Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 05:54:14 PM

Title: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 05:54:14 PM
Scene:  Roger and his wife in the living room

Roger:  Says something dumb.

Wife:  "Have you lost your mind?"

Roger:  "I'M ON CRACK!"

Wife, scowling:  "I will never understand how men think."

Roger:  "That's because you're looking for something that's not there.  We are exactly as advertised.  We're simple creatures, what you see is what you get, provided you look at what we ARE, instead of what you'd like us to be.  An X-Ray of my head would show bone from one ear to the other.  I mean, we could try thinking if you'd like, but it won't end well.  We aren't trained for it, and we aren't equipped for it.  We'll DO it, because we love you women THAT MUCH, but it will only end in tears."

Wife:  "Shut up.  Go fuck off on the computer before I go Lorraine Bobbit on your ass."

Roger:  Goes to computer, trolls on the internet.  Domestic tranquility restored.

Voiceover:  "Ladies, your man has about as much of a chance understanding you, as the dog has of understanding him.  When either the man or the dog piddles on the carpet, just whack them with a rolled up newspaper, and go about your business.  This public service announcement brought to you by Herpaderp™, the product that - like men - does exactly what is described on the label."
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: navkat on April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:
(http://mundabor.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/baseball_bat.jpg)
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:28:37 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

That's so you can rationalize ignoring the fact that what you sometimes SEE is a complete shitneck, because you WANT to see Prince Charming.

But who wants that asshole anyway?  Charm is a dime a dozen.  You're better off taking plain old Mister Has A Bit of Content to His Character.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:29:09 PM
Quote from: navkat: navkat of...navkat! on April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:
(http://mundabor.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/baseball_bat.jpg)

Won't help.

The problem is DESIGN, not ADJUSTMENT.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Pergamos on April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:29:52 PM
Quote from: Pergamos on April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.

Balls. 
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: navkat on April 10, 2013, 06:30:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:29:09 PM
Quote from: navkat: navkat of...navkat! on April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:
(http://mundabor.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/baseball_bat.jpg)

Won't help.

The problem is DESIGN, not ADJUSTMENT.

Yes, but if you ACT NOW, they'll send two for the price of one. Just pay $19.95 S+H
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:35:46 PM
Quote from: Pergamos on April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.

Look, I can't PROVE what I'm saying.  I'm not a "psychologist".  I am not using "science".  But I AM a man, and I can tell you fuckers from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that the ONLY thing in my head is cloud of static, from which occasionally appears an idea that SEEMS BRILLIANT AT THE TIME.  But it isn't.  No.  It's usually horrible and wrong and makes my wife kick me around the house like Goddamn Pele during his salad days.



Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 10, 2013, 07:02:17 PM
I don't even have Ideas. I just do shit and then have to get it explained to me why I didn't oughta
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Junkenstein on April 10, 2013, 07:23:10 PM
I don't understand why people make an effort to be "complicated" anyway.

Do you not have enough shit already going on without adding needless layers? It's a sure-fire way to fuck up communication.

For example:

Me - retarded ill informed offensive statement
Junkenwife- mild disapproval* with a touch of sarcasm** lasting no longer than a moment* regarding something related to the statement.
Me-You misunderstand. I meant ill informed offensive statement.
JW- As above, but this time regarding the statement.
Me- That's better.


It works for us. We've both always been pretty good at stating what is not cool. As a result, I can't ever remember a time where we weren't exactly sure what the other was feeling.




*Seething hate
**Eviseracting personal comments
***Eternity
Gods I love that woman.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Salty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 07:42:31 PM
Quote from: Alty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:

None of these things contradict anything I've said.

We are precisely as we appear to be if you look at us the way we behave, not the way you'd like us to be.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Salty on April 10, 2013, 07:45:00 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 07:42:31 PM
Quote from: Alty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:

None of these things contradict anything I've said.

We are precisely as we appear to be if you look at us the way we behave, not the way you'd like us to be.

Ah I get it now. That's a good way to weed through those types. Ask yourself that. That's a tough thing to look at for some people.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Sita on April 10, 2013, 08:03:21 PM
Mind games is what makes me not understand people.
I don't play them and don't pick up on it when someone else does.

I tend to take people at face value. This has almost gotten me in trouble quite a few times, but isn't something I seem to be able to turn off.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 10, 2013, 08:39:37 PM
I see mind games all the time, from basic primate posturing to Machiavellian convoluted shit. Hell I'll mindfuck some plank if it suits my purposes but, if I have any kind of respect for you, if I like you even a little bit, that shit is off the table. If you want to try it on me then you'll lose both of those things, rapid.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Luna on April 11, 2013, 12:40:39 AM
Been wanting to respond to this all day, but trying to type on the Derp-phone was making me cross-eyed, and if the quotes get longer than the window is long, it refuses to scroll.   :argh!:

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 07:42:31 PM
Quote from: Alty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:

None of these things contradict anything I've said.

We are precisely as we appear to be if you look at us the way we behave, not the way you'd like us to be.

The trouble, for me, starts when some asshole (Yes, I'm thinking of the NYEX, specifically) decides that he KNOWS the way he's planning to behave will get him the sort of ass-kicking he richly deserves, and decides to sneak around, lie, and otherwise conceal the fact that he's being a douchebag.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 11, 2013, 02:04:19 AM
Whether Roger's right or not, I might as well give up because I'm never going to understand them either way.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on April 11, 2013, 04:18:34 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 11, 2013, 02:04:19 AM
Whether Roger's right or not, I might as well give up because I'm never going to understand them either way.

Imagine the sound of NO hands clapping.

Then add some static, maybe a bit of feedback.

There you go.  That's inside our heads.
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on April 11, 2013, 05:14:23 AM
For educational purposes, I have developed a simple -- however incomplete -- guide to this topic.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/avmale_1.jpg)
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/avmale_2.jpg)

Source: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/average%20male.pdf
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Luna on April 11, 2013, 10:56:13 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 11, 2013, 02:04:19 AM
Whether Roger's right or not, I might as well give up because I'm never going to understand them either way.

I don't understand my cats, either.  (It's three in the morning, why the FUCK are they tearing around the apartment like their tails are on fire while I'm trying to SLEEP, for example.)

I make allowances for the fact that their brains are the size of walnuts, that they haven't the foggiest clue why I'm mad when they scarf an entire bowl of food and then hurl on the couch (again!), and that they are incapable of changing their own goddamned litter box, and we get along just fine.

Might be pretty much the same theory, actually...
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on April 11, 2013, 01:29:38 PM
Quote from: V3X on April 11, 2013, 05:14:23 AM
For educational purposes, I have developed a simple -- however incomplete -- guide to this topic.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/avmale_1.jpg)
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/avmale_2.jpg)

Source: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/pd/average%20male.pdf

:lulz: This is full or win and troof!
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 11, 2013, 03:32:00 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 11, 2013, 04:18:34 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 11, 2013, 02:04:19 AM
Whether Roger's right or not, I might as well give up because I'm never going to understand them either way.

Imagine the sound of NO hands clapping.

Then add some static, maybe a bit of feedback.

There you go.  That's inside our heads.

:horrormirth:
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 11, 2013, 04:33:06 PM
I'm getting some discrepancy between the well-thought-out, complex stuff I see guys doing all over the place, including this board, and the Brain Full Of Static Rule. But the BFOSR may well apply to interactions with people you guys are actually banging.

OMG EVERY TIME I DID TEH SECKS I KILLED A BRAIN
Title: Re: Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior
Post by: Luna on April 11, 2013, 05:08:18 PM
Quote from: stelz on April 11, 2013, 04:33:06 PM

OMG EVERY TIME I DID TEH SECKS I KILLED A BRAIN

This made me make giggle.  A lot.