogs fucking in the streets. I also see that you have to leave your chihuahuas outside to bark all day, the little darlings are so adorable, you just have to share. I don't mind.
I have no problem if we're only friends when it's convenient for you. I am not hurt or offended that you didn't see fit to forward your new contact information to me, even though everyone else and his dog has it. I don't mind you not showing up when you said you would, or instead bringing along 8 friends without giving me a heads-up. I am not human, I do not bleed. I exist entirely for your benefit, and can be shelved when you tire of me, or don't have any use for me at the moment...I will be there when you need me again, I assure you, just sitting with a silly grin on my face, like a puppy dog. No, really.
I also have no real issue with being the default bad guy. If I'm in a scrap with someone, or if something happened that seems to be a mystery, I did it, it's my fault. There's no need to look deeper, to wonder if maybe I'm acting on information you don't have. No, that is simply a waste of time. Assume that I am at fault, and give me shit about it. If it turns out that you are wrong, you can apologize (or not), and then just do the same exact thing next time. I am a bad person, and everything I do is tinged with malice towards the innocent bystanders that I for no reason decide to pick on.
I also don't mind - and have never minded - being the "least among equals"...With rules that apply to me and not my peers, with a constant implication that I cannot be trusted on my own, or with Big Boy tools, access, or anything else short of rounded plastic toys (and then only under supervision).
I understand all of these things because I love you all. I am not a continually growing ball of festering resentment and rage. I am not harmed, because I have no feelings (My skin is 3" thick, and made of steel.), so rest assured that I have not and am not slowly beginning to view you as a poison. No, I love you all, and that's really all that needs to be said.
Sleep tight.
Or Kill Me.
Having written that, it occurs to me that perhaps I should act the way people seem to assume I act.
And that I should begin treating others the way they treat me.
It appears the Holy Man™ has returned from his quest in the desert and is stronger and better than before.
Well said Roger, well said.
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 18, 2011, 05:30:44 PM
It appears the Holy Man™ has returned from his quest in the desert and is stronger and better than before.
Well said Roger, well said.
Oh, I'm just getting started.
The longer I read that, the more the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I got a twisty "OhgodI'mgonnadie" feeling. :horrormirth:
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:32:18 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 18, 2011, 05:30:44 PM
It appears the Holy Man™ has returned from his quest in the desert and is stronger and better than before.
Well said Roger, well said.
Oh, I'm just getting started.
Good.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
What I love is when you're blamed, BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING PART IN THE CONVERSATION.
It's teh mind lazors, you see. :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on May 18, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
What I love is when you're blamed, BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING PART IN THE CONVERSATION.
It's teh mind lazors, you see. :lulz:
Or even better, when I am in an argument with, say, Cram...And I am told by casual passers-by
1 that I am creating a CULT
because by the act of disagreeing with Cram, I am stilfling all opinion on the board.The irony of that particular statement sent me into paroxyms of ragemirth.
1 Cram, himself, had nothing to do with this.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:45:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 18, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
What I love is when you're blamed, BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING PART IN THE CONVERSATION.
It's teh mind lazors, you see. :lulz:
Or even better, when I am in an argument with, say, Cram...And I am told by casual passers-by1 that I am creating a CULT because by the act of disagreeing with Cram, I am stilfling all opinion on the board.
The irony of that particular statement sent me into paroxyms of ragemirth.
1 Cram, himself, had nothing to do with this.
:lulz: Yeah, that's a good one.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:45:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 18, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
What I love is when you're blamed, BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN TAKING PART IN THE CONVERSATION.
It's teh mind lazors, you see. :lulz:
Or even better, when I am in an argument with, say, Cram...And I am told by casual passers-by1 that I am creating a CULT because by the act of disagreeing with Cram, I am stilfling all opinion on the board.
The irony of that particular statement sent me into paroxyms of ragemirth.
1 Cram, himself, had nothing to do with this.
It's the Ripple Effect™. Every time you log on 72 virgins die and all internet drama is automatically redirected to your IP.
Anyway, I've spend quite a bit of time thinking about this, and I've come to a few conclusions.
1. Someone who treats me or talks to me like a friend only when it's of benefit to them is not my friend. They are at best a casual acquaintance. If you don't ever have time for me, I will not have time for you1. I'm not fucking stupid, nor will I be treated like an annoyance that can be dealt with in a condescending manner. I do not, in fact, need to be hit in the face with a wet mop. That being said, I have decided to outright terminate 3 friendships...1 local, 2 online. I don't plan to be a dick, but they just became a face in the crowd. These people know precisely who I am talking about.
2. I no longer care if people assume I'm the fucking bad guy. Fuck you, I'll BE the bad guy. You can just fuck right off, fall in a disused mineshaft2, and die.
3. I am done being polite to a few people who I SHOULD have been done being polite to a long fucking time ago.
4. Thread derails with inane personal bullshit3 will be dealt with in a manner that will make the treatment DK received look like fucking CANDY LAND.
1 I fully understand that people get busy, don't have time, whatnot. What I'm talking about is when someone cuts you off completely after years, because you are no longer useful to them. This, beyond anything else, is what has spurred this little outburst (alongside #3, below).
2 The preferred method of idiotic accidental death in rural Arizona.
3 Derails happen. But I don't care about your love life, your financial status, or any of that shit. I didn't spend 30 minutes puking a rant so that you can tell us all about the TOTALLY UNRELATED EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE. Leave it in open bar, FFS.
Fuck yeah.
I don't know what to say.....
I'm just :x
I count my friends on one hand and you are among them, so while I can appreciate the errrr sarcasm (maybe) in your posts, it bugs me that people assume so much bullshit about you. But you know that.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:36:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on May 18, 2011, 05:34:15 PM
If Roger was one-tenth the monster he gets made out to be, this forum would be a wasteland.
But it happens every time. If I'm arguing with someone, it's my fault.
Each
and
every
time.
But I don't mind. I especially don't mind if logic is contorted into something resembling the Gordian knot to justify the opinion that I am at fucking fault. I LOVE that shit.
"Your Love is Drug"
"Roger Not Even Once"
Dear America™,
Shall I tell you how I love thee? I love you more than I love that epidemic of crabs that went through the barracks in 1988. I love you like I love my acid reflux. I love you like I love hearing about my neighbor's commitment to Jesus.
Sometimes I lay awake at night, contemplating my love for you.
If I were a public figure, I could make you understand my feelings, I could bellow them at you from your television, while freaking out on the Oprah! set. I could tell all in some page 6 magazine, and maybe send you naughty pictures of my hairy, scabrous ass. My, how the pundits on E! would talk.
But I'm not, I'm just little old me. Bashful, retiring Citizen Roger, who will quietly love you from the sidelines, like Mark David Chapman worshiped John Lennon, like Yolanda Saldívar loved Selena, like Richard Milhous Nixon loved the hippies at Kent State.
Or Kill Me
This thread fills me with The Love. Got the shakes all over, man!
Dear America™,
I know you've tried, believe me, I know. But we split back in '91, for Chrissakes. Please stop sending me things (The first time you get a bushfire war in a decade, it's sweet. The third time it starts to get creepy.).
Please stop calling my cell phone to tell me what I've just won, or what I can get for such an amazing price.
Please stop following me around and keeping tabs on me.
Please stop trying, on my television, to show me how great things could be if we got back together.
It's OVER. It's time to MOVE ON, to find someone new. This isn't healthy for either of us, and before you even bring it up, we're not going to be "friends with benefits". I am going my own way, now...I have been for 20 years and change.
Just leave me alone.
Or Kill Me.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 04:27:33 PM
Dear America™,
I know you've tried, believe me, I know. But we split back in '91, for Chrissakes. Please stop sending me things (The first time you get a bushfire war in a decade, it's sweet. The third time it starts to get creepy.).
Please stop calling my cell phone to tell me what I've just won, or what I can get for such an amazing price.
Please stop following me around and keeping tabs on me.
Please stop trying, on my television, to show me how great things could be if we got back together.
It's OVER. It's time to MOVE ON, to find someone new. This isn't healthy for either of us, and before you even bring it up, we're not going to be "friends with benefits". I am going my own way, now...I have been for 20 years and change.
Just leave me alone.
Or Kill Me.
OOOH YEAH! :mittens:
:mittens: for the whole thread!
I like the heat. I like the chase. I like tap-dancing on the tightrope. I can't help myself, I've been an adrenaline junkie for 22 years. I can't stop doing stupid shit, I simply MUST fuck with bigfoot, just because he's there. I had things under control for a long time, I had Curly smiling at me from the teevee, you know, he just smiled no matter what, and I felt better. Calmer.
But he's gone, now, and I've gone back to fucking with TSA agents in Buffalo, with their silly pervert machine. I've returned to bad behavior and irresponsible use of vehicles and firearms, and I have a hankering for some cactus...Because the air is thin, and breathing can get hard when the deal goes down and the upside down people come by every night. These new PillsTM are helping some, at least for my definition of "helping", but I feel like I'm strangling in suburbia. I wasn't cut out for this white picket fence shit.
No, I was made for cheap bourbon and cheap cigars and my beloved City, and to hell with that damn doctor. He doesn't understand how things are managed out there, he doesn't know how things get done at 3AM on a Saturday night, when the bad things run loose and the perverts reign.
No, he's a very civilized man, is my doc, and he just doesn't feel the same compulsions that I have to deal with. He doesn't spray stomach acid out of his mouth while he's losing his shit at his desk. As such, he's unqualified to determine what's best for me.
And what's best for me is America. Not the United States, and sure as hell not America™. I'm talking about MY America, where people mind their fucking business if you aren't hurting anyone (who didn't beg for it), and me and my pervert friends can get our monkey on in style. MY America, which has precisely NOTHING in common with the "america" that the teabaggers and the religious right keep whining about. People have a fun time in my America, they don't go fucking hungry, and their children can read.
But since my America doesn't actually exist outside of my own personal space, I am occasionally forced to deal with America™, and one day I'll shit on you all, kick you IN THA NADS, and fling you off the side of the mountains.
There is some shit I won't eat, and most of it seems to be on the news.
Or Kill Me.
FUCK YEAH.
It was an accident, you know? It was just one of those Good Times that got out of hand, and the SWAT team accidentally shot a Marine veteran 60 times, with 71 shots fired (That also means 11 bullets went on their merry way, looking for someone to say hello to, on a nice Tucson spring day.).
She was only trying to make rent, right, make rent and maybe get a little "medicine", to help her forget she was once daddy's little girl, with teddy bears on the bed and a few boy-band posters on the wall. She got rolled by a John and stuffed in a dumpster, but it was really nothing personal. Just another day in South Filth.
Just another chance for the 21st Century to say, "Hello, I know I'm not what you were expecting. The picture on my OKCupid profile was from a pulp magazine from 1946, but I just know my personality will shine through the bits of wear & tear that I've accumulated since then. By the way, can I stick my finger in your ear? That's HOT! Maybe we can go for a nice walk, you know, maybe to Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe this new club I've heard about in North Africa."
He was just a simple preacher man, a bit of a schmuck, really. He thought for years that humans could be civilized, if only they were given a chance to slow down and catch their breath. It took years, but he finally realized why Curly's smile was always so sad looking...That the only thing making the humans run was themselves, and that they no longer wanted civilization. They wanted self-righteous murder in foreign lands, they wanted expedience over principle, they wanted the trappings of empire. They wanted rule, not government.
So this preacher man, yeah, he decided that a new career was in order. He started studying The Machine™, he studied the cogs that it is made of, which is to say "people". He took off his minister's collar, and put on a surgical smock. He became a Doktor, and swore to burn it all down.
After a time, he relaxed a bit, he got a little lazy and overwhelmed, he started feeling bad for the humans again. He began to preach again...For a while. Then The Truth sank back in, and he began his Doktoring again, only in slightly smarter, quieter ways. Everyone got used to the preacher man again, and they forgot to look behind his pleasant smile and amusing rage-y rants and sermons.
It's probably for the best, really. There's nothing behind that smile but malice, 7 pounds of bad wiring and misanthropy that would make Paul of Tarsus blanch. He smiles and he smiles and he learns where the gears are, and readies his bags of sand.
Just kidding. He's just a simple preacher man, and he loves you. He loves you all, and he really wants what's best for all of you.
Because he loves America.
Okay for now.
Roger, you are rocking ITT.
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 05:52:59 PM
Roger, you are rocking ITT.
Just venting a little
bile steam.
Fucking awesome Roger!!!
:mittens:
I wish my bile steam could speak half as well....
(http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00052/muslims-india_52101s.jpg)
Quote from: Payne on May 19, 2011, 06:08:54 PM
(http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00052/muslims-india_52101s.jpg)
Looks like laundry day at a frat house.
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 06:13:44 PM
Quote from: Payne on May 19, 2011, 06:08:54 PM
(http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00052/muslims-india_52101s.jpg)
Looks like laundry day at a frat house.
Pft. Frat boys don't do laundry. The haul the stuff that's too stiff to wear home on holiday breaks, where it is magically transformed to clean stuff by some spell their mommies use.
The guys over in facilities are discussing whether it's practical to burn one of the dorms to the ground and rebuild it, rather than decontaminating it over the summer. Again.
Payne, that pic gives me the willies. Perhaps because I've been in a room with female folks prostrate just like that.
Heh.
Uhm, the pic was chosen to denote awe of a superior mutant.
Nothing else.
Quote from: Payne on May 19, 2011, 06:35:33 PM
Uhm, the pic was chosen to denote awe of a superior mutant.
Nothing else.
I know. I unintentionally made my remark, derailing the thread and thus proving Rogers original rant.
I apologize.
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 06:40:47 PM
Quote from: Payne on May 19, 2011, 06:35:33 PM
Uhm, the pic was chosen to denote awe of a superior mutant.
Nothing else.
I know. I unintentionally made my remark, derailing the thread and thus proving Rogers original rant.
I apologize.
S'ok, no problem. I was just amused that my last installment was most of what I was trying to say, and it got buried.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
It was an accident, you know? It was just one of those Good Times that got out of hand, and the SWAT team accidentally shot a Marine veteran 60 times, with 71 shots fired (That also means 11 bullets went on their merry way, looking for someone to say hello to, on a nice Tucson spring day.).
She was only trying to make rent, right, make rent and maybe get a little "medicine", to help her forget she was once daddy's little girl, with teddy bears on the bed and a few boy-band posters on the wall. She got rolled by a John and stuffed in a dumpster, but it was really nothing personal. Just another day in South Filth.
Just another chance for the 21st Century to say, "Hello, I know I'm not what you were expecting. The picture on my OKCupid profile was from a pulp magazine from 1946, but I just know my personality will shine through the bits of wear & tear that I've accumulated since then. By the way, can I stick my finger in your ear? That's HOT! Maybe we can go for a nice walk, you know, maybe to Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe this new club I've heard about in North Africa."
He was just a simple preacher man, a bit of a schmuck, really. He thought for years that humans could be civilized, if only they were given a chance to slow down and catch their breath. It took years, but he finally realized why Curly's smile was always so sad looking...That the only thing making the humans run was themselves, and that they no longer wanted civilization. They wanted self-righteous murder in foreign lands, they wanted expedience over principle, they wanted the trappings of empire. They wanted rule, not government.
So this preacher man, yeah, he decided that a new career was in order. He started studying The Machine™, he studied the cogs that it is made of, which is to say "people". He took off his minister's collar, and put on a surgical smock. He became a Doktor, and swore to burn it all down.
After a time, he relaxed a bit, he got a little lazy and overwhelmed, he started feeling bad for the humans again. He began to preach again...For a while. Then The Truth sank back in, and he began his Doktoring again, only in slightly smarter, quieter ways. Everyone got used to the preacher man again, and they forgot to look behind his pleasant smile and amusing rage-y rants and sermons.
It's probably for the best, really. There's nothing behind that smile but malice, 7 pounds of bad wiring and misanthropy that would make Paul of Tarsus blanch. He smiles and he smiles and he learns where the gears are, and readies his bags of sand.
Just kidding. He's just a simple preacher man, and he loves you. He loves you all, and he really wants what's best for all of you.
Because he loves America.
Okay for now.
Babumpa.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
It was an accident, you know? It was just one of those Good Times that got out of hand, and the SWAT team accidentally shot a Marine veteran 60 times, with 71 shots fired (That also means 11 bullets went on their merry way, looking for someone to say hello to, on a nice Tucson spring day.).
She was only trying to make rent, right, make rent and maybe get a little "medicine", to help her forget she was once daddy's little girl, with teddy bears on the bed and a few boy-band posters on the wall. She got rolled by a John and stuffed in a dumpster, but it was really nothing personal. Just another day in South Filth.
Just another chance for the 21st Century to say, "Hello, I know I'm not what you were expecting. The picture on my OKCupid profile was from a pulp magazine from 1946, but I just know my personality will shine through the bits of wear & tear that I've accumulated since then. By the way, can I stick my finger in your ear? That's HOT! Maybe we can go for a nice walk, you know, maybe to Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe this new club I've heard about in North Africa."
He was just a simple preacher man, a bit of a schmuck, really. He thought for years that humans could be civilized, if only they were given a chance to slow down and catch their breath. It took years, but he finally realized why Curly's smile was always so sad looking...That the only thing making the humans run was themselves, and that they no longer wanted civilization. They wanted self-righteous murder in foreign lands, they wanted expedience over principle, they wanted the trappings of empire. They wanted rule, not government.
So this preacher man, yeah, he decided that a new career was in order. He started studying The Machine™, he studied the cogs that it is made of, which is to say "people". He took off his minister's collar, and put on a surgical smock. He became a Doktor, and swore to burn it all down.
After a time, he relaxed a bit, he got a little lazy and overwhelmed, he started feeling bad for the humans again. He began to preach again...For a while. Then The Truth sank back in, and he began his Doktoring again, only in slightly smarter, quieter ways. Everyone got used to the preacher man again, and they forgot to look behind his pleasant smile and amusing rage-y rants and sermons.
It's probably for the best, really. There's nothing behind that smile but malice, 7 pounds of bad wiring and misanthropy that would make Paul of Tarsus blanch. He smiles and he smiles and he learns where the gears are, and readies his bags of sand.
Just kidding. He's just a simple preacher man, and he loves you. He loves you all, and he really wants what's best for all of you.
Because he loves America.
Okay for now.
:x :mittens:
Is it just me or is the degeneration of America picking up speed?
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 06:46:23 PM
Is it just me or is the degeneration of America picking up speed?
I thought it had gone into overdrive a while back..... :wink:
Quote from: Khara on May 19, 2011, 06:53:55 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 06:46:23 PM
Is it just me or is the degeneration of America picking up speed?
I thought it had gone into overdrive a while back..... :wink:
You're both wrong.
America had an upward blip from 1941-2000, which is now correcting itself.
It's always been a rancid pile of festering shitcockers. What can you expect from a nation that
set out to worship greed, right from the very beginning, and was initially seeded by the religious freaks that Britain didn't want?
This is nothing new. We've acted far worse than this. We're just getting back to normal, is all.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
It was an accident, you know? It was just one of those Good Times that got out of hand, and the SWAT team accidentally shot a Marine veteran 60 times, with 71 shots fired (That also means 11 bullets went on their merry way, looking for someone to say hello to, on a nice Tucson spring day.).
She was only trying to make rent, right, make rent and maybe get a little "medicine", to help her forget she was once daddy's little girl, with teddy bears on the bed and a few boy-band posters on the wall. She got rolled by a John and stuffed in a dumpster, but it was really nothing personal. Just another day in South Filth.
Just another chance for the 21st Century to say, "Hello, I know I'm not what you were expecting. The picture on my OKCupid profile was from a pulp magazine from 1946, but I just know my personality will shine through the bits of wear & tear that I've accumulated since then. By the way, can I stick my finger in your ear? That's HOT! Maybe we can go for a nice walk, you know, maybe to Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe this new club I've heard about in North Africa."
He was just a simple preacher man, a bit of a schmuck, really. He thought for years that humans could be civilized, if only they were given a chance to slow down and catch their breath. It took years, but he finally realized why Curly's smile was always so sad looking...That the only thing making the humans run was themselves, and that they no longer wanted civilization. They wanted self-righteous murder in foreign lands, they wanted expedience over principle, they wanted the trappings of empire. They wanted rule, not government.
So this preacher man, yeah, he decided that a new career was in order. He started studying The Machine™, he studied the cogs that it is made of, which is to say "people". He took off his minister's collar, and put on a surgical smock. He became a Doktor, and swore to burn it all down.
After a time, he relaxed a bit, he got a little lazy and overwhelmed, he started feeling bad for the humans again. He began to preach again...For a while. Then The Truth sank back in, and he began his Doktoring again, only in slightly smarter, quieter ways. Everyone got used to the preacher man again, and they forgot to look behind his pleasant smile and amusing rage-y rants and sermons.
It's probably for the best, really. There's nothing behind that smile but malice, 7 pounds of bad wiring and misanthropy that would make Paul of Tarsus blanch. He smiles and he smiles and he learns where the gears are, and readies his bags of sand.
Just kidding. He's just a simple preacher man, and he loves you. He loves you all, and he really wants what's best for all of you.
Because he loves America.
Okay for now.
BA-THUMP-BA-BA-THUMP-BA-THUMPBUMP go the drums. The funeral procession winds through dusty streets painted by a searing sun into shades of beige riddled yellows and whites.
The thump of the drums are the only sound anyone makes, though if anyone tried, they would not be heard. Thump Tha-Thump, it echos in your chest. It caresses your body in that tingling, vital energy you can only get from the primal rythyms of our deepest darkest, reptillian memories.
There are no mourners, just many who wish to witness, and many many more who are forced to.
The dead man had few friends, and most of them were enemies anyway.
And though this is a truth of all giants really worth the name, this event is somehow different, for though there are many enemies there is no celebration. In death, he has become a symbol for all that is being lost - foremost vitality. There can be no joy or grief without life. There can be no pain or ecstasy. No
love.
In a sick joke, they refuse to lay his body amongst the Calvinists. They refuse to leave a great marker anywhere near his grave. They refuse to allow his burial to be in any way extraordinary...
For they know that with this dichotamous giant, their greatest fear, died one of the true meanings of life.
And when it was over, the sun beat them still mercilessly for their sin.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 06:56:32 PM
Quote from: Khara on May 19, 2011, 06:53:55 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 19, 2011, 06:46:23 PM
Is it just me or is the degeneration of America picking up speed?
I thought it had gone into overdrive a while back..... :wink:
You're both wrong.
America had an upward blip from 1941-2000, which is now correcting itself.
It's always been a rancid pile of festering shitcockers. What can you expect from a nation that set out to worship greed, right from the very beginning, and was initially seeded by the religious freaks that Britain didn't want?
This is nothing new. We've acted far worse than this. We're just getting back to normal, is all.
The City on The Hill.
Only a few get to live on the top, of course and most live right at the bottom.
Shit rolls downhill, and 1941-2000 were just the years of basic plumbing.
Roger is right yet again. Americans really don't want to be governed, but they do want to be ruled. Everything in a nice neat sealed box, this is what passes for civilization.
This is why sparkly entertainment news is so dominate today. It rides the beast so we are looking at them instead of the underbelly, where the heart of the beast is.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 19, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
It was an accident, you know? It was just one of those Good Times that got out of hand, and the SWAT team accidentally shot a Marine veteran 60 times, with 71 shots fired (That also means 11 bullets went on their merry way, looking for someone to say hello to, on a nice Tucson spring day.).
She was only trying to make rent, right, make rent and maybe get a little "medicine", to help her forget she was once daddy's little girl, with teddy bears on the bed and a few boy-band posters on the wall. She got rolled by a John and stuffed in a dumpster, but it was really nothing personal. Just another day in South Filth.
Just another chance for the 21st Century to say, "Hello, I know I'm not what you were expecting. The picture on my OKCupid profile was from a pulp magazine from 1946, but I just know my personality will shine through the bits of wear & tear that I've accumulated since then. By the way, can I stick my finger in your ear? That's HOT! Maybe we can go for a nice walk, you know, maybe to Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe this new club I've heard about in North Africa."
He was just a simple preacher man, a bit of a schmuck, really. He thought for years that humans could be civilized, if only they were given a chance to slow down and catch their breath. It took years, but he finally realized why Curly's smile was always so sad looking...That the only thing making the humans run was themselves, and that they no longer wanted civilization. They wanted self-righteous murder in foreign lands, they wanted expedience over principle, they wanted the trappings of empire. They wanted rule, not government.
So this preacher man, yeah, he decided that a new career was in order. He started studying The Machine™, he studied the cogs that it is made of, which is to say "people". He took off his minister's collar, and put on a surgical smock. He became a Doktor, and swore to burn it all down.
After a time, he relaxed a bit, he got a little lazy and overwhelmed, he started feeling bad for the humans again. He began to preach again...For a while. Then The Truth sank back in, and he began his Doktoring again, only in slightly smarter, quieter ways. Everyone got used to the preacher man again, and they forgot to look behind his pleasant smile and amusing rage-y rants and sermons.
It's probably for the best, really. There's nothing behind that smile but malice, 7 pounds of bad wiring and misanthropy that would make Paul of Tarsus blanch. He smiles and he smiles and he learns where the gears are, and readies his bags of sand.
Just kidding. He's just a simple preacher man, and he loves you. He loves you all, and he really wants what's best for all of you.
Because he loves America.
Okay for now.
Fucking YES. :horrormirth: :mittens:
We need a little horrormirth guy with mittens
I mean, shitfuckdamn!
Dear America™,
It's party time in Babylon, I am told, and everyone who's anyone is there. There's money to be made, and if we can't afford the infrastructure maintenance, we can at least chuck children into the gears to keep The Machine™ nice & lubed up. And while the repeal of child labor laws in Fat City probably isn't going anywhere, there's plenty of 3rd world children in unfurnished nations that will fit the bill.
You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, and you can't turn a wicked 20% quarterly growth without breaking some children. It's how we feed the pig. It's how we get things done...It's how we turn hopey-hopey change-change into reality.
And it's what you demanded.
After all, that 401K isn't going to go through the roof on the backs of well-paid, skilled domestic workers, is it? No. It needs cheaper, faster, just on time delivery...And if it means your dog gets a little melamine in its diet, or Junior chews on a toy covered in lead paint, well, isn't that a small price to pay?
And those people walking? You know that you and I disapprove of them. They didn't believe in the Free Market™ and personal responsibility.
And we certainly don't need to spend any money on Pell grants or even K-12 education. After all, the school system won't do what we like no matter how much we underfund it, so we'd best just scrap it, right? Hell, we spent BILLIONS on standardized tests, and people in smudgy districts are still complaining about leaky roofs and inadequate heating...School is where you LEARN, not where you go to be comfortable.
I understand all of this, of course. We all have to make sacrifices on the altar of capitalism. We aren't told what the return will be, but we'll just have to trust the Captains of Industry (as they used to be called, back in the good old days of Astor and J.P. Morgan) to do what's best for us all.
Or Kill Me.
Love & Kisses,
The Good Reverend Roger
:mittens: Horrormirthy chills. Actually, not even that much mirth... mostly :x :x :x
Too fucking accurate.
Dear America™,
I have heard that quantitative easing is coming to an end this month, and that everything is expected to go in the pooper. It appears your economic shell game didn't pan out, and that the bills really DO have to be paid.
Well, you can't claim to be surprised. I mean, this is nothing NEW, is it? You've spent the last 30 years running around using a credit card, with no inclination to pay down the resulting balance. You've relied on get-rich-without-working scams like the stock market, that basically resulted in all the jobs leaving for cheaper labor elsewhere.
Just over a hundred years ago, a guy by the name of Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about this, and one of the lines was:
Quote from: Rudyard KiplingBut, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."
So now you're looking bankruptcy in the face, and all the rich people, that told you that this was the way to become as they are, are laughing at you as you stand with your hat in your hands.
But you haven't learned, have you? No, you attend teabagger rallies, or subscribe to the same "Free Market" snake oil that got you into this mess in the first place. You still haven't learned to spot basic patterns, and now it's going to ruin you.
You'll notice, for example, that supply side economics has been proven to not work, and yet there you are, screaming for tax cuts for the wealthy, with your hoodlum friends "Libertarian", "Objectivist", and "Tea Party", all waiting for Ron Paul to come along with some fucking fairy dust.
You might want to take a closer look at your "friends". Libertarians are almost without exception broke (Because, presumably, the big bad government is holding back their genius), Ojectivists are anything but objective, and the tea party is nothing more than a collection of giggling yahoos and "angry townhall face" retards.
But they're who you have chosen, and there's no point arguing with you...So I think I'm going to have to call the whole thing off, and spend my time more productively.
Or Kill Me.
:mittens:
Damn, that last sentence nailed it.
Damn.
:mittens:
And.... :cry:
Roger nailed it. Damn.
I've gotta tell you, I'm just praying for out of hand inflation at this point, because the only thing that's going to save my ass is if the value of the dollar drops like a motherfucker.
Quote from: Nigel on May 27, 2011, 06:07:40 AM
I've gotta tell you, I'm just praying for out of hand inflation at this point, because the only thing that's going to save my ass is if the value of the dollar drops like a motherfucker.
The banks will have congress ram through something to make sure your house payment stays the same relative to the current value of the dollar.
Betcha.
Dear America™,
I really didn't want to bring this up, but...You've really let yourself go, haven't you?
When I first met you, you were in far better shape. Sure, you weren't the lean, whipcord frontiersman that you were in your youth...But you still knew where the dance floor was, and you went jogging, because you caught a bit of flab creeping over your belt.
But that was 30 years ago.
Now, you're sitting there on your mobility scooter, with a Big Gulp™ 64 oz soda, and a twinkie mashed all over your face and shirt. You have that "fat thing", that lop of belly fat that reaches to between your knees. You haven't seen your own genitals since Bill Clinton got elected. You punish the suspension of your SUV, and...
...And you have yourself convinced that this is all temporary, that it's just a little dieting and everything will be fine. You'll get right on that...Some day. Not today or tomorrow or next week, because you're under a lot of stress after some guy with one leg took the handicapped spot at WalMart, and you had to walk 200 feet to the store, and your knees hurt.
It's nothing personal, mind you, but you make me wish for the return of the Old Testament God, a terrible embodiment of righteous retribution on a nation that wallows in their own suet while everyone else starves. It's not even a case of "you've got yours", it's a case of outright GLUTTONY, a nation that eats and eats and eats because they've trained themselves into thinking that there are only two conditions: Bloated or starving. There is no in between.
Remember when you DID things? When you went dancing and jogging and cruising on a Saturday night? Remember way back when, before American Idol and that Goddamn X Box? Before you plugged your face into a family-sized bucket of friend chicken and let the Spider sing you to sleep, steal your mouth, and web you to the couch? Remember?
Of course you don't. And, hey, it's time for Dancing With the Stars. Better get a thing of powdered donuts and a Frosty.
Or Kill Me.
Roger, these are cutting right to the heart of the matter. I love it.
Except now I want to go to Walmart and smack people upside the head...... :|
Excellent Roger!!! :mittens:
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
Someone told me the raptor was coming.
There weren't any raptors. :cry:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 27, 2011, 08:01:00 PM
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
Someone told me the raptor was coming.
There weren't any raptors. :cry:
Yes, I felt the same and I wasted a lot of time butchering the neighbors as bait to catch a raptor in my basement. :cry:
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
:( I hear that.
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on May 27, 2011, 08:07:35 PM
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
:( I hear that.
I...wouldn't know...
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
I see you've met my NYEX...
Quote from: Luna on May 27, 2011, 10:56:41 PM
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
I see you've met my NYEX...
:lulz:
he sounds like the guys I used to have a taste for. Now I've moved on to the sweet, cuddly, lovable types. :D
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 27, 2011, 08:01:00 PM
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
Someone told me the raptor was coming.
There weren't any raptors. :cry:
:cry:
Hrosie of DOOM was all set and ready to go cause mayhem but the call never came...
Quote from: Khara on May 27, 2011, 08:03:22 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 27, 2011, 08:01:00 PM
Quote from: Dysnomia on May 27, 2011, 07:53:38 PM
Waiting for the world to end last weekend was like waiting for your orgasm atop some selfish incompetent asshole with a prick three sizes too small and nothing to show for it.
Someone told me the raptor was coming.
There weren't any raptors. :cry:
Yes, I felt the same and I wasted a lot of time butchering the neighbors as bait to catch a raptor in my basement. :cry:
:lulz:
Dear America™,
I see you all wondering how all of this happened to you, and it's obvious that there's no point in mentioning that you did it to yourself.
I see you wondering who will save you. I see you waiting for someone to save you. I see your desperate disappointment that the rapture didn't come, and that you're stuck in the mess you made. I see you desperately pretending that this is someone else's fault, and that the GOP or the Libertarians or even that Ron Paul screwhead is going to miraculously fix everything.
Sorry, not going to happen. Nobody is going to fix anything, and you'd kill them if they tried.
So just shut the fuck up, get back in front of your television, and wait for the end...Because the least you can do is not disturb me. I have things to do, and your incessant bleating is a distraction.
Okay for now.
Hey there, America™,
Let's just get a few things straight, shall we? I hear you nattering on about "Big Government" and the "nanny state", and it kind of makes me laugh. Not one of you could survive without these things.
1. You aren't a collection of "rugged individualists". That was 200 years ago. You are a collection of waddling monstrosities of blubber, creeping down the aisle at WalMart on an abused mobility scooter. You couldn't grow your own food if your life depended on it (You can't find Cheetoh seeds in the gardening section, sorry.).
2. Your masters will not actually reward you for protesting their terribly unfair treatment at the hands of the tax man. Instead, YOUR taxes will go up, while the CEO of the company you work for (if you're lucky enough to have a job) buys another yacht and names it "Thanks Suckers III".
3. Unemployment insurance isn't welfare. Employees and companies pay into it. Oh, and the reason that crime hasn't gone up as employment goes down IS unemployment insurance. And the next time I hear someone complain about the OTHER people at the unemployment office (You know, the BLACK PEOPLE), expect all the derisive hooting you receive.
4. Medicare IS run by the government, you assholes. Telling the government to stay out of your medicare is like telling McDonalds to get away from your Big Mac.
5. The fact that government is inefficient does not imply that corporations are efficient. Anyone who has had the pleasure of working for a multinational knows precisely what I'm talking about.
I just thought I'd make these things clear, because I've had it up to my bottom lip with your whimpering and your crying about how you'd be rich if the mean old government wasn't in your way. If you lived to be 300 years old, you'd never be rich...Because instead of bettering yourself, you whine.
Words really can't express how much I hate you.
Or Kill Me.
As I keep pointing out, #3 is "stop Cain from unleashing a one-man crimewave" money.
In the long run, it is in everyone's best interests. (Also, people need to learn what happened the last time people were hungry and unemployed in large numbers. Clue: it was plastered over CNN for weeks just this year. Historically, it's associated with such phrases as "let them eat cake" and other signs of aristocratic brain-rot).
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 09, 2011, 07:14:29 PM
Hey there, America™,
Let's just get a few things straight, shall we? I hear you nattering on about "Big Government" and the "nanny state", and it kind of makes me laugh. Not one of you could survive without these things.
1. You aren't a collection of "rugged individualists". That was 200 years ago. You are a collection of waddling monstrosities of blubber, creeping down the aisle at WalMart on an abused mobility scooter. You couldn't grow your own food if your life depended on it (You can't find Cheetoh seeds in the gardening section, sorry.).
2. Your masters will not actually reward you for protesting their terribly unfair treatment at the hands of the tax man. Instead, YOUR taxes will go up, while the CEO of the company you work for (if you're lucky enough to have a job) buys another yacht and names it "Thanks Suckers III".
3. Unemployment insurance isn't welfare. Employees and companies pay into it. Oh, and the reason that crime hasn't gone up as employment goes down IS unemployment insurance. And the next time I hear someone complain about the OTHER people at the unemployment office (You know, the BLACK PEOPLE), expect all the derisive hooting you receive.
4. Medicare IS run by the government, you assholes. Telling the government to stay out of your medicare is like telling McDonalds to get away from your Big Mac.
5. The fact that government is inefficient does not imply that corporations are efficient. Anyone who has had the pleasure of working for a multinational knows precisely what I'm talking about.
I just thought I'd make these things clear, because I've had it up to my bottom lip with your whimpering and your crying about how you'd be rich if the mean old government wasn't in your way. If you lived to be 300 years old, you'd never be rich...Because instead of bettering yourself, you whine.
Words really can't express how much I hate you.
Or Kill Me.
oh man, such :mittens:
it hits me because I've just been in a prolonged facebook argument (I keep promising myself not to get baited!) in which I had to explain to people why mandatory drug testing of welfare recipients is a different beast than having to take a drug test in order to work for a company.
This chick says "Now considering most jobs require testing, you ought to be able to pass a test to get a job. No one is forcing these people to get these entitlements, therefore, it is not an a constitutional issue. This seems so elementary to me."
I said: "That's a bit like saying 'Nobody is forcing you to get on a plane, therefore it's not a violation of the fourth amendment if they take pictures of you naked, probe your ass, and make an image of your laptop hard drive." The government never uses its power inappropriately, so if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear, right?'"
Spags are all "hurrrr people should just be self reliant!" but they just don't get what a white whale that is in our tangled interconnected cacophony of a society. I get where they're coming from, they're frustrated that they have to pay taxes to support lazy people. But what they don't get is how unjust it is to treat EVERYBODY on welfare like we expect them to be drug addicts. Yesterday I learned that drug abuse rates amongst welfare recipients is no different than drug abuse rates in the general population. Drug testing is expensive and inefficient - you can actually detect substance abuse more accurately with a questionnaire than with a piss test!
When people talk like that, Cram, about welfare and abortion, etc...They're talking about black people.
Which is funny, because there are far more whites than blacks on welfare. There are also far, far more white people using drugs than black people.
Also:
http://www.abortionfacts.com/statistics/race.asp
I don't think they're being consciously racist, I think they're just influenced by racist arguments. I also think they're ignorant of the injustices that made us need a fourth amendment to begin with.
I just can't wrap my head around the logic.. They're basically saying "I had to take a piss test to get my job .. therefore ALL welfare candidates should have to take a piss test to get the benefits specifically set aside for them. I was willing to give up MY privacy, I don't see why everybody shouldn't be cool with it."
I can easily envision a parallel universe where the police do a background check on you before they answer your 911 call.
Or the government investigates your lifestyle before you can qualify for a federal scholarship.
Quote from: Cramulus on June 09, 2011, 08:19:07 PM
I don't think they're being consciously racist, I think they're just influenced by racist arguments. I also think they're ignorant of the injustices that made us need a fourth amendment to begin with.
1. Thomas Jefferson is out of vogue, these days.
2. I've caught dyed-in-the-wool liberals associating welfare with Blacks.
Quote from: Cramulus on June 09, 2011, 08:19:07 PM
I just can't wrap my head around the logic.. They're basically saying "I had to take a piss test to get my job .. therefore ALL welfare candidates should have to take a piss test to get the benefits specifically set aside for them. I was willing to give up MY privacy, I don't see why everybody shouldn't be cool with it."
I can easily envision a parallel universe where the police do a background check on you before they answer your 911 call.
Don't even joke about it.
Quote from: Cramulus on June 09, 2011, 08:19:07 PM
Or the government investigates your lifestyle before you can qualify for a federal scholarship.
Within 5 years. Guaranteed.
Well, there are already concerted campaigns at Universities to deny tenure to anyone who dare speak negatively of Israel, so the scholarship thing will almost certainly happen soon.
Quote from: Cain on June 09, 2011, 08:34:58 PM
Well, there are already concerted campaigns at Universities to deny tenure to anyone who dare speak negatively of Israel, so the scholarship thing will almost certainly happen soon.
Yeah, THAT's not surprising.
Universities that offer equal measure on that front are considered "rogue" and have been for ages.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 18, 2011, 05:23:53 PM
Yes, I realize that this meeting is a chance for you to show how knowledgeable you are. Yes, I know that this is the only validation in your life, that you haven't got a single friend outside of work other than your wife (who is also, to put it plainly, a recluse with no social skills). I also know that you don't actually find your own jokes that funny...That you bray laughter like the village idiot for the purpose of disrupting what anyone else may have to say, as a means to keep the attention on your brilliant ideas.
I realize that blogging every single thing that happens in your life is crucial to you, and I realize that I am supposed to be captivated by the minor, day-today details of your life on Facebook, Twitter, and any given internet forum. I understand, also, that e-flirting shows what a rake/femme fatale you are. I don't mind having a facebook page dedicated to an idea turned into your showcase for your life, nor do I at all mind having my threads derailed into what amazing thing happened to you while you were brushing your teeth. I understand that Open Bar is for the little people, that you are special, and that it's urgent that you interrupt the conversation to tell us about the drama of your day-to-day existence. It's why I'm here.
I can see why that oil spot on my driveway forced you to call the HOA...It must be the size of a quarter. I can see that - while you wanted to address me directly about it - rules are rules, and if we don't maintain these rules in the style of Draco, it will be cats and dogs fucking in the streets. I also see that you have to leave your chihuahuas outside to bark all day, the little darlings are so adorable, you just have to share. I don't mind.
I have no problem if we're only friends when it's convenient for you. I am not hurt or offended that you didn't see fit to forward your new contact information to me, even though everyone else and his dog has it. I don't mind you not showing up when you said you would, or instead bringing along 8 friends without giving me a heads-up. I am not human, I do not bleed. I exist entirely for your benefit, and can be shelved when you tire of me, or don't have any use for me at the moment...I will be there when you need me again, I assure you, just sitting with a silly grin on my face, like a puppy dog. No, really.
I also have no real issue with being the default bad guy. If I'm in a scrap with someone, or if something happened that seems to be a mystery, I did it, it's my fault. There's no need to look deeper, to wonder if maybe I'm acting on information you don't have. No, that is simply a waste of time. Assume that I am at fault, and give me shit about it. If it turns out that you are wrong, you can apologize (or not), and then just do the same exact thing next time. I am a bad person, and everything I do is tinged with malice towards the innocent bystanders that I for no reason decide to pick on.
I also don't mind - and have never minded - being the "least among equals"...With rules that apply to me and not my peers, with a constant implication that I cannot be trusted on my own, or with Big Boy tools, access, or anything else short of rounded plastic toys (and then only under supervision).
I understand all of these things because I love you all. I am not a continually growing ball of festering resentment and rage. I am not harmed, because I have no feelings (My skin is 3" thick, and made of steel.), so rest assured that I have not and am not slowly beginning to view you as a poison. No, I love you all, and that's really all that needs to be said.
Sleep tight.
Or Kill Me.
This needs some polishing, and then it needs to used. Here.
Hell yes.