I WOULD RATHER CAUSE TROUBLE THAN FUCK DRINK, WHILST IN SANDWICH, ILLINOIS, AT THE COUNTY FAIR. IN THE FALL. IN THE RAIN.
JUST AFTER THE GREASED PIG CONTEST.
AND JUST PRIOR TO THE PIE-EATING CONTEST.
THAT IS ALL. YOU MAY NOW RETURN TO YOUR LABORS.
DOK
COULD IN FACT FUCK UP A COUNTY FAIR.
I would rather do all of that while drinking.
Quote from: Hawk on September 15, 2011, 02:29:30 PM
I would rather do all of that while drinking.
You have to choose. It's an Illinois thing.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:30:16 PM
Quote from: Hawk on September 15, 2011, 02:29:30 PM
I would rather do all of that while drinking.
You have to choose. It's an Illinois thing.
Fuck that, packing my suitcase to get the hell out of there right now!
It's not a real county fair unless at least one marriage is ruined, unexpected rain occurs, something is set on fire, the bouncy castle is deflated and some complete bastard steals the (overly warm) cider.
In my experience, at least.
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:33:55 PM
It's not a real county fair unless at least one marriage is ruined, unexpected rain occurs, something is set on fire, the bouncy castle is deflated and some complete bastard steals the (overly warm) cider.
In my experience, at least.
Over here, we have slightly different customs.
Marriage ruined: Check.
B list celeb (country singer) gets too drunk to remember the words to the one hit he/she ever had.
People still think huge mutated squash/pumpkins are fascinating.
Bouncy castle: Check, but only after 6 kids get concussions.
Cider: Americans prefer Coors Lite, for reasons that have never been clear to anyone.
Someone gets run over in the parking area.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:36:33 PM
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:33:55 PM
It's not a real county fair unless at least one marriage is ruined, unexpected rain occurs, something is set on fire, the bouncy castle is deflated and some complete bastard steals the (overly warm) cider.
In my experience, at least.
Over here, we have slightly different customs.
Marriage ruined: Check.
B list celeb (country singer) gets too drunk to remember the words to the one hit he/she ever had.
People still think huge mutated squash/pumpkins are fascinating.
Bouncy castle: Check, but only after 6 kids get concussions.
Cider: Americans prefer Coors Lite, for reasons that have never been clear to anyone.
Someone gets run over in the parking area.
In this part of the country the fair has to include a rodeo or it's big fail. Last year was "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" Rodeo. LMNO would have had a perpetual erection.
Quote from: Hawk on September 15, 2011, 02:40:09 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:36:33 PM
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:33:55 PM
It's not a real county fair unless at least one marriage is ruined, unexpected rain occurs, something is set on fire, the bouncy castle is deflated and some complete bastard steals the (overly warm) cider.
In my experience, at least.
Over here, we have slightly different customs.
Marriage ruined: Check.
B list celeb (country singer) gets too drunk to remember the words to the one hit he/she ever had.
People still think huge mutated squash/pumpkins are fascinating.
Bouncy castle: Check, but only after 6 kids get concussions.
Cider: Americans prefer Coors Lite, for reasons that have never been clear to anyone.
Someone gets run over in the parking area.
In this part of the country the fair has to include a rodeo or it's big fail. Last year was "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" Rodeo. LMNO would have had a perpetual erection.
Tucson has "Rodeo Days", which replaces that requirement. During Rodeo Days, at least 3 small children have to be trampled by runaway horses during the parade, or the crops will fail.
Oh dear god, not mutated fucking vegetables.
If horses are present, they can substitute for cars running people over in parking lots. Tractors can also break down en route to the field, causing mass traffic jams on the small, countryside roads.
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:41:59 PM
Oh dear god, not mutated fucking vegetables.
Every year. It's reminiscent of
The Truth, by Terry Pratchett, except they aren't shaped like a penis. Usually.
On that note, a new Vimes novel is coming out next month.
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:41:59 PM
Oh dear god, not mutated fucking vegetables.
If horses are present, they can substitute for cars running people over in parking lots. Tractors can also break down en route to the field, causing mass traffic jams on the small, countryside roads.
(http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ_1jSBRdiAN-hMm_yeks1OeoKDL-jHE7xwHTYvnmQ1uzjQED9o)
I'll have to put that on pre-order. Vimes is hands down Pratchett's best character. Plus, Vetinari will probably be involved somewhere. And maybe, if we're lucky, Moist von Lipwig, too.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:41:13 PM
Quote from: Hawk on September 15, 2011, 02:40:09 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:36:33 PM
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:33:55 PM
It's not a real county fair unless at least one marriage is ruined, unexpected rain occurs, something is set on fire, the bouncy castle is deflated and some complete bastard steals the (overly warm) cider.
In my experience, at least.
Over here, we have slightly different customs.
Marriage ruined: Check.
B list celeb (country singer) gets too drunk to remember the words to the one hit he/she ever had.
People still think huge mutated squash/pumpkins are fascinating.
Bouncy castle: Check, but only after 6 kids get concussions.
Cider: Americans prefer Coors Lite, for reasons that have never been clear to anyone.
Someone gets run over in the parking area.
In this part of the country the fair has to include a rodeo or it's big fail. Last year was "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" Rodeo. LMNO would have had a perpetual erection.
Tucson has "Rodeo Days", which replaces that requirement. During Rodeo Days, at least 3 small children have to be trampled by runaway horses during the parade, or the crops will fail.
:lulz: I have ridden my horse in those parades. Failed to run over any kids though.
New Vimes novel, happy Luna.
Y'all forgot the tug of war where you get to drag rednecks through the mud. You can actually convince some of them to compete against a vehicle.
Bonus points if you can get the horses involved.
Who ever invented deep fried twinkies deserves an award
Quote from: Luna on September 15, 2011, 03:06:15 PM
New Vimes novel, happy Luna.
Y'all forgot the tug of war where you get to drag rednecks through the mud. You can actually convince some of them to compete against a vehicle.
Bonus points if you can get the horses involved.
Sounds more like an Iowa thing only instead of mud it's the Mississippi river
A teenager/young twenty-something must die of alcohol poisoning, either in the parking lot or the arena. There will be a new, horrible fried food, and there has to be a controversial piece of art displayed in the art contest, which will cause a furor, county-wide.
Otherwise, it's simply not the Fair.
Where I come from, it is not a fair without a demolition derby. I'll never forget the year they were handing out free cans of Copenhagen.
Quote from: Brian Fnord on September 15, 2011, 08:25:26 PM
Who ever invented deep fried twinkies deserves an award
IIRC, it was some spag from Puyallup.
Which makes total sense to anybody who's ever been unlucky enough to go to Puyallup.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on September 15, 2011, 02:43:12 PM
Quote from: Cain on September 15, 2011, 02:41:59 PM
Oh dear god, not mutated fucking vegetables.
Every year. It's reminiscent of The Truth, by Terry Pratchett, except they aren't shaped like a penis. Usually.
On that note, a new Vimes novel is coming out next month.
Damn, THAT's awesome. (Still need to catch up on the Discworld books).
Last Illinois county fair I went to was Boone County, summer of 1992. Let's see...
Aaron Tippin concert, demolition derby, a tractor pull, a 4-H barn with a filthy petting zoo full of asshole goats (asshole goats are awesome), vegetable and flower competitions, some shitty local country act with a frontman that looked like an even trashier Billy Ray Cyrus playing the bandstand at lunchtime that'd always work "Proud to be an American" into the set, hypnotizing (to a 10 year old) booth shops selling pocketknives and cowboys and indian and ninja playsets and firecrackers and stinkbombs and hat pins and potato guns. We got kicked out of the fair for a whole day for dropping stinkbombs off the top of the bleachers onto the sidewalk below. Almost hit some woman pushing her kid in a stroller. Half of the rides broke down in the hottest part of the day, the seats were sticky with potentially terrible things, and the operators all had long hair and played Metallica.
I'm sure as an adult now it'd be a lot less fascinating but at that age with free reign of the place it was magical.
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on September 15, 2011, 11:26:23 PM
Quote from: Brian Fnord on September 15, 2011, 08:25:26 PM
Who ever invented deep fried twinkies deserves an award
IIRC, it was some spag from Puyallup.
Which makes total sense to anybody who's ever been unlucky enough to go to Puyallup.
The Puyallup Fair is widely touted as the best county fair in Washington State.
i think thats only because they are the only one able to book any talent... weird al and devo almost every summer.
bumpershoot had ATR and antiflag and that was about it
evergreen fair had the Budweiser horses
ps deep fried butter scares me
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on September 15, 2011, 11:26:23 PM
Quote from: Brian Fnord on September 15, 2011, 08:25:26 PM
Who ever invented deep fried twinkies deserves an award
IIRC, it was some spag from Puyallup.
Which makes total sense to anybody who's ever been unlucky enough to go to Puyallup.
That does make sense.
Quote from: Nigel on September 16, 2011, 03:41:10 AM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on September 15, 2011, 11:26:23 PM
Quote from: Brian Fnord on September 15, 2011, 08:25:26 PM
Who ever invented deep fried twinkies deserves an award
IIRC, it was some spag from Puyallup.
Which makes total sense to anybody who's ever been unlucky enough to go to Puyallup.
The Puyallup Fair is widely touted as the best county fair in Washington State.
The GF expressed a desire to not go to the fair this year. It makes me suspicious.
Quote from: sotesla4 on September 16, 2011, 12:18:06 AM
Last Illinois county fair I went to was Boone County, summer of 1992. Let's see...
Aaron Tippin concert, demolition derby, a tractor pull, a 4-H barn with a filthy petting zoo full of asshole goats (asshole goats are awesome), vegetable and flower competitions, some shitty local country act with a frontman that looked like an even trashier Billy Ray Cyrus playing the bandstand at lunchtime that'd always work "Proud to be an American" into the set, hypnotizing (to a 10 year old) booth shops selling pocketknives and cowboys and indian and ninja playsets and firecrackers and stinkbombs and hat pins and potato guns. We got kicked out of the fair for a whole day for dropping stinkbombs off the top of the bleachers onto the sidewalk below. Almost hit some woman pushing her kid in a stroller. Half of the rides broke down in the hottest part of the day, the seats were sticky with potentially terrible things, and the operators all had long hair and played Metallica.
I'm sure as an adult now it'd be a lot less fascinating but at that age with free reign of the place it was magical.
Stop it! You are making me homesick. :cry: