Now, I've heard all kind of rumors about Demolition Squid, how he's not really human, how he's some kind of undead Nazi hell creature from beyond dimension X. And I'm here to tell you that these slanders are utterly false. No basis to them whatsoever.
Consider: Nazis deliver what they promise. They don't fuck around with diplomatic notes or "sanctions" (which are not, apparently, as pants-shittingly scary as the UN would like to believe.). No, they just jump right in and start kicking shit. I imagine the late 20s – mid 40s went something like this:
QuoteNazis: "Hey, everybody, LET'S HAVE A PARTY!"
Italy: "I'm in."
Japan: " Already on it."
Jews: "Ofuk, not again."
Gypsies, retarded people, trade unionists: "Wait. What?"
Russia: "OHAI"
Britain: "Right."
America: "Ah Geeze, okay."
Nazis: Fuck all you guys.
America: Look at this new toy.
See? There was no fucking about. Demolition Squid, on the other hand, instead lurks in his secret stronghold in England, and makes snide comments about everyone. Sometimes he's even
sarcastic. And as evil as the Nazis were, even they didn't do THAT.
So while he may be an undead alien from another dimension, he's no Nazi. What he IS, is evil incarnate, a genuine dookie-head who makes no fucking sense, and reliable sources tell me he's behind the current rat shortage in London. What is he doing with all of those rats, I ask you? Nothing good, that's for sure.
In closing, I think we should all take a moment to hate Demolition Squid for being a trans-dimensional soul-sucking fiend who can't even be arsed to wear a snappy black uniform.
Or Kill Me.
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
Oh, certainly.
I suppose it was inevitable that someone would notice the rat situation.
In my defence, Reverend, do you know what happens to undead flesh when you squeeze it into leather? I tell you, vampires have a lot to answer for.
Nobody talks about the good works. My tireless efforts to keep the Cornish out of our homes and schools. The sharp decrease in brain activity amongst bankers and tories (admittedly, this is difficult to detect with conventional instruments). My partnership with animal shelters nationwide.
No, its all 'where are our beloved rats?' 'How could you say that?' and 'We weren't SERIOUS about having a good time!'
If you cut me, do I not leak ichor? If I had a heart, would it not pump blood as viscous as yours?
We both know that if Curly was around today, he'd be on my side.
From the damp spot in a pair of angles not located anywhere near Bristol,
-DemoSquid.
Right, redirecting hate to.....
Em.... Carmarthen.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:34:36 PM
Right, redirecting hate to.....
Em.... Carmarthen.
We have no choice. The whole island will have to go.
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 13, 2012, 05:30:07 PM
Nobody talks about the good works. My tireless efforts to keep the Cornish out of our homes and schools.
See, this is EXACTLY the kind of secular interference that the public will not stand for. Next, you'll be after the OTHER Jesii. You fucking monster.
Well evacuate payne pixie and my dad first. Well give badbeast the option but i suspect hed want to see the show.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:45:59 PM
Well evacuate payne pixie and my dad first. Well give badbeast the option but i suspect hed want to see the show.
Badbeast is hard as fucking nails, he'll be fine.
In fact, I suspect that the heat won't even work its way through the FIRST layer of his protective grime/vermin.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:41:42 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 13, 2012, 05:30:07 PM
Nobody talks about the good works. My tireless efforts to keep the Cornish out of our homes and schools.
See, this is EXACTLY the kind of secular interference that the public will not stand for. Next, you'll be after the OTHER Jesii. You fucking monster.
I make no apologies for my actions, Sir. We have to keep them separate for their good as much as ours. Who knows what would happen if they learned to read? Their brains simply were not designed for that kind of strain. Trust me, I should know.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:34:36 PM
Right, redirecting hate to.....
Em.... Carmarthen.
I've been called a lot of things, Twid. A lot of things. But are you really implying I'm Welsh? How
dare you?
Call me a monster if you must! But there are limits! Even I have
feelings you know.
Presence in wales makes not a welshman. Even i have spent a few hours in swansea even eating there and laughing large groups of drunken scots fresh off of a soccer victory. Or maybe it was rugby. I dunno.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 06:04:54 PM
Presence in wales makes not a welshman. Even i have spent a few hours in swansea even eating there and laughing large groups of drunken scots fresh off of a soccer victory. Or maybe it was rugby. I dunno.
Man.
I don't even KNOW you, anymore.
In short there is something more sinister. If youre in wales then you are there intentionally. No doubt for some nefarious purposes.
I was in transit from salisbury to ireland. This required me to catch a ferry in a welsh town called of all things fishguard. A twid can do many things food abstinence is not one.
I exist in a village in Buckinghamshire, where my perversions are considered downright wholesome compared to the predations of the gentry and 'upper classes'.
I couldn't live anywhere else. They do call them the Home Counties you know.
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 06:09:21 PM
I was in transit from salisbury to ireland. This required me to catch a ferry in a welsh town called of all things fishguard. A twid can do many things food abstinence is not one.
Oh, Britain. :lulz:
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 06:04:54 PM
Presence in wales makes not a welshman.
Tell that to Jonah!
Damn you and your tulips trip you do this sort of thing to me all the time ! :argh!:
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
We're about 50 miles south west of London
Quote from: Pixie on January 13, 2012, 07:48:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
We're about 50 miles south west of London
That's too close. You'll have to pick up & head South.
I am located approximately 20 miles from London.
This probably explains everything.
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 13, 2012, 08:04:00 PM
I am located approximately 20 miles from London.
This probably explains everything.
Well, yes. If you were any closer, you'd be covered in soot, like Badbeast.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 07:55:17 PM
Quote from: Pixie on January 13, 2012, 07:48:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
We're about 50 miles south west of London
That's too close. You'll have to pick up & head South.
There's a tiny problem with that. I'm on the South Coast and me and Payne cannot swim. And we refuse to go to France.
Quote from: Pixie on January 14, 2012, 01:29:02 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 07:55:17 PM
Quote from: Pixie on January 13, 2012, 07:48:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
We're about 50 miles south west of London
That's too close. You'll have to pick up & head South.
There's a tiny problem with that. I'm on the South Coast and me and Payne cannot swim. And we refuse to go to France.
Just go around the bendy part til you get to Cornwall. You'll know you're there when everyone looks like psychotic Amish people. Tell them I sent you, you'll be fine. They'll hide you until the ruckus is over.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 06:10:46 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 06:09:21 PM
I was in transit from salisbury to ireland. This required me to catch a ferry in a welsh town called of all things fishguard. A twid can do many things food abstinence is not one.
Oh, Britain. :lulz:
You know what the weirdest bit was? The name of that town somehow got Primus stuck in my head, both when I was travelling, and right now. Probably just because its wicked fucking weird, like Primus.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 14, 2012, 04:53:11 AM
Quote from: Pixie on January 14, 2012, 01:29:02 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 07:55:17 PM
Quote from: Pixie on January 13, 2012, 07:48:20 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:23:12 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:22:32 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 13, 2012, 05:15:47 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 13, 2012, 05:13:31 PM
Redirecting hate towards somewhere in England. Bristol is it? I dunno. Someone in Bristol is getting hate right now.
How far is that from the Tower of London?
122 miles. Bristol is also suspiciously close to Wales.
Okay. I didn't want Pix & Payne to get any dookie on them.
We're about 50 miles south west of London
That's too close. You'll have to pick up & head South.
There's a tiny problem with that. I'm on the South Coast and me and Payne cannot swim. And we refuse to go to France.
Just go around the bendy part til you get to Cornwall. You'll know you're there when everyone looks like psychotic Amish people. Tell them I sent you, you'll be fine. They'll hide you until the ruckus is over.
I also grant you safe passage to Ireland, or rather, more specifically, Connemara. If it's Cork, you're gonna have to talk with Senor Faust.