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Women: An Important Announcement Concerning Men and Their Behavior

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, April 10, 2013, 05:54:14 PM

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The Good Reverend Roger

April 10, 2013, 05:54:14 PM
Scene:  Roger and his wife in the living room

Roger:  Says something dumb.

Wife:  "Have you lost your mind?"

Roger:  "I'M ON CRACK!"

Wife, scowling:  "I will never understand how men think."

Roger:  "That's because you're looking for something that's not there.  We are exactly as advertised.  We're simple creatures, what you see is what you get, provided you look at what we ARE, instead of what you'd like us to be.  An X-Ray of my head would show bone from one ear to the other.  I mean, we could try thinking if you'd like, but it won't end well.  We aren't trained for it, and we aren't equipped for it.  We'll DO it, because we love you women THAT MUCH, but it will only end in tears."

Wife:  "Shut up.  Go fuck off on the computer before I go Lorraine Bobbit on your ass."

Roger:  Goes to computer, trolls on the internet.  Domestic tranquility restored.

Voiceover:  "Ladies, your man has about as much of a chance understanding you, as the dog has of understanding him.  When either the man or the dog piddles on the carpet, just whack them with a rolled up newspaper, and go about your business.  This public service announcement brought to you by Herpaderp™, the product that - like men - does exactly what is described on the label."
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

#1
April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

navkat

#2
April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
April 10, 2013, 06:28:37 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

That's so you can rationalize ignoring the fact that what you sometimes SEE is a complete shitneck, because you WANT to see Prince Charming.

But who wants that asshole anyway?  Charm is a dime a dozen.  You're better off taking plain old Mister Has A Bit of Content to His Character.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
April 10, 2013, 06:29:09 PM
Quote from: navkat: navkat of...navkat! on April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:


Won't help.

The problem is DESIGN, not ADJUSTMENT.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Pergamos

#5
April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.

The Good Reverend Roger

#6
April 10, 2013, 06:29:52 PM
Quote from: Pergamos on April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.

Balls. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

navkat

#7
April 10, 2013, 06:30:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 06:29:09 PM
Quote from: navkat: navkat of...navkat! on April 10, 2013, 06:28:29 PM
Herpaderp Correction System:


Won't help.

The problem is DESIGN, not ADJUSTMENT.

Yes, but if you ACT NOW, they'll send two for the price of one. Just pay $19.95 S+H

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
April 10, 2013, 06:35:46 PM
Quote from: Pergamos on April 10, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Quote from: Luna on April 10, 2013, 06:26:47 PM
I got a harsh lesson regarding what I wanted to see and what WAS.  Been trying to do better, but we figure men just HAVE to be more complicated than they appear.

We usually aren't, but that usually can bite you in the ass.  Every now and then we actually are, and the simple man thing is actually the front that it often gets assumed to be. But by then you've assumed wrong so many times that it actually works as a front.

Look, I can't PROVE what I'm saying.  I'm not a "psychologist".  I am not using "science".  But I AM a man, and I can tell you fuckers from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that the ONLY thing in my head is cloud of static, from which occasionally appears an idea that SEEMS BRILLIANT AT THE TIME.  But it isn't.  No.  It's usually horrible and wrong and makes my wife kick me around the house like Goddamn Pele during his salad days.



" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

P3nT4gR4m

#9
April 10, 2013, 07:02:17 PM
I don't even have Ideas. I just do shit and then have to get it explained to me why I didn't oughta

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Junkenstein

#10
April 10, 2013, 07:23:10 PM
I don't understand why people make an effort to be "complicated" anyway.

Do you not have enough shit already going on without adding needless layers? It's a sure-fire way to fuck up communication.

For example:

Me - retarded ill informed offensive statement
Junkenwife- mild disapproval* with a touch of sarcasm** lasting no longer than a moment* regarding something related to the statement.
Me-You misunderstand. I meant ill informed offensive statement.
JW- As above, but this time regarding the statement.
Me- That's better.


It works for us. We've both always been pretty good at stating what is not cool. As a result, I can't ever remember a time where we weren't exactly sure what the other was feeling.




*Seething hate
**Eviseracting personal comments
***Eternity
Gods I love that woman.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Salty

#11
April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
April 10, 2013, 07:42:31 PM
Quote from: Alty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:

None of these things contradict anything I've said.

We are precisely as we appear to be if you look at us the way we behave, not the way you'd like us to be.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Salty

#13
April 10, 2013, 07:45:00 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 10, 2013, 07:42:31 PM
Quote from: Alty on April 10, 2013, 07:41:01 PM
Roger, you may not know this because you are an awesomely stand-up guy, with principles, and you don't take peoples shit, but there are so many guys out there who don't have their heads on straight.

There are many guys out there who have no idea what they are thinking at all, and in an effort to take control will shit all over you in ways that are as passive as they are confusing. Many guys out there like to play head games, and lead you on, and fuck with your head until you are screaming and then they ask hurt, betrayed, why you are screaming.

But women do that too...

Maybe its me.  :lulz:

None of these things contradict anything I've said.

We are precisely as we appear to be if you look at us the way we behave, not the way you'd like us to be.

Ah I get it now. That's a good way to weed through those types. Ask yourself that. That's a tough thing to look at for some people.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Sita

#14
April 10, 2013, 08:03:21 PM
Mind games is what makes me not understand people.
I don't play them and don't pick up on it when someone else does.

I tend to take people at face value. This has almost gotten me in trouble quite a few times, but isn't something I seem to be able to turn off.
:ninja:
Laugh, even if you are screaming inside. Smile, because the world doesn't care if you feel like crying.
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