Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:08:06 PM

Title: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:08:06 PM
...And as I was leaving, I overheard some fucking Furry (Why Hat allows them in is beyond me; they never have any money to spend) explaining to a friend of mine why unlimited search & seizure and indefinite detention are good ideas.  ("They won't use them on White people like us.")

This clown is basically representative of all the other fur-freaks I've had the misfortune to meet.  They fucking HATE Mexicans, Arabs, etc, and vote republican...Despite the fact that their heroes would shoot them FIRST if they got their way.  It reminds me of the "conservopagan" thing, where EVERY PAGAN ON THE INTERNET is the token conservative Pagan.

If I didn't already know that humans are dumbfucks, I'd be puzzled at this utter lack of self-preservation instincts.

But here's my problem:  How do you slap a Nazi furry without getting funk all over your hand?  Big, fat, disgusting 35 year old man-child funk on a fatbody wearing a fucking dog collar.  I want to slap the dogshit out of them, but I don't want to spend an hour dipping my hand in turpentine.  Also, the idea that they might actually enjoy it makes me nauseated. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:12:17 PM
Does anything need to be done to him?

I mean, he's an overweight, Republican-voting, stupid and, well, a furry.

It could well be argued he is being punished by God in the most extreme way possible.  Punishment would, at its most effective, making him aware of his ridiculous place in humanity and all of existence.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Eater of Clowns on January 25, 2012, 10:14:20 PM
Find out spot in yiff pile.  Hire 300 pound "wolf."
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:14:50 PM
Quote from: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:12:17 PM
Does anything need to be done to him?

I mean, he's an overweight, Republican-voting, stupid and, well, a furry.

It could well be argued he is being punished by God in the most extreme way possible.  Punishment would, at its most effective, making him aware of his ridiculous place in humanity and all of existence.

I wasn't thinking of his welfare, I was thinking of my own peace of mind.  Some people walk around begging - DEMANDING - a slap in the face, and being a Holy ManTM, it's kind of my duty (to myself) to slap their smarmy grins around the back side of their neck.

In other words, I had an urge.  I still do.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:16:16 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on January 25, 2012, 10:14:20 PM
Find out spot in yiff pile.  Hire 300 pound "wolf."

They don't pile down here.  It's too hot, and they have so much funk, they just slide apart.  Like eels.  Big, fat eels.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:17:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...

I'd use sand. Or lead shot.

Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:18:52 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:17:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...

I'd use sand. Or lead shot.

I'm kind of going for the deadblow effect, here. 
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:20:22 PM
Oh no, I'm saying the best way to destroy him is to point out all the above to him.  In simple and plain language.  Pointing out he is ridiculous, that he is a laughing stock, a contradictory, unintelligent and childish fool, in the starkest and least arguable of ways, and he'll have to walk around for the rest of his life with that knowledge about himself, of how much of a failure, a loser and how utterly meaningless his entire existence is.

I can think of no better punishment.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:20:31 PM
Note:  I know many fat people, and most of them are okay.  I view obesity as a bit of a character defect, but who has none of those?  However, I withdraw my tolerant attitude toward that, when there's some 300 pound manchild jabbering about survival of the fittest.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:20:52 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:18:52 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:17:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...

I'd use sand. Or lead shot.

I'm kind of going for the deadblow effect, here.

Me too. Maybe we should set up testing groups to determine which would deliver the appropriate amount of "SHUT THE FUCK UP" with the least amount of effort.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:21:48 PM
Quote from: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:20:22 PM
Oh no, I'm saying the best way to destroy him is to point out all the above to him.  In simple and plain language.  Pointing out he is ridiculous, that he is a laughing stock, a contradictory, unintelligent and childish fool, in the starkest and least arguable of ways, and he'll have to walk around for the rest of his life with that knowledge about himself, of how much of a failure, a loser and how utterly meaningless his entire existence is.

I can think of no better punishment.

We've done that.  Problem is, they LIKE being mocked.  It's like ripping on BH...You have this nauseating feeling that you're somehow erotically involved.

It's enough to make you want to lose your fucking lunch.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:22:30 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:20:52 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:18:52 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:17:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...

I'd use sand. Or lead shot.

I'm kind of going for the deadblow effect, here.

Me too. Maybe we should set up testing groups to determine which would deliver the appropriate amount of "SHUT THE FUCK UP" with the least amount of effort.

I'm not going for "shut the fuck up".  I'm going for "CRAP!  NOW THAT I'VE STARTED HITTING THEM, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO STOP!"
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:25:05 PM
Ah.  In that case, find out when he is next attend a furry convention or other function where he'll be in his fursuit, and get a diuretic into his food a few hours earlier.

Nothing like shitting your suit to make you unpopular, even in a group where unpopularity is a badge of honour normally.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:25:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:22:30 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:20:52 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:18:52 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:17:34 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:15:27 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

I suppose I could fill a 1" diameter piece with gravel...

I'd use sand. Or lead shot.

I'm kind of going for the deadblow effect, here.

Me too. Maybe we should set up testing groups to determine which would deliver the appropriate amount of "SHUT THE FUCK UP" with the least amount of effort.

I'm not going for "shut the fuck up".  I'm going for "CRAP!  NOW THAT I'VE STARTED HITTING THEM, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO STOP!"

Maximal force with minimal effort so as to allow for longer beatings?
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:26:30 PM
Quote from: Cain on January 25, 2012, 10:25:05 PM
Ah.  In that case, find out when he is next attend a furry convention or other function where he'll be in his fursuit, and get a diuretic into his food a few hours earlier.

Nothing like shitting your suit to make you unpopular, even in a group where unpopularity is a badge of honour normally.

Only a few of these shitbags can afford the fur suit.  Maybe if I put cayenne pepper on his "paws"...
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Richter on January 25, 2012, 10:36:45 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

Siloflex, it's black sprinkler system pipe.  More flex, and I've NEVER seen it shatter.  Of corse, why Tucson has sprinkler system parts would be beyond me.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:37:39 PM
Quote from: Richter on January 25, 2012, 10:36:45 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

Siloflex, it's black sprinkler system pipe.  More flex, and I've NEVER seen it shatter.  Of corse, why Tucson has sprinkler system parts would be beyond me.

Because the state burns down every year.   :lulz:
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Faust on January 25, 2012, 10:40:04 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:08:06 PM
...And as I was leaving, I overheard some fucking Furry (Why Hat allows them in is beyond me; they never have any money to spend) explaining to a friend of mine why unlimited search & seizure and indefinite detention are good ideas.  ("They won't use them on White people like us.")

This clown is basically representative of all the other fur-freaks I've had the misfortune to meet.  They fucking HATE Mexicans, Arabs, etc, and vote republican...Despite the fact that their heroes would shoot them FIRST if they got their way.  It reminds me of the "conservopagan" thing, where EVERY PAGAN ON THE INTERNET is the token conservative Pagan.

If I didn't already know that humans are dumbfucks, I'd be puzzled at this utter lack of self-preservation instincts.

But here's my problem:  How do you slap a Nazi furry without getting funk all over your hand?  Big, fat, disgusting 35 year old man-child funk on a fatbody wearing a fucking dog collar.  I want to slap the dogshit out of them, but I don't want to spend an hour dipping my hand in turpentine.  Also, the idea that they might actually enjoy it makes me nauseated. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Plead the second.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on January 25, 2012, 10:47:25 PM
The right to bear arms? What if theyre not bear furries?
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Juana on January 25, 2012, 10:48:38 PM
Edited to: Oranges + potato gun.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:49:37 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on January 25, 2012, 10:48:38 PM
Bag of oranges to the face.

Sounds good.

Might not get my hand back, though.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Juana on January 25, 2012, 10:50:24 PM
I had a better thought just after that: oranges in a potato gun.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:58:20 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on January 25, 2012, 10:50:24 PM
I had a better thought just after that: oranges in a potato gun.

Hang on, got it.  I'd forgotten the "face-ripper" gloves that Richter made for me.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Richter on January 25, 2012, 11:23:56 PM
The plates will provide a natural antibacterial effect, being brass.  Slapping any subsect of filthy fandom with them should be like whacking a fairy with cold iron.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 25, 2012, 11:27:29 PM
He wants to be treated like an animal, right?

So I'd say the answer to your problems can be summed up in two words: BEAR SPRAY.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 11:29:07 PM
Quote from: Richter on January 25, 2012, 11:23:56 PM
The plates will provide a natural antibacterial effect, being brass.  Slapping any subsect of filthy fandom with them should be like whacking a fairy with cold iron.

Woot!
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 11:29:30 PM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 25, 2012, 11:27:29 PM
He wants to be treated like an animal, right?

So I'd say the answer to your problems can be summed up in two words: BEAR SPRAY.

Smack 'em with the death glove, and THEN the bear spray.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Richter on January 25, 2012, 11:38:19 PM
Find a brutal dominatrix to cattleprod him into the back room, shove him under a desk, throw a shop vac on the closest "part", and give you a referral fee for any subsequent clients.  Business synergy and all.
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 26, 2012, 12:26:18 AM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:13:23 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 25, 2012, 10:10:39 PM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 25, 2012, 10:09:43 PM
Cricket bats. Hammers. Entrenching Tools. Tomahawks.

All cost money, and would have to be disposed of afterward.

I mean, using that sort of shit on regular people afterward would be cruel & unusual.

Use pvc pipes. Schedule 40 is nice and whippy, but schedule 80 is heavier. It is also fairly cheap.

OMG

Finally I know what to do with the extra PVC in my basement!
Title: Re: So, I was down at the game store the other day...
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 26, 2012, 12:33:19 AM
So, when I think of furries, the first thing that comes to mind is "fire".

I bet fake fur isn't very fire-resistant.