I have this shit down. I'm in control. I can quit anytime I want.
TAKE IT ALL, YOU FILTHY SLAG OF A DESK DRAWER! YOU'VE GOT A SEXY FUCKING HANDLE! YOU WANT IT, YOU KNOW YOU DO...
Um, anyway. I've been thinking about 9 years of noob-bashing, and how it's ruined my life. I used to have it all...A big house, a lovely wife, 2.5 children (Little Billy lost his legs on the merry go round). I had this wonderful life, but I JUST COULDN'T STOP HUFFING NOOBS. One day, I woke up with crusted Roger juice all over my ankles, under the Ajo Street bridge, wondering how I got there and why there were divorce papers shoved up my colon, right through the seam of my filthy & stiff jeans.
It seems 9 years sort of went by in an intoxicated blur of happy-slapping noobs. I'd be all fucked up in church, at PTA meetings, staying out late while the wife wondered where I was, and then stopped caring. And so there I was, at rock bottom, and now I need to climb back out. And I need YOUR HELP.
Which brings me to the zits on my ass. They need love too. Just like Newt needs his alien love bride and Barney needs Wilma when Fred ain't around, my ass zits need the love of every fucking idiot on this forum. I want to see a lot less hate around here and a lot more love for my ass zits. I want boxes of roses delivered to my ass zits on a daily basis starting right fucking now, because I love all of you, really.
Hang on. I seem to have my junk trapped in my desk drawer. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, but I have to deal with it before I explain it. Can someone call the Help Desk?
Or Hug Me, Ya Big Galoot.
:horrormirth: :lulz: :horrormirth:
I got no decent response to that.
Quote from: Nigel on January 06, 2012, 08:45:02 PM
I got no decent response to that.
No decent person would. :lulz:
It took a lot of self control not to bellow out laughing there.
Quote from: Areola Shinerbock on January 06, 2012, 08:48:37 PM
It took a lot of self control not to bellow out laughing there.
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my head has been in a very strange place for the last week or so. Not sure why that is.
I noticed. Mine has been too. But not like this.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 08:49:44 PM
Quote from: Areola Shinerbock on January 06, 2012, 08:48:37 PM
It took a lot of self control not to bellow out laughing there.
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my head has been in a very strange place for the last week or so. Not sure why that is.
It has been highly entertaining, if mildly frightening.
Quote from: Nigel on January 06, 2012, 08:53:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 08:49:44 PM
Quote from: Areola Shinerbock on January 06, 2012, 08:48:37 PM
It took a lot of self control not to bellow out laughing there.
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my head has been in a very strange place for the last week or so. Not sure why that is.
It has been highly entertaining, if mildly frightening.
I think it needs bourbon. And pills. And smokes. And Enabler. And one of those cricket bats, for explaining my position to the religious nut neighbor. And the wall, oh yes, the fucking wall. It needs another offering, and I am a little short of breath, which means I also need AIR, which in turn means PISS POOR DRIVING AT HIGH SPEED AND LADY GAGA ON THE RADIO.
Whoa, hold it together there, Roger. It's just a little stress from work, you know, just a little too much rock & not enough roll, too much Mike and not enough FLAMETHROWERS. I can't have a flamethrower at my fucking desk, and I think that's Goddamn unfair and arbitrary. I mean, look at me; Am I not a man that can be trusted with napalm while surrounded by idiots?
No, this weekend is already in the shitter, and so is next weekend. There is only Friday night this week, and I MUST HAVE SLACK™.
Roger, do you know what your problem is?
You've trolled too much and now you can't tell the difference!
Quote from: Cain on January 06, 2012, 09:05:34 PM
Roger, do you know what your problem is?
You've trolled too much and now you can't tell the difference!
You may be right. I have come to view the entire universe as a gigantic put on. Like God walked into the chatroom and started blowing noise. I mean, look around...This CAN'T be serious. It's not a proper universe at all.
Quote from: Nigel on January 06, 2012, 08:53:58 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 08:49:44 PM
Quote from: Areola Shinerbock on January 06, 2012, 08:48:37 PM
It took a lot of self control not to bellow out laughing there.
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my head has been in a very strange place for the last week or so. Not sure why that is.
It has been highly entertaining, if mildly frightening.
Mildly? I soiled me pantaloons reading this.
Apparently, my new sense of self-control does not extend to salesmen showing up at my office without an appointment.
:sad:
I am a bad, bad man.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 09:18:31 PM
Quote from: Cain on January 06, 2012, 09:05:34 PM
Roger, do you know what your problem is?
You've trolled too much and now you can't tell the difference!
You may be right. I have come to view the entire universe as a gigantic put on. Like God walked into the chatroom and started blowing noise. I mean, look around...This CAN'T be serious. It's not a proper universe at all.
You were the one who pointed out that a 13.7 billion year old universe has 93 billion light years diameter. Of course it's a put on.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 07:36:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 09:18:31 PM
Quote from: Cain on January 06, 2012, 09:05:34 PM
Roger, do you know what your problem is?
You've trolled too much and now you can't tell the difference!
You may be right. I have come to view the entire universe as a gigantic put on. Like God walked into the chatroom and started blowing noise. I mean, look around...This CAN'T be serious. It's not a proper universe at all.
You were the one who pointed out that a 13.7 billion year old universe has 93 billion light years diameter. Of course it's a put on.
I think we may have discovered a new Core Tenet™ of Discordianism here, Twid.
I think you may be right sir.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:00:43 PM
I think you may be right sir.
Yep. It's not just that the universe plays jokes on you, the universe IS a joke. Sorta like:
QuoteMe: Hey, the diameter of the universe is greater than 27.4 Bn light years! I call bullshit!
Twid: Hey, you're right!
God: Hai guise!
Me & TWID: PLEDGE!
This actually makes me feel better about pretty much everything.
:lol: and the cool thing about it is the reason that the universe is so damn big is just as absurd sounding.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:08:29 PM
:lol: and the cool thing about it is the reason that the universe is so damn big is just as absurd sounding.
Wait.
What? There's an
excuse? That makes it even BETTER. This I gotta hear. Lay it on me.
God: nothing travels faster than light.
Humanity: right it is impossible to go faster than the speed of light.
God: :lulz: not what i said! :troll:
humanity: :chekov:
Basically empty space can and does travel faster than light speed.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:17:13 PM
Basically empty space can and does travel faster than light speed.
RUBBISH!
Lmno or faust might be able to explain it better but thats the case as far as i can tell.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:20:14 PM
Lmno or faust might be able to explain it better but thats the case as far as i can tell.
IT'S CRAP.
How does empty space "travel"? I mean, I have a bit of an understanding of Ashtekar's idea that empty space has structure but not mass, but those little space-time loop thingies need some mass locally, just to be created in the first place.
This theory is full of poop.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:20:14 PM
Lmno or faust might be able to explain it better but thats the case as far as i can tell.
:pope:
I've been waiting so long to use that emote correctly.
Maybe move or expand is a better word than travel. Either way it doesnt negate the premise that this is all a joke of some sort.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:53:55 PM
Maybe move or expand is a better word than travel. Either way it doesnt negate the premise that this is all a joke of some sort.
I don't buy it. I think the astrophysicists are
in on the joke. I mean, who wants to be the chump that busts out God's gag? Ho ho! Last time that happened, someone got turned into a pillar of salt, against a backdrop of the mushroom clouds over Sodom & Gammorah.
So the whole liberal atheist scientist gig is actually a conspiracy put together by non other than god himself? Fuck.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:57:57 PM
So the whole liberal atheist scientist gig is actually a conspiracy put together by non other than god himself? Fuck.
How did we never figure this out before?
Sneaky bastards, them.
I want to be Enable. FUCK, why don't I have any ass or titty pics on this thing anymore?
WonkaVision is what we chiefly need.
Quote from: navkat on January 10, 2012, 09:04:48 PM
I want to be Enable.
It is easy to be Nurse Enabler.
You already have the physical attributes. Now you just have to find a guy that wants 'em enough to behave himself. And when he stops behaving, he stops getting them. If he keeps getting them no matter what he does, then you're not Enabler, you're a doormat.
Guys are manageable only with positive & negative feedback. We don't actually LEARN or develop good habits or anything, and if we think we get the carrot no matter what, who gives a fuck about the stick?
This is such a simple & obvious concept that I can't believe that it isn't common knowledge. And if it works on me, a man notoriously hard to live with, then it can work on damn near anyone.
I've even learned to put the toilet seat down and not fart in restaurants.
ETA: Well, not "learned". But I have observed that if I do put the toilet seat down, etc, I get more of that sweet lovin'.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 10, 2012, 09:09:30 PM
Quote from: navkat on January 10, 2012, 09:04:48 PM
I want to be Enable.
I've even learned to put the toilet seat down and not fart in restaurants.
I haven't even learned those things.
Whatever, d00d. How do you keep the smelly, green air from coming out of the balloon-knot?
What's more, how do you avoid the temptation of offering to let people inhale the air to see if it makes them talk funny?
Quote from: navkat on January 10, 2012, 09:22:25 PM
Whatever, d00d. How do you keep the smelly, green air from coming out of the balloon-knot?
What's more, how do you avoid the temptation of offering to let people inhale the air to see if it makes them talk funny?
Actually, I go by the bus-boy station and outgas like a mad bastard. Bus boys aren't like waiters. They never touch your food so you can make 'em as mad as you like.
And yeah, it makes them talk all funny. Specifically, hilarious death threats.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Dude, you're addicted, you should go to some of RWHN's group discussions :wink: (j/k)
This thread is
:?
:eek:
:x
:evil:
:fap:
:whack:
:america:
:hammer:
:remaincalm:
:curly:
:dok:
:ohnotache:
:peedee:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 10, 2012, 08:55:42 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:53:55 PM
Maybe move or expand is a better word than travel. Either way it doesnt negate the premise that this is all a joke of some sort.
I don't buy it. I think the astrophysicists are in on the joke. I mean, who wants to be the chump that busts out God's gag? Ho ho! Last time that happened, someone got turned into a pillar of salt, against a backdrop of the mushroom clouds over Sodom & Gammorah.
Bump.
Hey Rog, I got something that's going to send you on a rampage.
I'm watching this thing with Stephen Hawking on it and he says that the first 100 hundred seconds after the Big Bang, the Universe had expanded from smaller than an atom to the size of the solar system. Now, I know that the actual size of the solar system depends on where you define its boundaries. But, I happen to know that Pluto orbits about 5 light hours away from the sun.
This means, of course, that in less than two minutes, all the stuff in the universe had traveled out at least the distance it would take light a whole morning to do.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 02, 2012, 01:51:35 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 10, 2012, 08:55:42 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:53:55 PM
Maybe move or expand is a better word than travel. Either way it doesnt negate the premise that this is all a joke of some sort.
I don't buy it. I think the astrophysicists are in on the joke. I mean, who wants to be the chump that busts out God's gag? Ho ho! Last time that happened, someone got turned into a pillar of salt, against a backdrop of the mushroom clouds over Sodom & Gammorah.
Bump.
Hey Rog, I got something that's going to send you on a rampage.
I'm watching this thing with Stephen Hawking on it and he says that the first 100 hundred seconds after the Big Bang, the Universe had expanded from smaller than an atom to the size of the solar system. Now, I know that the actual size of the solar system depends on where you define its boundaries. But, I happen to know that Pluto orbits about 5 light hours away from the sun.
This means, of course, that in less than two minutes, all the stuff in the universe had traveled out at least the distance it would take light a whole morning to do.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure at which point the "gosh" numbers were established, so the speed of light may not have been an issue.
Also, did the universe consist of more than one discreet particle in that 2 seconds? Because if it didn't, Mach's Principle doesn't apply, so the expansion is unbounded.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 02, 2012, 02:03:47 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 02, 2012, 01:51:35 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 10, 2012, 08:55:42 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 10, 2012, 08:53:55 PM
Maybe move or expand is a better word than travel. Either way it doesnt negate the premise that this is all a joke of some sort.
I don't buy it. I think the astrophysicists are in on the joke. I mean, who wants to be the chump that busts out God's gag? Ho ho! Last time that happened, someone got turned into a pillar of salt, against a backdrop of the mushroom clouds over Sodom & Gammorah.
Bump.
Hey Rog, I got something that's going to send you on a rampage.
I'm watching this thing with Stephen Hawking on it and he says that the first 100 hundred seconds after the Big Bang, the Universe had expanded from smaller than an atom to the size of the solar system. Now, I know that the actual size of the solar system depends on where you define its boundaries. But, I happen to know that Pluto orbits about 5 light hours away from the sun.
This means, of course, that in less than two minutes, all the stuff in the universe had traveled out at least the distance it would take light a whole morning to do.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure at which point the "gosh" numbers were established, so the speed of light may not have been an issue.
Also, did the universe consist of more than one discreet particle in that 2 seconds? Because if it didn't, Mach's Principle doesn't apply, so the expansion is unbounded.
I don't know. Prof. Hawking didn't tell me that bit. But I think at that point particles had formed. Will look into it.
Both hadrons and leptons formed within the first 10 seconds. Hadrons within the first second. So, discrete particles existed at that point.
Everyone knows astrophysicists spout the goofiest bullshit they can dream up. And their ringleader is a grinning cadaver in a talking chair.
The worst part is that reality is on their side. It is appropriate to feel very out of place in the universe because of this.
Quote from: Jasper on February 02, 2012, 05:55:10 AM
Everyone knows astrophysicists spout the goofiest bullshit they can dream up. And their ringleader is a grinning cadaver in a talking chair.
The worst part is that reality is on their side. It is appropriate to feel very out of place in the universe because of this.
Don't feel bad. The modern right has reality against IT, too, and they're doing just fine.